Authors Note: Wow, so it's been a while-and I apologize for that. I've had computer issues as well as a death in the family and just personal issues I've had to deal with. Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck with me and sent me little nudges. I promise you that this will be finished and hopefully it wont take me months between chapters to update, yeah? Okay, onward. Read on. c: Also, shout out to Caro for having the beginning of this saved in her ask. Otherwise I would have had to re-write it completely.
Disclaimer: Blahblah, not mine.
Chapter Twenty-Five
"Why? Why can't you?" Jane asked, her voice desperate.
Maura's lip trembled and she took a shuddering breath. "Because, Jane. I'm not good at relationships and—"
"Maura," Jane cut her off. "Maura, our friendship is a relationship, just think if—if we became more?" Her scarred hands grabbed both of Maura's and held them to her chest. "Please, Maur." Jane pleaded, eyes shining.
After what seemed like forever to Jane, Maura spoke. "W-what if you leave? What if we-"
Again, Jane cut her off. "Stop, Maura. Didn't we already say that you didn't like sentences that started with 'what if'?" She watched Maura nod softly. "Okay, well we'll never know if we don't try, and Maura I'm not going anywhere. I'll never leave you, ever." She said adamantly.
Maura stared at Jane, eyes a mixture of want and fear and adoration. Jane could see the wheels turning in the ME's head until finally she removed her hands from Jane's and brought them to the detective's face, thumbs wiping away tears. "Okay, Jane." She whispered, a small watery smile creasing her lips.
Jane grinned, feeling as though a weight had been lifted from her chest. "O-okay?" She asked shakily. Maura nodded, smiling wider through her tears. And within seconds, Jane was kissing Maura again. The kiss was needy, filled with relief and love and happiness. She pulled the doctor closer to her, as close as their bodies would permit as she deepened the kiss, allowing her tongue to brush past Maura's soft lips.
When air was deemed necessary, Jane rested her forehead against Maura's unable to keep the smile from her face. "I love you so much, Maura. I'll never give up on us. I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving your fears of me leaving, wrong." She kissed Maura softly.
"I know, Jane." Maura whispered, the panic she felt earlier slowly dissipating as a feeling of elatedness nervousness settled within her. "Let's go to bed. I'm exhausted." She sighed and pulled back reluctantly from Jane's grasp, reaching out and grabbing her hand.
Jane followed Maura wordlessly into the house, both of them greeting Ladybug on their way to Maura's bedroom. Jane grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt she still had over there and changed in the bathroom. When she emerged, she found that Maura was already in bed and Ladybug was lying at the foot. Grinning, Jane moved to the bed and slipped under the covers and once settled, she felt Maura cuddle into her side, resting her head on Jane's shoulder.
"Goodnight, Jane." Maura whispered, her warm breath tickling Jane's neck.
Jane smiled and wrapped her arms around the honey blonde protectively and sighed contentedly. "Night, Maur." She whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Maura's head.
Jane awoke the next morning to the ringing of her cell phone. Slowly disentangling herself with a groan, she reached out blindly for the device where she had set it on the side table the night before. "Rizzoli," She mumbled tiredly.
"So…Did you do it?" The voice on the other end asked.
"What? Did I do what? Is this Vega?" She asked incredulously. "Jesus, what time is it?" She growled as her head plopped back down on a pillow, being careful not to disturb the honey blonde beside her.
"Did you finally stop being such a fucking wussy and tell the doc your feelings? Oh and it's 7."
Jane practically growled out a reply. "Really? You called me this early in the damn morning to ask that?!"
"Well? Did you?" Vega asked, completely disregarding the question.
Silence lapsed between them before Jane blew out a sigh between her teeth. "Yeah now go away." She grumbled, hanging up before Vega could make some sort of snarky remark.
"Who was that?" Maura asked, shifting closer to Jane, eyes still closed.
Jane felt her heart swell as she remembered the new status of their relationship. She couldn't keep the smile off of her face as she wrapped her arms around the honey blonde and pressed a light kiss to the top of her head. "It was just Vega being an asshole." She replied gruffly.
Maura's eyes finally opened and she looked up at Jane with a raised eyebrow silently chastising Jane for her language. "Sorry." Jane mumbled as she kissed the side of Maura's temple, still smiling.
A small smile creased Maura's lips as she sat up enough so that her face was hovering inches above Jane's, their eyes meeting before Maura placed a gentle kiss on Jane's lips. Eyes closed and Maura was pulled closer as Jane moved one hand to the back of Maura's neck and the other to her waist. To
After a few minutes of kissing, Jane shifted them so that she was hovering over Maura, her lips moving to trail soft kisses over the matching scar on her neck. While one hand held her up, the other slipped past a silky pajama top to feel creamy skin. Maura winced slightly at the action, making Jane pull back. "Sorry, I shouldn't—I got—carried away…" Jane said, attempting to pull back.
Maura pulled Jane back down and cupped her chin, forcing her to meet Maura's gaze. "No, I'm just—I'm still sore around my torso…" She mumbled quietly. The bruises had almost completely faded but they were still a little tender to touch. "I'm okay." She promised, hazel eyes meeting wary brown ones.
There was a moment of silence as Jane remembered the past couple of weeks, how Maura had been so broken. She didn't want to hurt her; she didn't want to take advantage of her. Jane broke her gaze and looked away. "I don't—I don't wanna hurt you, Maura." She mumbled quietly, still hovering over the honey blonde.
Maura stared at Jane before she wordlessly moved from beneath her and to the edge of the bed. She let her toes dig into the plush, white carpet as she stared down at her feet.
Jane sat up and looked at Maura with a confused expression. "Maura?" She wasn't sure what she had done, what had made Maura suddenly look so…she wasn't sure.
The only thing that Maura could think was that Jane didn't want her; she was disgusted with her. The rational part of her brain was trying to tell Maura that that wasn't the reason at all, that Jane actually was genuinely scared she would hurt Maura. But did Jane think she was broken? Did she think that Maura wasn't capable of knowing what she wanted? She wanted Jane. But Jane didn't want her, it seemed.
Perhaps she wasn't good enough for Jane. Maybe she was disgusting, damaged and broken. Tears welled up in Maura's eyes as she tried to fight the warring thoughts, the voices, his voice telling her she wasn't worth the trouble. "Maura, talk to me?" She was jarred from her thoughts as a gentle hand went to her shoulder. She winced away from it, quickly swiping away tears.
"I think you should go, Jane." Maura said with a surprisingly steady voice, her shoulders slumping as the words left her mouth.
Jane's brows furrowed in confusion as she took her hand back, anxiously rubbing the scars on her hands. "Maur," She started voice low and quiet.
Maura shook her head slowly, fighting back tears. "Please, Jane…Just—just go." She kept her gaze down as Jane slowly moved off of the bed, silently grabbing her things before opening the door. She paused and turned slightly, anguish clear on her face as she stared at Maura.
"I don't know what's going on through your head, Maur but I want you to know that I haven't come this far just to be pushed away…I love you." She said the last part quietly before she turned to leave, missing the pained and confused look on Maura's face as she looked up.
Jane sighed as she left Maura's house only to realize that she didn't drive here. Another heavy sigh escaped her lips as she called for a cab and left for home when it arrived.
Maura was left alone and confused, and a little angry. Angry at what, she wasn't exactly sure. She sighed and stared out of her door, down the hallway for a long time until she felt something cold and wet nudge her hand.
She looked down to see Ladybug sitting beside her. Big brown eyes looked up at her and Maura almost swore she knew what was going on. "I messed up," She said quietly as Ladybug let her head fall gently on Maura's knee.
"But I—I am broken, aren't I? I get anxious being alone with men. And Jane—what if she—" She stopped herself from rambling as tears again clouded her vision. Ladybug sighed and licked Maura's hand softly, as if to say everything would be okay.
And it would be, Maura just needed to fix herself—for Jane. Jane wouldn't think she was broken any longer.