"Can you get this to me before five?" I jumped, looking up at Edward who stood in the doorway. It was the first time he'd spoken to me in weeks.
I swallowed audibly and nodded, watching him come and set a folder on my desk. Of course he looked amazing, hair perfect, suit perfect... Probably for that cute little blonde he'd been talking to. Edward lingered at the edge of my desk, the tips of his fingers still resting on the file.
"Thanks." He said shortly before turning to leave and freezing in his tracks. I lifted an eyebrow at his back as he went to my coat, pulling out my cigarettes. "What the hell, Bella?" My stomach twisted at his tone and I bit my lip. "You're smoking again?"
I stood from behind my desk, taking the pack from him. I turned it over in my hand a second, debating whether or not I should take my break now, as my eyes darted up to him. Edward rolled his eyes and snatched the back from me before giving me a disgusted sneer.
"Don't look at me like that." I huffed, just wanting my best friend back. Not this cold asshole that just saw me as some money grubbing ex-girlfriend. We had so much more. It was ridiculous that we couldn't at least move past this as friends.
That wouldn't happen though.
"Five." He reminded again. He'd almost made it to the door when he spun on his heel and stalked back towards my desk. He snatched the pack from me and I gasped.
"Don't you dare smoke those cancer sticks, Bella." He said angrily. Only then was I able to tell he wasn't doing as well as he appeared. Upon a better look I could see the dark bags under his eyes, and how in the few weeks we hadn't been talking how his face had thinned slightly. Not enough to be caught by the untrained eye, but I saw it.
"It's too late." I said, fidgeting with the cuff of my jacket.
"They'll kill you." He growled his jaw flexing. I looked into his piercing eyes, silently wondering why he cared.
Probably because you can't blatantly ignore a dead person.
"They just make me relax-" I sighed, not seeing the big deal.
"Maybe if you stop now you won't get addicted again." I hated calling it an addiction. "Stand up." I curled a lip at the order but stood anyway. He stared at me for a second, lifting an eyebrow as he inched towards me. His eyes looked tortured as I felt.
I shifted under his scrutiny and grumbled, "Yeah, I look terrible. I'm aware." He shook his head and cupped my cheek, the action shocking the shit out of me. He met my eyes for a minute before moving even closer and pulling me into a hug. I let out a shaky sigh as I stiffened in his arms.
"I'm coming over tonight. We're going to talk." My eyes widened and I melted into his hug. I relished in his warm embrace, his delicious scent, and how close he held me.
"Why the change of heart?" I asked wrinkling my nose in confusion. He relaxed under my hold and I sighed.
"I figured I should hear your side of the story." He sighed, promptly pulling away from me. His uncaring facade was back on and all traces of the man I loved were gone. I hated it. "Even though I know exactly what I heard." Even his accent was edging its way back into his words.
"Even though you know who it came from." I said taking a step backwards.
"Not here." He said, a warning in his gaze.
"Of course not." I said with a slow nod as I bit my lip. I felt a heavy, sad pressure on my chest as I met his cold eyes.
"Don't try and guilt me into talking here." He said taking a few steps toward me to cover the space I'd made between us. I furrowed my eyebrows and took a seat.
"I'm not trying to guilt you. It could just be your conscience trying to tell you something." I said, giving him a sharp look. He raised his eyebrows and scoffed.
"Well that's a little ridiculous seeing as my conscious should probably know I've done nothing wrong." He said seriously as he rolled his shoulders back, standing a bit taller.
"Okay, Edward." I sighed. I wanted him to speak to me again, I really did. What I didn't want was this arrogant asshole version of him.
"Okay, but remember. Five." He held up five fingers and I wrinkled my nose, having no clue as to what he was talking about. Until he pointed to the stack he'd placed in front of me.
"I understand." I sighed.
"I'll bring dinner and The Notebook." He said as if men said those things every day. That was another thing I loved about him though. He really didn't give a damn about what people thought. He started to turn to the door and shook his head, spinning to come back to me. My heart leapt as he headed for me, a determined look in his eye.
"I almost stole your pen." He said, the determination in his eyes fading. He handed me a pen that wasn't mine. I frowned at it as he escaped out of the room.
"I have a meeting in five, just so you know." He called over his shoulder. I nodded and twirled the pen between my fingers.
Tonight.
~-)-(-~
"So until he decides he's going to show up, you just wait around? You got the shitty end of the stick." Alice said over the phone.
"At least he told me beforehand so that he doesn't catch me just sitting around and chain-smoking." I joked, resting my hands on my hips.
"You chain-smoke? Jeeze, Bella…"
"I was just kidding." I rolled my eyes and bent down to pick up a stray gum wrapper on the ground. I meant to clean it, but after a while I realized there wasn't shit to clean. I'd been sad, not a slob. There weren't even clothes for me to wash, so I settled for trying to find something to alleviate the smell of smoke.
"You shouldn't let him dictate when everything happens. That doesn't sound like a relationship; it sounds like he's walking over you." I rolled my eyes.
"He's upset with me. This is him coming around on his own terms. It's not like that." I said peeking out the window to see his car pull up. "He's coming."
"Don't let him walk over you, Bella. Stand your ground. Make him work for it."
"Work for what?"
"You're forgiveness."
"Alice," Maybe it was just me, but I didn't understand what he did to have to beg. Besides maybe the blonde chick.
Definitely the blonde chick.
"He's been an ass. I'm telling you, you need to make sure he listens."
"That's what he's coming to do."
"Or is he coming to get his dick wet? It's been like three weeks. It's probably a record for him… If he's stayed faithful, I mean." She said it as if it was no big deal, as if we were talking about the weather.
"Alice! Please."
"I just saying. Think of what you need, Bella. That might not be Edward." Her voice softened. A knock sounded at my door and I panicked.
"I've gotta go, he's here…"
"Calm down, Bella. Deep breaths." Alice reminded over the phone as I hightailed it to the door. I stood in the hall for a second and waited for him to do something, make a scene. I sighed when nothing happened except for another knock. I peeked through the eyehole to see him staring right back.
"Damn it, Alice. Now you've got me going…" I whispered as my heart thundered in my chest.
"Uh, Bella? Can you open the door? I can hear you." He called through the wood. Alice giggled on the phone and I hung up, tossing it on the couch. I flipped my hair away from my face and pulled open the door.
"Here." He handed me the movie case and walked past me, as if he hadn't ignored me for the past few weeks. "I brought ice cream and dinner as promised." He said holding up a bag before heading into the kitchen.
"Uh, okay, thanks…" I said awkwardly as I pushed the door closed and locked it. I headed to the dvd player and shoved the movie in before going into my kitchen. "Are we going to talk?" I asked quietly as I watched him put the ice cream up. He's bought three tubs of it, so I guessed it was going to be a long night.
"We can talk…" He put the last of the ice cream in the freezer before stalking towards me. "Or…" I gulped as he put his hand on my hip and kissed my temple.
"Let's talk." I whispered, tilting my head up so that I could meet his eyes. He caught me off guard with a kiss to the lips and I felt my heart drop. I huffed against his mouth and when I went to pull away he pulled my back to him, kissing me again. I bit his lip in response to his action and felt him smile against my mouth. My body involuntarily reacted to his ministrations, my thighs clenched as he pressed his hips into me.
"I'd rather we get to the other thing first." He said, unbuttoning his shirt quickly, and ripping it off. He grabbed my hips a little tighter and lifted me onto the counter in front of him. "I love you." He whispered, pulling back long enough to pull my shirt over my head without meeting my eyes.
Our lips met again, feverishly and I started to tear up at his words. Alice's words ran through my head on repeat and I broke contact.
"Don't lie to me, Edward…" I whimpered, feeling his nose trail down the column of my neck. "I get it… You need breakup sex or whatever." His cold demeanor faded away as he looked up into my glassy eyes and I gulped.
"Please don't use me though. Don't play on my feelings." I whispered as my chest felt like it was being smashed inward. My shaky fingers trailed down his cheek and a tear traced the same track down my cheek as my fingers did on his. "That would ruin me." The tears that threatened to spill over were clear in my voice as it shook.
"Ruin you?" He scoffed and backed away from me, pursing his kiss swollen lips. "Well wouldn't you think you deserved it? After what you did?" His eyes widened and anger shone in them, even though he managed to keep his voice even.
"I didn't do anything! My mom said some shit and you believed her, like you were waiting for an out." I whispered, reaching over on the counter to pick up my shirt, not putting it on, but simply fingering the material.
"I don't think your mom would just make something like that up." He said with a shake of his head.
"That's why we've been stuck in the same spot for weeks." I said softly, running my hand through my hair. "I don't give a damn about the money. I make good money with you and I'm doing fine." He rolled his eyes and I headed to my cabinet, pulling out an envelope. "I'm doing okay." I passed him the envelope and he lifted an eyebrow before opening it and frowning.
"I told you I didn't want this when I first paid your rent." I rolled my eyes and pulled my shirt over my head.
"I don't care if you want it or not. This is me giving it to you. And you're going to take it." I said holding up my hands as he tried to hand it back. "Anyway, if I wasn't doing alright I'm sure I could get my parents to let me have my trust find back." He crossed his ankles and leaned back against the counter, his expression unreadable. We both knew the chances of me going to my parents for anything was slim to none.
"No you wouldn't." His eyes narrowed and I threw up my hands.
"You caught me." I said firmly, becoming more and more irate with every word. "You're right. I wouldn't. You know what I would do?" I asked poking his chest. "You know what I should do?"
"What's that?" He asked lifting an eyebrow.
"I should quit this job, that's keeping me in a town, where I can't find any other work. I should just leave Forks altogether." I thought aloud. "I mean, what is here that is really worth that much to me?" I asked, with a shrug. His eye twitched and I heard his keys moving in his pocket, where his hand was.
I was upsetting him.
"That's what I thought."
"You don't mean that."
"Oh, but I do. I've got parents who couldn't give less of a shit about me- Actually, I know that for a fact, they only want to hurt me. I have this small ass apartment, that's broken to shit and then there's you." I straightened my shoulders as I looked into his weary eyes. "And at this point, you are no one to me, Edward."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I didn't stutter, it means just what I said." I said with a heavy sigh. My heart thudded in my chest as I spoke lies. "You can't possibly be my friend, or anything else for that matter, because you have no faith in me. And no respect either."
"When have I ever dis-"
"When you came here today with no intent to speak to me as you promised. When you showed up at my doorstep, only with plans to get into my pants." I fumed, moving farther away from him. His eyebrows furrowed and I shook my head.
"We're talking now."
"Because I didn't drop my pants at the sight of you. Edward… stop. I know you. You can't fool me. Because you know that if left to your own devices you would have fucked me and disappeared already."
"So you're just going to leave everything we have- and do what?"
"Move on." I said firmly, my jaw tightening as I met his eyes.
"Come on, Bella, don't-" He stepped toward me, pulling his hand out of his pocket and extending it toward me.
"Don't do what; jump to the extreme? Walk away?" I gasped. "Am I not allowed the same reaction as you? You can run away, ignore me, go prancing around with some blonde and then come to things on your own terms? This is un-fucking-fair." I burst out, every feeling, all of the hurt and anger from the past few weeks bubbling to the surface. "But no. I'm supposed to sit around and wait for you. Be a pitiful, vulnerable little mess, because of you? Well congratulations. You won."
"Bella-"
"For three, almost four weeks now, I've waited for you to come to some understanding. And apparently you still haven't. You just wanted to get your dick wet." I scoffed. "Now, I'm done. I'm going to go and do something for myself."
"So you waited for me to come find you so that you could in turn ignore me? That seems a little melodramatic. Immature if you will." He shook his head, leaning a hip against the counter. "What the fuck, Bella? I'm not allowed to be upset now? Let's not forget- act like you were the victim in all of this. I was hurting just as much as you. So no, it wasn't easy for me to come here, but I did. I made an effort."
"And I didn't?! I tried to talk to you, I even gave you a week! But instead of talking to me you figured that your little date was more important than eighteen years of friendship, more important than your girlfriend, the person you claim to love. Do you want me to apologize for ruining your lunch, or for my mother, completely setting me up for failure?"
"It took me time to come to the terms that you could possibly be just like all of the other girls." My lip quivered with anger as he glared at me.
"Three weeks and that's the conclusion you came to? Are you fucking serious?!" I slammed my hand down on the counter and he turned his eyes to the ceiling. "Who do you think I am?! I can't believe you."
"Bella, you know just as well what I heard."
"And you wouldn't hear me out! You know, damn well I would not put myself, you or our relationship on the line for a couple of dollars!"
"Well, I'd say it's more than a couple of dollars. When you look at it, you had no romantic interest in me until you found yourself in a financial pickle." He said, his voice a deadly calm. "If it were some other chick in this situation you'd assume she was after my money."
"I'm not just 'some other chick'! I'm your best friend. The person you've known for eighteen years!" He shrugged and I grinded my teeth. "Why don't you take a step back and try to look at this from another point of view? What would you have done if it were Mike Newton calling me a gold digger?"
"Bella, I'm not calling you a gold digger."
"Oh, you are. Don't try and sugar coat things. And if someone else was calling me a gold digger, hurting me as much as you are, you would what?"
"I don't know-"
"I do. You'd be pissed. As in going after that guy and beating the shit out of him pissed. But now that it's you, you just assume I really am another one of your money hungry whores. See what I mean? It's ridiculous. But you're right. If it was someone you had just met that was after your money, I wouldn't hesitate to tell you to get rid of her."
He furrowed his eyebrows, but not angrily. He looked like he was honestly thinking about what I'd said. I was glad too, because I was running out of steam, if I was forced to continue I was sure there'd be tears. "Look if it's time you need-"
"I've had time." He sighed, tugging a hand through his hair. He gestured to the kitchen table with his other hand and I sat down across from him. "I want this to be over. That's why I'm here." His tone was soft now and he leaned in toward me, across the table. "I didn't want to hurt you, or disrespect you… I don't know what I wanted to do, but it wasn't those things. I don't want to be no one to you, and I don't want you to leave."
"We can't all have what we want." I said, biting my bottom lip.
"I know."
"So what is it that you do want, Edward? Because I'm still at a loss." I said with a shake of my head.
"I want you." My heart went double time as he locked eyes with me. He picked up one of my hands and held it in both of his. "I want you to try and find a way to forgive me." I coughed at his words.
It can't be that simple.
"I'm not going to have sex with you." I sputtered, shocked by his sensibility.
"I'm not looking for sex-" I gave him a pointed look and he sighed. "Anymore. It's been too long and I need you back." I know I'd done a bit of bluffing at the beginning of the conversation but I hadn't broken up with him.
"Back?" I whispered, furrowing my eyebrows.
"Bella, I realize that I fucked up." He misread my confusion.
"Put me through hell." I pulled my hand from his and went to my fridge, turning my back on him. He sighed and turned in his chair.
"If you want to think it over more, I'll understand… But don't leave." His words caught on the last word and my heart begged me to go to him. As much as he'd hurt and worried me, I still didn't want him to hurt. I turned and leaned against the refrigerator, looking back at him. He stood and picked up the coat I hadn't seen him drape over the back of the chair. I picked up the envelope he'd set on the counter and held it out to him.
He sighed and held the other end of the envelope. He held my gaze for a moment before I broke it and let go of the money. "Come here." He whispered, taking my hand once more and pulling me toward him gently. His finger slipped under my chin and he rested his forehead on mine.
"Bella, you know I love you more than anything. Despite all of this shit." His minty breath washed across my face and my eyes slid shut.
"I know. I love you too." I sighed, in a way that obviously made him unsatisfied.
"I'll see you tomorrow." He moved his forehead from mine, before pressing a lingering kiss there.
"Bye." I said softly, watching him pull on his coat as he headed to the door. I quickly pulled my cellphone from my pocket and dialed Alice.
"You did it!" She answered on the first ring.
"What? How-"
"Well, if you'd slept with him you'd probably be puffing on a cigarette. Not calling me." She giggled. "What'd you say to him?" I went to the window and saw him exit the building, flipping his keys around his finger. He turned to look back up at my window and I held up a hand, waving my fingers at him.
He smiled a little and waved back at me. On its own accord my hand stopped waving and beckoned him towards me. Then I was moving toward the porch.
"Damn it." I whispered.
"Wha- Bella! No!" Alice called as I slid the balcony door open.
I stepped out on the balcony and gripped the railing. "Come back, Edward." I could see his eyebrow lift as he looked up at me.
"Girl…" Alice sighed, I hung up the phone.
"What?" Edward called, cupping his ear.
"Get back up here." His eyes lit up and I shook my head. "I'm still not sleeping with you." His smile grew impossibly wider and he started toward the building.
"I'll take what I can get." He said, his voice filled with relief as he turned and jogged back to the building.
-((-))-
So... is this the part where I run and hide?