Chapter Nine: Jokes on You

Loras's Point of View

I get home from school on Tuesday. Gendry had football practice and Margaery had cheerleading, so Robb brought me home. I invite him in for a few minutes. He has time to spare before he has to be home with Torrhen.

Renly is drinking a beer and laughing with a few of his friends when Robb and I come in. Renly does not seem to notice me. He is sitting in an arm chair, Brienne and Oberyn are on the sofa laughing together, a pretty girl I do not know is between them, and there is a man I have never seen before sitting with his head on Oberyn's shoulder.

"It seems you have company, I should go," Robb whispers.

"No. These are Renly's friends. Don't leave me."

"Oh, hi, Loras, you're home. Listen, the gang and I are going out for dinner tonight; do you think you can feed yourself?" Renly asks.

"Yeah, he can come over to my house. My mom is making lasagna," Robb says.

"Would you mind if he spent the night? Gendry and Margaery won't be back until 8 and I don't want him here alone."

"No problem," Robb says.

Then Renly goes back to ignoring me. Robb and I linger in the living room. Someone tells a joke neither Robb nor I understand, but Renly and the rest laugh. Maybe it's a grown up joke. It becomes unbearably awkward sitting with Renly's friends so I jerk my head towards my bedroom and Robb follows.

We linger in the hall way when I hear my name. Robb and I put our backpacks down and stand still to listen.

"If you're so worried about your little pet being alone in the apartment why not get him a babysitter?" the girl who I do not know asks. The group laughs.

"So is he potty trained?" asks Oberyn's new playmate.

I wait for Renly to stick up for me but I do not hear his voice. He just laughs along with the rest of them. I feel Robb's hand squeeze my shoulder.

"You could have your wedding reception at the pizza arcade. I'll rent you a bounce house," says Oberyn.

"Do you have to hold his hand when he crosses the street or is he big enough to walk across by himself?" Brienne asks.

Renly says nothing. I recognize his laugh. I have heard enough. He is not going to defend me against his friends. I go into my room and sit on the bed. Robb carries both our backpacks inside and shuts the door slowly so no one can hear.

I grab some jeans and clean under clothes from my wardrobe and a couple of shirts and toss them on the bed. Robb obsessively folds them and packs them for me, but neither of us says anything. I grab everything I need and put it on my bed and watch, amused, as Robb packs it for me.

"Oh, my goodness, I bet he sleeps with a teddy bear at night."

"Actually, he sleeps with Margaery," Renly says.

"Who's she?" asks that unfamiliar girl.

"His sister," Renly says, "I thought it was really weird at first, but I've gotten used to it. It's not half as bad as them bathing together. That was a little hard for me to handle."

"So I used to bathe with my sister when we were kids," Oberyn says.

"I meant now. They took a bath together last week. They came out of the bathroom together and everything. It was freaky."

I step into the living room with my bags on my shoulder. Renly is too busy laughing to catch my eyes. I lower my face and head toward the door. I can feel Robb behind me. He puts a protective hand on my shoulder and urges me forward.

"His friend is really hot," says the girl I do not know as we walk out the door.

"I'm sorry," Robb says as he opens his truck door for me. I step inside and buckle my safety belt. He leans against the open door staring at me.

"Let's go," I say fighting back the urge to cry. Robb nods and shuts my door. He gets in on his side and looks at me after strapping in.

"I could say something to them if you want."

"Don't bother," I say.

"You look like you're about to cry."

"Is it making you uncomfortable?"

"No, it's making me mad. I can't just sit here and do nothing."

"Yes you can. Let's just go."

"Loras?"

"Just go. Please. I don't want to be here right now."

"If you start crying I am going up there."

I fight hard not to cry, but a rogue tear does trickle down my face, fortunately, it's on the cheek not facing Robb. We start moving. I watch in the rearview mirror as the apartment complex gets smaller.

"I never took a bath with Margaery. She came out of the shower and I walked in. She had a towel around her. I was never in there with her. We haven't bathed together in six years," I say, noticing the catch in my voice. I expect Robb to turn around and head back toward the apartment, but he just continues toward his house.

"I would defend Meera no matter what, no exceptions," Robb says.

"Maybe it's different with my situation," I say, still not clear on the rules of dating someone of the same sex.

"No it's not. It's exactly the same. The boyfriend is supposed to protect and defend the girlfriend."

"I'm not a girl."

"No, but you're the recessive partner, so the concept is the same."

"I'm not the recessive partner."

Robb raises an eyebrow. He sees through that. I feel my face flush and I start counting the teeth in my mouth with my tongue.

"You can stay with me as long as you need. Frankly, I don't want you going back into that house until your dumb ass boyfriend apologizes," Robb says.

"Fiancé," I correct.

"Yeah, we'll see."

I want to ask him what he means by that, but I let it roll right off my shoulder. Robb is scary when he's angry. I know he would never hurt me, but I am not sure if he would hurt Renly or not.

Catelyn Stark is not too thrilled to have me stay for dinner. She never did like me much. I guess it was because I stood up to her for Jon. Robb was once very fond of his mother; until she took away the one person he loved the most, now their relationship is a bit icy.

"How was school, Robb?" Catelyn asks. She is chopping something for dinner. Her back is to me so I cannot tell what it is.

Robb cradles Torrhen in his arms. Torrhen seems happy to be held by his daddy. He never stops smiling at Robb.

"It was fine, could Loras sleep over. I know it's a school night, but Renly is going to be out and he didn't want Loras there alone."

"I'm not watching Torrhen. I only watch him until you're home from school no longer. I am not your baby-sitter, Robb."

"You don't have to watch him," says Robb.

Robb and I go back up to his bedroom; he changes, feeds, and rocks Torrhen to sleep. Torrhen is not able to sit up on his own yet. I enjoy watching Robb interact with his son. He really loves him. When he puts Torrhen in the crib, Robb changes into shorts to do sit ups on the floor, I count for him, he stops when he gets to 200.

"So, I want to have sex with Meera," Robb says, after chugging an entire bottle of water in one minute. He stretches after his work out to cool down. "Thing is, I don't know how to ask her. I promised I wouldn't pressure her, but I really want this. It's really bad. Every time she touches me I feel like I'm going to explode."

"Have you told her this?"

"No. I don't know how to bring it up. I was thinking of this Friday, my parents are out of town and I invited her over for dinner and movie."

"That's why you want me to watch Torrhen," I say.

"Yeah, but if you and Renly haven't made it I can cancel it."

"That's unnecessary. I am sure we will make up before then. If not, I'll baby-sit by myself, it'll be fine. But won't the kids be here?"

"Bran and Rickon are going with Mom and Sansa is staying with Jeyne Poole. I just have to find a place for Arya and I'll have the house to myself."

"She can stay with us."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it's not a problem."

Torrhen wakes up crying when Sansa slams her bedroom door after arguing with Arya. Both their dogs are barking loudly. Robb wipes his sweat off with a towel, and gets up to check on Torrhen. I notice he is shirtless. Sweat droplets glisten across his tightly muscled chest when he stands up. He bends over the side of the crib to get Torrhen and my eyes lock on his butt, which is perfectly molded by his shorts.

"Shh, Tor, its okay, daddy's here," Robb says hugging his son to his bare chest. Robb plants a sweet kiss on Torrhen's head.

I hear the girls arguing even with the door shut. Nymeria and Lady are having a barking match. Robb's own dog Grey Wind who I just now noticed was asleep under Robb's desk lifts his head, barks, and goes back to sleep.

"Can you make him stop crying?" I ask, covering my ears.

"He's a baby, he doesn't have an off button," Robb says.

"I hate you!" Sansa shouts and slams the door hard.

There is a deep man's voice that sounds muffled through the wall; it must be Mr. Stark trying to help the situation. The girls calm down, but Torrhen continues crying. Our door swings wide open and Mr. Stark walks in.

"They woke up the baby," Robb says with his voice high.

Eddard Stark squeezes his son's bare shoulder, and kisses his grandson's head as he lifts him from Robb's arms. He sits down in the rocking chair to try to quiet the baby. Robb walks out of the room. I hear him pound on Sansa's bedroom door.

"How are you, Loras?" asks Eddard as Torrhen starts to go back to sleep.

"I am healthy, sir," I say.

"I mean, how are things in your life?"

"Oh, I had a disagreement with Renly, that's why I am here. Well, it's not a disagreement, it will be when I get the chance to talk with him, but it's a problem."

"Dad, are you sure Sansa is your daughter?" Robb asks coming back.

Eddard laughs.

"Sometimes I wonder. I will make sure the girls are quiet. Have you done your homework?"

"Not yet, but I will before dinner. I promise."

"Good."

Mr. Stark hands Torrhen to Robb and leaves. Robb gives Torrhen a bottle and holds him on his lap while he stares in the direction of his window. He is waiting for Meera to get home. His phone rings and he hands me the baby while he talks to Meera for a few minutes. He runs to his window, which faces her house. They wave at each other.

Robb takes Torrhen back to continue feeding him. When he's sleepy he lays him in the crib and puts his backpack on his lap. I take time to notice Robb is still without a shirt. The tuft of hair between his pecs is driving my imagination into a place it should not go.

"Why don't you change? You'd be more comfortable," Robb suggests.

I am not like Robb, I will not just take my clothes off in front of anyone, but Robb is so comfortable with his body he has no issues about taking off his clothes. I strip down to my shorts and put on a T-shirt.

I grab a book and maul over it for a class. I have a report to research for Tyrion Lannister's history class. I skim through the books I borrowed from the library until my eyes start to hurt. I get bored doing homework and have to take a break.

"Do you think you could help me with something?" I ask sliding my book off my lap.

"Sure. What subject do you need help with?"

"It's not for school. I want a job."

Robb stifles a laugh in order to keep from waking up Torrhen too soon. He seems to have trouble holding his amusement back.

"You're funny. For a second I thought you were serious."

"I am serious."

"Why do you want a job you have money?"

"It's not about the money."

"Don't tell me this is about Renly."

"No. Well, yes. I just want him to respect me."

"Loras, you don't have anything to prove, least of all to Renly."

"I know, but this is important to me."

"Okay."

I have to do something to get the respect of the man I am going to marry.