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The many evils of fireflakes.
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What is with Subject and the fireflakes? I mean really!
This morning Subject had fireflakes for breakfast. Just fireflakes. You can't do that! That has got to be a crime against breakfast! Sokka thinks that Subject eats so many fireflakes to prove how manly he is. Because fireflakes are hot! And not in the good way. Naturally this makes my brother also wish to add fireflakes to everything (as he is always seeking to be more manly). Sokka asked if he could have some of Subject's fireflakes and Subject handed over the packet but warned Sokka not to have too many, because they are quite spicy. This coming from Subject who eats them by the giant fistful with his giant hands. I pointed out Subject's hypocrisy regarding the fireflakes. Subject said that he was used to it because he'd grown up eating extremely spicy food everyday.
Aang, at this point, piped up with some pointless anecdote about his friend Kuzon and the fireflakes of 100 years ago. Apparently they had cinnamon pepper flavoured ones back then, according to Aang. Subject replied that they still do have those, but they are not as popular a flavor as sweet chili flavour. Which is Subject's favourite. He has bought what I originally assumed was a lifetime supply. I now realize that the amount Subject brought will probably only last him about a week at this point.
Both Aang and Sokka (and then Toph and after her Teo and Haru and the Duke) wanted to try fireflakes after breakfast and the bag was passed around. Various reactions include:
My mouth feels numb with pain- the Duke (Subject told him to drink some milk.)
Quite tasty, but nothing on cinnamon pepper-Aang
You're right Subject! Having some milk afterwards does soften the burny flavour of pain–Teo
It's alright….I don't see what the big fuss is about –Toph
I think the taste is actually starting to grow on me – Sokka (he's obviously lying. His face was so red)
Ohmygod how could you let me put that in my mouth? –Haru.
Later when Toph was training Aang in Earthbending and Subject and I were doing the dishes, Subject pointed out that I didn't try them. And I don't want to. They are bad for you and I'm sure they taste dreadful. Subject said that he actually found them really tasty and that they were so popular in the firenation that everything would grind to a halt if there were no more fireflakes.
Note to self: Is this an idea if Aang can't beat Ozai? If we simply make off with all the fireflakes from the firenation and destroy the factories that manufacture this snack, will the war grind to a halt? Will the fire nation turn in on itself, and will The Great Flake War result? Will Ozai say 'let them eat chilies' and there will there be riots in the streets following this pronouncement? Something to think on.
I elected to try one flake. To better understand Subject and the nation from which he comes. Subject got a glass of milk hand in case I hated it.
I hated it!
What was that flavour! It tasted like I had licked the sun!
Who likes that? I mean really!
I see fireflakes as further proof that Subject is trying to kill me! Death by disgusting snack! Though Subject took one look at my face and thrust the glass of milk into my hand in an instant, which did ease the pain of licking the sun somewhat.
Things I learned about subject
Subject has obviously burned off all his taste buds. Fireflakes are dreadful!
Subject is alternatively proud and ashamed of his sun-licking culture, depending on the conversation and the context. He sees fireflakes as a firenation achievement and he is proud of them and wishes to share.
Subject respects that not everybody will share his love of the taste of their whole mouth burning painfully and makes sure there is milk on standby for this eventuality.
Subject loves fireflakes so much that I have decided that if I am mad at him again (as I expect to be again at some point. Subject is maddening) I will simply hide his fireflakes. That'll teach him.
Later that same day:
Aang and I went to the nearest market to get more supplies. It is an hour away on Appa and we have to hide Appa in the woods and then walk into town. We need more supplies now that we have Subject to feed and Subject had obliged us with giving us a large amount of gold that he nicked from the royal treasury on his way out. For once Subject has shown foresight. I asked around, apparently Fireflakes are not only extremely bad for you, they can be quite fattening if you have too much. At the rate Subject eats this devilish snack he should be…not as trim and muscular as he is.
I cannot imagine Subject fat. Mostly because he spends so much of his time training and flexing and running and being agile and sneaky.
I have told Subject that fireflakes will make him get fat. He does not believe me.
-!-
Have fought with Subject over the correct way to wash dishes. Subject accused me of being bossy and over-critical of his dishwashing technique. When he was training with Aang, I hid his fireflakes somewhere he will NEVER find them. Subject is stomping round looking for them now. It is most enjoyable to watch.
Things I learned about Subject:
Subject does not take criticism well and is prone to get huffy if criticized repeatedly.
Subject keeps looking at me accusingly in his search for his fireflakes. Does he suspect?
-!-
A day of incredible events!
Incredible event one: Subject laughed. It is possible! A proper laugh as well. Subject was sitting in deep conversation with Toph, who I believe is increasing her attempts at friendliness towards Subject in exact proportion to how mean I am being to him that day. I have been, what Toph describes as unnecessarily bitchy, to Subject today. Have told Toph this theory that her offers of friendship are in proportion to my attitude towards Subject, but she only scoffed and said that not everything was about me. She also alleged that Subject can be' kinda cool.' Toph had probably taken too many blows to the head in Earth Rumbles because her brain is addled.
Note: Toph is also a traitor who found the fireflakes and gave them back to Subject. I must note however that she did not, out of loyalty to me, tell him where she found them.
Anyway, Toph and Subject were talking, as they are wont to do, and Toph said something. I admit I have been remiss in my stalking duties, because I was not close enough at this point to hear what she said. But Subject leaned back and laughed really loudly. Laughed like I didn't even know he could and it was quite disconcerting to see him laughing like that.
Incredible event two: Sokka and Subject are now sparring partners with swords. It gives them both practice and keeps them busy. I do not know how this came about and am quite unhappy with it. Sokka had been fraternizing with Subject. I tolerate fraternization from Toph, but Sokka should know better! Firebending with Aang, laughing with Toph, sparring with Sokka and washing dishes with me. Subject is ingratiating himself! He could be more obvious about it if he started to bump up against Aang saying 'Ingratiate! Ingratiate!' I must keep a closer eye on Subject. I missed how sparring practice came about and if I am not careful, Subject will only ingratiate himself further.
Incredible event three: Sokka now eats fireflakes of his own volition. Why, dear brother? Why?
Incredible event four: Aang had mastered all the fireblocks even though he is, bless him, a rather scatter-brained student. Subject insisted Aang learn how to block first so he won't be accidentally burned when they train. Subject was, only last night, lamenting Aang's lack of focus/progress in blocking and is now very pleased with Aang and himself.
Things I learned about Subject:
Subject has a very nice laugh.
Subject has smiled three times today, not including his laugh. Once when Toph returned his fireflakes, once sparring with Sokka and once when Aang perfect the lotus block. Subject does not smile for me. Not that I care.
Subject carries Toph everywhere now. She demands it as recompense for burning her feet, even though they healed long ago.
Subject is very good with Dao swords and is able to help Sokka with his technique even though Sokka uses a single space sword.
Subject appears to find sparring with Sokka a lot less frustrating than training Aang.
Subject's own firebending was really off today. This worries Subject somewhat.
Author's note: Lovely readers; in my imagination fireflakes are a bit like really spicy pringles, only smaller. They can be eaten on their own like chips or crisps, or they can be crumbled up and sprinkled on top of food to give it zest. I always got the feeling that most firenation food would be quite spicy and Zuko has a taste for it. Aang as a nomad and Toph with her affluence, would have a tolerance for firenation spices. Because Katara and Sokka come for the south pole where chilies never grow, this sort of spice would not be part of their diet. Sokka is going to press on eating spicy food (for manliness!) But Katara sees this amount of spice as inedible.
Milk: Katara can water bend some ice to keep it cool, so they have it, even though it is a perishable.
I think both Zuko and Sokka would be the sort of boys, and we all know them, who have a really fast metabolism. They can eat burger after burger and wash it all down with another burger and never get a bit pudgy. Why cruel world?
If you are interested: I listened to a lot of Angus and Julia Stone and Lisa Mitchell while writing this. Both are aussie bands/singers and both are Awesome! So if you have time check them out. Especially LM's Neapolitan dreams. Best song ever to put a smile on your face!