Chapter 39

Fugitive Wife

I went back to Merida and packed up my things again-not much to pack since I gave most of it away. I flew to Princeton and went back to work although work was light, giving me time to do what I needed to do. It took me three weeks before I made a decision. I walked down to House's office and handed him a key.

"What is this?" he looked up with a serious frown.

"A key to the house."

He looked at me with squinted eyes. "What house?"

"I bought a three story house, it was vacant and I thought it was nice. I put $560,000 down, and we have a $940,000 mortgage. It's just south of Princeton on two acres with a nice back yard. It has a conservatory for your piano, a library for your books and a family room for your television."

"Are you crazy? You just went out and bought a house without talking to me about what I want?"

"Pretty much. Look, I'm happy to have you live with us, but if you feel the need to stay in your apartment and come over when you want, we have enough money that you can do that. But I can't stay in that apartment with a baby."

"So we are pregnant?"

"Baby in tow."

He smiled, "Let's have a look this afternoon at this house. What is the address?"

I gave him the address. That afternoon we drove over together. He got out of the car and started laughing, "Well, when you buy a house, you buy a house!"

"It's 5960 square feet, four bedrooms, library, conservatory, living room, family room, eat in kitchen and formal dining room. Oh and four 1/2 bathrooms. There's a pool, spa, pool house, guest house and barbeque out back."

"We're going from a one bedroom apartment to all this?"

"Is there a problem with that? It's my first house. I say go big or go home or maybe it should be go big and go home."

We hired movers and moved everything in the following month after the construction and painting crew left. Greg was in awe-his closet was as big as a small bedroom and it had a window. All of my meager belongings filled up less than a quarter of my separate bedroom closet that had so many bells and whistles, I didn't know what to do. We put his living room furniture in the library along with my 42 inch LCD television. Turns out, that's where we ended up spending most of our time, especially as the weather turned cold. The library was carpeted and had a wood fire place. It was a warm, cozy room and we enjoyed many a night in each other's arms watching television and reading.

The rest of the house was more or less empty since we didn't have furniture to fill it. We had Thanksgiving with Cuddy, Rachel and Chase at Cuddy's house. At Christmas, I bought a fourteen foot tree and put it in the foyer. It took me four hours to string the lights and put the decorations I had purchased on the tree. I had to go back to the store and buy more. We had six people over for Christmas including Wilson, Cuddy and Chase. When we weren't in the dining room at the dining table I bought just for Christmas, we were in the library where the furniture was. Rachel was delightful, wrestling with House on the floor and making him teach her how to play Heart and Soul on the piano.

As we were eating my home made pumpkin pie, Wilson finally spoke up, "You know I'm a little worried here. House is too lazy to go furniture shopping and Kenna, you have an aversion to buying things, especially domestic things. You two are having a baby; you might want to think about buying furniture and putting down real roots."

Wilson was right. I needed to commit to Greg and the baby and the only way to do that was to make my house a real home. I finally took the week between Christmas and New Year's and went shopping. Greg couldn't be bothered no matter how much I begged him to come with me. After a long day out at the furniture stores, I brought home a brochure showing some very opulent white and gold French Provencal furniture, telling Greg I had purchased a whole house full of it. There was panic in his face and he went ballistic, yelling and berating me. I just wanted him to suffer for making me do all the shopping on my own. In reality, I purchased the Kathy Ireland Nottingham collection and figured he'd just have to get used to it. When the furniture arrived, I could tell he was relieved. He decided that he could live with what I bought.

I even bought the baby furniture because we had given away everything we had bought for Blythe even though we hadn't assembled it. This time I had it delivered and assembled. Seeing the nursery filled with a crib, dresser, changing table and rocker made parenthood seem real to me. Greg checked it out and shook his head.

"It needs more. It looks like a furniture show room," he said staring at the blank walls and barren bed.

I didn't know what to put on any of the walls. For several months the house looked like a model home with no one really living there. I purchased a large flat screen television for the family room and started spending a lot of time in there reading or watching television shows I liked. Greg was sticking to the library which had now been dubbed the Man Cave. On occasion one of us would wander into the other's space and watch a DVD or program just to spend some time together. I think the "Separate but Equal" rooms saved our marriage. We were close and laughed a lot but when we needed space we would just drift into our own spaces until we could tolerate conversation and then we'd go in search of the other half of the "We."

I finally realized that I was going to be living in Princeton for awhile, that my nomadic life was over. I had a house full of furniture, a husband, a child on the way and Princeton Plainsboro was making me feel like I couldn't go anywhere, that the reputation of the hospital depended on Greg and me. The neurology department's referrals were so high that a wing was being added devoted to neurology, neurosurgery, neuroengineering and neurobiology. They wanted to name it after me, the Palmer Institute, but I demanded that they name it after a hyphenated name that I never used, Palmer-House Institute of Neurology. It was my way of yanking the Board's chain because of the way they treated Greg after I performed the surgery on him.

I have to admit that in my last month of pregnancy I started to have debilitating panic attacks. They were so bad that on one occasion they had to give me oxygen. When Greg found out that my panic attacks were caused by my realization that I was putting down roots, he wasn't amused and thought I was being silly.

"No one your age worries about settling down! It's not like the farm; we're not going to make you milk cows twenty-four/seven. You can still go places."

"I don't know who I am right now. Am I a scientist, a doctor, a wife, a mother? I feel disassociated from me. I feel like I'm being swallowed up. It feels claustrophobic, like when I was a child and my whole world was the farm."

"You'll just have to get over yourself," he said shaking his head and walking away.

I don't think he realized how scared I really was, if he had, I think he would have taken my concern more seriously. Things got worse until the weekend just before Greg's birthday, I couldn't take it. I was eating my morning bowl of oatmeal and watching a program on childbirth. Panic struck when I realized that I had to get my vagina over a small bowling ball and then I had to feed the bowling ball and polish it's bottom. I grabbed my purse and my keys and got into the Escape, taking off, traveling west. Stopping what seemed to be every five minutes to pee, I drove for hours in a fog when I finally realized that I was near Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. What was frightening was that I didn't really remember much about the trip, I was so worried about what was happening to me, everything was a blur.

I had my cell phone turned off because I just wanted to drive and think. When I turned it on I had fifteen messages, mostly from Greg. I was two weeks away from my due date and I suppose a missing pregnant woman would stir up some concerns. It just goes to show you how worried I was because I didn't think about the consequences of my actions and the effect they would have on everyone in Princeton. I wasn't the runaway bride, I was the runaway incubator. The problem with being pregnant is that you take the problem with you...hard to run away from motherhood when it's kicking you in the ribs. I dialed Greg and knew that he would see on his caller i.d. that it was me.

There was no greeting, just a loud scream, "Where the fuck are you?"

"I told you I've been scared, that I..."

"I could give a flying rat's ass how scared you are, get your fat ass back here and bring my kid home. Where are you?"

I said as soft as I could, "Pittsburgh." I braced for the storm.

"Pittsburgh? Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania? Why? What the hell is in Pittsburgh? Jesus, Kenna, I don't understand you...what in the world could be going through that tiny brain of yours?"

I didn't answer; I just started sobbing into the receiver.

I heard him sigh. "Kenna, you have to get a grip..."

I pushed the button on my steering column, disconnecting the hands free call. I had to hang up; Greg just made me more anxious. The phone rang again so I turned it completely off, pulled over, peed, got back into the car and started driving west. Now I was pissed. He really could be such an ass. Three hours later I was in Columbus, Ohio, headed for Indiana. I was tired and the baby was kicking me so hard I had to pull over. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and I guess the bowling ball was hungry.

After eating in Columbus, I found a motel and paid for a room. The shower felt great on my tense shoulders. The alarm clock by the bed said that it was nine pm. I plopped down on the bed and instantly fell asleep, waking when the baby kept kicking my ribs. Getting up, the same alarm clock now read 6:00 a.m. so I shoe-horned myself back in the car and drove into a McDonald's to buy a yogurt parfait and an egg and sausage McMuffin. I spotted a Kmart across from the McDonald's so I drove across and bought some panties, bras, maternity shorts, jeans and tops. I had on my sneakers so I just bought additional socks. I threw some snacks, water and hand wipes into the cart and drove southwest. I knew where I was going now. I was on my way to Bright, Indiana.

I had car trouble, something to do with a rock that was kicked up through the radiator by a truck that passed me. It took four hours for them to fix it in Lebanon, Ohio so it wasn't until early Sunday evening when I drove up State Line Road into Bright, Indiana. I hadn't been to Bright for nine years, not since my Mom had died. I suspected that Greg was absolutely livid with me so I played it safe and called Cuddy.

"Hello, Kenna is this you?" Cuddy asked. I hated caller I.D., the person answering always got the leg up.

"Yes."

"I know House is an ass...well, you know he's an ass. But, he's going absolutely crazy with worry and just wants to talk to you. Where are you?"

"Bright, Indiana."

"Indiana!" She sounded just as shocked and upset as House had been, but she backed down, "Ok, ok, now can you tell me exactly where you are?" She was talking to me like I was a suicide case standing on the ledge of a skyscraper.

"Lisa, I'm not suicidal, I'm just nuts. I just needed to go home for some inexplicable reason. Tell my asshole husband that his fat ass wife is ok and so is the baby. If he'll behave then I'll stay on the phone when I call him tomorrow." I hung up and pulled into the little grocery mart in Bright to purchase a sandwich and milk. When I was done, I drove over to the Grubers' house. They had been friends of my family, probably the only people I could remember coming over for dinner. They had a farm too, only instead of a dairy farm, they raised hay and horses.

I knocked on the door and was surprised when a familiar face answered. It was David Gruber, I'd last seen him at my mother's funeral.

"Kenna? Is that you?"

I nodded. "Hello, David."

"Well come on in! Jesse, look who's here!"

His wife, Jesse, who was in second grade when I was finishing sixth, ran up and hugged me. "You're pregnant?"

My round belly should have been proof enough, but I nodded. "Sure am."

"Ah, come in and tell us all about your adentures!"

I broke down crying which sent them into a frenzy trying to get me water and finding a place for me to lie down. Lying down on the couch, I finally caught my breath. After a half an hour of pouring out my soul, they fed me a light dinner and put me in their daughter's room for the night. She was away with her high school choir.

The next morning I got up early, took a bath, soaked for awhile and then sat back down on the bed to call Greg. I was calm, calmer than I had been in over a month. I felt strangely happy about being home in Bright. I wanted to get the phone call over with so I could drive out to the dairy farm and see if it was still there.

He picked up, "Kenna?" His voice was calm.

"Yes, Greg?"I heard someone in the background talking to him, giving him directions on how to talk to me.

I laughed to myself. I could just see Wilson coaching him.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm staying with friends in Bright, at David and Jesse Gruber's house. Greg? Who's telling you what to say?"

"Wilson and Cuddy. They're both here to make sure I don't go postal."

"Oh."

"When are you coming home...honey?" The honey was added on, I assume because Wilson or Cuddy told him to add it on.

"I don't know."

"Come on, for Christ's..." His voice was getting agitated and I heard both Cuddy and Wilson quietly scolding him in the background. I kind of felt sorry for him. They were keeping a lid on him, a tight lid at that. "Kenna. Come home, please. We'll talk about whatever you want to talk about."

"Oh give me a break, I'll get home and you'll call me a moron and tell me to get over myself and get a grip." I could hear a lot of talking in the background and finally House yelling at them, "Shut up, look, she's not buying Mr. Nice Guy, she knows me too well." There was a huge pause, he took a deep breath and he said, "I love you and you're scaring the crap out of me. What the hell has gotten into you?"

"I tried to tell you that I don't know who I am right now. Am I a doctor, a wife, a mother, a scientist...I have all these titles but for right now I just want to be Kenna."

"Oh, excuse me if I have a hard time buying that crap. You're all those things Kenna and more."

I thought about it and I understood what he was trying to tell me and in his own stupid way he was right, but it still didn't answer why I was feeling so lost. "Greg," I sighed, "don't worry, I'll come home soon. I love you honey, I really love you. Bye sweetie."

I dressed and then drove through Bright which had more churches than stores. Driving by the old mechanic's garage, I noticed that the names on the sign had change from Guthrie & Guthrie to Jackson Auto Repairs. Then I drove the two miles out of town to my parent's farm. For the most part it was still there, a few new outbuildings had been added and the silo was looking freshly painted. I got out and walked around, sticking my head in the barn. There were a couple heads of Holsteins in corrals, but most of the cows were out in the barnyard. I saw a mixture of Holsteins with some Guernsey to raise the butter fat content. I knew they wouldn't make their way back to the barn until the late afternoon when it was time to be milked.

I heard a voice behind me, "Can I help you ma'am?"

"Oh, hi. My name is..."

"I know who you are Dr. Palmer; you're a big celebrity around here. I bought the farm from your brother. My name is Dutch Knudson, glad to meet you." Dutch shook my hand. He was a thirty-something man with kind brown eyes and a scar over his eye that I would learn later was from being kicked by a cow. He was short, about as tall a me, but I could tell he was all muscle, no fat. "My wife is in the house, I'm sure she'd like to meet you. Would you like to come inside?"

"Yes, that would be lovely." I followed him into the house that had harbored me my first 14 years before I went off to college. I had lived with my aunt while going to MIT where I had received my Bachelors before Hopkins. The kitchen was different, more modern, stainless steel appliances, granite counters and a nice sage green color. But the layout was the same and I still knew that I was in my old house. I met Dutch's wife, Donna and she was about three months behind me in her pregnancy.

"You're about ready to pop aren't you?"

"Yes, any day now." We all sat down at the kitchen table.

Dutch asked, "Where's your husband? Dr. House isn't it? The doc who was shot by his own patient?"

I giggled. "It was a patient's husband and he's in Princeton."

"He let you come to Bright by yourself when you're about ready to have your baby?" Donna asked.

"Oh, believe me he'd love it if I were in Princeton right now and no, I didn't ask his permission to come."

Dutch opened the refrigerator and pulled out a pitcher of Lipton Ice Tea. "I see. So why are you here?" He poured me a glass and then one for Donna and himself.

"I wanted to come home, see where I grew up, and figure a few things out."

"Would you like to see the rest of the house and farm?" Dutch offered.

"I would love that." They took me through the house and I saw my little room in the attic. It was more or less being used for storage now. I looked out the window at the view I had seen all my childhood. There was a small pond, a gravel road to the farm and the church in the distance. After taking it all in, i went out and looked around the farm with Dutch. He had been fixing his tractor, a rather old John Deere. He needed it to bring in the hay in the fields. I walked over to the tractor.

"I can't seem to find the problem and the hay is going to turn if I don't get it in," he said.

"Let me take a look." I said. He looked at me suspiciously. I knew he was having a hard time letting a woman help him fix a tractor. But he was nice enough to let me look it over. I looked at the engine, prodded around and saw that he needed a new head gasket, not a cheap fix. "You've got a bad head gasket, see here." I pointed it out.

His face fell; he hadn't noticed the crack in the head gasket. "Did you work on tractors when you were on the farm?"

"I'm an engineer, engineering is engineering. The head gasket, it's just a big o ring to me. You need to get your hay in, is this going to set you back?"

"I'll need to get a loan from the bank. I just put out all my money on silage and a new pump."

"Getting a loan will cost you several days. Don't they still have a John Deere dealer just outside of Harrison? We could get a head gasket today and get it fixed by this afternoon."

"But I don't have credit down there and I don't have the cash."

"I need a room tonight. I'm willing to pay the cost of a head gasket if you'll feed me and put me up and let me milk the cows."

"Excuse me ma'am? Are you ok? A head gasket for a John Deere is about $2,000."

"Dutch, I have a credit card here that has a limit of $50,000. I'm worth millions of dollars. I want to have one more night on this farm before I become a parent myself. I want to be close to my parents, try to imagine what they felt like knowing that this would be their life. It sounds touchy feely, but I really need this."

"I can't charge you to stay here. You're welcomed to stay here free."

"Well Dutch, my parents taught me that you don't go stay with someone unless you take a gift, I need to buy a gift in Harrison. Can you drive me there? I won't take no as an answer."

He shrugged before jumping into the cab of his pickup truck. We drove down, purchased the head gasket and when we got back, we had lunch. Afterwards, Dutch and I went out to the tractor and moved it under the canopy to keep us out of the sun.

"Why don't you go inside Doctor, I can do this."

"Goes quicker when we do it together." I was already rolling up my sleeves to help pull the engine head. I used the power tools to unscrew the head bolts and Dutch worked on the other end of it. We got the head off and exposed the gasket. Obviously, this took a lot longer than it sounds. We were there five hours and we were both covered in grease. Donna brought us ice tea and a snack. I told him that we needed to change the oil while we had the engine apart so while he worked on the head gasket, I pulled the oil plug and started draining the oil. Frankly, I was having a blast, it reminded me of my days with my Dad.

"Uh, Dr. Kenna?" I heard Donna's voice.

I was under the tractor, "Yes?"

"There's someone here to see you."

"Me?" I pulled myself out from under the tractor and saw two expensive Nike sneakers and knew I was in trouble. I looked up and there he was staring down at me. "Hi Greg."