Chapter Fourteen

Eva was distracted throughout the church service. As she expected, it was a full congregation as many came to say goodbye to their beloved town doctor. Everyone was sad and for once she didn't feel the need to put on a false front. Still, she tried hard to listen to the sermon. If she let her mind wander too much, she feared she would start to cry again.

"The text of my sermon today," the reverend began. "Is found in John's first letter, chapter one, verse fourteen: There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear, because fear hath torment…" My brethren, we do not love each other as we ought. Why is that? The Bible tells us that it is because we fear…"

Eva could feel the heat in her face rising at the words; I do not love him as I ought… because I'm afraid.

"What do we fear, exactly? Do we fear that we'll be hurt? Maybe we have already been hurt and we don't want to hurt again…"

Yes, Eva closed her eyes as the words gripped her heart. I don't want to hurt again. I don't want to hurt him again.

"There is only one thing that can rid us of this fear… perfect love. God tells us that He loves us with a perfect love. Do we believe that? We say we believe it, but we still fear that the trials of this life will consume us. We say we believe it, but in our hearts we fear that we are not truly worthy of love…"

Worthy, she thought. He said I was worth more than all that he had… and he's giving it all up because of me.

"Brethren, I say to you that if God loves us and His love is perfect, then by that very fact you are lovable. I say to you, 'Believe. Believe and love one another'."

I wish it was as easy as that, she told herself. The service ended before her mind could reconcile everything the reverend preached. She looked at the crowd that gathered around Dr. Baker, waiting to say goodbye. Mare Sanders had a crowd of children around her, too. They recognized the timepiece around her neck. Mare nodded and pointed to her with a smile. She didn't have to worry about the school; Mare was going to be a great teacher.

With each passing minute, Eva was sure she would never get the chance to talk to him alone. She was starting to doubt that she should. Why would he give her another chance after the terrible things she said the last time they were together? As she watched him from across the room, tears threatened to fall once again. Could she love him enough? Could she believe him when he said he loved her despite everything that happened to her… was happening to her? She wiped her eyes, looked up and saw him watching her back.

Dr. Baker lost track of how many times he shook hands with someone as they wished him well and said goodbye. He had said goodbye to them all before the party as he made his final rounds throughout the week, many more than once. They had so many wonderful things to say about him that it was starting to be embarrassing. More than that, none of those things came from the one person he wanted to hear it from the most. He just wanted this to be over so he could get to Mankato and catch the first northbound train.

He was aware of Eva's presence, but he avoided looking at her. He winced as he thought about their last conversation. He made such a mess of things. He finally looked up to find her across the room lost in thought. A second later she met his eyes. He could tell she was trying not to cry. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but she turned away and headed straight for the door instead.

"Ladies and gentlemen… friends," he called over the din of the crowded room. "I would like to say a very few words before I part. Walnut Grove has been my home for a long time. When I look at all your faces, I can recall a moment with each of you… some sad, some happy. I don't need to say that the happy times are my favorite. I'll remember you all fondly and I hope to see you again this side of heaven." He smiled at his friends and started to feel his throat choke. "I'm going to leave now, but I urge you all to stay and enjoy this time together, meet the new teacher… I would just like to slip away quietly, ease the pain of saying goodbye." With a teary nod, he bid farewell and headed out.

The town applauded his speech and allowed him to slip through the crowd and out the door. As he stepped into the cold outside, he searched for her. She was gone. He waited too long to find her and she got away from him.

He looked at the town once more. He knew each building and each road. He was going to miss it. Things would be very different in the city, but different is fine when you're starting over. Different can take your mind off what is left behind.

As he approached the small bridge that led the way out of town, he saw her waiting for him. He made his way to her slowly. They looked at each other for a long time before he finally spoke.

"Eva," he said softly. "I don't want what happened the other day to be the last things we say to each other. I've been so selfish about everything. I never once stopped to think how it was going to make things harder for you. It was never my intention to hurt you and that is exactly what I did. Please forgive me."

"No, I can't. There is nothing to forgive. I'm the one who was wrong about everything." Eva wiped the tears that she couldn't stop from falling. "You are the last person I would ever blame for hurting me."

Hiram gave her a slight smile, glad that they would remain friends at least. She took a deep breath and smiled back. They continued to walk together slowly.

"I-I've been thinking about something," she continued, looking at the ground, her hands clasped tightly together to keep from shaking and her voice serious and matter of fact. "Um, well… it has been brought to my attention that people get married for a lot of different reasons, and a lot of the time they are very practical reasons."

"You don't say," he replied, echoing her serious tone with amusement.

"Please, don't make fun," she begged.

"Sorry."

"Yes. Well, you see, they each need something the other can provide, so it only makes sense, uh… to them… that they marry. And these arrangements can be very successful because there is mutual respect and trust… and uh, eventually mutual affection. Don't you think so?" she asked.

"Oh, I do," he agreed. "I can certainly see how two people who need each other could come to that conclusion."

"Right," she continued. "So I started thinking about you… I mean, I respect you. You are a very fine person, a wonderful physician. I've always admired how you never say anything you don't mean."

"Thank you," Hiram smiled. He could see she was starting to blush.

"You're welcome. And… trust. You have proven to be more than trustworthy. You know everything about me, Hiram. You know my secrets and my fears… things that would destroy me if anyone else were to discover them. But I never once thought you would betray me, and you never have." Hiram cleared his throat. He could feel his heart start to race with each word she said.

"As for mutual affection…"

"I believe I have made myself very clear on the matter of affection," he interrupted.

"Yes," she agreed quietly. "Yes, you have. You've been crystal clear, if we were to be truthful."

"Yes," he echoed. They walked on in silence. After a few moments, Eva stopped and turned to look him in the face.

"I love you, Hiram," she whispered. "I know that now. But…"

"But?" he queried.

"But I'm afraid," she said.

"I know."

"What if I don't love you enough?"

"It's enough," he replied with certainty.

"What if I never stop being afraid? What if I can never be the wife you need, the wife you deserve?" Her voice rose with emotion.

"I'm a patient man, Eva."

"You might have to be a saint, Hiram!" He couldn't help but laugh. She looked at him with slight annoyance, but finally let go. Her laughter mingled with her tears, and he thought she was the most beautiful woman his eyes had ever seen.

"Eva Beadle," he asked softly, taking her hands into his. "I love you and you love me. I need you and you need me. Will you please, please, say that you'll marry me?"

"I will, Hiram Baker," Eva smiled. She wrapped herself in his embrace, thankful that she could once again recall how good and gentle the touch of a man could be. He gathered her to himself and tenderly dared to kiss her, thrilled at her receptive response.

"What happens next?" she asked, wishing the moment didn't have to end. She took too long to be honest with her feelings and the reward was better than she had hoped.

"Well," he answered thoughtfully. "Your timing is terrible. I have to leave today."

"We…" she corrected. "We leave today. I can be ready. I am ready."

"Are you sure? Don't you want to say good bye?"

"I never want to say goodbye," she assured him. "Not to you. Not ever."

THE END

From the author: Thank you for reading my first LHOP fanfic. My plan right now is to write a sequel to this one, and then an Ian and Elizabeth follow-up. It's been fun. Peace.