Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.
Author's note: Hopefully some questions will be answered in this chapter. Entirely Eclare-centric, my friends.
"You're the finest thing that I've done, the hurricane I'll never outrun
I could wait around for the dust to still, but I don't believe that it ever will."
Hurricane | The Hush Sound
"Close your eyes," says Johnny, a gentle smile making Clare feel less nervous.
"You can hold my hand," says Eli.
Clare looks at him, knowing that she shouldn't trust any of the people in this room, but she hold Eli's hand anyway.
And the pain begins.
Clare holds her breath as the needle touches her skin, clutching Eli's hand as tightly as possible. Eli looks revolted at the sight of Clare going through pain, and the guilt in his expression is quickly noticeable.
"God, Johnny, you're hurting her," protests Eli.
"Hey, I've always done this the exact same way," mumbles Johnny, concentration on his face. "Calm down."
But Eli is still looking sick, and Clare keeps holding on.
xxxxxxx
Clare opens her eyes and blinks in the darkness, a slight scent of cologne invading her nostrils. She stirs, realizing that Eli's arms are wrapped tightly around her. The car is moving fast, and Clare sees that Zane is the one driving this time.
Her wrist is stinging and so are her eyes, and she merely snuggles against Eli's warm body. She is still unsure about how the members in Acuity found out about K.C, but Clare knows she'll eventually find out.
Hopefully.
"Clare," says Eli softly, and Clare looks up. "You're home."
Clare looks out the window, her apartment building looking haunting in the dark, and she looks back at Eli. She doesn't want to be alone right now, but calling Jake or Alli is not an option.
"Do you want to stay?" she asks Eli, vulnerability invading her state of mind.
Eli seems hesitant, but he nods. "Yes. And…. yeah, okay. Maybe we can talk about some stuff…" Eli trails off as Katie gives him a knowing look. "Hey, I'll just take a cab home."
"Are you sure?" asks Zane, smiling at Clare through the rearview mirror.
"Yup," Eli opens the door and helps Clare get out, holding her hand as they wave goodbye to Katie and Zane. Clare starts shivering and they walk towards the building, holding hands.
"You were brave," grins Eli as they walk up the stairs. "I believe I sobbed like a baby when I got mine."
"You're lying," says Clare tiredly.
"No!" says Eli as Clare looks for her keys in her bag. "I swear. I know I look like the epitome of machismo, but I'm a softie when it comes to physical pain."
Clare snorts as she unlocks the door and they walk into the apartment, which is thankfully warm. Clare throws her bag on the couch and turns to face Eli, her hands on her hips.
"I know my induction is not until next weekend but…" Clare sighs, and Eli moves closer to her. "I need some answers."
"Hey, I'm the leader," smirks Eli. "I think I can bend a couple rules for you." The silence that falls between them feels heavy yet intriguing, and Clare knows that the ball is on her court.
"Let's have some coffee then," says Clare, walking towards the kitchen.
xxxxxxx
"Eli... How did you get involved in Acuity?"
Eli places his mug on the table, looking at Clare directly in the eyes. He drums his fingers on the table nervously, and it looks like he's is considering his answer.
"Long story."
"We have time."
Clare isn't giving up this easily, not when all her questions could be answered right now. Eli keeps glancing at the redness surrounding Clare's tattoo, and she hides her wrist under the table hesitantly.
"Well…" Eli takes a deep breath, and rests his chin on his hand. "I got into a fight with a bully in my sophomore year of high school. It was pretty bad; got suspended for two weeks. I've been bullied all my life, but after Julia's death it somehow got worse. I guess I appeared to be more of an easy target. Anyway, I was working on fixing Morty one afternoon when Johnny found me."
"What did he say?" asks Clare inquisitively.
"He said he was a TU student, and that he heard about my situation," says Eli. "Johnny told me he knew I was interested in applying to TU… He said that he wanted to recruit me for his society."
"Okay…" Clare still feels confused. "What did he want you to do?"
"Be an informant," says Eli simply.
"For what?"
Eli scoffs, as if the answer is obvious. "Acuity, Clare."
"Well, yes, I know that," says Clare coldly. "But why? Why did he need an informant in high school?"
Eli sits back, a nervous smirk on his face, and he sighs yet again. "We have informants in high school because… because we need to know who we need to get rid of."
"Eli, stop being so cryptic!" blurts Clare impatiently.
"Promise me that you won't hate me," says Eli quietly. "Promise me that no matter what I say to you tonight… that you won't hate me."
Clare drinks the last of her coffee and nods. It's a promise she can afford to make; she knows Eli might end up hating her after all this is over.
"This is what we do…" says Eli impersonally. "We get rid of people. We make sure that certain people don't get into TU."
"Huh?" frowns Clare.
"Bullies, Clare," says Eli. "We make sure that high school bullies don't get accepted into TU. We find out who the bullies are, if they intend to attend TU, we get all their info and we… um… scare them. If they don't change their ways after that, and if they apply to TU, we make sure they don't get in. We mess with the admissions system by hacking into the database, and they get their rejection letters. Simple enough."
Eli drinks some more coffee and continues talking, his eyes now fixed on the table. "We all work together during the year, sending people all over Ontario, working with high school kids… we have all these files of people who just need to stop creating havoc in other kids' lives. And if they don't, well… we create havoc in theirs."
Clare gapes at Eli, not knowing what to say. She expected a more obscure purpose behind the society, although it's kind of messed up that they take this so far. And then something hits Clare.
"K.C," she breathes.
"Yup," shrugs Eli. "He never changed, so… he got his letter. I was actually the one who tried to teach him a lesson… I don't know if he ever told you about someone locking him in the boiling room at your school. That's why I knew about him... and that's why I knew about you. Way before you started attending TU."
Clare can't believe this. Eli has been messing around with her life for years now, and she had no idea. Did he see her go on dates with K.C? Di he watch them hold hands in the park and kiss underneath the bridge? How much does he really know about her?
She stands up, pushing her chair out of the way as she storms out of the kitchen, her ears and heart hurting. Clare buries her face in her hands as she tries to even her breath, realizing what the consequences of K.C not getting into TU meant to her. He cheated on her. He dumped her.
True, he had been acting like a jerk for the last three months of their relationship, but Clare really liked him. And Eli…
"Clare?" asks Eli timidly, and Clare instinctively grabs the lamp from one of the side tables and throws it at him. Eli dodges it, and the lamp hits the wall, crashing spectacularly before their eyes.
"Whoa, calm down!" says Eli. "I'm sorry, Clare. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you-"
"How dare you ruin other people's lives?" cries Clare.
"They are bullies, Clare!" retorts Eli. "They ruin people's lives in high school. Every single person who is in Acuity has been bullied before. We've had issues due to bullying. Fuck, Clare, you have issues thanks to K.C."
"What you're doing isn't right, though," complains Clare. "What you're doing is a type of bullying!"
"No, don't compare us to them," says Eli, shaking his head furiously. "What we do is teach them a lesson. Eye for an eye… you should understand that, you're Christian after all."
"You're not supposed to create your own justice!" says Clare angrily. "Even if they are bullies, you're not supposed to-"
"One of them beat Fiona," says Eli, sounding calmer. "Another bully pushed Adam into a wall and almost broke his neck. Johnny used to be one of them until a member of Acuity scared him off, and then he vowed to work against bullying for the rest of his life. We are good people, Clare. We're trying to do the right thing."
"But… I can't agree with what you're doing. Aside from the fact that this is dangerous, you guys could get caught and get expelled!"
Eli starts laughing dryly as he moves closer to Clare. "Acuity has been doing this for over 20 years… we know how to figure stuff out. We're not stupid."
"Have you ever stopped to realize that maybe this is why Sadie got killed?" says Clare breathlessly. "Maybe someone found out about Acuity and decided to get back at you… maybe a former bully? Maybe someone from Acuity decided to talk about the society and-"
"I've thought about this many times," interrupts Eli. "And it is a possibility that someone talked too much. But right now, all I can do is trust the current members in Acuity… I trust them. Sadie never told me if the 'traitor' is a current or former member. I refuse to believe that it is someone current. They're my friends."
Eli says this stubbornly, and Clare knows that he's had this conversation with someone before, because his words sound extremely rehearsed.
"I still can't wrap my mind around this," says Clare, feeling dizzy. She is facing a terrifying decision; keep this to herself or talk to Jake.
"You made a promise," Eli reminds her.
And with those words, Clare loses her mind.
"I've made so many promises!" sobs Clare hysterically without thinking. "So many! And I'm tired!"
"What do you mean?" frowns Eli.
"You think you're the only one with secrets?" says Clare miserably. "Think again. Oh, God, I can't deal…"
She can't betray Jake, she can't betray Eli… what is she going to do? Eli quickly hugs her, running his fingers through her hair reassuringly. Clare feels drained, and she doesn't want to think anymore.
She pulls away and looks at Eli, hoping that her eyes say everything she's not able to say right now. Eli leans in and kisses her, and Clare holds on to him desperately, just like she did when she was getting the tattoo.
This is wrong, all of it. This is not going to end right. But she knew this from the start; from the moment she agreed to help Jake with her article. Of course, she never expected to fall in love with Eli, not like this.
"Clare," groans Eli huskily against her lips as he pulls her closer to him. She shivers as one of his hands slides up the back of her shirt, and Clare just wants more.
No, she never expected to fall for him like this.
xxxxxxx
Eli's fingers are shaking as he unbuttons Clare's shirt, she can feel them. But he doesn't stop kissing her as the bed creaks underneath their weight, and she can feel how her heart is beating faster than ever.
"Rain is like fire on our skin," breathes Eli into her ear. "It's burning us alive and we don't move in spite of the pain."
Clare moans when Eli starts nibbling on her earlobe, her breasts now exposed to him. Eli takes off his shirt, pressing his chest against hers as he kisses her, his tongue eagerly exploring every corner of her mouth. Eli stops kissing her on the lips, one of his hands grasping her waist as he kisses a spot on her jaw.
"But although it hurts, it's okay," continues Eli, his breathing now heavy and erratic. "My heart will choose to stay."
"Been reading more poems for our forgotten essay?" teases Clare as Eli starts to unbutton her jeans.
"No," says Eli hoarsely. "I wrote it. For you."
Clare smiles at him and Eli smirks back, looking suddenly nervous. "Okay, I don't want to take this too far… I will stop whenever you want me to stop. Because I know… I can feel that you're not ready yet for… um…"
"Sleeping with you?" asks Clare, and for the first time in a while, Eli blushes.
"Yeah," admits Eli sheepishly. "Don't get me wrong, I would love to…" His fingers brush her nipples, making Clare arch her back involuntarily, and Eli grins. "But I can wait. We can do other stuff in the meantime."
"Oh-okay," mumbles Clare.
"And now, I'm just going to take your jeans off," says Eli. "Is that okay?"
"Yes," squeaks Clare, and she closes her eyes as Eli starts tugging on her jeans. Clare feels truly exposed, although she's been like this with Jake before, but this feels so different. Her skin is crawling with want, and when Eli places a kiss in the inside of her thigh as he removes her underwear, she lets out a soft moan.
She's heard about it. Alli has talked to her about oral sex many times, but Clare has never had the guts to go that far. Sure, fingers have, um, touched her there, before. And it feels really nice. But what Eli is doing right now feels simply amazing.
She opens her eyes, biting her lip as she feels Eli's tongue working on her, and she can feel her body starting to heat up. She clutches the bed sheets when she feels Eli's finger push inside of her, his mouth still on her, and a whimper escapes her.
It's just s whirlwind of emotions; she can't breathe, she can't see, she can't hear. She can only feel, and what she feels is making her want to explode. Everything is faster; every single one of Eli's actions is making her gasp and pant, and she feels somewhat dirty.
But she isn't complaining at all.
"Eli," she gasps, and she's so far gone that she feels like her heart has stopped beating. Maybe she died. Maybe that's a good thing; that way she won't have to say goodbye to Eli.
But she's not dead, because now Eli is placing small kisses on her stomach as he makes his way back up. His lips linger on her neck for a minute before kissing her on the lips, and he tastes funny, but Clare kisses him back willingly.
"Your face is so red," smirks Eli smugly.
"Shut up," says Clare, pushing him away gently. "Let me…" Clare's hands go directly to his belt, and this time Eli doesn't stop her.
"You don't have to," he says halfheartedly.
"Convincing, Goldsworthy," says Clare, even though she feels a little nervous. It takes her a while to undo the belt, and Eli chuckles as he helps her. He takes off his jeans and Clare looks away, blushing as she sees him wearing nothing but his boxers.
"Wow, I'm not that ugly," he winks, and he leans in to kiss her. Clare beckons him to lie down, nervously trailing her fingers over Eli's lower stomach.
"If I'm not good at it… sorry," she mutters.
"Clare," says Eli, somewhere around amused and stern. "You don't- oh."
Clare slides down Eli's boxers, still tremendously anxious. She remembers what she did with Jake out of instinct, but this feels monumental somehow. Clare closes her eyes as she starts stroking Eli, and she feels elated when she listens to him hold his breath.
"Fuck," breathes Eli, and Clare opens her eyes again. She has been attracted to several guys before, and she has found them sexy, but seeing Eli like this…
Eli has his eyes closed, his eyelashes fluttering every time Clare strokes him, and his groans are low, almost imperceptible. Clare feels somewhat triumphant; knowing that she's doing this right.
"Clare… fuck, you're… damn it," gasps Eli, gnawing on his lip, making it bright red. Clare's hand starts to move slightly faster, her hand aching a little, but she maintains her pace. She is surprised that she's not feeling embarrassed at all anymore, and her movements become bolder and bolder, finally running a finger over the slit of Eli's-
Eli opens his eyes and looks directly at her, his pupils blown with intensity. "Clare… I'm… just…" He sits up, placing his hand over Clare's and kisses her as he starts coming, his ragged breath mixing with Clare's.
"Holy… sorry, sorry," says Eli, letting go of Clare's hand. "That was…"
"It's okay," says Clare, her embarrassment rushing back to her as she wipes her hand on the sheets. "I'm sorry if it wasn't that good, I just…"
"Are you fucking kidding me?" gasps Eli in incredulity. "Come here, just…" Eli pulls Clare to him, kissing her fervently as his fingers dig into her lower back.
xxxxxxxx
"I like the way you smell."
Eli is hugging her from behind as Clare finishes brushing her teeth, her hair still wet from the shower.
"Creep," chuckles Clare as Eli kisses her on the neck. Clare looks at their reflection on the mirror and notices how her ring is shining under the bathroom light.
"I feel like a hypocrite," says Clare, placing her toothbrush on the counter.
"Why?" asks Eli as Clare turns around and wraps her arms around his neck. Eli's hair is also still wet, and Clare smiles shyly as she remembers the shower they took earlier… together.
"My ring," says Clare, disentangling one of her arms from Eli's neck and showing him her hand. Eli grabs Clare's hand and kisses the finger that has the ring on it, smiling against her skin.
"Clare, trust me," he says happily. "We could fuck for hours, days… And you would still be worthy of this ring. Purity isn't only about your body… is about who you are. And you're the purest person I've ever met."
Clare giggles when Eli says "fuck," but she still feels apprehensive. Eli trusts her too much, and he shouldn't. She's not worthy of this ring in any way at all.
"Eli… if I messed up, like… really messed up," asks Clare hesitantly. "Would you forgive me no matter what?"
Eli gives her a curious look, pressing his lips against her hand again. "Clare, if you've been able to look past all my fuck-ups and shady past… what makes you think I wouldn't?"
Clare remains silent, merely moving closer to Eli.
"And hey, remember what I said in my poem?" says Eli, placing a finger under Clare's chin. "My heart will choose to stay. And I mean it."
But Clare can't help but wonder if Eli will think the same way when the truth comes out.