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Out of sorts.
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Subject managed to sneak past Ninja Nurse Hakoda and bring me some hangover curing tea. I hid under the blanket and said I was never coming out because I was dead from embarrassment and I was never leaving the bed again. I swear I could hear the smile in Subject's voice. Subject said I didn't need to be embarrassed, that I was just drunk and it could be worse. I could have vomited on him and then we'd both be dead from embarrassment. I popped my head out from the blanket in surprise.
My Subject wasn't making fun of me.
If he'd been the Fountain King and had licked me, I would have never let him forget it.
Subject gave me the tea. He said it would taste nasty but his Uncle swore by it and it should make me feel better. It tasted nasty. But it did make that foggy feeling in my head clear a little. Subject took the cup and gave an over elaborate bow in my direction and asked if there was anything else her majesty required. I hit him with my pillow. He said that as the Fountain Queen's only subject, it was his duty to serve her majesty. I ask for my pillow back and like an idiot he gave it to me. I hit him with it again. But we were smiling at each other.
I was going to say something that might have been a thank you. But my Subject will never know. Just at that moment we both heard my Dad's feet on the stairs and Subject said he'd better go before Ninja Nurse Hakoda arrived. He took the cup and skedaddled quick-smart but gave me a small wave at the door. I waved back happily. I am still embarrassed about everything but Subject cheered me up. It is possible I am still drunk, if seeing Subject can make me this cheerful. I am feeling dreadful, but a happier dreadful than I was.
-!-
Some time later…
My dad won't stop fussing over me and it is driving me bananas!
-!-
Later still….
No more ginger tea! I am on ginger tea strike!
-!-
Late afternoon…
How could I forget what today was! Here I am -feeling hungover- and it's the sixth anniversary of that day. I've made it to the late afternoon without even once thinking about my wonderful, beautiful mother and I don't know how that happened. I think about her all the time normally, but especially on this day.
I snapped at my Dad about his fussing and he looked so sad for a second and said that he couldn't help but fuss over me, especially on this day. When my dad told me that it was ten days before my birthday, I think my heart stopped. I've just lost track of time travelling with Aang. He asked me if I was feeling up to it. I'm hungover, but I'm not that hungover. My dad just left to get Sokka, who has told Dad that he is also feeling 'much better' after his bout of 'food poisoning'.
The big faker.
-!-
We sat in a circle, holding hands and talking about her. The things she did, the things she said, her smile, her stories, her cheeky laugh, her gentleness and bravey. Gran Gran says one day remembering her will make me smile instead of cry and I will be glad to have known her and I will not feel so angry that she was taken from us. I don't see that day happening anything soon.
This never gets easier. Sokka and I have had a small memory ceremony, every year, on the day, so we don't forget her. I'm glad we could all be together again today. When it is just the three of us and we are holding hands and remembering her, I almost feel like she is with is again.
I miss her so much.
-!-
The next day…
-!-
I have decided to stay abed all day today because I am feeling out of sorts and I am avoiding Subject. I am cross at him again but I'm not sure why. Whatever. I'm sure Subject has done something that will make me cross. Running with knives, playing with spark rocks, being a firebender, that sort of thing.
-!-
Subject bought me breakfast but I pretended I was asleep.
-!-
Subject brought me another tea to help me feel better but I have been exceptionally grumpy and bitchy with him. He tried to talk to me but I shut all conversation down. He has not come back.
It is very hard to avoid someone when they keep coming to see you.
-!-
Dad bought me lunch and a hug.
-!-
Suki bought me dinner and asked if I was feeling okay. She has recovered completely and is very concerned about me. I told her that I was not hungover then, just sad and angry. Suki sighed and then she swore under her breath and told me if I wanted to talk again, she was always willing to listen. Strangely, it made me feel better.
-!-
The next day…
-!-
I am feeling miles better today and am still avoiding Subject. This time for two reasons. One: if I stop following Subject, the stupid assumers who assume things will stop assuming things. Two: I still feel a bit awkward about licking him and being difficult while I was drunk, even though he was nice about it. I also feel a bit awkward about being so horrible to him yesterday, but there is no way, in the entire universe, that I will apologize to Subject. Unless he tricks me with his Subject-ness, which he often does. So it is just better to avoid him.
Subject, Sokka, Suki and Dad have gone off somewhere which makes avoiding him really easy.
Aang is feeling rebellious and thinks he has learned enough serious firebending. All firebending with Subject is serious. He wants to learn the sparkle dragon. Chit Sang was a firebending performer with a circus and he knows lots of showy tricks. He has agreed to teach Aang. They have abandoned the list Subject left them.
Aang is excited about the sparkle dragon. I have a bad feeling about this.
-!-
Later…
-!-
When Chit Sang was showing Aang the sparkle dragon he accidentally burned Aang and himself. He burned himself quite badly at that. Apparently there was too much sparkle. Apparently it has been a while since Chit Sang has done it. Apparently Chit Sang is an even bigger idiot than I previously thought.
I have healed them.
Chit Sang feels very guilty and says that perhaps Subject has a point about waiting till Aang has mastered the basics before they move on to sparkle dragons. Chit Sang said he'd teach Aang something fun and easy. How to make cool shapes with a fire whip.
Chit Sang is not as good a bender as Subject and has nowhere near his level of control. His whips are all over the place. I can see this going badly too.
-!-
Later still….
-!-
Aang burned accidentally.
In multiple places.
Multiple times.
This has not dampened his enthusiasm in any way, for the firewhip in the shape of a trout. He has shown me six times. My enthusiasm for it has been significantly dampened by the fact that I have been healing relentlessly all morning. Enough with the trout! You have to get to burns quickly and I am run off my feet because of that trout. Chit Sang is feeling bad about burning Aang and wants to revert to Subject's list. I am listening to their mild bickering over what to do next.
-!-
Later still….
-!-
Chit Sang has abandoned all attempts to teach Aang the fun and showy firebending tricks. They are now looking for the list Subject wrote for them. He scribbled it out quickly after Dad summoned his presence.
Why does Subject even bother with the lists?
I mean really now!
Every list he has ever left Aang gets lost or ignored.
-!-
After lunch….
-!-
Subject had returned and was a bit beside himself that Aang had accomplished nothing all morning except learning how to bend a firewhip into the shape of a trout. Subject got a bit shouty about how Aang isn't taking this seriously, and firebending is very serious business, so Aang needs to be more serious.
Blah blah serious business blah, I've heard it all before Subject.
-!-
Later again…
-!-
Subject and Aang are back on precision bending. Aang can do 93 targets in a minute. Subject is pleased but still wishes Aang to be more serious. Subject has an overflowing amount of seriousness, so maybe he should just lend Aang some of his own seriousness. Problem solved.
-!-
Later again…
-!-
My Dad came to speak to me. He said that he's been talking with Subject and Sokka and Suki and they all agree that we've been at the Western Air Temple too long and we should move. Subject thinks it is a miracle his crazy homicidal sister hasn't found us yet. Everyone is to pack up what they want to take with them and bring it to the main atrium. We will all sleep in the main atrium tonight and make a quick getaway together tomorrow morning.
I am a bit sad to be leaving. This place was almost starting to feel like home. My dad gave me a hug and said it doesn't matter where we end up -as long as we are together, it will feel like home to him. He is especially glad we'll be able to celebrate my birthday together. It'll be my first with dad in four years so I am quite thrilled.
I wonder what he'll get me.
-!-
Late afternoon…
-!-
I have overheard the most annoying, ridiculous, dreadful conversation between Subject and Sokka.
Yes, I was eavesdropping. Whatever.
Subject was packing up some of our camping gear and Sokka came up behind him. Sokka said that he knew a secret and but couldn't tell Subject what this secret was. Subject was surprised and irritated by this and wanted to know why Sokka had told him that he knew a secret if he couldn't tell him what it was anyway.
Sokka said he couldn't tell him, but it would be okay if Subject guessed the secret. And if Sokka gave him clues that would help him guess, it would be okay because he wouldn't have actually told him. This must make sense in Sokka logic.
A very elaborate game of charades ensued with Sokka doing the most ridiculous gestures and Subject making even more ridiculous guesses. I was hiding so I couldn't see all of Sokka's gestures, but I heard all of Subject's ridiculous guesses. These guesses include:
A saber-tooth mooselion eating a koalasheep?
A platypusbear eating a koalasheep?
You (meaning Sokka) eating a koalasheep?
And this point Sokka got most frustrated and said the secret had nothing whatsoever to do with koalasheep. I moved positions to better see what they were doing. At this point Sokka made a different sort of gesture that was a little rude and Subject started making much ruder guesses.
Boobs?
Nipples?
Suki's boobs?
Sokka wanted to know why Subject would guess Suki's boobs, because if she overheard them talking about her boobs they'd both be killed. In a nasty way. And be lectured about sexism and objectification afterwards. Then killed again. Subject replied that Sokka was the one doing the boob gesture. Sokka said it was the international hand gesture for woman. Subject disagreed and said the international hand gesture for woman was this-and he made a swishy gesture of his own. Sokka said that was the international hand gesture for hourglass and they got into a small argument about the international hand gestures. In the end, Sokka declared Subject terrible at charades and Subject had declared Sokka terrible at gesturing.
They'd narrowed it down to being a secret about a girl which was a great achievement for them. Sokka then put one hand on his hip and started pointing in a rather bossy fashion with the other and Subject guessed me straight away. I am cross at them both for this.
Sokka then mimed hiding and Subject said that he knew I was hiding from him because he hadn't seen me all day. Sokka then started creeping around looking shifty.
I do not stalk like that! I am much more subtle.
Subject, however, asked if this was about me stalking him in a rather bemused but unsurprised fashion.
He knows!
Sokka had the same response as I did and practically shouted "you already know?" at Subject. Subject said that he'd trained for years in the art of stealth (that's why he's so sneaky) and he knew when someone was following him. Most of the time. Apparently sometimes I would surprise him and turn up somewhere and he wouldn't have known I was there. But most of the time he knew.
Sokka asked him why he didn't say/do anything about it and Subject replied that he had gotten used to me always being around. Sokka told Subject he was a weird person and he should have told Sokka he already knew the secret. Then they would not have wasted 45 minutes playing charades. Subject replied that he didn't know it was meant to be a secret. And they resumed packing away the camping gear.
Bollocks!
Damn!
Bloody hell!
I am exceptionally cross with the both of them at this moment. But I am crosser with Subject. He's known the whole time! I knew that he knew I watched the training, but he's known about everything else as well! And he's never said anything! This whole time I thought I was being really sneaky and he's known! That jerk!
-!-
After dinner…
-!-
Me and Subject were doing the dishes again and tossing over ideas about where we could go next. Apparently they've only decided on a rendezvous point. I was a bit grumpy and unhelpful and dismissed all of Subject's ideas as stupid. Subject is very confused about my sudden increase in hostility towards him because we had an almost uneasy friendship before.
All I know is that Subject confuses and irritates me and I have a right to be cross at him because I'm sure he's done something to deserve it. I haven't stalked him for two days and who knows what he's gotten up to in that time? And he knows I've been stalking him for ages and hasn't said anything! And he's a jerk!
Subject seemed to think I was still cross and embarrassed about him witnessing my drunken antics. He said I had no reason to be embarrassed and take it out on him. He hadn't told anybody and had covered for me the next day so no one would know about my adventures as the Fountain Queen. I got a bit irate and said it wasn't about that at all (even though it was a little bit about that. Mostly it was about everything else Subject does that drives me bananas, but there was a hint of embarrassment to my grumpiness).
He got a bit irate back and wanted to know what I was so grumpy about.
What am I grumpy about?
So many things Subject…. Most of them are your fault.
I told him that if he didn't know, I certainly wasn't going to tell him. Then he said that if I didn't tell him how could he make it better. I said that he couldn't make it better. Then he said softly that he thought we were friends. And for a split second I almost wanted to apologize and say we were friends and that I was just out of sorts.
But then I realized that this is what Subject always does. He tricks you into caring about him with his Subjectness! Oh no! I wasn't going to fall for that again. Subject could not make me feel sorry for him a seventh time!
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me six or more times, shame on me.
I told him we were never friends to begin with and we finished washing the dishes in a grumpy silence.
When they were all dry and put away I turned to Subject. I didn't know what I wanted to say. Probably something bitchy. But then I noticed that he had a huge soap sudsy streak just over his scar that he hadn't noticed. I reached up to wipe it away, because if that dried on his face, it would have been so itchy. I was just acting instinctively. He flinched away when I reached for him. He said that he only let his friends touch his scar.
That's a lie.
He never lets anyone touch it. Except for me… that one time in the caves under Ba Sing Se.
I told he had a smudge on his face and he wiped it off himself. We stood staring at each other for a second. Subject said my name and just looked all kinds of sad and disappointed. I thought he was going to say something else. So I huffed and crossed my arms and glared at him. Then he said forget it quite crossly and stormed off. I shouted that I was still mad at him as he stomped away, but he didn't reply.
I am feeling very much out of sorts at the moment.
And I blame Subject.
Things I've learned about Subject:
Subject, the sneaky jerk, has known that I have been stalking him this whole time and hasn't said anything.
Subject is really bad at charades.
Subject flinches when people make sudden movements at his face/scar.
Subject's scar: I have some thoughts. I have healed all and sundry burn injuries today thanks to Chit Sang's lessons and I have a better understanding of firebending burns. I am fairly sure Subject's scar is not like a regular burn. Who ever gave him that scar really meant to hurt him. It would have been done at close range using exceptionally hot firebending. Most likely by someone Subject trusted, or at least someone Subject thought would not hurt him. I know enough of Subject's various skills to know he would have been capable of dodging/blocking something aimed at his face if he was facing someone he considered an enemy.
How did it happen? I can't ask. He's so damn sensitive and touchy about it. Not knowing this sort of thing about Subject is what makes me feel like I can't trust him. He hates to talk about his past. He rarely ever tells me what he is really thinking or feeling and this perturbs me. Maybe if I knew him better I would be able to trust him, but he doesn't let anyone really know him.
And it is frustrating.
I shouldn't even care anyway.
I don't even know why I care so much.
Hopefully wherever we end up tomorrow will be big enough for me to continue to avoid Subject in peace.
I'll stop stalking him and hanging out with him and I won't miss his Subjectness at all.
-!-
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Lovely wonderful readers! You've reached the end of out of sorts! Congratulations!In this chapter I wanted to re-establish Katara's hostility to her Subject for what I feel would be more legitimate reasons than her just hating on him. Thank you for all the feedback and reviews! You guys are the best! You know I love reading all your thoughts -so thanks a billion. Knowing people are enjoying this story helps me write quicker!
There were a few questions which I'll try to answer first.
anonyMOOOSE: (love the name by the way!) I haven't read the curious incident of the dog at nighttime, but if curious incident Author and I have a similar style, I will definitely give it a go!
Anonymous: asked two questions
One about the characters 'voices'. I hear any ocs in an aussie accent or occasionally a british accent but everyone else sounds like their voice actors. Except for Suki who always sounds vaguely irish to me. It's the red hair, to be sure.
And anonymous wanted to know who I ship with Aang and Mai and mentioned the ship wars.
A long rant follows. Feel free to skip it lovelies!
*START RANT!*
I missed all the shipping wars because I am a late arrival to fandom, but it makes me sad that people would hate on Aang or Mai. Haters to the left! Really I have heaps of love for all the characters and I can't imagine hating any of them.
Gloomy hairbuns: I think Mai is all kinds of awesome and I loved her snark. She was the Avatar version of Daria for me. But she and Zuko never struck me as good for each other in the long term. Zuko is the optimistic cheerful one in that relationship.
-!-
Let's all take a minute to think about that!
-!-
Really I think they both would have changed too much in those last few months when Mai was in prison and Zuko was travelling with the Gaang. I think they would have tried again after the war and found that they no longer fit together. They both would have just grown into different people and that happens. I'd like to think that they would have split amicably and remained friends. Mostly what I wanted for Mai was for her to find out what she really wanted for herself. Maybe take the Avatar equivalent of a gap year and travel around and get a bit of perspective.
In the beach she talked about finding life as a member of the fire-nation aristocracy quite oppressive and I'd love to see her break away from that and have some adventures of her own. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but her little beach speech cemented my feeling that Zuko and Mai wouldn't be good together long term. If they got married, then Mai would just be stuck in that firenation artistocratic life and it sounds like she'd hate it.
As to who else I ship her with. I don't know if we got to see her perfect match in the series, but if I had to pick someone, it would be Jet. I did read some absolutely wonderful Mai/Jet fics when I first got into the fandom and I think that became a sort of guilty pleasure pairing for me. Mai and Jet are just delightfully snarky together and they were fun reads. There are a lot of issues to explore: Mai's aloofness and Jet's firenation hatred but in the end they bounce of each other in a great way. Jet lifts Mai out of her gloom and Mai tones down his vigilantism.
And together they fight crime! Or at least they would, if I wrote those fics.
AANG: Aang is such a darling that I cannot imagine anyone hating him. Isn't it like kicking a puppy? Really I have problems with Aang and Katara together, but this in no way reflects on my feelings for Aang as a character. Because he is so much fun and he's so sweet and innocent and has so much just crazy batsh*t stuff to deal with and I think he handles it with aplomb. I think he and Katara are a bad fit for each other for many reasons. I just think that their life after the war would be all about her making concessions and compromises for him and adjusting her life to his. I think after the war he'd want to preserve the memory of his people and remain nomadic and spread good and love and avatar-ness. And I think a much better fit for him would be *drum roll* Tylee! I don't know how other people feel but I think Tylee is just perfect for Aang.
She was in the circus so she would willingly choose a nomadic life for herself! It's important that whoever is with Aang would choose the nomadic life for themselves and not just to make Aang happy. She and Aang are both relentlessly cheerful. Really they have quite similar and compatible personalities. I think away from Azula, Tylee would be much more able to stand her ground if they ever got into an argument, but Aang and Tylee would be arguing about double rainbows or fairyfloss or what to name some kittens.
I think she is an untrained airbender and has an airbender or two in her family tree. She has big grey eyes and she defies gravity on a regular basis. She defies gravity more than Elphaba in wicked. I think Aang would love to be not the last of his kind and train someone else in airbending. Also, sixtuplets runs in Tylee's family and in my experience people who come from ridiculously big families are much more open to having ridiculously big families themselves and Aang wants a ridiculously big family to restart his race.
Naturally YMMV on all of this and you can tell me I'm tripping balls re: pairings. The lovely Em Dixon *waves at Em* tells me the universe will implode if Tylee and Aang get together because our space time continuum cannot possibly contain that much cheerfulness put together. And she has a point! Tylee and Aang together would be a cheerful explosion! And we would all die in rain of glitter and pixiedust. Still I can't help but like it!
*END RANT!*
In this chapter I wanted to establish some of the reasons I think Katara was so cross at Zuko at the start of The Southern Raiders and I think the most important reason is her mother's death. Zuko has a point in the episode, Katara seems to channel all her anger at the firenation into anger at him and I thought right before the southern raiders would be a good time to remind her of her mother's death.
After the memory ceremony, she misses her mother all over again and this feeling gives way to anger and Zuko is the nearest convenient firenationy outlet. Like Jet, Katara does feel intense anger towards the firenation and that is not going to get any easier when those airships attack and separate her family again.
We're getting close to summer now and I think the firenation would have only raided the poles in the summer. It makes sense for me that that raid would have taken place around this time. I think Katara especially would want to honor her mother's memory every year but travelling with Aang has skewed her sense of time. I thought the raid would have to take place near a significant date for the water tribe family to remember and observe. So I've placed Katara's mother's death right before her birthday. Sorry Sugarqueen, but it just works in my head cannon. And I promise I'll make it up to you. Someone is going to get you a really great present this year!
Sokka can't hold the secret in any longer and wants to give Zuko a heads up that his sister is stalking him. Zuko has figured out around the time his fireflakes kept disappearing that Katara was stalking him. At first he didn't know quite what to do about it and then he got used to it and maybe now he kind of likes it that she's always nearby. Katara is mad as all hell and little embarrassed by the fact that he knew she was stalking him and never said anything. So it's a combination of embarrassment, anger and grief that leads her to be so snappish with him.
Zuko's hurt and a bit annoyed by her sudden increase in hostility. In his mind, he's done nothing wrong and she's all kinds of bitchy to him again. That's why he storms away from her in the kitchen because he doesn't know what to do in the face of this increased hostility. He did think they were friends and even though Katara wont admit it, she did too but she's way to proud/angry at this point to apologize. It's all just a big old emotional mess.
The scar: so Katara's been thinking about it a lot. But she's not going to come out and directly ask him. She's not a bitch and she can see how sensitive he is about it. At the same time not knowing the whole story is driving her crazy and it's indicative of all the things she doesn't know/understand about Zuko. Because there's so much she doesn't know/understand about him, her feeling of mistrust is increased.
Hope you enjoyed reading it!
Our next chapter will deal with the airship attack! Oh noes!