The Highest Bidder
Chapter Twenty: Shen Si Ling
In the aftermath of the trip to the Fire Temple, Zuko and I had successfully escaped Zhao's clutches, and we left empty-handed; however, this wasn't to say that Zhao did as well. He didn't have a prince or an Avatar as a reward for his hard work; instead, he was given five traitors to the crown (even if only one of the Sages helped the Avatar). Iroh needn't ask what had happened to us in the temple; for the retired General noticed that Zuko was put in a bittersweet mood: he was relieved to be free from Zhao's Fire Nation troops, but he had captured the Avatar, and then he had to let him go to avoid being Zhao's prisoner.
I, for one, believed that we had quite a productive day, and I embraced Iroh with utmost happiness to find that Zhao hadn't harmed the soldiers or—more importantly—General Iroh himself. I relayed to him what had happened to us in the Fire Temple, and he wasn't too shocked to learn that Avatar Roku—not Avatar Aang—had come out of the sanctuary.
"The Avatar is the bridge between the Spirit World and our world," Iroh told me as he sat me down for another one of his delicious pots of tea. "The Avatar can call upon his past incarnations for wisdom and power. That's why I am not too surprised that Roku brought down the Fire Temple." He passed a hand delicately along my forehead where Zhao's soldiers had chained me against the pillars. "I see that Zhao didn't spare you."
I touched my head gingerly, and when I looked at my fingers to see why it felt so wet, I realized that I was bleeding. Iroh rose to his feet, asked me to stay still, and he took nearby bandages and wrapped my forehead with a roll of gauze. I winced when his fingers brushed against my deep wounds.
"Looks like Commander Zhao has figured out where the source of your powers comes from at last," Iroh said disappointedly.
"It barely hurt…" I lied unconvincingly.
"It's okay to admit defeat, Mura." Iroh told me. "Sometimes, admitting defeat is better than attempting to win a forsaken victory. It just makes the pain worsen over time."
I sipped his tea.
"You can't be with Zuko at every minute of the day, Mura." Iroh told me.
"What?" I wasn't irritated or stunned by his statement. I didn't know where he was going with it, and I was compliant to hear what he had to say.
"You and my nephew are connected at the hip," he said with a smile. "I think it is cute that he has found somebody with whom he can have a special connection, but you must be wary of his decisions that he makes. After all, he attempted to run a blockade made up of fifty war ships."
"He thought that I could move them…I could have if I had just slept better…" I said, feeling guilty. "I have the power, you know."
"You have a lot of power, but it's no use to anybody if you cannot use it to the best of your ability. And," he added, "You also have a bit of a smart mouth."
"You're talking about the way I speak to Zhao, aren't you?" I asked crossly. "He's a sick man, General Iroh. I swear, sometimes the way he talks to me—it makes me think that he wants more than just my military services."
"Zhao is a workaholic and he wants power in the most militaristic ways," Iroh said frankly. "Surely, he can identify a sixteen-year-old girl when he sees one. He is not a twisted man; at least, not mentally. Though, as I have seen in the past when I was a different man, Zhao at his most ruthless moods, he is not a man you want to trifle with."
"Well," I said doubtfully, "if you had been in the Fire Temple with me, you would have thought that he wanted to make me his concubine. He's up in my face, and he gets so creepy when he does it. Makes me vomit a little in my mouth."
Iroh chuckled.
"Well, you are a very attractive girl," he said courteously. "A woman is a warrior who fights for her loved ones; and when she feels that she is being threatened, she should feel like her own warrior will stand up to her enemies like a man and snuff them out in order to protect her." He nodded, contemplating. "Yes," he said. "I think Zuko—especially Zuko—feels very protective of you when you're faced with other strangers. He's the jealous type; I told you this before."
Iroh sipped his tea.
"Don't think for a moment that Zuko is the only one who is protective of you," he continued. "Lt. Jee and the others consider you to be a special part of our crew ever since you joined us. I think of you as my daughter, too," he added. "When I say that you and Zuko are compatible, I do not mean this as in a romantic pairing. You two make a fabulous team; and it would be heart-breaking to see something such as a little fight separate you from what you have now."
I bit my lip, disheartened.
"I'm not even sure what we have," I confessed. "At first, I think we're getting along so perfectly. And then the next thing I know, we're screaming at each other."
"If a couple never has a few fights," Iroh chortled, "then they aren't a couple. And I expected that Zuko and you would quarrel quite often. As much as he is protective of your well-being, you are protective of him as well. Our voyage has brought Prince Zuko and you closer and closer every time you fight, and he understands your devotion to him. He values your compliance, despite how often you may disagree with him. He knows you are capable of great power, and because he knows this, it makes you a valuable crew member."
"Because I can move people at will? That's not exactly something anybody wants on a ship…" I retorted humbly.
"Prince Zuko does not see you as the rest of the world does; and neither do I. To the Fire Nation, you are a criminal against the crown, and you are a witch. Know this, Mura: the Fire Lord is not an open-minded man, and he sees you as a physical, mental, and emotional threat—not as a gift to society. You are capable of performing good deeds as well as being capable of doing bad. I've seen it myself."
I absorbed the wise man's words with appreciation. My cheeks burned with embarrassment and confidence; and I smiled at General Iroh.
"You are very kind to me," I said gratefully.
He returned my smile and sipped his tea graciously.
"The Avatar," he continued, "is an air nomad. He was raised by monks, and he has adopted the way of a saint. The Monks in the air temples believed that all life is sacred: no man is more important than the next. Just as a man is important to the land, so are the animals and the plant life that make up the ecosystem that we live off so absent-mindedly. He may be just a boy," said Iroh, "but the Avatar is in touch with all things alive and deceased. He is spiritually enlightened, and he knows that there are several ways to approach a good solution."
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked curiously.
"It's important to know that not everything has a black and white answer. You, yourself, know that there are several routes to take when a path is blocked. Mura, you are a clever, brave girl, and Zuko may think that he is right to believe that Ozai will take him back, but you must understand that my brother is not the understanding type. You know this, don't you?" he said as his eyes lingered on me.
"I feel," I began gently, "that capturing the Avatar will only make the war last longer. Fire Lord Ozai doesn't want to simply kill Aang. He wants him to get into the Avatar State and then..."
Iroh nodded gloomily.
"Ozai wants to kill the line of the Avatar. If the Avatar is killed in the Avatar State, the Avatar will cease to exist. You are spiritually connected to the Spirit World because your mind is pathologically connected to the other minds of those that surround you."
"But I'm not a Spiritual Guide," I told him, puzzled. "I'm a normal being; I can only move objects—things like that. I'm not a second Avatar."
"You told me," said Iroh patiently, "that when you were in the Fire Temple, you tried to move the doors to get into the sanctuary; but you weren't able to do so because Avatar Roku didn't want you inside. You told me that Zuko ordered you to do it, and you didn't try. How did you know that—with all that power—you couldn't open a simple door?"
I pondered it for a few minutes.
"The Spirits are more powerful than me," I said simply. "They're more powerful than the Firebenders or Waterbenders that exist in the world…"
"Mura, there are no other telekinetics in the world," Iroh said with a slight smile. "You possess a Spiritual connection, which surpasses your inner strength when you are faced with a right and wrong. Avatar Roku did not want you inside the Sanctuary, and you knew this because in the back of your mind, Roku told you not to open the doors. You are not an Avatar, but your level of power has connected you to the Spirit World. This isn't to say that you can simply think about it and go into the Spirit World like the Avatar. To be frank, I really don't know what you can make of all this. However, it's true."
"How could possibly have the knowledge to explain this to me?" I asked incredulously.
"I've had my experience in the Spirit World," Iroh said vaguely. "And I know that you must be linked to a Spirit because there is a spirit that is closely linked to your gift. Her name is Shen Si Ling, which means—"
"Body, mind, soul."
He looked at me with a wide-eyed expression. I shrugged with a smile.
"Yes," he continued approvingly, "Body, mind, and soul. The Spirit is a dove-like angel in an innocent form: Long, white wings and elegant dress. When she is angered, Shen Si Ling takes the form of a demon: sharp, jagged, bat wings and a touch of the medieval."
I realized what he was talking about, and he grinned when he noticed my shocked expression.
"You've known about this Spirit subconsciously," Iroh confirmed. "When Zuko and I saw you in your most powerful state, we told you that your eyes glowed and you took simultaneous, translucent forms of an angel and a demon."
"But I've gone all my life thinking that I'm just a…Well, someone who isn't like anybody else. I can't cross over into the Spirit World like the Avatar, and I'm not some witch in disguise."
"Mura, it's not like you are extremely different. You draw your powers from a source like the rest of us do. Zuko and I absorb the heat from the sun and that gives us fire. The Waterbenders push and pull the tides with the moon and the ocean, which gives them their powers. The Earthbenders wait and listen, are sturdy, and unyielding like the badger moles, which they have learned the tactic for centuries. The air nomads, as is the Avatar, learned to use Airbending from the flying bison, and they maintain a spiritual cleanse by detaching themselves from worldly concerns.
"You are a telekinetic, and your powers are absorbed from mental awareness and spatial respect. Your gift does not revolve around your mental health, Mura, but also upon your heart's content and your conscience. You love Zuko," he said affectionately, "and your powers increase extensively when he is in danger; Shen Si Ling is a part of you, and the Spirit gives you knowledge that you have never known."
I was speechless when General Iroh explained the connection between a spirit and me. I doubted him at first, but the more he explained this to me, and the longer he talked, I started to understand why my powers were sometimes uncontrollable when I was angry, and why I was able to do things that I never been able to do involuntarily.
"Shen Si Ling is not unlike the other Spirits, Mura," Iroh continued as he poured us another cup of tea. "She can be vengeful like Hei Bai, who destroyed Senlin Village when he arrived there, or she can be peaceful like Tui and La, who look after each other, circling each other in an eternal dance."
"So Shen Si Ling controls me when I'm furious?" I asked uncertainly. He considered my question momentarily and clicked his tongue in thought.
"I wouldn't say that she controls you," he said. "However, I'm not that well-read in the Spirit World. I know my share. If I had to hazard a guess, it's not too different from the Avatar State. When you unleash your inner strength (whether it is from anger or the will to protect your loved ones) Shen Si Ling lives in you and gives you the necessary power to make remarkable things happen, even if your mind suffers from it.
"This is like the time when you maneuvered the avalanche of ice from our ship when we discovered the Avatar's existence. Or when you saved the crew from drowning in the South Pole. Those are grand deeds for the protection of your loved ones. Shen Si Ling also acted within you when Zuko was attempting to teach you hand-to-hand combat, and your instincts reacted without your call. When you and Zuko fought the other day, and your anger rocked this ship that was Shen Si Ling acting in you as well."
"But that would have caused the entire crew to perish," I said arguably. "Wouldn't the Spirit want to help me keep them safe, especially you?"
"I said that Spirits can be vengeful, Mura. You are a very powerful girl, and you have a very wild temper when you lose control. Not every Firebender can control his rage; and surely, there are Waterbenders who bend the icebergs adeptly when they are furious. You rocked the boat because your abilities allow you to do so. That is why you must demonstrate meditation and control because you are able to do those things."
I pondered this brilliant discovery with awe and astonishment.
"Shen Si Ling," Iroh continued, "is the spirit over mind, body, and soul. You are probably the only person who can understand the balance between the three concepts because your abilities strain on the health of each. Your mind must be rested, so it can concentrate and focus. Your body must be unharmed because pain and discomfort can distract you. Your soul and heart must be unbiased and incorruptible, for your emotions can unravel your concentration; and it can become hard to control when you are devastated."
I grasped the gist of what he was telling me.
"So," I said, weeding his words, "I'm sort of like the embodiment of Shen Si Ling?"
"Yes." Iroh said with a wide smile. "And, I have to say, that it is an honor to meet you."
He raised his cup to me and drank the rest of his tea.
As for me, I was still thunderstruck.