Truth be told, I can be a terrible updater at times due to other stuff going on in my life and blah, blah, blah but when I know what I'm gonna do next and I'm super excited for it I try to get it up faster.

Plus I honestly have nothing better to do with my life at this moment.

Shall we proceed?

Greendale, Colorado: 2013

"UPS!" the UPS guy called as he pounded on Jeff Winger's door this particular afternoon in early 2013. The pounding ceased when the door was answered. "You Jeff Winger?"

"No," the man shook his head, "but I ordered that package off of Craigslist using his credit card."

"Just sign for the thing so I can leave."

"Cool," he signed for the package before it was thrusted at him. Carefully opening the package as he shut the door behind him, he wasn't surprised to find the unmarked spellbook was now in his grip. "Cool, cool, cool."

"Hey Abed," Abed's best friend- and Jeff's assistant- Troy made his way over to his buddy. "Is that the spellbook?"

"Yep," they were carrying on this conversation as if it was no big deal. "This book should have the answers for getting rid of your cereal mascot related nightmares."

"Here's hopin'."

"But we should open this somewhere secure."

"Why? Nothing's gonna magically pop out at us like in Harry Potter?" Abed shrugged. "That would be both freaky and awesome. It'd be…"

"Frawesome!" the two of them coined a new term simultaneously.

"As frawesome as that Harry Potter thing was something very well might pop out at us."

"Dang."

"There's a legend that a warlock from a feared magical family is imprisoned in this book along with the three witches he lived with."

"Seriously?"

"I did some follow-up research too to find out how that was possible. Apparently if a witch or warlock is burned alive in human form, their spirit is trapped in a magical possession."

"Like a genie in a bottle!"

"Yep! It can be a genie lamp, genie bottle, magic mirror, or spellbook. The only thing that can permanently destroy a magical spirit is lava."

"Lava destroys everything though."

"True; I learned that from both The Return of Jafar and the episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch where Sabrina met her evil twin Katrina."

"That was a good episode."

"I could bring them back to life with a simple spell in here. They should be able to go back to their human form and retain all magic."

"But once they die in the human form from some illness or something they die forever right?"

"Sure, unless they drain a life force."

"Say what?"

"If I resurrect a witch and she gets hit by a car she can restore her life by stealing yours."

"What? Why mine?"

"That's what they usually do. It's unclear what would happen if a witch drains a life form of another witch or warlock but I'm kinda hopin' that happens."

"So why exactly are you telling me this?"

"It's an exposition for our audience."

"Dude, as cool as that seems, our life is not a movie."

"Lenny! Squiggy!" Jeff- who was completely identical to a certain ancestor responsible for the spellbook entrapment of the witches and warlock- made his way over to Troy and Abed. "Which one of you used my credit card to buy something off of Craigslist again?"

"I bought a book that gives advice on curing Troy's cereal mascot related nightmares," Abed explained. "It only cost $6.71 total."

"Yeah, that's great and all but this is one of the few credit cards I own with enough to get me a rented Armani tux for my funeral."

"You mean your wedding?"

"What's the difference?"

"If you know it's not gonna work out then why are you even marrying her?" Troy inquired.

"It's no secret that this case has got some big attention and if I wanna make my client look good, I have to make me look good. Yes, I know I'm physically attractive but it's also about how you're perceived in the public and the good things they think you do. I mean, it's obvious why I'm marrying her. Michelle Slater is a professor at a prestigious university, she's pretty high class, she's attractive, and she's the only one willing to play along with my marriage charade. There's really no other option except Quendra with a 'QU' and the only thing she has going for her is her hotness. Unless you can make the perfect woman for me appear out of thin air then Slater is my only alternative."

"She's picky."

"That's because her standards are way too high."

"Jeff," Abed began, "I don't see the reason for you to marry any woman. Much like the marriage of previous Winger men, it's doomed to end in miserable divorce or suicide."

"Again, this is all about appearances Abed."

"Whatever," Abed shrugged this off. "Listen, there's something we'd like to do here; is there someplace where we can be guaranteed privacy?"

"Yeah, your own apartment. Look, I have to pick up Slater; the two of us are going to court together. Do not do what you're gonna do in my house," Jeff walked away from them.

"He's no fun."

"Relax, bro," Troy smiled, "I know a place we can do this thing." He and Abed did their traditional hand shake.

...

"The Community College?" Abed asked as he stepped out of the car carrying the still unopened spellbook.

"We're actually going where the air conditioning school used to be," Troy clarified. "It's an annex of the school that's been abandoned since Vice Dean Laybourne died in that tragic Freon line rupturing accident."

"Cool."

"I've been in here a couple times before, it's nothing special. I just thought in case we accidentally conjure something with fire we do it here instead of our own apartment or Jeff's house."

"Cool, cool." The two friends made their way into what was once a classroom. "We should make sure all the windows are shut."

"Right," they did just that. "What about the door should we lock it?"

"No, just keep it closed in case there is a fire." Troy and Abed met in the center. "If the legend is true then once this book is opened, the witches and warlock are freed."

"Then we can look up something to stop my nightmares?"

Abed nodded. "Ready?"

"Don't we have to hold hands or somethin'?"

"It's not necessary."

"Can we still hold hands?"

"Okay," Abed and Troy placed their hands in each other's hands. "Ready?"

"Ready?" They both looked down at the book. "Maybe we should each have a free hand so we can actually open the book."

Abed nodded and each of them released a hand. "Ready?"

Troy took a deep breath. "Ready."

Abed gave a quick nod to Troy and cautiously opened the book. Each of them held their breath in anticipation secretly hoping for some cool effects but in the end nothing happened. "Bummer."

"I guess it was just a legend man." Troy was waiting for a verbal response, but the only feedback he got was Abed's eyes widening. Once there was a head tilt, Troy nervously turned around to see what Abed had seen. Slightly panicked, he let out a loud, girly scream and hurried behind Abed for protection.

"I was still kinda hoping for cooler effects."

In view were four wisps of smoke in four different colors; blue, red, yellow, and purple. "EFFECTS!" Troy was in hysterics. "Abed, this is real!"

"I read that they should be wisps of colorful smoke." Abed stood up and bowed to the smoke "Greetings, I am Abed Nadir and I will be your guide to the modern world."

"Oh come on, they're not going to respond."

"Hello Abed Nadir," four new voices simultaneously greeted Abed.

Abed gestured to his startled, wide-eyed comrade, "This is my best friend Troy Barnes."

"Hello Troy Barnes."

"We'd prefer it if you called us by our first names."

The blue wisp moved forward. "Likewise for us."

"You've quickly adapted to modern talk, cool. Who exactly are you guys?"

"You don't know who I am?"

"Nope."

"I am Piercinald of the feared Hawthorne family."

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"Damn."

"Can I call you Pierce instead? It's a more modern name."

"Do what you like there A-bed," Pierce pronounced his name as if he were saying the letter 'A' and the word 'bed'.

"I suppose we'll all be needing modern names then," the red wisp suggested. "Would you like to name us Abed?"

Abed shrugged. "I suppose I could if I knew what you all looked like."

"Then turn us back into our human forms!" the yellow wisp demanded.

"I guess the word please must not be in your vocabulary," Troy muttered.

"You know, we have near perfect hearing and can read minds Troy."

"You know, you can still say the word please."

"I memorized the spell," the purple wisp proclaimed. "It's on page thirteen and it starts in the sixth paragraph. Abed, could you please read the spell so that our human forms may be restored?"

"Sure," Abed flipped to the thirteenth page. He read over something before closing the book and heading to the door.

Troy hurried after him. "Um, where are you going?"

"I'm just going to go steal some clothes from the lost and found. If they don't have any then I'm gonna dig through the clothes donation box at the nearby gas station. You can read the spell if you want."

"Why are you looking for clothes?"

"A theory."

"Of?" Abed said nothing and left. "Alright, so I guess I'm reading the spell." Troy opened to the page. "There are a lot of words here. Are you sure it's the sixth paragraph?"

"Yes," the purple wisp replied, "the one in the fifth paragraph can only do one at a time."

"That's probably why this one has more S's at the end of the words. Okay, I'm gonna read this now…try not to make anything freaky happen."

Nearly ten minutes later, Abed returned to find the room in disarray, Troy cowering under a desk and sobbing, and three out of four naked people trying to cover their shame. "Cool."

"No!" Troy stood up. "Not cool! The room started to shake and everything went all dark and magic beams of light popped out of nowhere and the wisps of smoke became bigger and AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Hmm," Abed set the clothes on the desk. "I found a bunch of women's clothes in the dean's office and stole a male's outfit from the locker room. I'm not sure what will fit but you should put something on to cover your nakedness." Abed sat down in a chair and tilted his head as he looked at the new people. "I've decide on some names for you two," he pointed to the African-American woman and the brunette. "I'll let Troy name you," this was directed to the blonde. "And because you have some establishment with your name you'll be called Pierce Hawthorne."

The man thought about the name. "Pierce Hawthorne," he tried it on his tongue. "Not bad there A-bed."

"The other names I choose are going to be based on titular female characters with the surnames of famous men." Abed went over to the older woman. "You seem more like a Shirley than you do a Laverne." Abed paused in thought. "And I think the last name Bennett to honor the first celebrity on the Simpsons to appear as themselves."

Troy raised his eyebrow to Abed. "Abed you don't watch those shows."

Troy's comment seemed to go ignored. "Congratulations: your new name is Shirley Bennett."

Shirley smiled. "That's nice."

Abed moved over to the brunette. "This might take a minute. Troy, why don't you name the blonde?"

The blonde let out an annoyed sound. "And why can't I name myself? Is it because the two of you are men and you want to give me an acceptable name for society?"

"Is there a name that sounds like 'bitter'?" Troy asked Abed.

Abed quickly thought that through. "The closest I can come up with is Britta after that water filtering system."

Troy smiled at the blonde. "Congratulations bitter Britta, you have a name."

"What's her last name?"

"Oh right," Troy thought for a moment before settling on one. "Can her last name be Perry after Perry the platypus?"

"I don't see why not."

"Score!"

Britta didn't seem too pleased with this. "So I'm named after a water filter system and a platypus."

"A secret agent platypus."

"I think Britta Perry is nice," Shirley commented.

"You think everything is nice," Britta barked back.

"I know you ain't talkin' to me like that Blondie."

"Am I gonna get a new name too?" the brunette meekly asked.

"How about Dorothy? You know like the girl from the Wizard of Oz?" Troy suggested.

Abed inspected her. "She doesn't look like a Dorothy. She looks more like…like an Annie."

"Like the red-headed orphan Annie?"

Annie grinned. "I like the name Annie."

"I thought you would," Abed casually stated before continuing on. "And your last name should be Edison in honor of the Wizard of Menlo Park."

Troy sighed, "I guess I have to remember this. So we have Pierce Hawthorne, Shirley Bennett, Britta Perry, and Annie Edison."

The ladies looked at Pierce for a sign. In response, Pierce shrugged. "Works for me."

"Cool, cool, cool," Abed remarked.

The buzzing of a cellphone encompassed the room, startling the three magic folk. "What is that strange noise?"

"It's me sorry," Troy pulled out his phone. "I got a text and voicemail from Jeff."

"He might need us back at his house for something trivial," Abed thought. "We should probably get back."

"Who is this Jeff fellow?" Shirley asked.

"He's a friend."

"He's my boss," Troy inputted.

"Jeff's an okay guy. At first he might seem like a narcissistic, self-obsessed ass but…I don't know where I'm going with this."

"Will we be staying with this Jeff guy?" Annie inquired.

"Oh yeah we are gonna need a place to work on potions and junk," Britta added.

"NO!" Both Troy and Abed yelled.

"Don't tell me after three hundred and twenty years people still don't like witches?"

Troy began rubbing the back of his neck in anxiety. "Well, it's kinda hard to explain so I'll let Abed tell you."

Abed cleared his throat. "People don't really believe in witches anymore."

"They don't?" the four of them were shocked.

Abed nodded. "And the only time people ever see magic is at a magic show performed by cheap magicians and illusionists. Seeing normal looking people perform magic randomly might scare the public."

"Though some magicians and illusionists are frawesome," Troy interjected.

"If there are any real witches or warlocks they still hide their identities. That's what you guys have to do."

"But we will need a place to live regardless," Shirley reminded.

"Unless you can get yourselves a house or apartment you'll have to stay here."

"And it's safe for us to use magic here?"

"As long as you're careful."

Pierce scoffed. "I don't want to live here. I require an actual living residence."

"And how do you expect to pay for an actual living residence?" Troy questioned.

"You let me worry about that. You girls can go with A-bed and A-bed's friend while I find us a place to live."

"My name is Troy."

"Does it really matter A-bed's friend?"

"Um, yes it does!" Pierce chuckled before disappearing in a flash of blue smoke. "Dang! Did you see what that dude just did?"

"You mean this?" Britta snapped her fingers, disappeared in a puff of yellow smoke, and reappeared behind Troy. "BOO!" She sort of cackled as Troy let out a high pitched squeal and jumped.

"We really should get to Jeff's place," Abed reminded.

"Relax, Max, I got this" Britta snapped her fingers and everyone in the room disappeared.

…

The five of them were then transported to Jeff's house. "Cool, cool, cool," Abed seemed unaffected by this.

"That was so frawesome," Troy was mesmerized.

Britta let out an annoyed laugh. "That? That was kid's stuff."

"Can you teach us any of this stuff?"

Shirley's face expressed some regret. "Oh, I don't think we can. You two aren't magical like we are."

"Aw man!"

"But that doesn't mean we can't teach you how to make potions or perform some hexes," Annie interjected. "It just takes a bit of time. I know I would be glad to teach you."

"I think that would be nice," Shirley agreed.

"And it's not like we have anything better to do," Britta added.

Jeff entered the house. "TweedleTroy and TweedleAbed, where the hell are you?"

"He sounds charming."

"Is it me, or does he sound sort of familiar?" Annie headed for the stairs just as Jeff was walking up. Thankfully, they managed to stop before they collided with each other.

And while Annie was stunned to see who she almost bumped into, Jeff was not so pleased. "Who are you and what the hell are you doing in my house?"

"It's you!"

"Yeah, it's me I'll give you an autograph later," he brushed past her and went to Troy and Abed. "There are nearly a dozen media outlets at the courthouse and you two let me leave in this suit?"

"Better than letting you leave naked," Abed didn't say this with emotion.

"Whatever. The press is going to see me with Slater so I need you to go out and buy a fake engagement ring to make this marriage thing look legit."

"You bought yourself a tux but you didn't buy her a ring?" Troy questioned.

"Just find something that looks nice, but costs next to nothing because you two are paying."

"Say what?"

Jeff noticed the other women standing there. "And if you're doing something freaky with these women then do it at your own apartment." He noticed the women glaring at him. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Don't think we don't remember you Mr. Winger," Britta vaguely warned.

"I don't have time to wonder what that's supposed to mean," Jeff headed into his room.

Troy (and Abed) took notice of Shirley and Britta's leers. "Why are you looking at him like that?"

"And how did you know his last name?" Abed inquired.

Britta flashed a sly smiled at them. "Let's just say we have a score to settle with the men in the Winger family."

Troy and Abed exchanged worried glances before Troy spoke up. "When you say 'score to settle' you mean like in video games or somethin'?"

"This don't concern you two," Shirley coldly said to them.

Abed raised his index finger to indicate he was speaking. "But you seem really angry with him and this is the first time you've met him so we're unclear on what score needs to be settled."

Annie rejoined the others. "I don't understand! He's supposed to be getting married and he's not miserable!"

"Actually-"

"Quiet Abed!" Abed said nothing more. "My curse is supposed to be permanent!"

"I guess it's worn off," Britta suggested. "So now what?"

"Ladies, I think it's time we consult the spellbook."

A take-charge kind of Annie at the end there, nice. Also realizing I made this more of a Troy and Abed chapter, I hope nobody minds.

So the witches are back and they've come face to face with the guy whose ancestor had them burned at the stake. What could they possibly have in store for Jeff Winger?

For the record, this chapter is pretty much nothing like the next parts in the movie. Surprising to say it's mostly original- a rare thing for me.