Reconciliation

Dawn watched Buffy gently close the door. It was night and several days had passed since Spike had first been brought into their home. Dawn had been in turmoil; Buffy's refusal to let her see Spike had aggravated the teenager to no end. Again and again their brief meeting played out in her mind. The way Spike had been so cautious in approaching her, and the pure anguish that had gleamed in his eyes at her, begging her for compassion. She had given him none. But then what he had tried to do to Buffy viciously attacked her mind. He had been in no real position to ask for compassion, not from her! Unless...unless what he had been through was so awful that there was barely any of him left, if all he was hanging on was a thread and that thread was rapidly thinning...he needed help, she decided. He didn't need her anger and her hurt; he needed her friendship, her warmth, her trust. And most importantly, her love. She had heard his voice briefly the other day; it had set tears in her own eyes. "And she will look upon him with forgiveness, and everyone will forgive and love. And he will be loved." He needed all the love he could get, and no matter how serious his injuries were, nothing was going to stop her seeing him, not even Buffy. He was, after all, the sole reason she was still alive. She heard Buffy's bedroom door click closed. She quietly got out of bed, a shiver ran through her and she hurriedly grasped her pink nightgown. Slowly, she crept down the hallway; tip toed past Buffy's room and, with the gentlest touch she could manage, pushed her Mother's room door open.

Moonlight was flooding into the room, illuminating Spike beautifully. She felt a stir of appreciation go through her as she looked at Spike's pale chest. Most of his bandages were gone now; Spike had managed to lick his wounds till they healed over. His back, legs and lower body however were still tightly covered in bandages. The moonlight emphasized his every muscle and Dawn stood there transfixed, until a low growl filled the room. "Was there something you wanted Niblet?"

That made Dawn jump; she closed the door behind her and walked closer to him. His eyes were closed, and his unnecessary breathing was slow, deep and rhythmic, he looked fast asleep. As if mind reading her, he answered her unvoiced question with a hint of humour in his tone. "I could smell you Niblet, vampire remember." With that his eyes flashed open, and the moonlight seemed to make his deep blue eyes glow. Dawn hesitantly reached out to touch him; but she stopped as she saw unease and slight fear enter Spike's eyes. It made her feel sick. "Spike? I'm not going to hurt you." The fear remained. Disappointed she let her hand fall away from him, she had intended to stroke his cheek, to make him smile like he used to smile at her. The only thing that seemed to remain of their close friendship was her nickname.

"I wanted to say thank you, for saving me." Spike smiled at her; his smile was there but his eyes were pained. "I've ruined us haven't I?"

Dawn shook her head determinedly. "No, you haven't. Spike, what you did was wrong, it's so wrong I can't explain how wrong it was. But then you went away, Buffy brought me to your crypt, soon after you left, so soon after...I could see the disappointment in her eyes, pain in her eyes. Like you'd let her down not being there. I thought that was odd for such a while, ever since Xander told me. Now I think something went on between you and Buffy and somewhere down the line, I think Buffy blames herself as well as you. You went away, and as far as we can tell, you've gone through hell and back. But you survived it, you came back and you found the strength to come back to us. You saved me Spike. I forgive you."

At hearing the words of forgiveness, Spike immediately pulled Dawn down into his arms, and he hugged her tightly, tears trailing down his face as the joy of at least part redemption caressed his un-beating heart. "I'll never forget this Niblet." Dawn kissed his temple and let herself embrace him in return.

As Buffy gently peeled the bandages off his back, she felt his muscles tense, and she paused. "They have to be kept clean. If it counts for anything, couldn't do this to myself if I was in your position either." Spike let a small smile grace his features, and Buffy, as she turned to face him, suddenly thought how little he had smiled since his return, and how often he had smiled at her before. "Luv, aren't you supposed-" That had been enough to pull Buffy from her memories and she resumed her task, rinsing warm water from the cloth, and gently dapping at his wounds. She could feel Spike tense, and she saw him suck in his cheeks. "I saw Dawn; she came to me last night. Apparently you have been keeping her away?"

Buffy didn't like the undercurrent of accusation in his tone, so she thought carefully about her response. "You were hurt. You still are. I didn't want her to see you like that; I didn't like seeing you like that."

"Yeah well, it's all relative ain't it, all fades, it all fades." Buffy shook her head solemnly. "Not all wounds are physical Spike." Spike let out his trademark laugh, "Don't I know it."

Feeling the tension mounting, Buffy soothingly trailed the warm, damp cloth over his upper back. "How did it go with Dawn?"

Buffy knew little about the true extent of his and Dawn's friendship, but she knew it meant a great deal to both of them. And, in some ways, Buffy felt Dawn had felt more betrayed by Spike's attempted rape then she did. "She- she forgave me Buffy, she forgave me." "You deserve it." Buffy whispered to him gently.

Spike hung his head, his pale hands clenching. "I deserve Hell, that's what they keep telling me." Buffy moved to face him in alarm, as far as she was aware, only Dawn and she knew about Spike. She had managed to keep Xander and Anya away. "Who is 'They' Spike?" "This soul…it's what you wanted right?" Buffy frowned at the apparent change of subject. "Spike..." "Buffy, please!" Tears began to form in her eyes, and a broken look came into Spike's blue ones. He raised his fingers to his temples and groaned his eyes shut.

"Now everybody's in here, talking. Everything I did, everyone I... And Him! The It. The Other." Spike hung his head again; his hands falling limply, his shoulders were quivering. "The Thing beneath, beneath you he's in there too, everybody. And they all just tell me go, go to Hell."

Buffy pulled Spike's crying form into her chest, letting Spike rest his head into the curve of her neck. As Buffy's fingers running through his hair soothing him, he suddenly found how hungry he was, and he found his eyes darting more than once to her pulse point. "Blood, I need more blood." Spike moaned against her flesh. Buffy kissed his temple gently, "I know." She said as she offered him her wrist. Spike caught it lightly, but didn't bring it to his lips. He stared at it in confusion; although Buffy could see his gaze rapidly flitting back to her blue vein, which she suspected must be taunting him.

"This is different Buffy. In the bathroom I would have died, and you allowed me to live. God knows why, but you did. This is different; I don't need it to be your blood." But as he was saying this, Buffy noticed that his already loose grip didn't loosen further. Buffy raised her hand to the cheek she had previously struck, Spike involuntarily flinched, the memory of that painful slap coming the front of his mind. Buffy swallowed down her shame and slowly this time, gently cradled his cheek in her hand, gently soothing the skin until Spike's face relaxed completely.

"You're right, you don't need it. I'm giving it to you because I want to." Spike looked up at her, the smile on her face was genuine and he felt a smile of his own tug at his lips. "I know I'm a monster, and I know you'll never love me, but you treat me like a man and that's..." Buffy felt her guilt deepen; he had said that the night she had died. Coming back she had nearly entirely forgotten the odd, but sweet sort, of friendship she had been developing with Spike. Her using him like that would have been a total mockery of the first kiss she had truly given him, after he had taken torture from Glory. 'He did done all that without a Soul, if you hadn't screwed him up further would have needed one?' Buffy was thankfully pushed from her thoughts as the quick flare of pain came from her wrist, and then replaced with a deep tugging.

She felt so close to him when she allowed him to feed from her. She felt like he entered her core. Then it hit her, why she had gone to Spike in the first place! He had always gotten to her, managed to go through her defences and get right under her skin, making her boil with anger and disgust; but now with hindsight she wondered if she had mistaken her feelings for him all along. The reason she had gone to him was because he brought her to life. He got to the core of her and he set her alight. He had brought her back to life, and in that instant she made a promise. 'I'll save you Spike.'

Spike, oblivious to her thoughts, fed off her blood; confused at the emotions of realization and then a sort of guilt and at the end, he was sure, a taste of love.

Thanks for readings, reviews will be greatly appreciated!!!!

Regards

Lisi the slayer