Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Harry Potter.
Steps
James paced fretfully in front of the worn settee in his parents home. He checked his watch, ten more minutes... He resumed his pacing. Ten more minutes and he would be picking up Lily from her sister's, ten more minutes and his whole life was going to take a step forward, ten more minutes and he would officially be 'grown up'. Old even, at least, that was what Sirius often said.
James wiped a hand up his forehead, pushing it through his once neat hair. "Damn!" he exclaimed, both hands immediately flying up to flatten his hair again. He checked it in the mirror on the mantel, the back was still sticking up. "Damn, damn, damn! Can't I get anything right anymore?" James tugged at his hair angrily. Somebody snickered behind him, and he whirled around, arms snapping back to his sides.
It was Sirius, his supposed best mate, laughing at him from his seat on the settee. James blushed, chagrined, "Shut up, Padfoot. Just. Shut. Up." Sirius stood from the couch, a broad grin spread across his handsome face.
"Relax, Prongsie, old boy," he said, taking James by the shoulders and forcing him to sit in his recently vacated seat. "Lily isn't going to say no, she's arse over ears in love with you." Sirius rounded the settee, and stood behind his mate, using his fingers to prod at the tension knots in the back of James' neck.
"Yeah, well-"
"Merlin's sodding pants, James! You're strutting around clucking over your hair, and huffing like the Hogwarts Express. It's pathetic, mate."
Sirius grinned, dodging the hand the flew back to smack him. James let out an explosive sigh, seemingly shrinking into the cushions beneath him. "I just feel like I'm going to wake up, and all this is going to turn out to be some dream sent to torture me," he said, head lolling backwards so that he could stare up at Sirius, who was regarding him with a most condescending look.
"What?"
Sirius sighed, rolling his eyes towards the heavens as if to say, 'Merlin help me', and hopping over the back of the settee, he sat beside his friend, throwing an arm over his slumped shoulders.
"You, my friend, are the single most oblivious person in this whole damned world," he began, and ignoring James' affronted look, he ploughed on.
"You've been set on your 'Lovely Lily' since third year, and everybody in the bleeding school knew it. Now why don't you wipe that wounded Hippogriff look off your face, it really doesn't become you, and go ask Evans to marry you. Like you promised all of us you would at the end of sixth year!"
"Well I like that!" said James indignantly, "Should have asked Remus to come, you're no help at all." Sirius chuckled, patting James on the shoulder, and conveniently missing his friend's disgruntled expression, he checked shiny new watch on James' wrist, a coming of age present from Mrs. and Mr. Potter. "Five more minutes, mate." Sirius stood from the settee, extending an arm to James, "Well, come on then," he prompted when James hesitated.
James took hold of Sirius hand, allowing himself to be hauled to his feet. He took one more glance in the mirror on the mantel before giving it up as a lost cause, and made his way to the door, steadfastly ignoring Sirius' snort of laughter.
Stopping just short of the gates enclosing the Potter House, James pat his pockets. Wand, check. Money, check. Ring... "Sirius!" he exclaimed, now shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers and blazer jacket. "Sirius, the ring! It's not in my-"
"James, James! Relax, I've got it here, you left it on the table." Sirius waved the velvet box before his eyes, and James sudden panic drained immediately.
He sighed in relief, "Thanks, mate."
"No problem," answered Sirius, a cherry smile slipping onto his face, James turned to leave, but Sirius stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Padfoot, I'll be late, and the reservations are for 7:20 sharp-"
But the rest of James' sentence was cut off, for Sirius had yanked him forward and gripped him in a very manly, back-pounding sort of hug that lasted all of three seconds. "Have fun, mate, and try not to act like too much of a ponce," he said clapping James on the back and pushing him through the iron gate, "And Prongs..." James turned back, eying the merry twinkle in Sirius grey eyes warily. "Seventh year was no dream, but it was torture, take it from me, every bloody snog fest..."
A bark like laugh echoed in James' ears as he apparated away.
Less than a moment later, James twirled into existence, his feet slamming onto the asphalt behind Lily's sister's house. James glanced around, it was dark out, and everybody seemed to have gone inside and shut their doors. Which, now that he thought about it, was probably why Lily had told him to come after seven.
Ignoring the butterflies whirling about in his stomach, James made his way around the house the back of the house, his feet leaving prints in the neatly cut lawn of Number 4 Privet Drive in Little Whinging, London. Standing directly on the top step, his arm raised, and his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed nervously, he knocked on the door. Five times. Lily had said to knock five times. He wasn't sure why.
Voices could be heard from behind the door, and James, trying not to look like he was eavesdropping, listened.
"-someone at the door."
"Oh, where is my handbag!"
"Hurry up! I don't want the neighbors to see."
James' eyebrows climbed up his forehead, don't want the neighbors to see what? James leaned closer, but the voices from the interior of the house could no longer be heard. Then.
"See what?"
That was Lily, James was sure of it. He had heard that tone of voice far too often, quiet anger, everyone knew they should be scared when Lily got quiet. It was usually just before she tore James a new one, and by the sound of it, it didn't seem like Lily's sister Petunia would get off without receiving one as well.
"What do you think! Everyone in the neighborhood will know that my sister is strutting about with a man in the middle of the night. And dressed like a tart to boot!" The waspish tones made James stomach curdle, the butterflies replaced with anger and indignation on Lily's behalf.
"The middle of the night! Well I never! It's barely ten past seven and you know it! We're going out to dinner, Petunia! And I'll thank you kindly not to call me dirty names!"
James could almost see Lily's face turning red, her hands curling into fists at her sides. She was only just getting started, and if Petunia continued on that vein...
"And what of it? No decent person goes out to dinner in the middle of the week! You and your kind probably do everything abnormal, and I'll tell you right now, Vernon and I will not have it! Not under our roof! You're just lucky Vernon had to run out to the store, otherwise I'm sure he would set you straight! Living in our home and doing as you please! You should be grateful! If mum hadn't-"
But whatever Petunia had been about to say was cut off, and a loud smacking noise filtered through the door. James eyes widened behind his glasses, his eyebrows abandoning their post in the middle of his forehead, and disappearing beneath his fringe. From the sound of it, Lily had just slapped her sister's face, and none too gently either! "To hell with manners," muttered James, before rapping on the door five more times.
Suddenly, the door was being yanked open, and Lily came stumbling out, causing James to step back in order not to fall. James caught Lily around the waist, the material of her dress crinkling beneath his fingers, and her glorious red hair sliding across her back and onto his shoulder.
She straightened herself, avoiding his eyes, James moved from the steps onto the pavement, giving her a little space. Lily straightened her dress, a dress that James found very UN-tart like. It was a nice dress, a very Lily-ish dress. The neck was square, starting just below her collar bone, and sleeves that stopped at her elbows. Looking at Lily now, James could only conclude that her sister had been nothing short of jealous.
Lily was beautiful, even more so then usual. The dress was plain black, flaring about her knees, with a glossy mutually colored belt strapped around her middle. Half of Lily's hair was up, gathered together in the back, in some elegant bun no doubt. The lower half was down, spread about her shoulders, and cascading down her back. She hadn't cut it, and James thanked Merlin that she hadn't followed through with the threat she had made on the train ride home.
"If you catch your fingers in my hair one more time, James Potter, I swear I'll chop all my hair off." She had said, her beautiful finger waggling in his face.
He'd kept running his fingers through her hair, which reached halfway down her back in thick, wavy, auburn, spiraling curls. James could never get enough of it. If he had no other choice but to live with his nose buried in her hair, he'd have been content. He was sure of it.
The tiny pearl earrings she wore shone in the light from the street lamp. James remembered giving her those pearls. He'd given them to her in January, earlier in the year, for her birthday. She had gushed over them for hours and kissed him repeatedly. It was easily one of the happiest days of his life.
At last Lily stopped fidgeting with her clothes, she lifted her head and looked down on him from the top of the steps. Immediately, he realised she had been trying to hide her tears. Tears that were still running down her beautiful face. "Lily-" he started, but the girl in question cut him off by launching herself at him and sobbing pitifully into his shoulder.
Suppressing a disheartened sigh, James wrapped his arms around her, and -after a quick glance around- apparated back to his parent's house.
James sighed, stroking Lily's hair, and whispering nonsense words into her ear. They stood in before the front gates, James waiting for Sirius or Mimsy to let them in, and Lily crying, though much more restrained, onto the shoulder of his formerly starched and pressed, black dinner jacket.
He could see the light from Sirius' wand from a distance now, so he supposed his Mum had given Mimsy the night off. James listened as Lily's sobs reduced to tiny sniffles and occasional hiccups. It seemed like she was stopping, but she kept her face buried in his shoulder, no doubt embarrassed about her display.
James squeezed her tightly and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He breathed in curiously, Merlin she even smelled gorgeous. Strawberries and Vanilla. Two of James' favorite flavors.
Lily pulled away a bit, just enough to peer at him through puffy, red, and in James' opinion, beautiful eyes. He smiled kindly, and she tried to return the gesture, but it came out as more of a grimace.
Anger broiled in James' stomach, what he wouldn't do to give Lily's awful sister a piece of his mind. Petunia had now ruined their date, just like she had ruined the dinner at Lily's Mum's by bringing her brute of a (then) fiance` along.
Lily sniffed again, bringing James back to the present, he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to her.
"Thanks," she muttered, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. "It's fine." Sirius was almost to the gate, but James couldn't see his face yet. He hoped to Merlin that Sirius wouldn't say anything stupid.
"All right?" he asked Lily, rubbing her back comfortingly. She dropped her forehead on his shoulder, "Yes, no, I don't know. I feel so... and I ruined our date, and you've been planing it since the end of the school year, and, and it's just so stupid! Petunia and I always fight, but I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have-"
"Shh, it's fine, we'll just go another night, and from-" He had meant to say 'and from what I could hear it sounded like she deserved a good smacking', but Sirius had interrupted him, and, James supposed, it was just as well.
"Prongs? Lily? What the devil are you doing out here? Aren't you supposed to be at that posh restaurant eating snails and other ponce-worthy, French delicacies?" Sirius chuckled to himself and tapped the gate with his wand. If James hadn't been holding Lily at his side he'd have hexed him. "It was Italian, you twit, now open the damn gate!" Lily let out a watery giggle from where she stood, face half hidden in James shoulder.
"We never got to the restaurant," said Lily quietly, as Sirius opened the gate wide enough for them to slip through before closing it again, and tapping it with his wand. "Oh?" he inquired, strolling along beside James as they walked back to the house. "We'll tell you what happened when we get inside." said James, rubbing his hand up and down Lily's arm when she shivered. He squeezed her shoulders and returned her small smile.
"All right then," said Sirius, obviously catching on. "Your mum's sleeping already, Prongs, and Moony just dropped by." Sirius looked at him significantly, and James caught what he wasn't saying. Remus came by to stay the night and see how things went on the date... Peter was supposed to be coming too. They were going to enjoy one last night as just the Marauders because, according to Sirius, once James got married it couldn't be just the four of them all the time. He had stated that once James got married freedom and good times would be hard to come by, and not to mention all the loving husband duties James would have to perform.
James pulled his wand when they reached the door, and tapped the knob twice. It glowed red and there was an audible clicking noise before it swung open, revealing a carpeted entry way with glowing lamps on either wall.
"Remus is in the kitchen," said Sirius, leading the way, the tip of his wand still alight.
"James?" Lily whispered, her arms still wrapped around his waist, and one of his around her shoulder.
"Yes?" he asked, glancing down at the top of her head. She looked up at him, green eyes sparkling in the semidarkness, and he couldn't help but drop a kiss on her hairline, grinning when she blushed.
"Is it all right if I stop by the loo? To wash up... I'm sure I look a mess."
"You look beautiful, as always." James chuckled when she slapped his stomach and rolled her eyes, "Go on then, you know where it is." he said, watching as she opened her purse to retrieve her wand.
"Lumos!" she whispered, her hair now shining from the blue light emitting from her wand tip. "Down the hall and to your right," James reminded her, "I'll be in the kitchen."
Lily nodded and went on her way, leaving James to stare longingly after her, wondering when he'd be able to get up the nerve try asking her again. He'd been screwing up his courage for a month now, not including the month it took to find the bloody ring in the first place.
James sighed and headed toward the kitchen, ready to endure good natured jibes and cracks at his so called Gryffindor bravery.
"All right, James?" asked Remus when he slumped in a chair at the table across from his mates, leaving the chair beside him open for Lily. James groaned in answer, and dropped his head on the table tiredly.
"I take it things didn't go as planned?"
"No they bloody well did not go as planned!" Lifting his head to glare balefully at Remus, (why did his friend need to sound so damned calm?) "The whole night was a disaster before it even started! I apparated us right back here the moment she came out of her bloody sister's house." James ran both hands through his hair, trying to keep his voice down. Frustration and anxiety ate at his insides.
Sirius stretched across the table to pat his arm, "You gonna tell what happened? Lily looked like she'd been crying."
James sighed, feeling very much like the world was against him, how hard was it to ask your girlfriend to marry you? "She had been crying..." he sighed again, "She and her sister were fighting when I got there. You remember her sister, Padfoot?" Sirius had met Petunia once before, when Lily's mum had invited them all to dinner, Remus hadn't been able to come because it had been the day after full moon and he was still recovering. Peter hadn't because his mother was ill.
"Blonde, pinched face, and a problem with anything and everything magical?" James nodded, a small grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah, I remember. Let me guess, she was in the middle of what Lily calls her usual tirades?"
"Smart fellow, got it in one." James allowed himself to grin properly, the helpless feeling ebbing away as Sirius joked.
"What did she-?" began Sirius, but stopped when the kitchen door swung open, admitting Lily, her face clean and no trace of tears except the reddish tinge of her nose and eyes. All three of them stood, Sirius and Remus rounding the table to greet her.
"Lily! Well, don't you look lovely! Didn't get to say earlier."
James watched as both Sirius and Remus stooped to give a red-faced Lily a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Sirius, Remus, it's good to see you too!" said Lily, a cheery smile on her face, "How are you?" She asked, taking a seat in the chair James had pulled out for her.
"We're good, Remus and I might let a flat soon," answered Sirius, who remained standing by the door next to Remus. They were going to make an exit, and James made a mental note to thank them later.
"Oh, that's marvelous! Good for you then," said Lily, turning more fully in her chair to grin at them.
"Yes well, that's only if Mrs. Potter deems us old enough to leave the nest." All three Marauders laughed, and James, seeing Lily's confused expression, explained that his mother wasn't ready quite ready to see 'her boys' go.
"Sirius didn't you say something about your motorbike earlier?" said Remus suddenly, giving Sirius a pointed look. Thankfully, Sirius caught the hint. "Ah, yes, the charm has gone a bit wonky as of late, and we all know how good you are at charms, Moony." Sirius turned to Lily, "It's good to see you, Lily, don't be a stranger now," he said, kissing her cheek once more. Lily laughed, a beautiful tinkling laugh that made James' stomach flip. He watched her lips move as she bid his friends farewell, he wanted nothing more than to snog her until they were both breathless, surface for air, and then snog her again.
"James. James?"
James snapped his eyes away from her mouth, suddenly realising that they were alone, his face burned, and he dropped his eyes to the table before him.
"I really am sorry about the date, James, my sister, she's just- we're not..." Lily let out and explosive sigh, sitting back in her chair, her shoulders slumped in defeat. James' heart ached, Petunia and her walrus wouldn't be hearing the last of him any time soon. Struck by a sudden impulse, James used both hands to tug on the rung between the legs of Lily's chair, and pulled her across the floor and bring her closer to him.
"Don't feel sorry. I don't feel sorry, and neither should you. We could always go another time, and besides, we can still have a date, we'll just have it here." Said James, putting a hand on either shoulder and turning her to face him, her knees between his. She dropped her head, and James noticed she was rubbing her left thumb over her right hand, which appeared to be a bit red. "My hand is still stinging." She admitted quietly. James removed his hands from her shoulders, covering her fidgeting ones with his.
"Listen, Lily, your sister isn't easy to get along with, I know, but sooner or later you knew you were going to crack. It doesn't make you any less of a good person. I know she insulted you daily, and I know you never did a damn thing to her. But that jab about your mother wanting the two of you to get along... anyone would have gotten upset, and rightfully so. I'm not saying that it was a good thing you slapped her, but anyone would have reacted badly. Not just you."
Lily lifted her face, her bottom lip between her teeth, she glanced at him apprehensively, "You don't think I'm an awful person, do you?"
James chuckled lightly, lifting her right hand and kissing the palm, "Never."
Lily sniffled one last time, her eyes suspiciously bright.
"All right then. I believe you asked me out on a dinner date?"
James laughed out right, "I believe I did," he replied, standing up. He kissed the back of her hand, "My dear, how kind of you to accept." he said with a sweeping bow, he kissed the tips of her fingers, and her palm once more. Lily giggled, tugging her hand away.
"I'm afraid the menu is limited to pasta and tomato sauce, I'm afraid kitchen work is not my strongest suite." James donned an apologetic expression, a playful glint in his hazel eyes.
Lily stood and curtsied, one heel clad foot tucking behind the other neatly. "Lucky for you, kind sir, I am." And with that James led her to the stove and the cupboards. Where they cobbled together a somewhat romantic dinner of pesto pasta with garlic bread and meat sauce.
Sometime later they both sat slumped in their chairs, the remains of their dinner on the table before them, and the candle in the middle of the table flickering as it went out, the wax dripping onto the lace table cloth.
James was the first to move, and he groaned loudly as he did so, "I am so full! I didn't know you where such a good cook, hell, you might be better than Mimsy!"
James pulled Lily from her seat, the tiny moaning noise she made as he did so made his skin tingle pleasantly. He wouldn't mind hearing that noise every night, every morning... every day.
"Don't exaggerate, James," she scolded halfheartedly, but allowed him to tuck her under his arm and lead them both to an arm chair in the sitting room all the same. Lily yawned, "I'm so tired!" she said slumping against him in the comfy seat, her legs over one arm of the chair, and the part of her back that didn't have James arm slung across it, pressing lighter against the other.
"Me as well, and I wasn't exaggerating Lily, I could eat like that every night."
He could tell by the way she snuggled into his shoulder that she was blushing. Sitting there, so close together, most of her body within his arms, James couldn't help but think about how it would feel to do things like that all the time... and if he had his way, for the rest of his life.
James opened his mouth, but the words stuck in his throat. He couldn't do it. What if she said no? What if it pushed her away? The velvet box felt heavy in his pocket. Sirius would probably box him 'round the ears. Remus would probably pat his shoulder comfortingly. And Peter... Peter would probably just shrug.
This was the biggest step he would ever take, and he was to much of a coward to take it. James breathed deeply, steeling himself to do what he had longed to since the end of the school year. Before the then, if he really thought about it, long before then. He wanted this, he wanted Lily. He wanted her to be more than just his girlfriend, that wasn't enough anymore, and really, it never had been. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. To love and to cherish her... to marry her. James tried not to swallow his tongue.
"Lily..." He whispered in the dark, his heart, pounding away in his chest. "Hmm?" She rolled her head upwards, her eyes staring at the underside of his jaw, she didn't remove the side of her face from his shoulder. And James was glad, he was sure he'd lose his nerve if they mad eye contact.
"Lily, I've been, well, I've been thinking lately... I know this is kind of sudden, I mean, we're just barely seventeen, but... Well, listen," James stumbled over his words, trying to figure out how to pose the question. Lily shoulder were shaking against his chest, she was laughing, James realised, at him.
"Hey now, stop that! I'm trying to explain myself." he said indignantly, the using his hand to tap against her thigh.
Lily tampered down her giggles, "By all means."
"As I was trying to say... I wanted to tell you, why, I invited you to this special dinner tonight, and why I spent a month planning it, well, more than a month."
Lily was sitting up now, alert as ever, beautiful green eyes trying to catch his, but James kept his gaze glued to her chin.
"Go on," she urged.
"I wanted to- to..." The words caught in his throat, and James felt like his face was alight, Lily could probably feel the waves of embarrassment emanating from him. He wanted nothing more then to sink into the very chair he sat upon.
"I just... Oh hell." James pushed her a bit, digging into his pocket for his wand, "Incendio!" He whispered pointing it at the fireplace, the room brightened considerably. Now for the leap.
James laid his wand on Lily's lap, reaching into his pocket once more, he withdrew the small black box, his hand shaking so badly, he was sure he'd drop it. His heart thumped loudly, and he was almost certain it could be heard in the still room.
He heard her sharp intake of breath, and he prayed to Merlin above that it didn't bode unwell for him.
"I planned the perfect night," he began, determinedly, he kept his voice even. "I was going to take you to dinner at some posh restaurant, and then we were going to go walking after, and when we reached the light post, the one that was a ways a bit from the restaurant, I was going to get down on one knee and profess my love to you." Lily sat frozen on his lap, sweat beaded on James' hairline.
James opened the box, "And ask you to marry me." He whispered, finally turning his face to hers. Only, Lily's eyes were glued to ring nestled within the box, and James' hands were beginning to sweat.
What if she didn't like the ring he had chosen?
He nearly groaned aloud.
The ring wasn't anything over the top, Lily liked plain and simple, 'Things are always more beautiful when they're plain,' she had often said. 'It allows you to see the object for itself, and not just the shiny things covering it.' She admired simple beauty. James had picked, with both Remus and Sirius' help, a silver ring with a small emerald in the middle and even smaller pearls on each side.
James had thought the ring suited her, the milky pearls to match her beautiful, silky skin, and the emerald for her eyes.
He had thought it was perfect, and now... now he didn't know what to think.
The silence alone would surely kill him.
James swallowed against the tightness in his throat. "Listen, Lily, I know we're young, but-"
James never got to finish his sentence, for Lily had thrown her arms around her neck, laughing and crying and kissing him all at once.
The little black box pressed between them uncomfortably, but neither Lily nor James moved from their current positions. "Oh, yes, yes, yes!" she said between kisses. Her lips pressed all over his face, his eyelids, his cheeks, his forehead, between his eyebrows, and most importantly his lips, over and over. James sighed through his nose, his lips, far to busy to perform such a duty.
Lily released him, moving herself far enough away to take the ring and its box from James unresponsive fingers. She held it out to him, fairly glowing in the firelight. James nodded dumbly, taking the box from her hand, and removing the ring.
He slid it over the fourth finger on her left hand... her ring finger. Fireworks exploded behind James eyelids. And as Lily kissed him again, whispering 'I love yous' and 'it's beautiful' against his lips, her fingers sliding into his hair, and James allowed himself to breathe properly for what seemed like the first time in months. Lily was his. And he would be hers. Forever.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this one-shot! I know I enjoyed writing it!
Many thanks to Magicia or Wands for reading over and editing my scribbles! And to all of you who are reading Just For Now, an update shall be coming soon, now that I have this of my chest.
Regards, Marie