On My Own Too Long
Reid and Prentiss
Chapter Two
February 2011
Emily woke up to find herself alone in bed. Propping herself up on her elbows she squinted against the harsh sunlight that was coming in the window.
Knock.
Knock.
Knock.
Hearing someone knocking on her door she realized that was probably the noise that had woken her up. Groaning, she got out of bed, grabbed a silk robe and hurried down the hall. Looking through the peephole she saw a guy standing there with a large package.
Cautious always- because of her job- she took her gun out of the drawer in the table closest to the door, where she kept her mail also, and put it behind her back before she opened the door.
"Morning," she said to the stranger.
"I have a delivery for Lauren Reynolds."
"Lau-" she mumbled, her heart nearly stopping. "I'll sign for it." After closing the door she put the gun away and opened the package to see a flower arrangement. It immediately brought back memories.
"Someone sent you flowers?"
Emily jumped at the sound of Reid's voice and dropped the flowers. "Shit! I thought you had left."
"I was in the bathroom."
Walking over he bent down and picked up her flowers. "You don't have to tell me who sent these to you, if you don't want to. Its not my business." He set them on the table. "I'm glad you're up. I wasn't sure if I should wake you to say good bye or if your alarm was set for work."
"Well most women don't like to wake up alone the morning after, unless they can't stand the guy."
"I really have never understood why anyone would sleep with someone they can't stand. It doesn't seem worth it, logically."
"Sometimes life is all about the illogical though." She glanced at the flowers again.
He said "I didn't realize you're seeing someone."
"I thought you weren't going to ask?"
"Maybe I'd like to know where I stand with you...with this."
After a long, agonizing moment she said "Last night was wonderful. I wouldn't change what happened for anything..."
He swallowed hard. "But..."
"But it's a bad time for me to start anything new with anyone, even you, even one of my best friends who I know it wouldn't be like all my other messed up relationships but it would still have one thing in common with those...me. Me, Reid. I'm the messed up part of all my relationships and I can't...right now I just can't deal with this." With that said she walked into her bedroom and closed the door.
Reid gathered his coat, with his keys and wallet in the pocket, and left without trying to talk to her again, leaving Emily to sit in her shower with cool water coming down on her, tears streaming down her face, as she wondered if those flowers really meant what she thought they meant.
Was Ian Doyle somehow out of prison? Or had he sent someone after her? How did he learn that she wasn't Lauren Reynolds and Lauren Reynolds wasn't dead? Did he know where his son Declan was or did he want Emily to tell him that?
She'd die before leading Doyle to that little boy. Hell, who was she kidding? She'd probably be dead soon, one way or the other, anyway.
And she'd sent Reid away without telling him a thing about why. If not for that knock on the door this morning, those flowers arriving, what would it have been like when her and Reid talked? What if she had told him "Just keep asking me out and we'll see if we can keep having amazing nights like last night."
What if she would have confessed that last year she used to have feelings for him but she'd never thought he'd see her that way? What if she could have made him understand how much she cares? How he's different than any other man who has ever made love to her before, ever been her friend before, ever wanted her before.
What if...but it was too late for what ifs now. Right now she had to deal with what she knew was true. Ian Doyle or someone associated with him had sent her a message and that could only mean one thing: her past had finally caught up to her.
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Nearly a month later, Emily knew her time was running out. Reid was researching Doyle's life, after Doyle put himself on the BAU"s radar, and Emily was sure that sooner or later Reid or someone else on the team would learn she had used the alias Lauren Reynolds.
It had been a tense time between her and Reid since they had slept together. They were polite but there were moments when she would catch him watching her and moments when she would cry while all alone in her apartment...waiting out another sleepless night, just trying to survive till dawn. But survive for what?
She had lied to the team so many times and hurt the man who understood her the best, the one who maybe could have loved her, if only she was a better woman. A woman strong enough to be honest and not hide all her sins.
Emily knew she couldn't stay in Quantico. Doyle was too close. He would get to her or the team. She needed to lead him away from Virginia, away from her family.
She had to leave, she knew that, but what she didn't know is if she would ever make it back.
Finding Reid at his desk she asked "Any luck yet?"
"I know there is something in these phone records. I just haven't been able to find it yet." He rubbed his temples. "Maybe its this headache that I just can't shake that's screwing with my concentration."
"I have aspirins." She reached for her desk drawer.
"They don't work. The doctor gave me something stronger but it doesn't hardly touch the pain either."
"Doctor? How bad are these headaches?"
"Excruciating."
"Reid! You should be home in bed."
"I think I can figure out what I need better than you can, Emily."
"Right, right, of course you can. I just...I hate to see you hurting, that's all. I wanted to be the one to make you happy but I screwed it all up."
He stared into her eyes. "Pretty much."
"I know. Just do me one favor, please? Don't ever doubt how much I wanted to be the person...you took to foreign films, and the one you talked about serial killers with over dinner...and even the one you woke up to see looking awful with my hair a frizzy mess and sleep in my eyes. It was just really bad timing and what I wanted...I couldn't have..."
"Why? Because you wouldn't let yourself?"
"Its more than that, Reid. Its personal. I'm going through some personal things that I can't explain to you."
"But I tell you everything."
"I'm sorry. That's all I can say right now is that I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know what I wanted...what I wanted us to share...what I wanted to give you...if I was a different woman who had something left to give."
"Emily, whatever you have to give is enough for me, even if I understand you less and less as the days go by, and even if you're just trying to let me down easy and I don't get it. I still want you to know: you were always enough for me, as is, no changes needed and whatever problems you have or baggage doesn't bother me cause its what makes you who you are. And I am very fond of who you are."
"I'm very fond-"
Just then Hotch came out of his office and called to them that they would be having a task force meeting in half an hour and to spread the word to the rest of the team.
Emily grimaced. "I better go tell Morgan and Garcia."
"I better get back to work."
Emily started to walk away but Reid called her name. She looked back.
He said "There isn't anything you need to be afraid to tell me, okay?"
She nodded but walked away, not telling him her secret because it was her burden to bear alone. Tears stung her eyes as she made up her mind that today was the day she had to run.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
"Why?" Reid kept repeating after they found Emily's credentials in her desk that afternoon. "Why would she run? We're her family! Why? She knows we would protect her. We'd do anything for her! Why? I don't understand any of this!"
Garcia said "We're gonna find her, right?"
"If she doesn't want be found," Rossi said "she'll make it damn hard on us."
Morgan said "I knew that she was hiding something. She's been acting weird for a month now! Why couldn't she just tell us she knew Doyle? Why hide it like this? She risked her lives and all of ours! What is the big secret anyway? Is she dirty or something?"
Hotch wore the most frustration expression on his face and a clenched jaw. "We all have questions about why Prentiss would walk off the job but we can't lose focus. We need to work this like any other case."
Reid said "But its not any other case. Its Emily. And she's all alone out there."
"We profile Prentiss. That's how we'll figure this out," Hotch decided, leading them all to the roundtable room.
Later JJ joined the team and they set about trying to bring their girl home but they all knew that as long as Doyle was alive and out of prison there was really no safe place for Emily...maybe no safe place for any of them.