Woah...what is she doing? Just read guys, I got a plan. Hope you like!

Cam POV

Maybe it was depression. Nah, I don't think so. But whatever I was feeling it really sucked. I didn't talk to my mom at all for the first three weeks after Zach left. But eventually I realized I had to talk her at some points since she is not only my mother but also my headmistress. So now it has been six and a half weeks since Zach freakin' left! Jut because I love him does't mean I can't be pissed off at him. He totally pulled the "I really don't have a choice because she is your mom and you are her daughter" card. He had a flipping' choice! Ugg…can't he stay in one spot for more than five damn seconds.

My three best friends obviously knew what was up. Liz was even more chatter-box than ever. Macey insisted on doing my hair every morning, which didn't help a whole lot, but I love her for trying. And Bex was being the best best friend she could. By being normal Bex. Because thats all I really needed, normality. No boyfriend that leaves me, no mother that betrays me, just…normal. How things used to be. When Zach was my boyfriend, and my mom supported that. Now I don't have Zach anymore, and my mother has gone against me. The only thing I have left are my friends. But I guess I could live with that on some terms.

I guess I was frustrated also because before this summer I felt like if I did lose Zach, I could eventually live with it. I would be able to move on at some point. I felt that way because I was still not sure if I really loved him or not. But now I'm sure I do. And It will take me a million years to get over it. And I will never live with it. And I will never fully move on. I mean I can hope and all, but it will never happen.

But I was mainly sick of people leaving me. My dad had died a long time ago, but I thought of him all the time. My Aunt Abby had died towards the end of last year after being shot. And Zach just liked leaving apparently. I guess they all really wanted to get away from me or something. It's not fair how I live and never get hurt while people are dying for me. It was getting to the point where it was hard to live with myself. People I loved were leaving and dying so I wouldn't get a scratch. It should't work that way. They should have left me to die. I didn't deserve it, I really didn't. After everything I have had to see, feel, and be through, I would hope they would kill my now. But no, they had to make sure I never broke a bone in my body. I can't keep doing that to people, making them give up their lives. I just could't live with it anymore.

Imagine people ripping their hearts out of their bodies and giving it to you. Then they say, "I give you this heart so show I will always protect you. Always." And then you drop it. And they die in front of you. Thats how I feel. I know it sounds extreme, and I should be thankful more then anything, and I am, really. But it's just hard to think that I'm in this awesome academy with my friends when people are risking their lives for me. I also feel really selfish. Like every time we find something out, or somebody gets hurt, I feel like I'm just getting all the attention. And that my friends just took up space, even though they are some of the most important people to me.

I was starting to hate my life. But loving it at the same time. It pushed people I loved away from me. Like Zach. He said he had to leave because of his mom, and how he might possibly but probably not be leading people to me. And my Aunt Abby. She died to kill another man, someone who we new was tracing me and was very, very, very dangerous. All of these people died. They died, they were gone forever. And it was my fault. No matter what people told me, no matter what they said, that was the conclusion. It was me who got into most of this mess. I caused most of it, and it was destroying me as a person. I could't live like that anymore.

It was a little windier then it had been that week. The clouds were darker and covered more of the sky. It even was drizzling off and on. It was like they knew, what I was doing that day. It was early January, so the weather had been snowing, but not to cold and not to cloudy. But the one day I picked, that was the gloomy day, like me.

I wore the prettiest things I had, which wasn't a lot. The heels that Zach got me, the necklace I stole from Macey, a beautiful floral dress my mother had gotten me, but I had never been able to wear before then. I was also wearing earrings Lizzy had gotten for me on a trip she took, and a pastel blue british scarf from Bex. I had put my hair in the prettiest messy bun I could, which took me literally forty-five minutes. I was wearing a pink flower clip in my hair as well. My dress went down to my ankles, and was pastel yellow, blue, and pink with little flowers all over it. It had a v-neck with tiny ruffles around the edges and three-quarter sleeves. It was very flowy, and probably the most beautiful dress I had every layer eyes on. I had made sure to wear water-proof makeup, considering the rain.

I had been thinking this through for days, weeks actually. But I knew it was for the best, not just for everybody else, but for me too. I looked around my room, memorizing everything of my friends. I had been up since three that morning so I could leave before my friends woke up. I looked at them in their beds, and I forced myself not to cry. I whispered goodbye to all of them and then quietly made my way out the dorm room. I breathed heavily, looking once more into the silent room, and shut the door. I walked as slow as I could through the mansion. I examined everything in those great hells as if for the first time. Passed all the great pictures in the gold frames. All the passageways that ver, very few people even knew existed. I left a note that took my hours to write on the case to Gillian's sword. It wasn't very long, because I could never put everything I thought onto one piece of paper. The worst was passing my mother's office, knowing she was in their. I whispered goodbye to her too. I tried to make as little noise as possible with my clanky heels. I forced myself to keep walking at snail's pace through the rest of the mansion. I could have just walked up the stares from my floor, but I felt like I needed to say goodbye to the only home I have had in a while.

Once I had lapped the entire mansion and gone through all me passageways, I made my way back to the grand stair case. I slowly made my way up and up, to the roof. I hesitated walking the final few steps, but I pushed myself. I looked out over the city from the roof of the Gallagher Academy mansion. I looked at all the places I had stepped foot in. Memorable moments, and where I had spent most of my life. I walked to the center of the platform. I convinced myself that I was not just doing what I was doing because I was sad about Zach. In fact, Zach leaving had made me realize what I was doing to the people I loved.

It all of a sudden started pouring rain. Like, really big, hard drops falling on me. It was about around 5 thirty, and the girls don't get up till around six ish. I looked at the two pictures in my hands. First, I looked at the one of my family when I was little, no older then six. It was my mother, father, and I all on a slide, sliding down together. I stared at it for a while, and the tears started to flow. The just blended with the heavy rain, but they were still there. The second picture was of the day my friends and I graduated high school. There was the four of us in the picture. Bex was on my shoulders and we were all huddled together in our over-sized robes and caps. I cried at that picture as well. I knew they would hate me for what I was doing, but I had to. I hated myself for what I was doing, but I had to.

I was soaked my then. But my bun was still in tacked, and my makeup hadn't smeared thanks to waterproof CoverGirl products. I held the pictures up to the left side of my chest, right where my heart was. And then I started talking to the open air. I said all the things I couldn't before. I said all the things that I had been holding in for so long, and the things I had been holding in just as of that morning. I then got as close to the edge as I could and looked at the grass below me. I shut my eyes tight for a minute or two. Not because I was scared, but I was silently saying goodbye to everybody I knew and loved. I tried not to think about how my mother and friends would respond to this. The tears were still pouring from my eyes, but I didn't hold them back. I was done with that. I didn't need to do that anymore.

So I opened my eyes again and looked strait up at the dark and wicked sky, which was the only thing watching me. Then I looked at the ground far below me again. And then I looked strait ahead. And I was ready, I told myself. I was ready to do this. I was ready to jump.