Chapter 49, everybody! Yes, FINALLY! About time, Kineil….

I'm working on all of my active fics this month, so we should be seeing more updates before the year's out—I will get back to regular updates if it kills me. *glares angrily at fic*

And now for something completely different in the review responses:

I'd like to thank Vulaan Kulaas, Zaralann, BOOM Fanfic-a-latta, Lunar Moon Butterfly, Guy2506, YamiYugiYuki, Emu Thing, Itachidono, EchoTheHybrid, major wallace, Vahnimor, and Aurastar Warrior for the reviews! You guys are awesome. :D

AverageHiveMind, thanks for the review! Yes. XD And yes—and oh yes on both counts. XD (#Iwillthinkaboutit) Weirdly, since we work from home and live out in the country, the only real effect we've noticed is a lot more reruns. ^^

Thor94, thanks for the review! We'll see—keep in mind Patches has evolved already, and Bulbasaur and Squirtle are on Brock's and Misty's teams respectively. ^^

Talesfanjmf, thanks for the review! Eh, it didn't go for me for some reason so I ended up skipping it. ^^ Thank you, I'm glad you liked the battle! :D

TheLavenderHour, thanks for the review! That's both a good question and an entertaining mental image. XD

Thanks for the review, Sparky! It's good to be back, kinda. XD Probably—and I'm not sure yet…well I skipped over the first because I had never seen and the second just didn't feel like it fit. XD Me too…I've already gotten it written up. :D

ArmoredSoul, thanks for the review! Ahh, thank you! :D And glad it made you laugh—hopefully I can continue to please! :D

Pokémon © Game Freak; Nintendo

And now, for something completely different:

This program was brought to you by Swanna Soap. Swanna Soap—it floats!

They were among several people who stayed the night at Mikey's place, setting off for their eventual destinations in the morning with parting gifts.

"Who knows?" the bluenette—whom they learned was named Rainer—said as he handed them the box. "You guys might need an evo stone or two in the future."

They thanked them and headed down the road pointed out for them, hoping to eventually hit Route Twelve and swing up towards Lavender Town.

"So I was wondering," Ash said after a while. "What happens if you have an Eevee at max happiness, at night, that knows a Fairy move, and you use a Fire Stone on it? Which evo does it go with? Does it go with all of them? There isn't a thing where they run into all the stones and become like, a super 'eon, is there?"

"Do you really think you were the only stupid ten-year-old with that idea?" Darkrai asked, floating up behind them.

"But is that a yes or a no?"

"I give up."

They passed a turning blocked off by construction signs, continued on until the trail swung out into rolling plains.

"Very pretty," Misty observed.

"Very," Brock agreed. "So this should be Route Thirteen, Route Twelve should be a couple days' walk from here."

"Nice!" Ash said, scanning the green grass as far as they could see, bordered by woods on one far side and mountains distant and hazy. "I wonder what kind of Pokémon are here."

"Mostly Oddish, Venonat, and Pidgey," Brock said, flicking through his travel book. "One of us should probably catch a Flying type—turns out that's a glaring hole in our current lineup."

"Zubat's a Flying type," Ash pointed out.

"Yes, but until she evolves she's going to be very sensitive to the sun, so she'd only be good during the night. We need a day flier."

"I guess we're hunting Pidgey then."

Pidgey-hunting didn't go so well—by lunchtime they had covered a lot of ground and found a lot of planted Oddish and the occasional Gloom, but not so much Pidgey.

"Why do I feel like this is your fault?" Misty asked Darkrai.

"Excuse me I am just floating here," Darkrai said, miffed.

"Before you get warmed up," Brock said, hands up. "You: remember what I said," he said to Misty. "And you," he said to Darkrai, "Are technically a hyper-predator present while we're hunting birds with prey instincts. This is kind of your fault."

Darkrai crossed his arms and huffed—glared when Brock offered him an Oran Cake. "My affection cannot be bought."

"And yet you're taking the cake anyway," Brock observed.

"Those mountains are getting bigger," Ash observed, squinting in the distance. "I wonder how tall they are up close."

"I'm going with very," Brock said, unpacking lunch.

"Maybe." Glance at Misty—pump his fists and assume a battle pose. "Want a rematch while Brock's busy?"

"You're on," Misty agreed.

"Oi vey," Brock muttered. "Darkrai, call that for me—fairly, please."

"Honestly, I don't like either of them so that should be easy," Darkrai said, floating after them as they put a little distance between them and the temporary camp.

"Okay," Ash said, bouncing around to face Misty. "How're we doing this?"

"I can't use Tentacool, Horsea, or Goldeen out here," Misty pointed out. "So let's go with three-on-three."

"Okay," Ash said, nodding—tugged a Pokéball out and threw it. "Go Vee!"

"Go, Staryu!"

"Open with Quick Attack Vee!" Ash called.

"Minimize and Harden! Go!"

Vee missed, sailing over Staryu as it shrunk down to nothing and then resumed its usual size, multiple colors ghosting over its body.

Ash grit his teeth. "Er—well make it harder for it to hit you! Sand Attack!"

Vee tried—was deterred by the thick grass.

"Rapid Spin!"

"Dodge and use Growl! It can't evade sound!"

Vee did so.

"Keep after him, Staryu!"

The next five minutes were spent Growling and fleeing a star-shaped wheel of death.

"If I float off out of boredom, you both lose," Darkrai said flatly.

"Right," Ash muttered, making a decision—Staryu's attack couldn't go much lower. "Vee, Baton Pass! Go, Patches! Use Dig!"

"Flood the field, Staryu!" Misty ordered. "Water Gun followed by Thunder!"

"Get out of there, Patches!"

Patches tried—was stuck in the fresh mire—took a Thunder hard.

"Oh man," Ash muttered, looking around—"Uh-uh-uh—Mud Slap, Patches! Grab some of that mud and start slinging!"

Patches stared blankly at him—

Yanked himself out of the mud, spun so his back end was facing Staryu, and started kicking up clods of mud as fast as he could.

"Staryu, Rapid Spin!" Misty ordered, already taking cover from the mud now flying everywhere.

"DO YOU MIND!?" Darkrai bellowed, throwing a Protect up to keep his fur clean.

"I'm not responsible for mud soup!" Brock yelled.

"While it's distracted!" Ash barked. "Poison Jab!"

Patches bolted, running up on the edge of the now-swamp, horn glistening—

"Get out of there, Staryu!" Misty ordered. Staryu obeyed, whizzing up into the air before angling back down for Patches—

"Spin and meet it!"

Patches did so—

"So that knocked both of them out," Darkrai said, after fishing them out of the mud. "Also, you might want to think about an Antidote real quick."

Battling was suspended as they tended to their individual Pokémon.

"Okay," Ash said once he returned Patches. Look the field over…."Go, Vee!"

Vee jumped back in, making sure to aim for a hillock, gingerly shaking his paws with every step.

"Right," Misty agreed. "Go, Squirtle!"

Squirtle seemed stunned by the field, although he wasn't quite as mincing as Vee. Maybe Squirtle's natural habitat looked something like this.

"Okay—Vee use Swift!"

"Withdraw and Protect!"

Squirtle disappeared into his shell, the bright stars peppering glowing hexagonal shapes instead.

"Now! Rapid Spin!" Misty yelled.

"Again!?" Ash squawked—Darkrai threw up another Protect to keep his fur clean.

"MUD! SOUP!" Brock hollered.

"SORRY!" Misty hollered back.

"Uh—Vee! Use Swift!" Ash barked. "Throw him off course!"

Vee tried—had to jump to the edge of the swampy ground when that didn't work—squeak when he slipped into the mud—wait.

"Mud-Slap Frenzy style!" Ash ordered before taking cover. "Brock! The soup!"

"Oh for Pidove's sake," Brock managed, slamming the lid back down on the little pot he had been working with. After that, Ash didn't hear much, didn't come up from cover for a good five minutes.

By that time, most of the flooded area had drained into Patches' smaller hole and Vee's much bigger hole.

"Vwee," Vee muttered, shaking himself ferociously—and then quickly chittering an apology when he realized he had gotten mud all over Darkrai.

"What," Darkrai spat. "Did you just wait for my Protect to go down? Seriously?"

"Vwee," Vee noised, ears down.

"Okay, back to business," Misty said. "Squirtle, wash Vee off—Water Gun!"

"Vee that's not a good thing!" Ash yelped. "Dodge it!"

Vee went from perked up to trying to dodge away—Squirtle aimed for him as he leaped—

"Swift!" Ash ordered. "On the ground!"

Vee did so, launched up and away from the Water Gun—arced over Squirtle—

"Take Down now!" Ash ordered.

"Meet it with Headbutt!" Misty called.

"Swift first to make him flinch!"

Vee succeeded, which meant that the impact wasn't quite as painful, and that they didn't faint at the same time either; Vee tottered a bit before falling sideways into the mud, Squirtle having fallen backwards a few seconds before.

"I'm detecting a pattern here," Darkrai observed as they returned their Pokémon. "Why don't you agree up front that your Pokémon are going to knock each other out and save the rest of us the grief?"

"At this point that's starting to sound tempting," Misty sighed. "But we've committed—go Oddish!"

"All right—then I choose Charmander!" Ash said, throwing him out. "Don't worry, bud, it used to look a lot worse!"

Charmander looked like he was severely questioning whatever led to such a mess to begin with.

"Okay…Oddish, do you know any spore moves?" Misty asked. When Oddish saluted: "Then use them all on Charmander—don't let him hit you, and if you're feeling low use Absorb, okay?"

"What, we're not opening with Rapid Spin?" Darkrai asked mildly as Oddish saluted again and started fading from sight under a cloud of spores.

"Oh thank goodness," Brock heaved.

"Use Ember and burn those away!" Ash ordered—Charmander did so—

Oddish was gone.

"Where—" Ash noised, about as confused as Charmander looked. "Um—maybe—burn the grass so he can't hide—"

Charmander yelped as a Bullet Seed peppered his side—spun, shot an Ember where it had come from, shot another one at the rustling grass—

Oddish rolled out, leaving behind a cloud of spores before hopping back up, landing in the edge of one of the mini-ponds before firing another Bullet Seed at Charmander.

"Use Ember to stop those!" Ash ordered—glanced at Misty taking notes on what Oddish knew. Charmander did so—

Oddish was gone again.

"What the—" Ash started—

Blinked when Oddish danced around Charmander, scattering spores as he went. "Oh…kay…."

"That's Teeter Dance, for those of you keeping track," Darkrai said, glancing at Misty. "It causes confusion."

"Ah," Ash and Misty both noised—

Ash started. "Hey wait—"

Too late—Charmander was teetering too now, thoroughly confused by Oddish's frenetic dancing. Oddish kept it up, still scattering spores everywhere—Charmander was starting to twitch from the spores settling on his skin.

"Ah—Charmander use…use Fire Spin!" Might as well, he was kind of going in a circular motion—

Charmander belched out a torf of flame before falling over—

The cloud of spores ignited, making a miniature explosion—

And Oddish was gone again.

"Okay this is getting ridiculous," Ash muttered. "Charmander, are you okay? Snap out of it!"

Charmander staggered upright, shaking his head—yelped in surprise when he got sniped by a Bullet Seed again.

"Okay," Misty said when Oddish dodged Charmander's Embers again, Teeter Dancing out and scattering spores everywhere as he went spinning away. "I really need to know just what Oddish was doing at Melanie's before we came along."

"Odd Oddish!" Oddish chirped, leaping in front of Darkrai and doing one of those ballerina points as he did.

"What's your opinion on travelling to a different region so this nut can participate in a contest?" Darkrai asked Misty, arms crossed and generally looking unimpressed.

"My first instinct is to ask why I have to go to a different region, except my second question is to ask about contests, so…." Misty shrugged. "I need to know more first."

"Basically more of what twinkle-toes here is doing."

"Odd-odd-odd-dish!" Oddish sang, dancing around Charmander again—Charmander closed his eyes, paws over them to try to keep from getting confused again—

"Ember now!" Ash barked—

The spores ignited again, and when the blast cleared Oddish was gone again.

"Have we even hit him yet?" Ash asked, scratching his head. "Charmander, are you okay?"

"Chaaa," Charmander noised, staggering upright.

"Okay, so Oddish basically nerfed all fire attacks," Ash muttered. "Uh…stick with Slash and Scratch—dodge!"

Charmander leaped forward, dodging the Bullet Seed—

A second round sent him teetering dangerously close to the deeper mini-pond, the one caused by Vee's—

"Ember to right yourself!" Ash barked. "Then use Mud-Slap!"

"Mud alert!" Darkrai called over his shoulder, prepping a Protect again.

Brock had apparently had enough, judging by the way he was scrambling about his setup. "I swear you guys are going to be the death of me I'M SERVING YOU MUD PIES AND THAT'S IT!"

By this time, Charmander had managed to right himself, scoop up a pawful of mud—glanced nervously at Darkrai before shooting a torf of flame at Oddish's usual hiding spot—

Threw it at him when he dodged back out into the open.

"Odd!" Oddish yelped, quickly shaking the mud off—only to get pelted further—planted himself in the ground—

"Now, Charmander! Use Ember!" Ash called. Charmander shot the Ember—Oddish leaped out of the ground in a panic at his flaming leaves—

The grasses around him ignited, flames snaking towards a panicking Charmander—

"Jump!" Ash yelped—

Too late, Charmander went flying in an explosion again—Ash jumped, caught him as he went sailing overhead—

Oddish jumped out of the small mini-pond just as Ash and Darkrai confirmed that Charmander was indeed down for the count.

"You're kidding me," Misty said, trying to dust all the soot and mud off. "Oddish actually beat Charmander?"

"I don't believe it either," Darkrai said, before looking at Ash. "Next time lead with the bug or the rat."

"And next time, have your battle farther away!" Brock yelled.

"Sorry," they chimed.

They prioritized finding a water source after that, angled south until they ran across a stream.

Misty called first dibs.

"And I get to be the guard-mon because?" Darkrai asked.

"Brock said I should make an effort," Misty said, unpacking a bar of Swanna Soap. "Although you just get to help with that—I'm more trusting these guys to do the heavy work there."

"Gee, how insulting," he muttered, looking the other Pokémon over.

"Glad you feel that way—stay over there, no peeking. Staryu, you know the drill."

The Pokémon in question jumped in the little path she followed, stood at attention with a determined Hryah!

"You know you can just jump in and rinse the mud off!" Darkrai called. "You don't have to do the whole thing!"

"Just because I travel with boys doesn't mean I have to smell like them!" Misty called back.

"Oh brother—now me, I kind of like that Cornn-chip smell," he muttered, turning away and scratching at his sawtooth ridge.

"Why does Misty have to go over there to swim?" Horsea asked, splashing about in the stream. "Why doesn't she swim with us?"

"It's called 'bathing,'" Goldeen said. "Humans are weird like that, use something to wash dirt off, act weird when someone sees them—apparently it's a big secret."

"Humans certainly didn't have a problem swimming back at the beach," Tentacool said.

"Maybe it's different in fresh water," Squirtle offered.

"Oi," Darkrai sighed. "It's called 'modesty'—humans have it, it's why they wear clothes."

"Yeah that never made sense either," Horsea said. "But I guess it makes them easier to tell apart?"

"Some 'clothes' are awesome though," Squirtle said, paws up. "Like sunglasses—those up the coolness factor. Misty needs sunglasses, I've just decided."

"Definitely!" Oddish said, still dancing around in glee at having bested a 'mon he had a type weakness to. "And we'll definitely need cool outfits for contests—what do you think, I think I need a bow. Yellow probably goes best with my natural color but I think I could make pink work."

And maybe Darkrai could pretend to be deaf, or just drift off—that was always an option. Turn—

Stop when he heard something rustle in the bushes.

Okay, that could have been anything. It wasn't like he hadn't scared off every low-level Pokémon within three miles of here…maybe he missed a Pidgey. Glance at the Staryu—

The Staryu was facing in that direction and stiff, ready to leap. He doubted a Pidgey would elicit that response.

Short whistle, redirecting the Staryu's attention and getting the rest of the Pokémon's attentions—point in the direction of the rustle, making Staryu bounce a little. Apparently torn between going after the source of the noise and defending Misty.

"What is it?" Horsea asked.

"Haven't the foggiest," Darkrai said quietly, sinking into the ground. "But hopefully, very tasty."

"So maybe that wasn't the best battle ever," Ash said, scraping the mud off his jeans. "Considering mud got everywhere."

"Y'think?" Brock asked.

"And I'm guessing you're still mad."

"Oh my goodness yes," Brock said, pausing to scrape some mud off his lower pants with one of his boots. "I don't like eating mud, it's not fortifying and it doesn't do anything for the flavor."

"That sounds like there's a story behind it."

"Onix, don't tell him," Brock said, pointing at the large Pokémon half-coiled around them.

"Greh," Onix rumbled.

"Okay," Ash said finally, holding his arms out. "How do I look?"

"Still like you got rolled by a bunch of Quagsire," Brock observed. "Pretty sure you're going to have to break down and take a bath to get the worst off."

"I did get the worst off—now you're just getting picky."

"Do you want grit in your sleeping bag?"

Ash was about to respond when rustling in the bushes redirected his attention—glance over, expecting one of the Pokémon or maybe Misty—

Saw something dark and cylindrical poking out of the bushes.

Okay, Ash had had enough lousy encounters on this gym run to know that whatever that was, it was most likely bad. "Pikachu, Thunder Shock on that bush."

Pikachu glanced over, spotted what Ash saw—came to the same conclusion Ash had.

"Any reason we're attacking the foliage now?" Brock asked—eyebrows shooting up when someone fell out of the bushes. "You know what nevermind that's a good reason."

"Ah good, we agree," Ash said.

"Do you mind?!" the guy demanded, twitching—

Black surged up behind the now-fried bush. "I DO."

"Hi, Darkrai," Ash greeted, once it was all over.

"That felt excessive," Brock said, looking at the now-unconscious guy.

"Eh," Darkrai noised, waving a paw airily.

"What was all the yelling?" Misty demanded, hair still wet and shoes in her hand as she picked her way back over.

"Excessive use of force?" Ash guessed.

Darkrai held up the thing the guy had been holding. "This dude was lurking in the bushes with a camera. Impressive zoom lens too."

Misty gave the whole thing the once-over.

"That also felt excessive," Brock said, once Misty and her mallet were done.