Chapter 16 – Moon

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth – Buddha

"Sirius, are you sure that your charms will hold? I don't want to put you or Harry in danger. Maybe I should…"

"Shut up Remus. The charms will hold, and even on the exceptionally slim chance that they don't, you won't be able to put Harry or I in danger. There are more charms than I'd care to mention on the actual house"

"Yeah but I don't -"

"Remus stop it. Harry and I are going to be perfectly safe and this is the safest place that you can be. I can care for you after the transformation, and Padfoot is still here, if it gets really bad"

Why did Sirius not understand? They never had, any of them. They'd never understood how dangerous he could be. He hated what he became, what he was. He hated how it changed people's opinion of him. It was the first full moon since they'd taken Harry and Remus was terrified that something would go wrong. It was an irrational fear, but a fear nonetheless.

"Remus, are you OK?" Harry's little voice interrupted the two of them. Remus froze. He hadn't planned on having to come up with a cover story so soon. His mind came up a blank. Sirius had always been the one who was good at inventing cover stories; Remus was the one who planned their escapades.

"I'm…No. I'm a bit unwell, I have to go away tonight…to the hospital. I'll be back tomorrow"

"Oh, will you be alright?" Harry looked so innocent that Remus couldn't help but smile. He seemed to have been doing that an awful lot since they'd brought Harry home. Harry's concern for Remus' safety was heart-warming. He picked Harry up and kissed his forehead.

"I'll be fine in a day or two. Shall we go and do some more reading?" Remus had started teaching Harry to recognise the alphabet and simple words. Harry nodded excitedly and took Remus' hand, dragging him back to the room where Remus normally taught. He smiled broadly at his excitement and waved quickly to Sirius.

OoOoOo

Remus could feel the moon. He could feel its tug, feel it washing poison through his veins. It was making his whole body tremble. He was sat on the floor of the basement, his clothes safely stored by the wall, waiting for the pull of the moon to become unbearable. The tremors were getting worse, the pain of his bones shifting increasing. As per usual it all hit at the same time.

The bones all snapped and realigned; and the muscles tore and sewed themselves back together in new places. It felt as if his nerves were on fire. His skin was stretching and his face was lengthening. His eyes were changing and he couldn't help it, he howled in agony. The pain of the transformation always dulled in his memory, but it always came back now. It felt like his entire body was on fire and then doused in ice-cold water. One final tremor and it was complete, man had become wolf.

The wolf prowled around the basement, frustrated at the small amount of space that it had. The wolf froze. There was a smell in the air, one that the wolf recognised. It was Padfoot. It had been a long time since they'd spent a moon together. But then where was he? It was an old smell; he wasn't here. The wolf howled in frustration. Padfoot should be here, the wolf knew that he was the only other one left from their pack and he wasn't here. His pack had left him.

OoOoOo

The next thing Remus was aware of was of somebody wiping his face. He tried moving his fingers and toes, then his hands and shoulders. He groaned in pain and moved his head, trying to see what was wrong with his shoulder.

"Stop moving you muppet! Or you'll knacker your shoulder even more"

"Ngghh…what's wrong with my shoulder?"

"It would seem that you've dislocated it…again. And you've managed to cut all up one side of your face. If you'll stay still for more than 5 seconds I can heal it"

Remus grimaced and lay back. He didn't want to say it but he was slightly worried. Sirius had never exactly been the gentlest of people. He didn't want to tell him that though; Sirius could be very sensitive if the situation arose. Remus felt his eyelids flutter close and decided that fighting sleep would be futile.

OoOoOo

"Remus, what are you doing?"

"It's cold…and I want to go back in the house"

Sirius ran forwards and placed Remus' around his shoulders, helping him to climb up the stairs. Sirius led him into the house and up to the bathroom. Remus smiled tiredly. Sirius had run him a bath. Sirius helped Remus climb into the bath and smiled when Remus sighed in contentment.

"I'm going to go make Harry's breakfast, but call me when you're done. You're going to need help if you don't want to knacker your shoulder that I so carefully healed"

Remus blushed. He didn't need Sirius' help with everything. He nodded anyway and lent back happily. The warm water was bliss. It soothed the aches in his muscles and the pain in his joints. He smiled, it was like the water was washing away the vestiges of the horrors of the night before.

A giggle brought Remus' attention back to the real world. He should probably get out of the bath – the water was slowly cooling and yet, he was still comfortable. That was a rare thing the day after the moon. He groaned as he pulled himself to his feet, his shoulder was absolutely killing him. He swung one leg out of the bath, and then the other quickly, breathing heavily. He felt light headed and he had to grab the sink to stop himself from falling over. He cursed and grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist. Remus stumbled out of the bathroom and down to his bedroom.

"Remus, you moron! I told you to wait"

"I'm a grown man Sirius. I managed alright in the three years that I was alone, I'm sure I can manage now"

Remus knew he shouldn't have said it as soon as the words left his mouth, and yet it was too late by then to stop the harm that they would cause. He didn't need to see the shock and hurt on Sirius' face to know that. arguing with the one friend he had left would get him nowhere. He just needed Sirius to understand that three years had passed in which Remus had managed on his own.

"You're not alone! Not anymore. Let me help you"

Remus' pride urged him to say no, but his heart told him to say yes. He guessed that Sirius needed to feel like he had a purpose. The poor man still felt that he was to blame for James and Lily's death; he was trying to earn redemption. Remus had told him every day that it wasn't his fault, but Sirius still didn't believe him. Remus would do anything for him, and so he was willing to sacrifice his pride if it helped Sirius. He nodded towards Sirius and let Sirius help him to his room.

"I'm going to sleep, before I drop" Remus said sleepily. Sirius smirked and pulled back the bed sheet, helping Remus climb into bed. "Thank you Sirius"

OoOoOo

When Remus woke up, he was ravenous. He thought he could have eaten a hippogriff. He climbed out of bed, his exhausted muscles protesting at the sudden movement. He managed to change his trousers before his head started swimming. Remus had to put both of his hands on the wall to stop the room from spinning. Remus cursed and reached for a t-shirt, which he pulled over his head quickly. He edged carefully down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Remus! Are you ok?" Harry's little voice asked. Remus looked down to see a pair of large green eyes watching him curiously. He smiled and would have reached down to pick up Harry, if he thought his balance would survive. He settled for leaning down and planting a kiss on Harry's messy head.

"I will be Harry. I'm just tired…and hungry"

"Sandwich Moony?" Sirius asked. Remus turned around and tried not to laugh. Sirius looked for all the world like a housewife. He had a knife in one hand and a rolling pin in the other. Sirius seemed to notice the look of barely concealed mirth on Remus' face as he frowned.

"Please Sirius. The biggest sandwich that you can manage" Remus answered, grinning sweetly at his best friend. Sirius rolled his eyes and turned his back on the two of them.

"Harry, have you given your lion a name yet?" Harry had taken to taking his cuddly lion around everywhere with him for the last two days. Sirius had decided that the lion needed a name, but Harry had yet to come up with one.

"Um…I don't know?"

"I don't know? That's a bit of a rubbish name"

Harry giggled and Remus smiled. He loved the sound of Harry laughing. He always had. Remus racked his brains, trying to think of a name. If the look of concentration on his face was any indication, Harry was doing the same.

"What about Leo?" Sirius interjected.

"Have some imagination Sirius"

"You come up with something then"

"As it's Harry's lion, I think that he should be allowed to choose…if he wants"

"What about Finley?" Harry asked, looking between the two men worriedly.

"I think Finley's a great name. Finley the lion it is" Remus answered reassuringly.

"Wasn't there a guy in our year called Finley? He was a Hufflepuff wasn't he?" Remus shook his head frantically at Sirius, trying to make him stop talking, but then Sirius asked the one question that Remus had been dreading. "Where is he now?"

Remus sighed. How could he tell Sirius that aurors had found Finley's body only a few days after he'd got arrested? He'd been dreading the day that Sirius asked him about their schoolmates. Far too many of them died or fled during the war. "Um…the aurors found him, a few days after Halloween"

Sirius' eyes widened and then he looked down. Remus knew that he understood what he meant, and that he'd managed to avoid letting Harry know anything. The little boy had grinned and ran to bring the newly named Finley to the table.

"How many did we lose?" Sirius whispered as soon as Harry left the room.

"Too many. Gryffindor took the biggest hit, but of the forty two students in our year, eight died and five fled. Can we talk about something more cheerful?"

Remus was too exhausted from the moon to talk about the war. The moon normally had this effect on him, but it didn't normally leave him so emotionally drained. He felt like he had the day after the Potter's funeral. He knew that having Sirius back would bring back good memories, but he hadn't counted on it bringing back so many sad memories. Remus sighed loudly. He wouldn't normally be thinking like this, the moon had taken its toll on him. Just like it did every month. He was so…tired. And it was all because of the moon.

AN: I have a question to ask, but I'm not sure if I know how to ask it without sounding whiney or ungrateful, so I think I'll just have to ask it straight. Is this story not very good? Has it slowly gotten worse? There seems to be very little interest in this story and it is quite disheartening. I guess what I'm really asking is if anybody is reading this anymore? And if you are, is it actually any good?

I'm really sorry to sound ungrateful to the lovely reviewers that I normally have, and I really don't want to come off as a stroppy author, but I just want to know if people are enjoying it.

Jaz x