There's something about that word. Alone. People are always using it in such awful context. Alone for lunch. Alone for Valentine's Day. Alone under the mistletoe. Alone after ten years. Being alone implies that you're lonely.
Contrary to common belief, being alone doesn't mean you're lonely.
He set those chocolate brown eyes on me and stared with a stupid look. Unsurprisingly. I see that look every time people see me for the first time. They look shocked and stare in wonder for a few seconds. Then their looks turn disrespectful and hateful. Something new and foreign to them becomes different and weird. And Auntie wonders why I spent the last few years of my life not giving a fuck about my appearance. I'm just sheltering myself from the impending pain.
What the heck? What is the radiant creature's problem? Why does he keep staring? It's been two entire minutes. People have gotten scared by now. Ugh, it's probably because I look ridiculous. I mean, just ugly is already staring but ugly with an attempt to cancel it out with mainstream girly clothing? Why don't we just stick a Nice-Try sticker on me? Five minute stares before a combination of fear and laughter is to be expected. Flowers and frills in one dress… Why are you doing this to me, Auntie? What have I ever done? Okay. Yes, I do watch horror movies and eat too much chocolate. Yes, I do hide in the darkness and scare everyone. But it's just who I am…
Though it pains me very much to play this game of pretend every party, I'll go to this party as a lady, like I have done for her before. I know Auntie loves her parties because they make up for the liveliness in her life after her darling died. I know she struggled to live in the lingering darkness and pain left by her darling. Unlike me, Auntie doesn't like the dark. That's why she wears her bright and flashy dresses, and travels all over the world to chandelier-lit parties. That's why she fills the gaping hole of loneliness in her life with her supposedly beautifully radiant niece.
I was lost in thought for a second; sorry. Wait. Wait a second, why is the most radiant creature coming towards me? I look to the radiant creatures that made me get into this dress. Ranmaru then gestured him over, and said something. I wasn't really listening to what he said though, because I was too busy trying to avoid melting while the radiant creature was coming my way.
Dear god. How is anyone that attractive? Really? Everywhere we go, it's impossible for people not to stare at him. And it's not like the stares people give me because after those stares, people just run away from fear. Mobs run toward him and keep hugging and touching him.
How dare they touch him. Only I can touch him. I get fighting privileges because I fucking take care of that little bastard. If those stupid fangirls think they can rape a guy that I look after, I swear I will rip open their abdomens like Jack the Ripper. Do they cook food for him taking every one of his little eating habits into consideration? I think not.
Wow. I sound extremely jealous. I hope I don't look jealous because clearly, I'm not. I check to see if my obligational escort has sensed a jealous aura from me by stealing a quick glance at him.
Wrong move. He was too radiant. His tousled blonde hair was shining and lapped at his structured face. His milk chocolate brown eyes had a beautifully intense stare, and I'm sure I will melt under the golden flecks in those eyes. I felt my face heating up. No. No. No. I am not blushing. I do not like him. I have no reason to blush. I look away. Will someone please interrupt my thoughts?
"So, Sunako. Don't you think you guys look like a couple about to get married?" Yuki teased. Thanks for interrupting Yuki. Thanks for interrupting my thoughts about the radiant creature with more thoughts about the radiant creature…
"I would rather having a staring contest at the sun. This dude is too damn radiant."
"Is that your only opinion of me? 'Too damn radiant'?"
"You could be pushy, rude, demanding..." I started. I continued in my head that you could be funny, kind, and sweet, too. I don't really think Kyohei needs to know that though.
"Yeah? Well, at least I'm not antisocial, scary, stubborn—"
This quickly turned into an argument of who has the worst qualities.
"Guys, really?" Takenaga interrupted the both of us when we're attempting to list all each others' bad qualities and shouting over each other.
"Takenaga, you should've let them continue, because eventually one of them would kiss each other to shut each other up," Ranmaru taunted.
I am going to kill that Ranmaru one day, I swear. I wouldn't ever kiss that Kyohei. Besides, if I were to kiss him, it wouldn't be because he was annoying me; it would be because I wanted to. Not that I'll ever want to. Even though he's very attractive. Wait. What? What did I just think? Oh my god, let me kill myself.
Besides, I think we've already kissed enough for one day, considering I accidentally kissed him while he was half naked. This isn't even funny. Why are there so many damn kissing occurrences between him and I? Dear forces of the world, if this is your way of telling me that I should love him, I'm here to let you know that rushing things won't help.
If I want Kyohei, I'll get him on my own time. I don't need any of these stupid coincidences to play matchmaker for me; this is the twenty-first century and I'm stubborn enough to do things myself. Not that I want him. Right?
Am I into Kyohei like that? He's not looking at me, is he? I'm not blushing, am I? I don't look sheepish or anything, hopefully.
"Stop taunting, Ranmaru. Not everyone has an overly active sex life and contracts herpes every other day via kissing," Kyohei responded. I don't need him to shield me from insults. I can do that myself.
"It's not like you have kissed Tama yet, right?" I knew I said the right thing. Ranmaru blushed and stood silent.
"Tama, Tama, Tama, Tama…" Kyohei pressed on. Nice one, Kyohei.
Soon Kyohei and I were just skipping around Ranmaru chanting Tama. It was fun for a while, until I slipped on my dress and almost fell face flat to the marble ground. But unfortunately, I didn't. I fell face-to-face onto Kyohei. Did the forces of the world not get my message just now to stop scheming for these kisses?
You know, I wouldn't mind if it were not the second time today this happened. I mean, I ran into his room while he was wearing boxers and crashed onto him. I swear I almost melted. He has the body of a god. Muscular, but lean. Strong, but soft. Perfection in human form. I'm not even exaggerating.
I know I just bitched about how these random kisses suck. In all honesty though, the two accidental kisses we had today were enjoyable. I think it's his magical lips. Those lips that his genes just had to sculpt so perfectly. Curse those lips. Each and every time, those lips that leave me longing for more. I'll just keep it at that, though, because I don't want the radiant creature to know that I liked them. What will he think? What does he think of me anyways? What do I think of him anyways?
I don't know. What is he to me? He's an annoying pest I cook for. He's the guy who keeps barging in my room while I'm binging on chocolate and watching horror movies. He's such a diva. But he has his moments. I don't understand why this annoying pest of a guy does so much for me. He picked vegetables by himself for me (given it was his fault that his fan girls attacked him and ruined all my precious carrots). He protected me from harm that he thought his fan girls' jealousy was causing (even though I am perfectly capable of protecting myself, it was sweet). He even saved me from becoming well known for all the wrong and dirty reasons (I can't believe I was really that delusional to go almost naked for a whole day). I don't understand why someone so radiant can do so much for someone so dark and morbid.
I keep these small moments close and dear to me and I'll never let him know that he's actually my best friend. Radiant creatures have their own beautiful friends, but I will acknowledge him as mine (only to myself though), even though I am a dark creature.
Whatever. Who needs to think about this right now? Who cares what he is to me? No one. That's who. If my thoughts were people, I am going to mass murder them for drifting into the Kyohei zone.
"So, are we off to the party or what?" Kyohei asked.
"Thanks a lot, Auntie." I awkwardly hold Kyohei's arm and off we go to the party.