Atrocious truths

Bright sunshine greeted Dawn, and she gave herself a moment to savor its warm embrace. Usually on a Monday morning she would have just gotten up and started getting ready for school, but Spike was far more important than any stupid class. He needed someone; last night he had looked crushed and she wouldn't be another Summers girl who let him down.

Passing through the graveyard, she suddenly froze. Her eyes wide as she realized she had reached the spot when Spike had saved her life – again. He'd almost died here, overcome with grief and guilt over what he'd done, but he had not been so consumed that he couldn't help those he loved even when they didn't want it. He'd followed her to ensure her safety, and when those vampires had torn into him, Dawn knew with a sinking feeling that he had felt as though he deserved it.

It made Buffy's betrayal all the more scaring. She had seen him at his most vulnerable; they had shared something special, and the rescue attempt from The First. That wasn't something went through for a mere "warrior", there was Angel after all, who could and would have happily taken Spike's place. No, Buffy was simply too much of a coward to face up to the feelings she held for Spike, too afraid of her friend's – well Giles and Xander's, disapproval, so much so she was willing to sacrifice not only her own chance at happiness but Spike's as well.

Dawn finally reached Spike's crypt. She placed a hand on the door and she could practically feel the almost-tangible despair that it held within seep through the cold stone. Taking a deep breath, Dawn pushed the door open. She almost stepped on the end of a smashed bottle. Dawn glanced quickly around the normally neat and almost cozy crypt; it was a mess. Anna, she recognized, was sleeping at Spike's side, his head resting in the curve of her neck, and despite all of her previous thoughts, doubts seeped into her mind, and began to feel incredibly out of place. Spike had his own permanent Niblet now, and perhaps such a physical reminder of Buffy would do more harm than good. She turned, readying herself to leave, when a weary voice stopped her.

"Don't go all 'Buffy' on me Niblet."

Dawn spun round, Spike's beautiful blue eyes flashed at her in the barely lit room.

"Although, I do believe there is somewhere you should be Niblet..."

"You're more important than one lousy school day Spike!"

Spike looked at the floor, his naked chest quivering slightly.

"Least one of us is so sure..."

"When Buffy died, you were... You are everything to me. I thought it was my fault, I felt like I was the most evil monster on the planet, and everyone else was too busy grieving to notice, everyone but you. You listened, you helped, you held me and told me everything was gonna be alright. You were my dad, my older brother, my best friend and ok yeah my so-bigger-than-Xander crush all rolled into one! I couldn't have gone through it without you, so don't tell me your not worth my time."

Spike's gaze lifted from the floor, tears flowing down his face.

"I thought…I thought I meant something to her."

Dawn came up to the bed and sat besides Spike.

"You do."

Spike shook his head.

"I don't Niblet, they were just fancy words. Maybe she wanted them to be true, maybe when she told me all those things she did, a part of her- Who am I bloody kidding? I don't mean a soddin' thing to her! Never have, never will! Just a bloody connivance! This year I'm her 'warrior', last year I was her personal sex sl-"

Spike cut off abruptly, his eyes widening when he realized that his rant was going too far. He was inconceivably hurt by Buffy, but the bond Dawn and Buffy had was something of a fascination for Spike. As a human he had always wanted a brother or a sister, and he knew that having Anna was supposed to feel like having a fellow kin, but he didn't feel like that, not just yet. They weren't particularly close; last night, when she had changed into her PJS and held him as he cried, had been their closest moment. The last thing he wanted was to drive a wedge between the sisters, despite everything, they needed each other.

"Slave," Dawn finished where he had stopped, "She kept you as a sex slave...."

"Dawn, it's complicated. Buffy had gone through-"

"Stop making excuses for her! It all makes sense now! The disappointed look when she brought me to your crypt and you weren't there, the guilt in her eyes whenever the attack came up... She drove you to it!"

Spike shook his head firmly.

"What I did was inexcusable"

"But understandable! She tortured you, it 'drove you round the bend', her using you like that! She had no right!... Oh my GOD!"

She stared at Spike's face horrified. She outstretched her hand slowly, and Spike allowed her to gently caress his face and looking into her pained eyes he suddenly knew what had occurred to her.

"Her birthday... She did that to you didn't she? To your face? It was so swollen, like after you faced Glory... She did that to you"

Spike hung his head, conflicted with Dawn's concern; he felt both grateful and uncomfortable.

"But she... She didn't have a mark on her! You let her... You let her do that to you. You let her beat you!"

Dawn felt as though a rug had been pulled out from underneath her feet, in all her anger, she never would have thought that Buffy was capable of something like that.

Spike couldn't bear to look at her, he felt acutely ashamed. He didn't blame Buffy; what she had to go through was something no one should ever experience, and if beating him had helped prevent her from turning herself in, then Spike would go through it again any day. He considered it worth it. What was unbearable was Dawn's obvious upset for him.

"Spike, please look at me"

Spike felt something deep inside of him tug, and slowly he lifted his head. His eyes however remained downcast, if he looked into her eyes then the wrongness of what Buffy had done would be inescapable and he'd never hold himself together.

"You can let go Spike, I'm here, I'm your Niblet."

Spike tensed, and slowly his tortured blue eyes met hers. They instantly filled with tears, and Spike shook slightly, as he fought to keep them down. Dawn, sitting on his bed, looked deep into his glistening eyes, and slowly moved closer to his face, her eyes locked upon his own. She was almost nose to nose with him, the absolute beauty of his eyes fully hit her, and Dawn knew she could deny those eyes nothing and she wondered how Buffy ever could. Dawn moved her face to the side slightly, and closing her eyes, she pressed a kiss to his right cheek.

The simple gesture of kindness was the act that undid Spike, and a horrible cry escaped him, before shuddering, gasping and crying his heart out, he burrowed his forehead into Dawn's shoulder. Crying silently herself, she pulled him into her arms, allowing herself to bear the weight of his anguish. She tried to hide her own tears, but a few slipped from her face and fell onto Spike's back. Eventually Spike's cries subsided. The pain was by no means gone, but he had least released the intensity, then he felt the slight wetness on his back, and tasted the salt in the air. He felt Dawn's subtle wipes as she tried to disguise them.

Spike pulled himself back from her shoulder, ashamed to see that her entire shoulder and parts of her chest were soaked through, just how long had he been crying? Smiling sadly, Spike cupped her delicate face in his large, pianist-like hands, silently wiped her tears away with his gentle fingers, before looking deeply into her eyes, rather like she had done for him, and kissed her right cheek.

"Thank you Niblet..."

He drawled, and Dawn felt herself feel warm at his London drawl. Spike, noticing her reaction, chuckled warmly and ruffled her hair affectionately.

"Better be getting back Niblet"

"But I just got here!"

Dawn exclaimed, Spike looked at her incredulously

"You're kidding right? It's going to get dark soon! Someone's had a right lie in aye Anna..."

Spike's eyes widened when he noticed the bed was empty, she must have left when...

Spike was up like a shot, Dawn didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed that Spike had worn his black leather trousers to bed.

"Stay here, I'll be back before you know it."

Dawn, hearing the absolute seriousness in his voice, nodded. Spike snatched his shirt from the floor and chucked it on his back. Anna was a powerful witch and a half decent vampire, she was dangerous and with the anger she had, he dreaded to think how a confrontation with Buffy would end

He threw the door open... And almost charged into Anna.

Spike looked at Anna shocked, before coming to his senses.

"Where have you been?"

Anna quirked a bemused eyebrow and revealed two blood bags.

"Didn't think you'd be getting any today, and I for one am not going hungry"

Spike felt almost light-hearted with relief.

"So you didn't – you haven't seen Buffy?"

Anna's face darkened.

"As if! Though given the chance what I wouldn't do to that self-righteous bitch!"

"Enough!"

Spike snapped, and Anna glared at him, before rolling her eyes, and pushing past him. Her eyes flickered at Dawn questioningly, but she said nothing and looked away. Spike looked at Dawn and chuckled lightly as he noticed her wet top, he closed his crypt door and opened his wardrobe. After a quick rummage he threw a black top at her.

"Can't have you going home all wet."

Spike indicted the stairs leading down, and Dawn's obligingly went down so she could change. Spike turned to Anna who was busying herself with warming up her bag of blood.

"Why did you really leave Anna?"

Spike asked, a hint of steeliness in his voice.

"It was a private moment, a private icky moment, I didn't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't have, Anna you're my Childe. You have an important place in my life."

Anna nodded, but didn't say anymore and returned to her blood. Dawn reappeared. Spike bit back a laugh, she looked adorable in his top which was obviously too big for her.

"Come on Niblet, let's take you home."

Dawn glared at the laughter in his eyes, before taking his hand and leaving Spike's crypt.

*****

Spike was tense, and Dawn could tell and figured it was the prospect of seeing an immaculate, unaffected looking Buffy. They reached the house and Dawn was eager to save him this extra pain.

"I'm ok now Spike, you don't have to-"

"What? Ashamed to be seen with the Big Bad? Afraid someone will see?"

Spike taunted, but Dawn knew this was his way of rejecting her offer, and with a heavy heart, she watched him knock on the door, the door immediately flew open, and relief was evident on Buffy's face as she saw Dawn. Buffy's eyes then glanced up and met Spike's, she seemed lost in them.

"S-Spike..."

Buffy breathed, her eyes bright with hope. Spike tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement.

"Was bringin' back Niblet..."

He gently eased Dawn forward.

"See you soon Niblet."

He looked into Buffy's eyes again, before turning around and walking away.

" Wait!"

Spike tensed and turned at Buffy's call.

"We have nothing to say Slayer, unless you have a battle plan to discuss?"

He half-tilted his head towards her, but Buffy shook her head, Spike could taste the salt before Buffy's eyes began to tear over. Spike dropped his head, looking at the ground, before turning back around and walking away as the tears started to fall from Buffy's eyes.

Hey! Sorry for the gap, damn A-level exams!! Anyway, hope you like the chapter, eagerly awaiting your views…

Regards

Lisi the slayer