Dear Readers, I broke up some of the chapters (too long), but I didn't want you all pissed off with House so I thought I'd give you another long chapter today. Two more chapters to go now that I've broken them up into smaller chapters.

Chapter 38

The Fog

I knew we had sex, but I didn't remember much about it except that I didn't last long. I couldn't believe that she had talked me into having sex with her again. I don't understand why I can't get her out of my head. I walked into the office with my usual hangover and saw a pair of yellow cotton panties, torn to shreds. It must have gotten pretty wild. It's a shame I couldn't remember it; sex with Kenna was always a treat, especially the wild sex. I went into the presentation room. Foreman's replacement was going to start next month and so I only had Thirteen, Taub and Chase to help, but they were all seasoned so it hadn't been a problem. Thirteen was missing.

"Where's Thirteen?"

Chase gave me a look that said he was very uncomfortable with the answer. "She's in Cuddy's office."

"Now what?" I was frustrated. Every infraction meant that someone went crying to Cuddy.

Chase gave me a lot of faces, which told me he was having a hard time framing the answer."Oh for God's sake Chase, spit it out."

He shrugged his shoulders, "She thinks you raped Kenna last night."

My head snapped back like he had just pummeled me, "What?"

"We found Kenna on the floor of your office last night in pretty bad shape. She was bruised and disheveled and her panties were torn off of her. She wouldn't tell us who did it and she refused to let Thirteen take a semen sample. I drove her back to the Embassy Suites and she cried most of the way."

I grabbed my keys and ran off, calling the Lab on my hands free cell, but she wasn't there. I told the lab staff that I had the last of her clothing to give her and needed to drop it off at the Embassy Suites. They told me her room number just as I was pulling into the parking lot of the hotel.

Xoxoxoxox

House took the elevator to the second floor and found Rm. 214. Pounding on the door, he grew more anxious by the moment.

Kenna got up and looked through the peep hole to see who it was. When she saw it was House she felt afraid. Trying to sound calm, she yelled, "Go away."

"Not going to happen. You have two options, let me in or call the police because I'm going to make a big scene here."

Kenna didn't give it a second thought, she knew Greg House and he wasn't bluffing. She undid the locks and opened the door. When he saw her all the wind went out of his sail. She was standing there in a little short night gown; her eye was black and blue from her forehead down through the orbital socket. Her wrists were bruised and he could see bruising on the thigh just below her gown. He drew back in horror but couldn't stop staring at her. He closed his eyes and without looking at her asked quietly, "Did I do that?"

She didn't answer but her crying told him the truth. She crawled up on the bed and grabbed some Kleenex. He was unable to open his eyes and view what he had done. It took him a couple of minutes to compose himself.

His voice was hoarse and tight, like he was trying to control it. "Kenna," he opened his eyes and looked into hers and then away, "you need to call the police. If I did this to you, I need to go to jail. I want you to know that I don't remember doing this, but it's inexcusable. I am truly sorry." He walked over and sat down on the sofa.

She had no intention of calling the cops and putting the man who might soon be the father of her child in jail. He looked pitiful, like he had been living too hard lately. They were both a mess physically and mentally.

"I won't call the police if you get some help and stop drinking so much."

He finally looked at her and grimaced from what he saw. "Tell me what I did."

"You grabbed me on the way out of the bathroom, dragged me into your office and had sex with me." There, she said it. She wanted to add that he was drunk, didn't know what he was doing, but she knew he was probably making up excuses in his head and if she gave him one he might not go get help-he was Gregory House. He was in a sorry state-all hunched up and long faced.

He ran into the bathroom and threw up, coming out a little ashen and asking, "Can I have some water?"

"There's bottled water in the frig."

He walked over to the kitchenette, grabbed a bottle of water out of the frig and chugged it down, wiping his mouth, he sat and looked around the room "This suits you. You never did need a real home, did you?"

"Excuse me? What do you mean by that? I thought I had a real home with you." She sat up with her back to the headboard.

"You never made it yours though. It was mine with you storing some things there. Or at least that's how it felt."

"Are you saying because I didn't redecorate and put up chintz drapes, I wasn't committed to us?" She crossed her arms and glared. "Don't make me feel like any of this was my fault. I tried desperately to get you to go with me for couple's counseling and you laughed at me. Stick to the issue at hand. Remember last night? You manhandled me to have sex...that's the issue."

He looked down at his feet and shook his head in shame. "I'll get help. I need it."

"Greg you told me last night that you love me, that you can't handle loving anyone as much as you love me. You gave me some b.s. that it's too painful when things happen that you can't control. What did you mean by that?"

He walked back over to the couch shaking his head again. "I said that?"

She nodded.

House gazed across the room and out the window. He thought about it and then looked at her. "You were in that bed, that hospital bed and it hit me that you could die and I couldn't control that, I couldn't control you being on the roads, hitting ice, hitting a tree. If you had died at that moment, I would have died with you. I loved you that much. And then when they showed me Blythe-" he started crying, "I realized I couldn't help her, I couldn't control what had happened to her either. It killed me. I had no control over what happened when it counted. It was easier to be numb, stop caring, push you away. I wanted to make sure that if something happened to you I wouldn't feel it. But I go home at night and there's nothing, absolutely nothing in this world that means anything to me. And all those feelings I pushed down come back at night like a rotten hooker, no relief but I still have to pay." He got up and wiped his tears, still looking at her. "I'll get help but if you call the cops I'll understand." He opened the door and left.

"Agh!" She screamed, feeling worse than ever. There was another knock on the door. She wanted to tell him so much so she ran and opened the door anticipating that it was House. It was Cuddy, Thirteen and the police standing at the door.

oxoxoxoxo

Cuddy looked at her and said, "Kenna! My God what happened? Thirteen said you were raped last night."

I ran to get a robe, put it on and came back to the door."I wasn't raped last night." I told her as seriously as I could.

Thirteen shook her head fiercely. "Yes, you were."

"Ma'am, you look pretty beat up. Whoever did this to you needs to be punished."

I thought to myself that no one could punish him as much as he's been punished or is punishing himself. "Officer, I hate to have to admit this in front of everyone, but this was consensual sex that kind of got out of control. I'm sorry you were dragged here, but I was not raped."

The officer looked at a fuming Remy and shrugged to let he know there was nothing he could do. "All right Ma'am, but if you change your mind, here's my card, call us and we'll take your statement."

Thirteen was angry, "You can't leave! She was raped!"

"Sorry doctor but if she refuses to call it rape, we can't do anything. Goodbye ladies." With that they left and Kenna opened the door, letting Thirteen and Cuddy inside.

Thirteen shook a head at her. "Who are you protecting? Please tell me it's not House, not after what he's put you through."

Cuddy sat down and looked at me, "Kenna, I hope it's not House. I'd like to think he's incapable of doing this. But if it is, he needs help, you need to do something."

I went to the frig and retrieved a bottle of water. I held it up to see if they wanted one too. They both shook their heads no. "Look, I appreciate your concern and I'm glad I have two people in my life who care, but I've dealt with it. I spoke with the guy who did this and it's being taken care of. If it's any consolation, the person who did this was very drunk."

Cuddy sighed with resignation. "House was drunk as a skunk last night. Oh my God, he did do this."

"Lisa, I'm not saying it was House or anyone that you even know. Please drop it. I have my reasons for what I'm doing. This person would never physically hurt anyone else; he didn't mean to hurt me."

Lisa looked me in the eye, "Are you sure? House has been drinking a lot in the last two months. You sure he won't get behind the wheel or get angry at someone and start a fight or something stupid like that?"

"If you want to talk about Greg, I will, but only because you brought him up. I didn't say it was him. Greg's out of control and he knows it. He's going to get help and he's going to slow down the drinking."

"He's no longer your husband so I don't have to keep him at PPTH if he continues his current behavior." Lisa shook her head, "By the way, the patent came through yesterday...the Board wants to honor you at a dinner. Your patent will put us on the map forever and build a whole new wing to the hospital and a new science building for the university. We're forever grateful."

After I assured them that I was fine, they left. It had been a difficult twenty-four hours so I decided to take the day off and just read, watch television and sleep. The following day I flew back to Merida. The next Friday, after I returned home from the Mexican laboratory, I called Wilson.

Wilson was clearly concerned. "Did he really rape you? I'm having a hard time believing that he would do anything to hurt you."

"Please don't share this with anyone. What happened was between Greg and me and I have to admit, I could have stopped it but all I want now is a baby. I just want to know if he has gotten help."

"Help? Didn't you know? Last Friday he checked himself back into rehab, this time for alcohol. He's still in there. He's sees a shrink privately and then he has group every day. You know part of his therapy will be having to say he's sorry to the people he's hurt."

"Well that will take a few years."

Wilson laughed, "Are you pregnant?"

"I wasn't as of two weeks ago," I said, but not sure, because I might have gotten pregnant when we had sex.

"What does that mean? Did you use another blastocyte? You know if you get pregnant, House is going to put two plus two together. He may try to insert himself into your life if you're pregnant with his child."

"If he wants to be a Dad to his child, I won't stop him. He won't be down to Merida very often, so I don't envision it being a real problem."

"It's House, trust me, it will be a problem." We both chuckled.

I flew back up to Princeton five days later and went to the drug rehab center at Mayfield, waiting for Greg in the visitors lounge. When Greg came in he still had a hard time looking at me even though my black eye was now just a very faint yellow.

He looked at my face, shook his head and tried to smile, "You're looking better."

I nodded, he looked pretty bad after no booze, no sleep and lots of psychoanalyzing, everything he hated with a passion. "You, on the other hand, look like crap."

"Hmmm. I feel like crap."

"When do you get out?"

"Tuesday. My shrink says I should have gone with you to get counseling and I probably wouldn't be in this mess. If I tell him you're here he might want to have a joint session. Would you be up for it?"

"It's a little late for that. We've done enough damage to each other, haven't we?"

"Yeah, I guess."

He looked so disappointed that I relented, as usual."Does it mean that much to you? To have this session together? Would it help you?"

He looked up and into her eyes, "It would mean a lot. You've known me longer than anyone Kenna, I've hurt you the most. I'd like to know why, especially when I love you the most."

I let out a deep breath, "Don't say that. I won't come if you keep saying you love me. I can't take that from you Greg. That hurts."

"Ok, can you come at 11:00 a.m. on Monday? I'm sure he'll be happy to have you."

"Sure, but if he says no, call me before I come over. I'll be at the lab. In the meantime, are you making good use of your time in here? No orderlies slipping you Vicodin or a pint of whisky?"

"No, no Vicodin, no booze...just a great desire to shoot one of the whiners in my group. If I hear one more time, "It wasn't my fault" come out of his mouth, I'll have to remove him from the gene pool."

Xoxoxoxxo

My shrink, Dr. Nolan, thought that I was starting to be honest with myself for the first time in years and that for once I was working hard. What he didn't know, or maybe he did know, but I was too tired to make up lies and more importanty, I would have done anything to get Kenna back and this was working. She had no legitimate reason to be back in Princeton so quickly and yet when Wilson told her I was in rehab, she flies hundreds of miles to come see me. She was so predictable.

I wasn't lying about the feelings. After the accident I had made myself go numb, but as soon as the feelings for her started to return, I had to anaesthetize myself with booze to keep them below the surface. They kept coming and I kept drinking. After a few months even the booze couldn't keep the genie in the bottle. I was miserable again, a feeling I was all too familiar with. My feelings for her were too strong and I wanted her back.

I went into rehab to get her back and to stay out of jail. The whole sex thing freaked me out. Hurting Kenna physically is so repugnant to me that I still feel sick when I think about it. I really gambled with my life when I offered to go to jail. But I knew Kenna would never turn me in, she's a sucker when it comes to me because I know she'll always love me. I'm her Achilles heel. But then, she's mine too. I told Nolan that Kenna was in town and would be joining me at 11:00 a.m. He thought it was too soon to have a joint session, but I told him, "It's not like Merida is Trenton. She can't just take an afternoon off and drive over when it's convenient for us." He relented and said to bring her in.

She showed up in a khaki shirtdress and sensible shoes, brown loafers. I imagined that under her shirt dress was a plain bra and little cotton bikinis. Sensible. We sat with Kenna on one end of the couch, me on the other and Dr. Nolan in the easy chair next to the couch.

"Dr. Palmer, thanks for joining us. I want you to know that I'm very impressed with your work and even more impressed with what you did last year, your commitment to helping Greg in the face of losing your career and possible freedom was admirable. Not many people have the conviction to do what you did but it also begs the question, why? Greg's personality is almost anti-social-"

She butted in, "Almost?"

Nolan continued, "Ok, anti-social. Why are you, no forget that, why were you so attracted to him? Why did you fall in love with him?"

Kenna looked at me with an uneasy stare and then faced Nolan. "He wasn't quite as anti-social when we first met as he is now. Believe it or not, he could actually entertain people without sending them screaming from the room. Don't get me wrong, he's always been caustic and biting and sometimes brutally cruel, but most of the time when we were together he was incredibly gentle, loving, kind, generous and funny…and great in bed. At least he was until after my accident." She looked over furtively at me. "He was a monster after the accident. He treated me like dirt. And then he sexually abused me that night."

"We've talked in depth about what happened that night and, although it does not forgive what he did, I'm sure it was alcohol induced and I don't think it will happen, he's expressed true remorse and he has no past history of this behavior before this incident. Still, he did it and the two of you need to talk about it. He may have been a monster after your accident, yet, here you are." Nolan pointed out.

She chuckled. "Pathetic, I know. But it's hard to give up on him, besides, I think there was a moment that night when I could have stopped him and I didn't."

She looked at me and gave me a little shrug to let me know it might now have been all my fault.

Nolan looked at her, smiled and said, "I have to admit, I can't see House committing rape; I had wondered if there had been an element of consent on your part. I think he's having difficulty letting go of you. Maybe we can get some closure today so that the two of you can move on."

"What?" I stood up and then realized I had gotten to my feet. I sat back down. "I don't want closure, I want Kenna."

Nolan shook his head, "House, you think you want Kenna, but you're just having trouble letting go of her. It's typical, you don't want her, but you don't want anyone else to have her either. I think you need to let her go. From what you told me, you were pretty ruthless to her these last six months."

"Are you a moron?" I couldn't believe that he was feeding Kenna this drivel-she might buy it. "I was an idiot; I thought if I drove her away I could drive away my feelings with her. Look what it did. I'm in here because of it. Nolan, I don't know where you had your degree printed, but the only thing that I need or want right now is Kenna." I shook my head in disbelief and then turned to her. "Kenna, come back to me, let's stop the divorce and work it out."

Nolan laughed. "Now that's the honesty I've been waiting for since you arrived. I know you love Kenna. I know that rehab was a ploy to get her back. Now, can you start being honest with me in our sessions?"

I had been hoisted on my petard and worse, it was in front of Kenna. I looked at Kenna and it was clear that I needed to answer affirmatively or I risked losing her forever. "Kenna, will you wait for me to work through this? Will you postpone filing the final decree?"

"I see. You want me to postpone my life to accommodate you again?" She was getting pissed. "Even worse, you arranged all this to get me back? Can't you just do something without some ulterior motive? I hate to think that all of this is a farce, that you don't really think you need help."

Nolan butted in before I could respond, "Kenna, let me at least come to House's defense on this one. I have no doubt that he's here to win you back, but it doesn't mean he hasn't been working on things. We're making progress. It's slow going but I think it's going to accelerate now that he knows I'm on to him."

I kept my mouth shut. Kenna looked very uncomfortable, like she didn't know how to answer. She was wringing her hands and tears were falling. She threw her hands up and ran out of the office. I looked at Nolan, "Should I go after her?"

"No, you won't like her answer if you badger her right now. Let her have time to think on this one. Give me her cell phone number and I'll call her later and ask her to come back and see you. You're one lucky bastard, she's probably going to come back to you and you don't deserve her."

I was shocked, this guy was pretty bright. I had underestimated him." Yeah I know she'll take me back and I know how lucky I am...now do I really have to stay the rest of the hour?"

"Yeah, you really need help House or you're going to push every woman in your life away eventually. And you don't want to push Kenna away, do you?"

I sighed, "Ok, let's keep going."

Xoxoxoxoxox

I was so disappointed, he didn't want the therapy for himself; he wanted it as bait for me. What a fool I was. I was always forgiving him, letting him have second, third, fourth chances. When my cell phone rang I didn't recognize the telephone number so I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Dr. Palmer?

"Yes? Who is this?"

"Dr. Nolan."

"Oh, Doctor, what can I do for you?"

"It's what I can do for you. You're beating yourself up by now, thinking he just entered rehab to get you back. I thought I'd put your concerns to rest. Yes, he entered it to see if you would come back, but it's not that simple. He knew he needed help; it's easier to believe that he's doing this to get you back than to just ask for help or even admit to himself that he needs it. He could have tried a different approach to try to win you back. Going through rehab isn't the easiest way. He could have told you he had joined group therapy once a week or was seeing a therapist, but instead, he chose to be institutionalized. So don't beat yourself up. He loves you enough actually try to get some answers and hopefully change his behavior."

"What's wrong with me? Why do I keep coming back for abuse?"

He started laughing, "Yeah, I'd be asking that too if I were you. But again, don't beat yourself up. This guy loves you and deep inside you know that. Because he loved you so much he had to push you away. If he gives me the authority to talk to you, I'll share some more, but just know he's not the evil bastard he'd like us all to believe. He's just a bastard."

"He's charmed you; you better take off your blinders." I warned.

"Oh he's far from charming. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes for all the money in the world. He's never going to be easy. And don't kid yourself, you're going back to him, but let me just give you a tip, negotiate it with him. Whatever you think you need from him, get it now while he's desperate."

I laughed. "Thanks doc."

Greg was released from Rehab the following day. Late in the afternoon, I was walking across campus to get back to the hospital when I saw him sitting on a bench. I looked at him sideways, suspiciously. He patted the bench next to him. Reluctantly, I walked over and sat down. He put his arm around me, I threw it off. He put his hand on my knee, I removed it.

"Ok, I get it. What do I have to do?" He asked.

"You have to continue with your therapy for at least one year, let the doctor talk to me about your progress and go easy on the booze."

"You drive a hard bargain, how about six months of therapy?"

I got up and started walking.

He ran up to me, "Ok, ok...one year."

"We won't file the final divorce papers-yet. I guess I'll move back up to Princeton to make sure you keep your end of the bargain."

He was all grins. I think I was too. Can anyone tell me why I love this man so much?

"Are you at the Embassy Suites?" he asked.

"Yes, why?"

"I'll drive you there to get your things and take you home."

"After I do a few errands at the hospital."

When we got to the suites he started taking off his clothes.

"I thought we were going home?" I asked.

"Hey, you've paid for the room tonight, let's at least mess the bed up...it's always fun to do it somewhere else. Come on, make love, not war, let's get it on and do some sexual healing because I want your sex."

"Are you going to talk in song titles all night?"

"That's the way, uh huh, I like it, uh huh uh huh..."

"People are Strange." I started taking off my clothes and was down to my panties.

Greg looked appreciatively at my body, "Baby got Back..."

"Besame Mucho, Blue Eyes."

"Baby I'm Yours..."

I put an end to the silliness by grabbing him and kissing him. He was very gentle using his tongue to please me first, it was quite a contrast to the last time he had sex with me. This time it was slow and sweet.

When we were done he looked at me. "You're pregnant."

I looked at him like he was nuts, "I doubt it, I took a test two weeks ago and it was negative. I used one of our blastocytes but it didn't take."

"I hate to remind you because of the lousy circumstances, but we did have sex a few weeks ago. Your breasts are bigger, the areolas are darker, they're also sore-I saw you flinch- and your labia is swollen and purple. We're having a baby! Having my baby, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me...having my baby..."

"I hate that song; could you give it a rest? Do you really think I'm pregnant?"

"Yes. You are one fertile woman."

"Let's go home. Please?"

He kissed the top of my head and said softly, "Ok, sweetheart, we'll go home."

We packed up my things and went home. I walked in, looked around feeling safe again. After talking through a few things and raiding the refrigerator, we went to bed. I watched Greg sleeping and wondered if this was going to be my life- washing his clothes, sleeping in his bed, listening to him play piano, watching television with him, listening to him rant. I hoped so.

The next day Greg and I walked in holding hands and Cuddy, who was standing at the nurse's desk, was stunned. Her jaw dropped and she shook her head.

"What does this mean?" Cuddy asked, her eyes narrowed.

"We're not really holding hands, we're trying to keep each other's hands out of the other's pocket, it's part of the property settlement agreement." Greg quipped.

Lisa looked at me and asked, "Kenna, you tell me what's going on, he won't give me a straight answer."

"We aren't getting a divorce just yet; we're giving it another chance." I looked at her and she was shaking her head at me like I was a fool.

Greg looked at her and wiggled his eyebrows. "You should know, I am that good in bed."

"House, I don't know what power you have over this woman but you better be grateful."

"We need some blood taken for a pregnancy test." I said, unable to look her in the eye.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yes, I say she's pregnant but she doesn't believe me." Greg said, his shoulders hunched.

"Kenna, House tends to be right about these things. Congratulations," Cuddy added.

The entire hospital was buzzing by the end of the day. My staff was confused and worried about me. They thought I was crazy and of course they were right.