My Immortal 2: The Revenge of Ebony/Enoby/Egogy/Evony/Eboby/Ebonery/Ebpny/Tata

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters and I can thank God I don't own the My Immortal characters.

Chapter One: Life in Hogwarts

Things in Hogwarts had mostly gone back to normal after the fall of Ebony Dark'Ness Dementia Raven Way. The only thing that hadn't changed is that Albus Dumbledore still lost his temper during the occasional headache. This because Dumbledore acting like Samuel L. Jackson is hysterical.

It had taken the janitor Filch over a month to wash away all the black paint from the Great Hall, a task which made him even grouchier than usual. He wished he was able to do magic instead of being forced to clean things the way Muggles do. At least the job paid well enough for him to get the latest issues of Penthouse.

Professor Snape was back to his old job as potions master, although he wasn't nearly as good at keeping his cover in my fanfic as he is in the books. An example of this was when Hermione was given out a presentation on a potion which will not be named because I am too lazy to give it one.

"You see," Hermione said to the class in that confident and intelligent tone that Snape wished his Slytherin students had. "When you mixing the snake fangs with the corrosive hydrochloric acid, the liquid turns a very dark—"

"Dark!" Snape gasped. "I have NOTHING to do with ANY dark or unsavory characters or businesses and I most certainly NOT in cahoots with any dark lords if that's what you're wondering! I am COMPLETELY innocent! NOTHING suspicious about me! NOT AT ALL!"

The whole class stared at him.

"Um, don't worry about what I just said," Snape stammered, realizing what he had done for the fifth time that day. "I just have an—I have an—illness! Yes, I have a very rare form of—of—appendicitis that causes me to randomly said things like that. No worries."

"But sir," Hermione pointed out. "Appendicitis doesn't cause you too blurt out—"

"Are you correcting me?" Snape snarled. "You dare to correct a teacher?"

"Well, I was just pointing out that—"

"Five points from Gryffindor!"

Harry and Ron knew that there was no point in coming to Hermione's defense, lest he take away more points for bullshit reasons.

After class, Harry, Ron, and Hermione went down to the Great Hall to discuss which Snape they hated more.

"Well, the Snape that was here when that crazy poser had Hogwarts under her spell did try to kill us," Ron said, "But the normal Snape is just a total dick."

There was the sound of a record skipping. I realized I had made Ron sound Out of Character. I resolved to fix that.

"But the normal Snape is just a total prat," Ron said.

There, that's better.

"It wasn't as bad as that time another Mary-Sue made Hogwarts practice nudism," Hermione pointed out.

"Oh yeah," Harry shuddered. "I've never seen Ginny act like that before,"

"There was the time that wannabe gangsta came to the school and turned everything into a mind screw," Ron shivered at the memory. "Seriously, I never thought I'd see the Ku Klux Klan in Britain…"

"Are you talking about me?" demanded a cold voice and the trio looked up to see Snape glaring at them.

"No, sir," Harry said quickly.

"Oh really," Snape sneered, using his Legilimency. "You called me a total prat earlier, Mr. Weasley, that's five points from Gryffindor. As for you, Mr. Potter, I'll take away another five points because I don't like the way you looked at me just now."

The trio sighed. Everything was back to normal all right.

Back in America, Ebony and Willow logged onto a computer at an Internet Café. It was recruitment time.

"This takes forever," Ebony growled, waiting for the obscenely slow loading page to change into the chat room. "And people ask me why I slit my wrists all the time?"

"Tell me about it," Willow agreed. "Bill Gates is such a prep!"

Finally, the chat room loaded.

"Time to go!" Ebony smirked, logging into her account xxxbloodywrists666xxx.

The following is a conversation between Ebony and other Mary-Sues on the chat room. You have my most sincere apologies if it is unreadable but spelling is not the strong suit of these people.

xxxbloodywrists666xxx: im heer lolz

xXxpottergangsta4evaxXx: yo wazzup homgurl!

EdwardCullenIzSmexy111: zomfg did u hav fun at da groop kuttin sesshion

xxxbloodywrists666xxx: lol totally Gerard way rox

xXxpottergangsta4evaxXx: yea butt nut az much az solja boi

ginnyweezlyizaslutlolz1: omfg how hav u ben u rok bich

xxxbloodywrists666xxx: o I hav ben fine how u ben fucker

ginnyweezlyizaslutlolz1: gr8 I went 2 watch da ring last nite lolz

xXxpottergangsta4evaxXx: do u need r help enoby

xxxbloodywrists666xxx: omfg yes I do pepul r such preps and dey suk lol haz any1 seen da last Harry Potter movie lol I waz so mad dat he and draco dint get togetha jkr is homophonic lolz

This conversation went on for quite a while. I will spare you the excruciating details and the horrific spelling and just tell you outright the after several hours Ebony had recruited these Mary-Sues and more.

Life continued as normal for the students and teachers of Hogwarts until a strange man who could only speak in all caps came crashing through the Great Hall windows during breakfast one day.

"WOW!" Low Price Commercial Guy shrieked. "THAT'S SOME FLIMSY GLASS!"

"Why is it so easy for people to break into Hogwarts these days?" Professor McGonagall asked Dumbledore.

"There must be a flaw in the system," Dumbledore responded. He turned to the Low Price Commercial Guy and kindly asked, "I'm sorry to sound uninviting but we are trying to have breakfast right now. It is most distracting when people crash through the windows unexpectedly so if you would be so kind as to depart I would be much appreciative."

"SILENCE!" Low Price Commercial Guy shouted. "I HAVE COME ON A MISSION FROM VOLDEMORT HIMSELF! YOU MUST DIE, DUMBLEDORE!"

Dumbledore frowned, but his tone did not change. "Is that so? We'll I do have manage a school here so my death would be quite an inconvenience. Perhaps we could settle this in the future?"

"NO!" Low Price Commercial Guy shrieked, swooping down at Dumbledore. He missed but he ended up destroying Dumbledore's favorite stash of lemon drops.

"Oh no…" McGonagall's face paled.

"You shouldn't have done that…" Hagrid agreed.

Dumbledore took one long look at his beloved lemon drops and his eyes flared in a fiery rage. "Oh, it's on now, bitch!"

Dumbledore took out his wand. "Nobody fucks with my lemon drops!" he shouted, aiming a curse at Low Price Commercial Guy.

Low Price Commercial Guy groaned as the spell knocked him off his broom. He fell right in front of Professor Snape.

"Severus!" Dumbledore shouted. "Attack his week point for massive damage!"

Snape kicked Low Price Commercial Guy square in the spot where the sun don't shine.

"OOMPH!" shouted Low Price Commercial Guy before losing consciousness.

"Take this lemon drop killing piece of shit to the dungeons!" Dumbledore ordered.

Snape and Hagrid dragged the body down to those said dungeons as Dumbledore turned to address the Great Hall.

"In case any of you motherfuckers get any clever ideas about trying to harm my precious lemon drops, keep that little demonstration firmly in mind!"

The students of Hogwarts nodded in terror.

"Good," Dumbledore said. His eyes and voice became warm and friendly again. "Now I don't want to send you off to your classes on an empty stomach. Please, eat up."

"Remind me never to get on Dumbledore's bad side," Ron said, quivering.

I'm going to have a lot of fun writing this! Enjoy!