Disclaimer: I do not own the Glee world.

A/N: Yay! I'm back. Thanks for waiting so patiently! Lots of love to all my beautiful reviewers!

Chapter 8: Worst Celebration Ever

"They're here, Noah!" Berry yelled and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The doorbell ringing had kinda already signalled the arrival of his mom and sister. He closed her laptop, having been revising some mechanics stuff for when he went round Kurt's dad's garage a bit later. He wanted to look like he knew what he was doing – he did know of course, but he still wanted to impress his (hopefully) future boss.

He pulled himself to his feet and walked over to the front door, arriving at the same time as Berry. She looked way too excited considering it was just his mother and sister on the other side of the door. Given the way the last meeting between the three adults had gone he was impressed that she was looking positive in the slightest way. He certainly hoped things went better this time…

Berry opened the door and Puck frowned as he saw only his sister standing on the porch. "Jem, where's Mom?" he asked but the sound of tyres squealing answered his question. Sure enough, a second later he saw his mother's car pass in front of the house. She didn't even look in their direction as she drove away.

"Mom said she had to go into work," Jemima shrugged.

"She never works on Sundays," Puck mumbled, his body going cold and he didn't think it was due to the slightly chilly weather. "And she didn't mention it last night." He had gone back home to pick up some more stuff to bring back to Berry's and whilst there he had extended the invitation that his mother and Jem come and see Evie. His sister had been very excited to find out that she was an aunt.

"Well that's what she told me," Jem replied, still standing on the front step. He saw Berry give him a sympathetic look out of the corner of his eye but he wished she wouldn't. He didn't want her feeling sorry for him.

"Hi, you're Jemima, right?" Berry asked, opening the door further and beckoning for his sister to come inside.

"Yeah, but don't call me that." She said as she stepped into the house. "Last year Millie Jacobs brought a book into school that had a duck called Jemima in it and everyone in the class kept quacking at me. It was so lame. People call me Jem instead, you know, like a diamond or ruby, except you spell it with a J not a G."

Berry smiled at her and took her coat to hang it up. "Ok, Jem it is. I'm Rachel, Rachel Berry."

Puck saw his sister's eyes widen as she gaped at Berry. What the hell? "Oh my God! I thought I recognised you! You're the glee girl – the one with the amazing voice!"

Puck saw Berry try and look modest and he wrinkled his nose in disgust. He didn't want to hear about how incredible his sister thought Rachel Berry was – that would be too fucking weird for words.

"Don't you want to see Evie?" he interrupted before Jem could demand that Berry give an impromptu performance (yes, he knew what that word meant. Damn Berry and her stupid vocab).

"Oh, yeah," Jem turned to him with excited eyes. Puck smirked at how easy it was to distract little kids. "But…" Jem turned back to Rachel with a confused expression. "You're not her mom. I saw her. She was all fat and she had blonde hair."

Shit. Puck had hoped his mother had gone through this stuff with Jem. Obviously not.

"Evie's mother had to go away," Berry explained gently.

"She left her baby?" Jem asked in surprise. "That's not a very nice thing to do."

Puck exchanged an uncomfortable glance with Berry. Personally, he was kinda glad that Quinn had left town because otherwise he wouldn't have Evie in his life but he knew that Berry would be pissed if he told Jem that. She'd want him to treat the matter with sensitivity. She'd obviously forgotten that he didn't possess a vagina; he didn't do sensitivity.

"Yeah, well, sometimes things are pretty messed up." He told his sister. There, a compromise. He was slightly annoyed to see Berry giving him another sympathetic look. Enough already! There was nothing for her to look so sad about; he was fan-fucking-tastic at the moment, thanks. Ok, so he was a single dad who was failing high school and he had a slightly depressed mom who didn't like being in the same room as her own grand daughter. But all that mattered was that he had his daughter. And he should be getting a job today so things were on the up.

"So, are you her mom now?" Jem asked Berry. Puck was surprised to see the hopefulness on his sister's face; she'd only known Rachel Berry for a minute!

"Oh, no, definitely not." Berry replied her face blushing bright red.

"Then what's she doing here? Why aren't she and Noah living at home with me and Mom?"

Puck sighed. Damn kids and their annoying questions. He tried to rack his brain for a good excuse. He didn't think telling Jem that their mom completely freaked when she saw the baby would be a good idea.

"There's not enough room!" Berry burst out suddenly and Puck raised an eyebrow. Seriously? Evie was tiny and they didn't really have that much baby crap; she could easily fit into his house.

However, anything that came out of Berry's mouth must be true and golden according to Jem because his sister didn't question that pretty shit lie at all.

"Ok," Jem said simply. "So where is she?"

The three of them walked over to the lounge where Evie was sleeping peacefully. They were all silent for a while until Jem whispered, "Cool. She's really small, though." And Puck saw her give Berry this confused expression, as though she knew that there was totally room for a baby back at their home. He expected Jem to call Berry on her lie because if Jem thought he was lying to her then she'd be onto him like a fat kid at a buffet. She didn't say anything to Berry though and he found this mildly annoying.

After another minute of quiet Jem turned to him and said, "She doesn't really do much, does she?"

"She's asleep, moron," he sneered at her.

"Noah!" Berry admonished. "Don't be so rude to your sister!"

"That's ok, Rachel," Jem muttered, taking a step closer to Berry. "I'm used to it."

Berry put her arm around his sister's shoulder and gave him a very disapproving look.

"What?" he shrugged. "I'm her brother; I'm supposed to treat her that way."

Berry sniffed and turned back to Jem. "Do you want a drink?" she asked. "We've got water, orange juice, diet coke and some cranberry juice."

"Um, I'll just have a coke, thanks."

"No problem, I'll be right back."

"Yeah, I'll have a coke too, Berry." Puck called after her as she moved towards the kitchen.

"You can get your own," she shot back over her shoulder as she disappeared from view. Jem giggled and he scowled.

"Why'd you just call her Berry?" Jem asked him once she'd stopped laughing.

"It's her name."

"No, her name's Rachel."

"Yeah, Rachel Berry, genius."

"But why don't you call her Rachel? People don't call me Puckerman."

"I just do."

"Great answer," she snarked back at him.

"Hey, don't you go mouthing at me, squirt. Just because I'm not at home at the moment doesn't mean I can't torture you," he said, grabbing her wrist and throwing her over his shoulder. She squealed and started beating her little fists against his back.

"Noah, you big idiot! Put me down!" Jem wailed uselessly as Berry came rushing back in, two cups of coke in her hands.

"Noah Puckerman you put her down this instant before…" but she paused as Evie started to bawl at being so rudely awoken. "…Evie wakes up." She finished dryly. "Now look what you've done."

"Hey, I wasn't the one screeching," Puck countered as he dumped his sister on her ass.

"Ow," Jem whinged, giving him what he assumed she thought was an evil look but in fact just made her look like she was taking a dump.

"You're such a child," Berry snapped at him as she placed the drinks carefully on coasters on the coffee table. She pulled Jem up then went to comfort Evie.

"Thank you for the drink, Rachel," Jem spoke over Evie's crying.

"That's ok," Rachel replied as she lifted the baby into her arms.

Puck moved to take the other glass but Rachel somehow managed to swat his hand away while still holding Evie securely. "That's mine," she hissed at him. "You know where the kitchen is if you want one." Then she turned her back on him and started singing that Dumbo song to make Evie shut up.

He rolled his eyes before reaching out for her glass again but Jem snatched it out of his way, giving him a scandalised look. What the fuck? Why did these chicks hate him? He sighed and stomped off to the kitchen…stupid women ganging up on him.

When he got back Evie had pretty much settled down and Berry was putting the baby into Jem's lap, telling her how to hold her arms.

"Lift your elbow up a little so you're supporting her head." Berry said. "That's it, well done." Berry grinned up at him and he assumed he was forgiven for whatever it was he'd done wrong earlier (he really wasn't sure what it was).

"I'm just going to get my camera," Berry told him and she walked towards the staircase as he carefully sat next to his sister on the couch.

"So, what do you think?" he asked before taking a sip from his glass.

"She's kinda awesome," Jem whispered back to him, grinning. He grinned back.

"Yeah, I know."

"She doesn't really look like you." She commented, staring at Evie intently.

"No?"

"She doesn't really look like anybody; just a baby."

"Great observation, Jem," he scoffed and she gave him a hurt look.

"Why do you always have to ruin things and say mean stuff?" She asked.

He sighed. He didn't even say anything that mean! "I'm your big brother, kiddo. Like I said to Berry, I'm supposed to be mean to you."

"But you're a daddy now. Doesn't that make you like really grown up? I thought that once you had a baby you weren't allowed to be a kid anymore."

"Nope, I'm still allowed," he smirked and ruffled her hair. She jerked her head away and frowned at him.

"Fine, but that doesn't mean I have to like you."

"Good. I don't like you either."

There was silence for a moment as Jem stared at Evie. "I miss you," she whispered so quietly that he thought he'd imagined it.

"What? No you don't. You're always saying you wish I'd move to the North Pole or somewhere really far away." He pointed out.

"Yeah, but I only said that when you were annoying me. I didn't really mean it." She spoke in a quiet voice and it was making him feel uncomfortable. He didn't usually share 'moments' with his sister. They just annoyed, teased and made fun of each other. There were very few occasions where they'd had a proper conversation – this was his baby sister after all. But seeing Evie in her arms made him realise that Jem wasn't really a baby anymore.

"When are you coming home?" she asked him. "Mom's acting really weird and don't tell me she isn't because she totally is."

He sighed again (he seemed to be doing an awful lot of that lately). "She's just a bit surprised about Evie, that's all. She'll be back to normal soon enough and me and Evie'll be home too and when Evie's crying in the middle of the night you'll wish that we were both still staying here." He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead and Berry just had to choose that fucking moment to come back downstairs, didn't she?

"Oh," she breathed, holding the camera against her chest and posting a disgustingly sappy expression on her face. Puck could swear he could see fucking tears in her eyes. Chicks.

He spent the next few minutes being incredibly bored as Berry took multiple pictures of his daughter and sister. Eventually he got bullied into having a picture taken of himself with Evie. He was a stud and the camera has always loved him so he didn't mind too much.

Over the next hour Jem helped them to feed and change Evie with minimal sparring between everyone involved. Puck was convinced that Jem thought Berry was some sort of god on Earth and he couldn't understand it because there was no way that he could possibly describe Rachel Berry as being 'cool'; she was just some crazy-assed singing chick who spoke too much and dressed like a doll.

"Um, Jem, did Mom say what time she'd be picking you up?" Puck asked a while later as they ate some lunch that Berry had made for them.

"Nope," she replied, shaking her head.

Puck looked at his watch and saw he was going to have to leave soon to meet Burt Hummel. Berry obviously knew what he was thinking because she told him that she didn't mind watching over Jem while he was away. He asked his sister if she minded but in fact, Jem looked like she couldn't wait for him to leave so she could spend some quality time with Berry without him spoiling things. He pushed Jem off of her seat as he left, stating that he shouldn't be out for too long.

The meeting at Burt Hummel's garage started off rather awkwardly. Puck wasn't sure whether Burt knew that he used to throw Kurt into dumpsters or not and they tentatively discussed football, his involvement in glee and Puck being a dad.

Things went better when they got down to looking at the cars in the garage. Puck was able to show Burt what he knew about fixing cars and the conversation flowed a lot more easily. Burt even gave him a few tips about looking after newborns that Puck was grateful for.

Just as the two of them had agreed his working hours and his wage, Kurt appeared with a moderately large pale pink box which he thrust into Puck's hands.

"Er, what's this?" Puck asked, confused.

"Clothes for Evie." Kurt replied. "Now, there's a strict timetable enclosed that details what she's supposed to wear on each day for the next two weeks. There's also a back up outfit in case something unsavoury happens to the first choice. I expect you to send a photo of her to me each morning so I can see what suits her better for future reference."

Puck wanted to make some comment on how weird it was that Kurt cared what his daughter was wearing and that maybe he should get a life but his dad (aka Puck's new boss) was standing right next to him.

Instead he said, "Ok, cool. I'll tell Berry. But, you know I can't actually pay –"

Kurt waved him off. "It's fine, I'm sure I'll think of some way you can repay me."

Puck didn't like the sound of that but he wasn't about to turn down free clothes. He was totally skint until Burt paid him.

Puck left soon after, feeling pretty stoked that he'd managed to wrangle himself a job. When he got back to Berry's he found the downstairs abandoned but could hear singing coming from her room again. Feeling a sense of déjà vu he knocked on her door but this time she answered it, shutting the door quickly behind her.

"How did it go with Mr. Hummel?" she asked. She looked kinda excited and was really smiley. It unnerved him.

"Er, good. I start work tomorrow." He would've explained further but she squealed and jumped up and down a little. He could've sworn she was going to hug him but, thank fuck, she didn't and he was relieved because he didn't really do hugging. (Yes, he had hugged her when he quit football for glee but that was only because he was trying to get into her pants. Epic fail.)

"Oh, Noah, that's fantastic!" she exclaimed like he'd managed to secure New Directions a guaranteed spot at Nationals and not picked up a part time job. "I'm very proud of you."

Normally, accepting compliments was no big deal (I mean, you have seen him, haven't you?) but there was something different about when Rachel Berry complimented him. Although she talked a lot, she usually thought about what she said and didn't give out a compliment if you didn't deserve it. The fact that she seemed so impressed that he'd been able to get a small part-time job without really having to try made him wonder just what she thought of him. The phrase 'Lima loser' came to mind and he tried to push it away.

"It wasn't exactly hard, Berry; Kurt had already practically convinced his dad to give me a job."

"Yes, well, this is still something to celebrate. In fact, Jem and I have been preparing a celebration for you since you've been gone."

Puck raised an eyebrow. Was this what she was so excited about?

"We're going to put on a little show for you!"

Puck groaned. "Are you serious, Berry? I can think of hundreds of ways to celebrate my getting a job and having to sit through some God-awful little show with you and my sister singing show tunes or teeny pop that makes me want to vomit is not one of them!"

"Noah," Berry reprimanded, placing her hands on her hips. "Jem is really excited about this so you're going to have to sit through this production whether you like it or not. And," she added threateningly, poking a finger in his chest, "you're going to look like you're enjoying it."

"The fuck I will!" he retaliated, pushing her finger away. He really wanted to rub his chest where she had tried to stab through to his ribs. That shit hurt. What, were her fingers made of steel or something?

"Your sister is quite confused at the moment with your mother not coping well with Evie and your absence from home. It's not going to kill you to be nice to her."

"Wanna bet," he mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"The production is due to commence at four thirty in the lounge." She informed him, ignoring his comment. "Dad and Daddy should be back from shopping by then."

He slouched off to watch some TV in another part of her house. They'd taken Evie captive in Berry's room and he'd been expressly told that he wasn't allowed to enter her room while they were rehearsing.

Four thirty eventually rolled around and he found himself sat between Berry's dads (awkward) on the couch. The coffee table had been moved away and one of her dads was holding a fucking video camera. If she tried to post this shit on MySpace he swore to himself that he was going to sit on her until she gave in.

His sister emerged downstairs looking like a craft shop had thrown up on her. She was wearing a navy blue…outfit, for want of a better word, that had glitter and sequins stuck all over it. Berry's fathers 'aw-ed' and he gathered that this was an old costume of Berry's. Her dads said Jem looked very cute but Puck thought she looked like a retard.

Berry was just dressed in her normal clothes and Puck was very relieved.

The girls performed a selection of Disney-spawned songs that he was unfortunately familiar with (eight year old sister, remember?) to some karaoke CD Berry must have had. Berry sounded note perfect as always and Jem didn't actually sound as bad as she normally did. He supposed that Berry had given her a lot of coaching in the last few hours.

A song started playing that he absolutely did not recognise as coming from Sleeping Beauty. Berry quickly moved to change the track, stating that they needed a male voice to sing that one when Jem opened her mouth to say the last words that Puck wanted to hear.

"Noah can sing it," she suggested. "He knows the words."

"No I don't," he insisted quickly through gritted teeth.

Jem gave him a confused look. "Yeah you do. You let me watch it when you babysat me a couple of weeks ago and we sang along to it."

Puck seriously wished for that clichéd 'Earth opening up and swallowing him whole' thing because Berry looked like her fucking Birthday had come early.

"You sing along to Sleeping Beauty?" she asked and he knew that she was trying so hard not to laugh.

"No," he said, harshly.

"Yes, you do!" Jem disagreed and he wanted to stuff his sister under the couch.

"That's adorkable!" Berry giggled and he scowled at her. She'd just called him a dork and adorable in the same word. He wasn't sure which of those words was worse because he was not a dork and nor was he adorable; he was a total BAMF!

"Sing it with Rachel, Noah!" Jem cried running forward to grab his hand. She yanked his arm to make him stand but he didn't budge.

Berry's fathers encouraged him too and pushed his back to make him stand up. If he wasn't staying in their home, eating their food and using their hot water then he would have ran out of that house without looking back but he couldn't really turn the Mister's Berry down.

Feeling like a man heading to his own execution, he dragged his feet to stand next to Berry who was grinning at him.

"I hate you," he muttered at her, but her grin only widened. She pressed play and the song started again.

She tried to move his arms so that it would look like they were dancing like some queers on Dancing With the Stars but he kept him limbs locked tightly by his side. She stamped on his foot and he gave in, he reasoned that he was already singing a Disney song in Rachel Berry's front room, with his sister and her dads watching. It couldn't really get much gayer if he let her dance with him. Berry began to sing as they turned slowly on the spot.

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream,
I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

Yes, I know it's true, that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.

But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.

'Fuck my life' Puck thought as he took a breath and started to sing his part.

The way you did once upon a dream.

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream,
I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

Berry started singing with him and Puck thanked God that it was almost over.

Yes, I know it's true, that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.

Jem and Berry's dads clapped loudly and Puck rolled his eyes before leaning in to whisper threateningly in her ear.

"If you post that on MySpace I will destroy every version of every musical that you own." He was not in the slightest way joking.

A/N I have to say, I am totally surprised how long this chapter turned out. This is not where the chapter was supposed to end (my plan for this chapter had seven bullet points to it and this covers only the first two. Weird.)

The book with a duck called Jemima in is by Beatrix Potter. It occurred to me that I don't even know if you know Beatrix Potter in North America (where most of the readers of this story are from). Do you? Her books are so cute.

The reason that the bit with Burt Hummel is so short is that I know bleep all about cars. Seriously. I've never even sat behind the wheel of one (and I'm 21! Shocking, I know). So I didn't really have a clue what to write there.

Last weekend I got to sing in Canterbury Cathedral with 350 other singers as part of a choral festival. It was awesome to sing in this building that is, in parts, nearly 1000 years old and when I got to hear all the guys sing I got Goosebumps. It was SO…I wouldn't say sexy because most of the guys were kind of old but yeah, it was amazing. I know that's of NO relevance to the story whatsoever but meh, I thought you might like to know.

Next chapter shouldn't be too long. I've still got work to do but not quite as much.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Lots of love,

Lil Drop of Magic

xXxXx

PS Is anyone else suffering with me in giving up something for Lent? No chocolate, crisps, ice cream, sweets, non-alcoholic fizzy drinks (come on, I'm a student) or basically anything nice for me until 4th April! L