Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. How sad.
Author's note: You light up my liiiiiife. I added a Quicksilver FAQ post to my profile, in case you need the answer to certain questions about the fic. Okay, enough dorkiness and on to the chapter.
"The light collects in your eyes, turns and reflects, jumps into mine.
I'm a slave to the sign."
It's True Love | Forgive Durden feat. Greta Salpeter
"Alli!" calls Clare, running towards her best friend. Sav has an arm around Alli's shoulder, and her parents are talking to the cops. Another man wearing a cop uniform is sobbing as his wife holds on to him, and Clare wonders if they are Dave's parents.
Alli's pink dress is covered in blood, and Clare tries not to throw up at the sight of it. Alli seems emotionless, she's just standing there like a zombie, not moving at all.
"We will find out who did this," says a tall man with brownish-blonde hair, his words directed at both the Bhandaris and the sobbing couple. "I swear." The man is tugging at his tie angrily, and when he turns around, Clare can feel Eli tense up.
"Goldsworthy?" asks the man, raising an eyebrow. "How strange to see you here."
"I'm here with my friend," says Eli dryly, but he looks incredibly scared.
"Right… right…" says the man, narrowing his eyes. "I will see you around."
The man walks past them, a knowing smirk on his face, and Eli leans against a wall, looking incredibly pale.
"Are you okay?" asks Clare, and Eli nods silently. "Who was that?"
"Detective Mason," says Eli, and something seems to change in his face. "I need to make a call. I'll be right back."
Eli brushes Clare's cheek with the side of his hand before walking away, and Clare feels uneasy.
xxxxxx
"Ahem. Hmm. Hmm." Mr. Bhandari keeps glancing at his watch, but he's dead quiet, and Sav gives them a nervous smile.
Clare stares at the cup of tea, watching how the bottom of the cup is darkened with the dregs from the leaves. She can't stop thinking about the scene at the hospital, and she knows that Eli can't either.
"So, Alli mentioned a new boyfriend," says Sav awkwardly, glancing at Eli. "I mean, she mentioned you had a new boyfriend."
"Um, no, I... no," blushes Clare, horrified. Alli must have mentioned Jake at some point, and she can't afford Eli to know.
"We're not dating," says Eli quickly. "We're just English partners."
"I don't think she meant yo-" starts Sav, but then Mrs. Bhandari walks into the kitchen, looking extremely tired.
"She finally fell asleep," sighs Mrs. Bhandari, taking the seat next to her husband. "She wouldn't stop crying. Thanks for staying, Clare."
"No problem," says Clare, pushing the cup away. "Does she still need to talk to the cops?"
"Yes," says Mr. Bhandari, closing his eyes.
Clare flinches, remembering how happy Alli seemed before going out on her date with Dave. She seemed to be herself again and now… everything is definitely not okay.
Eli keeps checking his phone and this strikes Clare as suspicious. Was she used as an alibi? But then Clare thinks of the way Eli held her while she broke down at the news of Dave's death, how fast he drove to get to the hospital…
But Eli's reaction to Detective Mason was too raw to ignore. Eli seems sick, because his cheeks are pale and his eyes are slightly red, and Clare wants to ask him why he was so upset when they were at the hospital.
"I can't believe someone just shot that dude," says Sav, scoffing. "A drive-by shooting in that neighborhood seems so random."
"Alli should stay with us, for now," says Mrs. Bhandari. "We'll send you a check for half her rent, of course. But… you understand, right?"
"Yes, yes, absolutely," nods Clare. "I… I'll come back tomorrow, if that's okay with you… and if she's up for it."
"That would be nice," says Mrs. Bhandari, elbowing her husband. "Wouldn't it?"
"Yes," says Mr. Bhandari dryly.
"Um… we should go…" says Eli, slowly standing up. "Give you guys space and… yeah."
Sav stands up and nods meaningfully at his parents, and follows Eli and Clare out of the kitchen. "Thanks, guys," he says sincerely. "I'm still so shocked about this thing and… we really appreciate you being here for Alli."
"She's my sister," says Clare modestly. "Least I could do."
Sav opens the door for them and they say their goodbyes, Clare's heart feeling heavier and heavier as they approach the hearse.
"Hold on," says Eli, and he steps aside, hiding behind the bushes on the Bhandaris' front lawn.
"What-"
Eli starts throwing up, and Clare stands there, not knowing what to do.
"Do you need help?" asks Clare stupidly.
"No… don't… touch… anything…" heaves Eli, catching his breath. "Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"It's okay…" Eli wipes his mouth with his sleeve, and Clare quickly reaches for some gum in her bag. "Gum?"
"Yeah… thanks," mumbles Eli, taking the piece from her and avoiding her eyes. "I keep thinking about the blood. Sorry again."
Eli chews slowly as the night air cools them down, and Clare leans against Morty, crossing her arms. "Um… How do you feel about… everything?"
"Everything as in…?"
"Dave," says Clare. "Dave is dead, Eli. You had a fight with him the day we were waiting outside the classroom. You knew that guy, somehow."
"It's an unfortunate situation," says Eli blankly. "Come on, I'll drive you home."
"Eli, stop avoiding this!" cries Clare, and Eli takes a step back. "Dave was in Acuity, wasn't he? And so was Sadie Rowland."
Eli glares at her, his lips twitching and he lets out an exasperated sigh. "Fucking hell, I don't want to deal with this," says Eli, walking over to her. "Let's just get out of here."
"I'm not going anywhere with you until you tell me what's going on," blurts Clare angrily. Eli considers her for a second, and then pulls out his keys to unlock Morty.
"Fine, stay here," says Eli furiously, and Clare steps away from the hearse.
"Why won't you talk to me?" yells Clare, tears running down her cheeks. "You have all these walls, you don't let me in-"
"Because if I talk to you, I'm going to lose you!" yells Eli back. "You just don't understand, Clare!"
"You're already losing me," deadpans Clare. "Just… leave."
Clare notices how Eli's hands are shaking, but Eli only gives her a cold look and gets into Morty. She watches him drive away and her head starts hurting, the emotions finally getting to her.
"I'm guessing you'll need a ride."
Clare smiles shyly as Sav walks over to her. "My parents were concerned when they heard yelling…" Sav nods toward the window, and Clare giggles when she sees the Bhandaris staring right at her.
"Thanks, Sav."
"You two are so much more than English partners," teases Sav, beckoning Clare to follow him, and she says nothing.
Because Sav is absolutely right.
xxxxxxxxx
TU mourns death of former student; murder shocks staff
By Jake Martin | Managing Editor
TORONTO, Ontario — After freshman Sadie Rowland was murdered last semester, things seemed to be getting back on track for TU. But now former student Dave Turner's (who was also Rowland's boyfriend at the time of her death) tragic demise has sent shock waves through the student body.
Turner was last spotted at a pub with his date, and he was the victim of a drive-by shooting after leaving the establishment. His companion, whose name hasn't been released, wasn't hurt and is expected to fully cooperate with local authorities.
"He was such a nice guy," says fashion merchandising major Fiona Coyne, who was a close friend of Turner's. "I can't believe he was killed, especially when his girlfriend was just killed as well. Such a tragedy."
TU officials have no comment on whether-
Clare puts down the paper, and Jake and Holly J are staring right at her. "Um…" Clare clears her throat and frowns. "Eli was with me, so it wasn't him."
"It had to be someone from that society," says Holly J, snatching the paper from Clare. "This is too much of a coincidence. Nobody saw the car except his date, who happens to be your best friend, right?"
"Right," nods Clare.
"Will she talk to us?" snaps Holly J.
"Not right now, it just happened last night," says Clare defensively. "She's not okay."
"Well, as soon as she stops crying she needs to get it together and talk to Jake," says Holly J impatiently. "And you need to tell me who is in Acuity. You're just wasting our time and-"
"Holly J, we're having some problems with the pages." Anya walks in, holding a stack of newspapers. She glances around the office and her eyes fix briefly on Clare, and she smiles at her.
"Hey, haven't seen you in a while," says Anya happily. "Last time I saw you, you had a soda for Jake… oh. Sorry. You guys had a fall-out, right? Are you friends again or-"
"What's the problem?" interrupts Holly J.
"Oh!" Anya smiles and fixes her hair with her free hand. "For some reason it won't let me fit some pictures into their frame, and I keep trying to fix it. But it won't let me go over a certain amount of picas and I need help."
Holly J rolls her eyes and walks out of the office, and Anya waves at Clare before walking after the editor.
"Designing a paper can be rough," shrugs Jake. "Thank God I don't have to mess too much with it."
"Jake, this is getting dangerous," says Clare quickly. "Dave got killed, Alli could have gotten killed… I don't think we should go through with this."
"I…" Jake winces, and stares at a spot on the floor. "I know."
But Jake looks heartbroken and disappointed, and Clare knows that they have to go on.
"I have to give you names, tell them what they do, and find out about Sadie," says Clare, moving closer to Jake. "And now Dave. And we're done, right?"
"Yes," says Jake, sounding hopeful. "And I'll make sure nobody hurts you."
"Okay," nods Clare. "I'll try to do this."
"Or you could tell me to fuck off," grins Jake. "Clare, I hope that you realize that I do love you. Please."
"I know, Jake," she smiles. "I know."
xxxxxxxxxx
Her homework has been piling up to frightening amounts, so she decided to skip one of her classes and head to the library to find some books. Clare is trying to get out of there as quickly as she can, but as soon as she enters one of the aisles, her mind forgets about homework.
Imogen is leaning against a bookshelf, and it's obvious that she has been crying. Fiona, Katie and Adam are talking to her quietly, and Fiona puts an arm around Imogen's shoulder.
Katie grabs a book from Imogen and giggles, and Clare can't help but notice that it's a copy of Invisible Monsters. Wow, Eli must be telling all of them to read that book. It's truly fantastic novel, but this is weird.
Imogen wipes her nose with her sleeve and smiles at them, and Adam gives him a hug before they leave the girl alone. Imogen looks after them, her back still against the bookshelf, and Clare waits until the rest of them are out of sight.
"Imogen?" asks Clare kindly, but the girl doesn't look at her.
"Hello, Clare Edwards," smiles Imogen sadly. "Such a nice day to be alive, isn't it?"
"Yes… you look sad," says Clare gently, standing next to her.
"I'm a little sad," squeaks Imogen. "But I will be okay."
"Anything I can do to help?" asks Clare.
Imogen looks at her and her eyebrows twitch, her eyes widening. She sighs melodramatically, and drops her books on the ground for a dramatic effect.
"Don't be trying all the time to fix things," drawls Imogen. "What you run from only stays with you longer. When you fight something, you only make it stronger."
Clare blinks confusedly and Imogen smirks, the smirk eerily similar to Eli's.
"I'm practicing, for my monologue!" grins Imogen. "I've been reading Palahniuk every minute of every day. Katie is going to help me practice. She's so cool."
"Oh, that's great," chuckles Clare uneasily. "Um, you're good!"
"Yeah, Eli doesn't like helping me practice my lines," pouts Imogen. "Adam would rather play videogames. Sadie used to help me and then-"
Imogen covers her mouth with her hands and her face is burning red, and she looks afraid.
"Are you talking about Sadie Rowland?" frowns Clare.
"No!" says Imogen hysterically. "Sadie who? I meant Jodie, yes, Jodie-"
"You said Sadie," says Clare stubbornly. "Is that why you were crying? Because you knew Sadie and Dave?"
"No, no, no," blurts Imogen, avoiding to look at Clare. "You're putting words in my mouth, and I'm tired of people doing that, and-"
"You knew her," states Clare. "You did, and you're lying to me."
"What if I did?" snaps Imogen, sounding like a little kid. "Okay, she was my friend, but that's none of your business!"
"What happened to Sadie?" asks Clare.
Imogen looks up, breathing heavily, but she is not saying a word. It looks like she wants to talk, though; as if she wants to confess to something, but Imogen starts picking up her books instead.
"Imogen, please," insists Clare.
"Look, she died, okay?" blurts Imogen. "She… she died. Just let it go."
"Dave is dead, Imogen!" cries Clare impatiently, and people in the library turn to stare at the two girls.
Imogen's eyes start filling up with tears, and when she tries to speak the only thing that escapes her mouth is a strangled sob. Imogen shakes her head and runs away, leaving Clare standing all alone and confused.
Clare is about to walk out of the library when a hand closes on her shoulder, squeezing gently. She freezes as the person behind her leans in, and lips brush the back of her ear.
"If you have any questions about Sadie Rowland, you should talk to me."
"Eli," breathes Clare, dread consuming her.
"You want to talk about Sadie? Fine, we will," says Eli crossly. "But leave Imogen alone."
"I don't want to talk to you right now," says Clare, hurt. "You were a jerk to me yesterday."
"Do you want to know the truth or not?" snaps Eli. "I don't have all day."
"I do, but-"
"Not in here," mutters Eli, glancing at the students surrounding them. "Come on."
Eli walks away quickly, not letting Clare respond at all, but she follows him anyway.
xxxxxxxxxx
"We try to meet here as often as we can… Sometimes the campus police will be around so we end up meeting at Walker Hall," says Eli as he closes the door behind him. The room still has that lingering scent of weed, and Clare sits down on one of the old-looking couches.
"I don't smoke it," says Eli, wrinkling his nose.
"Sorry?"
"Weed… I don't do pot," says Eli, looking embarrassed. "Some people in Acuity do but… yeah, nah. Not my thing."
Eli sighs, his eyes examining the room, and he finally looks at Clare. "Sorry for being an asshole. I can be unpredictable, I know."
"You're Quicksilver, after all," says Clare sardonically.
"I don't want you to be mad at me," says Eli shamefacedly. "And I really don't want to lose you… and if keeping you means opening up, then… I will. I'll talk."
Eli sits next to her, his hands clutching his own knees. "Sadie… Sadie was a good friend of mine. She really was."
"You said you didn't know her," says Clare, reminding him.
"I lied, okay? I'm still not over her death," says Eli, sounding pained. "She was… She meant a lot to me." Clare frowns, wondering if Eli and Sadie were more than just friends. Maybe Eli was in love with her and-
"I know what you're thinking," says Eli, glancing at her. "No, it wasn't like that. I really, really liked her. She made me laugh and she listened to me… she was a great friend. I love Imogen and Adam, but it was different with Sadie somehow. Even when she started dating Dave, she would always make time for me."
"Was she in Acuity?" asks Clare quietly.
"Yes, she was Ivy," says Eli sadly. "You know, she was so tall and she always seemed to get taller… growing all over the place…"
Clare reaches out for Eli hand, slowly intertwining her fingers with his, and Eli smiles sorrowfully. His thumb traces circles on her hand, and they're both silent, and Clare feels almost guilty for bringing up Sadie.
"One morning she called me and she said that there was a traitor amongst us," continues Eli. "She asked me to meet later that night, we decided to meet here. When I approached the building I heard a gun shot… and I just ran away. I didn't stay to see what happened, who it was… I was a coward."
"I would have done the same thing," says Clare, pressing her forehead against Eli's cheek.
"No, you're a better person than I am," says Eli. "I didn't kill her, Clare. Most people on campus for some reason think I killed her. Including Jake Martin."
Clare moves away from Eli, quietly guilty. "I… I believe you."
"And this is why I wanted to keep things between us a secret," says Eli, looking into her eyes. "Julia died… now Sadie… I don't want you to get hurt."
"Oh." Clare just looks at him, wanting to confess everything to him, but she can't.
"And now Dave is dead," says Eli wretchedly. "I never had to chance to talk to him after our fight. I never had the chance to say that I'm sorry."
"Sorry about what?" asks Clare.
"If we hadn't agreed to meet there…" Eli trails off, staring at the ceiling. "It was my fault. I don't know."
"Don't blame yourself for this," says Clare, leaning in. "Please don't. You're not the person you think you are."
"Who am I, then?" asks Eli defiantly. "Do you know who I am?"
"Yes," says Clare, and part of her has to say it. "You're the guy I'm in love with."
She said it. She finally said it. Although she doesn't trust him completely, although she is with Jake… she loves him. She loves Eli and she can't keep fighting how she feels anymore.
"You… you love me?" asks Eli in disbelief.
"Never mind, I shouldn't have said anything," says Clare agitatedly, and she tries to stand up but Eli holds her back, attacking her lips with his. Everything happens so fast, and it quickly goes from a simple kiss to a lustful makeout, both of them unable to catch their breath.
"God, I love you too," gasps Eli. "I've loved you since the very first day I saw you."
Clare kisses him back keenly, letting Eli's hands roam all over her body, enjoying the sensation of Eli's body slowly moving on top of hers. Eli is grinding against her, and Clare flushes when she feels how hard he is, and she can't believe she's causing this reaction on him.
"Fuck, sorry," says Eli, suddenly aware of what's going on. "Er… this is kind of awkward."
"No, it's okay," says Clare embarrassedly. "It really is."
"How far have you gone with a guy, Clare?" asks Eli inquisitively.
Clare just lies there, watching Jake undress her, watching him undress himself, and she's still not talking.
"I've done… stuff," she says.
"What kind of stuff?" asks Eli hoarsely, and he sounds… sexy. His voice is deep and his eyes seem darker, his pupils wide and inviting.
"Touching… yeah, touching," mumbles Clare.
"You let me have my way the other day," says Eli, his hand sliding under Clare's shirt. "You let me kiss your skin, you let me touch your breasts… and you seemed okay with it. Is that all you've done?"
"No…" gulps Clare. "Um… I have… um…"
Eli's hand now is brushing her stomach, making Clare's skin ache at his touch. She feels how Eli is unbuttoning the top of her jeans and Clare sighs.
"Stop me whenever you want to," breathes Eli.
But she knows she won't stop him. She can't. She doesn't want to. But she nods to humor him.
Eli's fingers slide down the front of her jeans, his fingers teasing the wet fabric of her underwear. A low moan escapes her and Eli bites his lip, his fingers moving at a slow pace. He starts nibbling on Clare's neck, his teeth stinging her skin in an extremely satisfying way.
They start kissing, their mouths connected, their body heat making them sweat a little. Eli's fingers press harder against her, his movements now faster and more aggressive, and she arches her back and she moans frenziedly into Eli's mouth.
Eli stops kissing her, his mouth hovering over her lips, and Clare feels an extremely pleasurable rush take control of her. Her eyes are completely shut; her gasps loud and erratic, and she feels agitated. Slowly, gradually, she comes down from her high and focuses on the boy who is on top of her.
Eli exhales, shaking intensely, letting his breath tease Clare's chin. He removes his hand from Clare, his eyes never leaving her face. She had never felt this way before, at all.
"Do you… I…" Clare reaches for Eli's belt buckle but he gently pushes her hand away, shaking his head.
"You don't need to do anything," he says. "Um… I'll be blunt. I got off just looking at you."
Clare laughs timidly and Eli kisses her tenderly, his lips treating her gentler this time. "The walk back to my dorm will be uncomfortable but I can live with that," winks Eli.
"I need to take a shower," admits Clare bashfully.
"That sounds like an invitation," chuckles Eli mischievously.
"Maybe someday," says Clare, running her fingers through Eli's hair.
"When you're ready," nods Eli, kissing her on the forehead. They lie next to each other on the couch, their bodies pressed against each other due to the limited space, but Clare feels perfectly content with this.
"Next week you'll be formally inducted into Acuity," says Eli with enthusiasm. "Thought of the name you want?"
"Not really," blushes Clare, still feeling Eli's teeth on her neck.
"I have one… just a suggestion," says Eli sheepishly, caressing her cheek.
"Tell me," nods Clare.
"Paragon," says Eli softly.
Clare feels the warmth spread to her fingertips and pulls Eli in for a kiss, her fingernails digging on the back of his neck. "I'm not perfect, Eli," she reminds him. "I'm not. But that's sweet of you."
"Do you like it?" asks Eli cautiously.
Clare feels how her smile is starting to hurt her cheeks, and she nods. "Yeah, sounds good. And I have to get the tattoo, correct?"
"Yes, and you'll get to meet Rosso," says Eli excitedly. "He's a cool guy. Very reserved, but… he's the one who contacted me in high school and talked to me about Acuity."
"And I still don't know what this society does," teases Clare.
"Isn't it obvious?" smirks Eli. "We make out with hot girls in secluded locations. Do you think you could get used to this?"
And once again, Eli has avoided answering the question with his charm. But this time, Clare doesn't really care, because Eli is kissing her fiercely.
Eli pulls away, his hair messy and his face flushed, and Clare knows that she needs to talk to Jake. She can't be with both of them anymore. Yes, she'll help Jake with his article but her heart has chosen Eli. She will tell Eli the truth eventually, and she can only hope that he will forgive her.
She can only hope.