Chapter 17

Remember

Christmas came very quickly for both of them. Kenna decided to go back to Oklahoma and see her folks who had sent her a bus ticket. House drove her to the bus station and she told him not to bother waiting for the bus to arrive.

"You should get home while it's still light and finish packing. I'm not sure when I'm coming home so maybe we ought to say our goodbyes, now." Reaching over, she gave him a closed kiss on the lips and said, "I'll never be able to repay you for what you've done for me. Please take care, be safe and if you ever need anything, call me."

He didn't get a word out before she jumped out of the passenger's door and disappeared with her luggage into the crowd at the Baltimore bus station. He watched until he could no longer see the red scarf she had around her neck. He felt empty.

It was over.

House spent Christmas with Doug drinking and watching porn. The two had arranged for House to drive a rental truck up with his stuff while Doug followed in House's car and then Doug would fly back. House had flown up a few days before and rented an apartment, arranged the utilities and filled out the paperwork for the job.

When Kenna got home, he was gone and the house was unnervingly quiet.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

It was the quiet that made me realize he was really gone for good and just how much I used to look forward to coming home to him and our life together. I didn't cry. I came close. I bit my lip until it bled and screamed into my pillow, but I refused to cry.

I found a roommate who was also in med school and her rent helped defray my costs. I occasionally saw Doug for lunch, but it was too painful in too many ways to keep meeting him. I was honest with him the next time he called and I refused his offer for lunch. I think he appreciated my candor.

The year seemed to fly by, but there wasn't a day that I wasn't reminded by something that Greg was gone. I hadn't really intended on dating anyone when I gave Greg my little spiel about no one asking me out, but I didn't want him to feel obligated to try and keep the relationship going. When he thanked me for letting him off the hook, I knew I had done the right thing and let him have the freedom he obviously wanted.

Med school kept me busy until our winter break in December 1992. After finals were over, I turned my attention to Christmas. I was shopping for Christmas presents when I stopped at a little bistro to get a bite to eat before continuing on my marathon hunt for the perfect presents for my family and new friends in med school. I had just ordered at the counter when I turned and spotted Doug by himself in one of the booths. I walked over with a big grin on my face.

"Hey stranger, fancy seeing you here!"

He looked startled and worried. "Hi…uh, how are you doing? I saw you the other day on rounds but you looked so busy I didn't stop you."

"I've been fine. I start my internship in January. Can you believe it? It all seems to have gone so fast. I'm hoping to..."

I saw Doug's face freeze in terror and then I heard a voice behind me, "Hi Kenna." I was actually happy to hear the voice. When I turned I was smiling. There stood Greg with a lovely brunette woman hanging on his sleeve. He leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek.

My heart went from beating hard to clenching into a knot. "Hi Greg, how are you? Are you enjoying Mass General?" I stayed calm as they slipped into the booth.

He nodded yes and said, "It's been great, we're inventing a whole new specialty in diagnostics. I get some great cases and for once they seem to appreciate me. Kenna, this is Natalie. Natalie, Kenna. She used to be my tenant when I lived down here."

I had been demoted to tenant.

"Glad to meet you." She smiled and reached across with her hand.

I took it and shook it a little too hard."You too."

She wasn't paying attention. Instead she was looking around for something."Honey, have you seen that brochure I picked up about the Jazz festival?" She asked Greg.

"No, I haven't," Greg answered and then turned quickly back to me. He seemed uneasy.

I wanted out of there. "Well, it was good to see the two of you and nice to meet you Natalie."

Natalie looked up, "Oh no, you must stay and eat with us."

"Sorry, I've got a time crunch, but thank you. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year."

"Same to you Kenna." Greg's voice was soft and kind and I gave him a smile that I hope he knew meant that I understood.

I took off as fast as I could without looking like I was running. I thought I heard a voice call out my name, but I kept going, too afraid to turn around and look in his eyes. I didn't want to see him alone and find out just how happy he was. It's not that I didn't want him to be happy; I just wished I could have found happiness first so it didn't hurt when he did. It's a selfish desire, but it was how I felt. He had his dream job and a beautiful woman. What did I have? My internship. It would be hard work for a year and then even harder work when I did my residency in neurology.