Author's Note: Here we are! Next chapter. (: This one is LONG. 1,074 words longer than I normally do for a chapter. xD But yeah, had to be done. So, I was listening to "Wherever You Will Go" By Charlene Soraia, it helped write this chapter. I love her version. Hmm, I think that's really all for this AN. So I hope you enjoy! Oh! And, I have another story lined up after this one. It's not a sequel or anything, just something that's probably been done before but will be done my way. Haha.
Disclaimer: Really?
Chapter Sixteen
Jane paced the waiting room of the hospital, one shaky hand running through tangled dark curls. She was panicking, even though Dr. Reese -who had been one of the first to greet them at the hospital bay- told Jane that everything would be okay, however she needed to stay in the waiting room while they looked her over.
So, here she was, waiting… worrying… Maura had been through so much and Jane was helpless on the sidelines just to watch. She could feel herself teetering near the edge of a breakdown, having held so much in. God, how many times had she almost lost Maura? How many times had Jane been helpless, unable to do anything to make it better? She felt so powerless; so useless.
Her brain was buzzing with everything that had happened over the past couple of days, and all the emotions she had forced and held back felt as though they were all ready to burst from her body at once in the form of some kind of horrific beast. Fear, rage, panic, worry, regret. Jane stopped pacing and leaned against the wall, chest heaving. Her chest quaked, causing her whole body to tremble with anxiety. It ached, her chest physically ached.
The only way she could describe it was that her heart felt like a balloon, slowly expanding in her chest until it would inevitably pop. She let out a ragged breath and suddenly her back slid down the wall and she crumpled to the floor in a heap, unable to take it anymore. Nothing else registered except the way it hurt to breathe; how the oxygen seemed to be depleting from the air with every shallow breath.
She cried without abandon, curling into herself in an attempt to stop the pain in her chest, unable to care if anyone saw her at this point. She cried until she couldn't breathe through her nose. She cried despite the looks of concern of passersby, she cried until a gentle hand touched her shoulder.
"Detective Rizzoli," Dr. Reese's soft voice caused Jane to look up through red rimmed eyes. She was met with a soft smile and sympathetic eyes. Jane immediately wiped away the tears and worked to steady her breathing as Dr. Reese gently helped her up. Once Jane seemed semi-collected, the doctor began to lead her to Maura's room.
"Dr. Isles is going to be fine. Her body has just been through so much and this is it's way of dealing with the massive amount of stress. She had a severe anxiety attack, but she should wake up soon. In the mean time, it would probably be good for her to wake up and see you, and you probably want to be with her anyway." The young doctor smiled knowingly as she opened the door to Maura's room.
Jane nodded numbly and took a shuddery breath as they entered. "We've got her on an IV and an anxiety medication to help her wind down. We'll probably keep her overnight, just to be sure she's alright. Do you have any questions?" She asked, placing a reassuring hand on Jane's upper arm.
Jane in turn shook her head in the negative before giving a very raspy, "Thank you.".
Dr. Reese smiled sweetly and nodded. "Of course. If you need anything, just press the nurses' button. Otherwise, I'll be back shortly to check on her." And with that, the petit ER doctor was on her way.
Jane turned to now fully observe Maura. She looked so fragile and small beneath the hospital sheets. Her face was pale in contrast to her honey colored hair which was fanned out against her pillow. Jane had to fight back more tears as she forced herself toward the bed. Gently, Jane took one of Maura's hands in her own and brought it to her lips.
"I'm so sorry, Maur." Jane whispered, voice thick and raspier than usual from her crying jag. "I promise to take care of you. Just…Don't…" She faltered, swiping away a stray tear. This was stupid, she knew Maura was going to be okay… but, "Don't leave me, okay? You're my best friend and I need you. As selfish as it makes me sound, I need you. You're my rock, Maur, my-my…" Jane shook her head, unable to formulate a coherent sentence from her jumbled thoughts.
She sighed and released Maura's hand to pull up the chair in the room and took a seat, retaking her hand once again and tracing shapes into it. "Love you, Maura. I'll be here when you wake up." Jane finally said as she let her head rest on the bed.
You're curled up in a tight ball after almost being raped for the third time. The last of the three men had come down to 'have his turn', when Riley came down and stopped him. He had said he didn't want you to be dead or dead inside, just yet. He still wanted you to think you had a chance at freedom; wanted to rip away all the hope you had left, agonizingly slow.
If he thought you couldn't hear their conversation, or if you were meant to hear it, you're not sure. You did hear it though, and you're sure if you had been raped again that you would have lost what little fight you had left in you, which honestly isn't a lot. The second time you didn't have the energy to really fight him off, but you didn't make it easy, despite the pain. But Riley's words only put a fire in your belly; made you want to fight harder.
You had stayed quiet, curled up in your tight ball, listening, observing. They didn't notice your quiet scrutiny, too caught up in arguing over what they could do to you; with you. After they finally settled their argument, they each turned to look at you and you made sure to keep your body turned away from them, as if it would protect you.
They snickered and both left without a single word to you. After hearing the door shut, your rigid body loosens, your aching muscles and chest screaming in relief. Your position had not been conducive with badly bruised, if not broken ribs.
The fire in your belly burns with determination, you're not going to stand idly by and allow this to happen to you. You think of Jane and how she certainly wouldn't give up, so what would Jane do? You ask yourself as you work to compartmentalize and block out the nagging fear and doubt; the terrible things those men had just done to you. You force it all to the back of your brain, knowing it will only cripple you if you let it.
You can hear Jane's voice in your mind, telling you to fight, not to give up and suddenly she's standing before you. Your eyes widen and you wonder if you've completely lost your mind or if this is real. "Maura…" She says, voice strained and face contorted in pain and fear.
"J-Jane?" You hear yourself say, still unsure if you're hallucinating or not. Jane takes a step toward you, kneeling down and reaching out to touch you. "I've been calling for you, Jane. Why didn't you answer me? Why didn't you-why didn't you make them s-stop?" You ask, voice breaking as you try to keep tears at bay.
Jane looks guilty as she resists the urge to touch you. You want her to though, you want her scarred hands to grab yours, but they're merely ghosting over them, maybe she can't touch you. "I know, I heard you. I hear you. But you know I couldn't, you know I'm just a hallucination that your addled mind has conjured up to help you cope, right?" Jane asks, giving you a very sad smile.
You bite back tears and sniffle. "I-I figured as much." You whisper, looking away. Your fingers tingle and you look down to see that Jane has placed her hand on yours. You look up to her eyes and see a hard look of determination.
"But, I'm still here to help you, Maur. I'm not going to let you give up. We both know you're stronger than this, smarter than them. You can make it out of here." Jane's jaw flexes as she glances around. Her eyes light up briefly and she nods her head at a rusted nail sticking out of the wall. "There! C'mon, Maura. Get up." She says, moving to help you do so.
"I-I can't, Jane. It hurts." You say meekly, looking away. You were feeling determined a moment ago but now suddenly, taking action sounds daunting.
Hallucination Jane pulls you up and you wince in pain, tears stinging your eyes. "Use that pain as incentive to get out. Focus it, Maura. You can do this, I know you can. I'm not the real Jane, but I know that she needs you, that you need her. You need each other." She says vehemently, dark, calming eyes pleading with you.
You can't hold back the tears now and they fall fast and hard. Hallucination Jane brings a hand up to wipe away your tears. "I'm scared." You hear yourself whisper, sniffling.
Jane smiles softly at you, her thumb running over your cheek before she takes it back. "I know. I wont leave you though. And real Jane is probably searching all over creation for you, but she needs help. She needs you help. You have to help her help you. So we're gonna get you outa here. Now, c'mon. Remember what I said, Maura." She says, helping you start to hop/hobble.
For a hallucination, you muse to yourself, this Jane sure is encouraging. She gives you strength, just like the real Jane. You whimper in pain as your body cries out in protest against your movements, when you finally reach the rusty nail. You're panting now and you lean against the wall to calm your irregular breathing. Hallucination Jane rubs your shoulder before gently taking your bound hands and hooking them to the rusty nail.
"Might wear down the zip tie enough to snap it." She explains, nodding toward your hands. You nod and she steps back as you begin to rub the zip tie against the nail, wincing as the tie rubs against your wrists.
After a couple of moments, you bring your hands back and glance at the spot you had been working on and are delighted to see actual progress. Jane just smiles and nods, encouraging you to see if you can pull and snap it the rest of the way.
You clamp your eyes shut and pull against the zip tie, already weak and sore muscles, shaking and straining. You pull in vain, however and drop your hands with a sigh. "I can't do it." You say, discouraged.
Hallucination Jane refuses to accept that answer, however as she hooks your hands back on the rusty nail. "Again, Maura." She says, voice slightly strained.
You stare at her a moment, before rubbing the zip tie against the rusty nail once more. After a couple of minutes, you take your hands back and take a breath, which only causes you pain, but you bite it back and pull against the zip tie. With some strained effort and encouragement from Jane, the tie snaps and your hands are free.
You grin triumphantly at hallucination Jane who mirrors your smile. "I did it!" You say proudly, but then realization hits you and you glance down at your bare feet. "But, how am I supposed to get the zip tie from around my ankles, Jane? I can't possibly do it the same way as I did my hands, at least not without a lot of pain or further injuring myself." You say, your hopes of getting out, slowly dashing away.
However, hallucination Jane looks unperturbed at this. She smiles briefly and moves toward the back of the room, near the shadows and reaches up to grip what looks to be cardboard, ripping it from the wall. Light immediately filters through and your heart suddenly feels as though it's about to break through your chest, it's beating so hard.
"It's a small window, but I figure if we break through the glass, you can use a shard to cut your ankles free and then we'll get you up and out." She says, looking up at the very narrow window. You could just barely fit through it.
You are immediately filled with determination, hope, and strength. How had you not noticed this cardboard covered window before? You suppose your fear addled mind kept you from this knowledge. Jane moves back toward you to help you to the window. You'll need something to hoist you up to be able to crawl through it, but you can reach it enough to break it, you muse silently. You look up and notice it's already badly cracked so breaking it shouldn't be too hard.
Jane steadies you as you observe the window. "Use your elbow. It'll hurt like a SOB, but the glass is already partially broken so it's weakened and should break easily under the force." She says, glancing behind her and back to the window.
You nod softly and take a breath as you turn to your side and angle your arm up. It hurts your chest to do this, but you focus your pain, just as Jane said. Taking a shaky, shallow breath, Jane's hands at your waist to keep you steady, you elbow the window as hard as you can. Pain shoots through your arm and you bite back a cry, tears stinging your eyes as they clamp shut.
Hallucination Jane is supporting you as you lean heavily against her, breath ragged. "You did it." She whispers softly, rubbing your back. "I know you're in pain, but you can't stop to rest. They'll be back soon and-" She falters, swallowing thickly. "You just can't stop now." The fear in her voice spurs you on and you pull back and watch as Jane picks up a shard of glass before moving you away from the bits on the ground.
She sets you down and hands you the shard before looking up at the stairs anxiously. You take the shard wordlessly and begin to saw at the zip tie around your ankle. After a good effort, the tie breaks and you're free. Jane helps you stand and looks around for something to help you get up to the window. "Think you can help me push that table?" She asks, nodding toward a very small looking table at the other far corner of the room. You nod and begin a very unsteady walk toward it.
Together you and hallucination Jane push the table to the other side of the wall, lining it up under the window. You take a moment to catch your breath and push back the immense pain you feel. It doesn't last long because Jane is encouraging you up onto the table and getting up beside you. She helps you brush away the glass before nodding. "I'll meet you out. When your feet hit the grass, you run or…just-just go and don't stop, okay?" She doesn't give you a chance to protest before she's helping to hoist you up.
You make it through the window with some effort and you do just as Jane says. You start off in a stumbling run, the action making your whole body, especially your chest and ribs scream and cry in agony until you can't take it anymore.
By that time, you're pretty far from the house and briefly you wonder if hallucination Jane will be joining you. You walk for what seems like hours, until you collapse on the side of the highway, exhausted. You can't walk anymore, your whole body aches and all you want to do is sleep. So you close your eyes and curl up, hoping you're far enough away that they wont find you.
"Sleep for now, I'll keep watch." You hear a familiar raspy voice say. Your eyes snap open to see Jane, or…at least hallucination Jane, laying down on her side, facing you. Her dark brown eyes send a warmth in you and you nod softly. The last thing you see before you wake up again to the rain, is Jane's smile.
Maura's eyes fluttered open, hazel-green eyes looking around confused. It took her a moment to realize she was in the hospital, and then another few moments to realize that her hand was trapped in Jane's. Slowly, Maura turned her head to look down at a sleeping Jane. Her head rested on the bed, dark curls hiding her face and one scarred hand wrapped securely around one smaller, softer hand.
Realization dawned on Maura as everything that happened fell into place, including the memories she had apparently blocked out. She closed her eyes as tears threatened to escape. The shuddery sob she tried to stifle made Jane jerk awake. "Hey, Maura." She said, voice thick with sleep.
"I remember." Maura simply said, fat tears streaming down her face.
Jane immediately stood up and took Maura into her arms, running her fingers over her friend's back, whispering words of comfort. It would be okay.
Everything would be okay.