Author's Note: I love all you guys for your AMAZING reviews. Seriously. I have to apologize for the emotional roller coaster I'm throwing you guys on, it's gonna be dark for a bit but I promise things to light up. (: We just have to get through the darker parts first. This is probably a more emotional chapter, so be warned. I hope you guys enjoy, please review if you get a chance. I always answer if your review is long or you ask questions. Oh and if you notice mistakes, I don't have a beta but I do re-read my stuff before uploading, but I may miss something so I do apologize in advance if I have. Lucky you guys get a quick update! Anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I just bought all the rights! Yeah, kidding. I still don't own them. xD

Chapter Five

As Maura stepped into the bathroom, she ignored the sudden rush of panic from being in the dark and quickly flipped the lights on. As soon as she was sure that no one was going to come out of the dark shadows, she let out a breath and willed her heart to stop slamming against her chest. She moved slowly toward the shower, only to stop as she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror from the corner of her eye.

She had yet to see herself, and as she slowly, almost fearfully turned her body to face the large mirror, her heart dropped into her stomach and she had to grip the countertop to keep her balance. Her throat constricted and she felt the very familiar sting of tears as her eyes raked over her disheveled appearance. Her hair looked unkempt and greasy, there were dark circles under her eyes and her lips were cracked. The area around her stitches were black and blue and the angry bruise that was shaped like a handprint around her throat made her cringe. She was pale and she noted that she looked like one of the dead bodies on her table. She could only imagine what her body looked like beneath the sweatshirt that was swallowing her whole.

Swallowing, Maura began to slowly and painfully disrobe. The sweatshirt was the most painful to get off as it required her lifting her arms. It took longer than it should have to remove it and when it was finally off, she had to lean against the counter to catch her breath, her face screwed up in pain. Once the pain subsided, she folded Jane's BPD sweatshirt neatly and set it on the countertop. The scrub top she was wearing was a button up and she was thankful that the nurses had managed to find one. As the thin garment fell to the floor, she reluctantly pulled her eyes from the shirt and brought them to the mirror.

"Oh God..." She gasped at the bruises on her arms from being held down, the black and blue color around her middle. The doctor said it would look worse than it was, but she couldn't help but feel disgusted at the sight of herself. She now knew why Jane had been so uncomfortable when she helped her get dressed. At the time she hadn't really paid much attention to the horrible marks on her body, she was too focused on staying up right. By now, the tears were flowing and she finally tore her gaze from her reflection and pulled off the scrub pants, already well acquainted with the bruises on her thighs.

She moved to the shower and stared at the knobs, contemplating. She had to get clean. Maura knew this was irrational and probably had something to do with the usually well controlled OCD, but as her hand hovered over the knobs she made her decision and turned it to the hottest setting and waited for the water to heat up. Somewhere in the back of her mind, the very rational Maura was chiding her, telling her that she didn't need the heated temperature of the water to get clean, that this was just some form of self harm to help cope with what she was feeling. That feeling between numb and devastation. But Maura couldn't find it in herself to care, she needed this, needed to feel clean and normal. She was dirty, filthy and damaged. The OCD in Maura was brought to the surface.

So as she stepped under the scalding water, she grabbed the soap and smothered her body in it before reaching out of the shower and grabbing a clean wash cloth from the basket on the back of the toilet and began to scrub her body. The more Maura scrubbed, the more obsessed she became because she had yet to feel clean. She couldn't bring herself to stop, despite the pain radiating through her body. It was both from the scalding water, the harsh scrubbing, and her injuries. At some point, she had started sobbing and the scrubbing became angrier.

Maura had no idea how long she had been in the shower, or that her sobs had gotten louder until there was a knock on the door. It was soft but it still startled her and her body jerked back, hitting the shelves and knocking bottles of shampoo and conditioner as well as body wash to the shower floor, only startling her further. As everything toppled to the floor, the noise echoed through the bathroom and suddenly Maura felt panicked. The walls felt like they were closing in, and the room began to change before her eyes. She was no longer in her bathroom anymore, she was in a cold dark and empty room. Her heart was thundering in her ears and slamming hard against her chest.

She soon felt cold tile against her back, slowly slipping down to the floor and trying to curl up into herself. The room smelt stale and she was shivering, though she wasn't sure if it was because she was cold or because of the sobs that wracked her body and caused her chest immense pain. There was another knock and all she could think was, They're coming back for more. But the familiar voice contradicted that thought. "Maura? Are you alright? I've knocked twice, I'm coming in." Jane? Could it be Jane coming to rescue her?

"J-Jane?" Maura croaked, the picture of the dark room slowly dissolving back into her bathroom. Jane opened the door and squinted through the steam that had filled the room. She heard Maura's sobs from the shower and her legs seemed to move of their own accord now as her hand reached out to grip the shower door.

Before she opened it, she steeled herself and took a breath before slowly opening the door. Steam billowed out and she had to wait a moment for the steam to dissipate to be able to see. As her eyes landed on Maura, her heart rate picked up. The honey blonde was curled up on the floor looking as though she was trying to hide. Her body was splotchy and red and she had a death grip on the wash cloth. Immediately, she reached out for Maura but her hands jerked back having felt the scorching water. "Jesus Maur!" She exclaimed, moving to turn down the hot water.

Maura realized that she was in fact in her shower and not in some dark room. Her eyes landed on Jane and she swallowed thickly. "I-I c...can't g-get cl...ean, Jane. I...I c...can't get them o...off." She sobbed. Jane's heart ached and she had to hold back tears. The water cooled enough for Jane to step in, clothes and all and gently place her hands under Maura's armpits to pull her up gently. Maura's body ached all over and she allowed Jane to do most of the work but as she stood, she couldn't help but lean back against Jane tiredly.

"You're clean, Maura. Everything is okay." Jane whispered, keeping her hands in a neutral spot on her friend's body.

Maura shook her head. "I-I haven't washed my hair." The sobs had stopped but the tears still rolled down her cheeks. Jane sighed quietly and looked around for the shampoo. Noting it was on the floor, she leaned down and picked it up, being quick, not sure how long Maura could stand up by herself.

Jane squeezed the bottle and rubbed her hands together before hesitating. "I-I'm gonna wash your hair, okay?" Jane waited for a response. Maura nodded softly, her arms wrapping around herself as she let her back rest against her friend. Jane gently massaged Maura's scalp, somehow washing the honey blonde's hair and holding them both upright at the same time. As her fingers moved through Maura's hair, she could feel the woman relax against her. After a moment, she moved her hands under the shower head to rinse the shampoo from them. "Turn around to rinse." Jane said softly, her eyes finding a spot on the wall behind Maura as she did as requested. They were face to face now, and Jane kept her eyes on the wall.

Maura watched Jane carefully and then moved under the shower wordlessly. By now, Jane's hands were at her sides though ready to grab Maura if she stumbled. As Maura finished rinsing her hair, she looked at Jane again and then noticed her friend was soaked and standing there in her clothes. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked down. "I-I'm sorry Jane." She knew this was probably awkward for Jane, and uncomfortable.

Jane's eyes snapped to Maura and she swallowed thickly as she watched drops of water slide down the ME's shoulders but she wouldn't allow her eyes to move any farther and quickly moved them to look at Maura's bent head. Jane gently cupped her friend's chin and pushed it up gently so that she could gain eye contact. "Don't be sorry, Maura. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay." Jane promised, letting her hands drop back to her sides. "Now, it's getting cold. Can we get out?" Jane asked softly, dark chocolate colored eyes staring into light hazel ones.

At Maura's soft and weak nod, Jane went to get out but hesitated. Her clothes were soaked and she didn't want to get Maura's bathroom wet. Sighing, she looked to her friend. "Mind if I take off my shirt and pants off here...I don't want to soak your floor." Jane said awkwardly. They had seen each other half naked, before. But Maura was standing there nude and didn't seem to mind. Jane however did. She had found Maura's body beautiful the few times she had seen the woman in only her matching bra and underwear and she was working hard to keep her gaze from traveling any farther than Maura's face. Even with the bruises, Maura was still breathtakingly beautiful. Jane ignored this though. As she always had.

Maura was oblivious to her friend's internal battle, though the longer they stood there the more self conscious she became as she remembered that she was naked and how uncomfortable Jane looked. "N-No..." She stammered, answering Jane's question and turning slightly away from her.

Jane nodded, wondering if Maura had been able to read her thoughts as she suddenly realized that she was in fact standing there naked. Shaking her head, Jane removed her soaked clothes, opting to keep the matching bra and panties before quickly turning off the water for Maura and jumping out the shower to wrap a towel around herself and then holding one out for Maura.

The ME stepped out of the shower carefully and walked into the towel held out for her and as Jane wrapped it around Maura's body, she leaned into the dark haired brunette and let her head rest against Jane's heart. Her body was tired of standing up right and all she wanted was to curl up and sleep, maybe even with Jane's arms around her. It was the only time she felt clarity, when she was around Jane. She could briefly remember crying for Jane when she was in that dark room.

For her part, Jane tried to hide the way her breath caught in her throat and simply wrap her arms around Maura protectively. She sighed softly and hugged Maura gently, her hand rubbing her friend's towel clad back. "You're tired, you should get dressed in some pajamas and get in the bed, and then you're eating soup with me." Jane said softly into a thick honey colored wet hair.

Maura smiled a very brief smile and nodded against Jane. "Okay." She agreed, pulling back slowly to look up at Jane. Biting her lip, she glanced back down and then back to Jane. "I...Thank you, Jane." Maura said softly. Jane smiled and nodded.

"Of course, Maur. I'll always be here for you." They both shared a smile, Maura's very small and Jane's a little bigger, before Maura moved slowly out into her bedroom, leaving Jane alone with her thoughts.