My Immortal 2: The Revenge of Ebony/Enoby/Egogy/Evony/Eboby/Ebonery/Ebpny/Tata
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters and I can thank God I don't own the My Immortal characters.
Chapter Two: The Gathering of the Mary-Sues
You might think that the main villain of the story would have an evil lair like Voldemort hidden somewhere in a cave. But you would be wrong. It turns out none of the Mary-Sues like cold, damp, environments. Gee, isn't that a big surprise?
A big source of conflict between the Mary Sues was that each one of them was obsessed with different things. While Ebony and Willow obviously like gothic things—or at least they like things that they perceived as gothic—one of the Mary Sues that was invited, Rose Potter of The Girl Who Lived, was into more normal things.
"Don't be such a prep!" Ebony growled as Rose objected to the life-size poster of Gerard Way hanging on the wall. "Gerard Way is the sexiest guy ever!"
"The sexiest guy ever is Justin Timberlake!" Rose countered.
"Who wants to listen to some Young Money?" asked the main character from I'm A Wizard, Turtle—or Soulja Boy Spirit Jackson or whatever his name was—in a Brooklyn accent.
"Shut up!" Rose and Ebony yelled.
"Young Money is now and always will be gay!" said Jenna Silverblade from My Inner Life.
"No, their songs are straight thuggin, yo!" Turtle said, his accent randomly changing to South Side Chicago. "Their beats are phat and they're lyrical geniuses!"
"Lyrical geniuses?" asked Rose incredulously. "I haven't heard a single song by Young Money that wasn't about doing drugs, bragging about getting money and pussy, treating women like crap, and behaving as though having a pimped out car was a symbol of manliness."
"You just don't get it!" Turtle growled, his accent now Baltimore.
"Guys," said Bella Swan of Twilight. "We won't get anywhere arguing over the lyrical quality of some rap group. We have to focus on taking down our enemies at Hogwarts."
"That's correct," Ebony agreed. "I've called you all here so we could join forces. Together, we are a power to be reckoned with. But first, I need some ideas on how to do this. We can't just go marching up to Hogwarts. With my powers diminished, we'll need to be sneakier. Does anyone have an ideas?"
An orange woman with a ridiculous hairdo and clothing even skimpier than Ebony's raised her hand.
"Anyone besides Snooki?" Ebony asked.
"Oh, fuck you!"
"I have one," offered Neil, the writer of Hogwarts Exposed. "I could try to force everyone to be nude again."
"Cool, but I don't think it's likely to accomplish much." Ebony sighed.
"We could pop a cap in all their asses," Turtle suggested, now with a South Boston accent.
"I already tried that," Ebony said glumly. "Guns don't work very well on people with magic."
"I could seduce everyone," suggested Jenna. "I'm one of the most powerful Mary-Sues of literary history. When I was in My Inner Life, I had the entire Zelda universe wrapped around my finger."
"That's right," Ebony's face lit up. "And unlike me, Rose, and whatever the black guy's name is—"
"It's Turtle," said Turtle, his accent changing to Southern.
"Whatever. Unlike me, Rose, and Turtle, they won't recognize you, Jenna. It's perfect. While you enthrall them, I'll prepare to storm the castle. They'll be totally defenseless!"
Ebony turned to the old man sitting in front of the pipe organ. "Now would be a great time for some sinister music. I'm about to let out an evil laugh."
The man nodded and played some cliché sinister organ music and Ebony let out some equally cliché evil laughter.
"It seems that thy Low Price Commercial Guy hath failed," Voldemort mused, looking down at his minions from his altar. Yes, he has an altar. Altars are cool. "Oh well. I didn't expecteth him to."
"My Lord," Bellatrix suggested. "I believe that to kill Dumbledore, we need to try some more stealthy tactics."
"Yes," Voldemort agreed. "I believe I haveth just thy man for that!" He turned to Lucius. "I suppose that thou wish to redeemeth thyself, is that right?"
"Yes, my lord."
"Well, than considereth thee lucky!" Voldemort laughed mirthlessly. "For thou are to sneaketh into thy castle and killeth Dumbledore!"
At that precise moment, lightning struck and Voldemort let out an evil laugh.
"Ugh, that's so cliché!" Ganondorf groaned.
Voldemort glared at him. "AVADA KADAVRA!"
Ganondorf died.
"Now, where was I?" Voldemort asked himself. "Oh, yeah!"
Lightning struck once again and Voldemort continued his evil laugh.
Looks like things are coming together now for Ebony. Stick around for the next installment!
By the way, Young Money is the worst fucking rap group I've ever heard in my life.