Chapter 69, everybody! Hey look, we're back with at least a month of updates! :D

So I spent the past two months offline and writing, so all my active fics are getting updates this month, good things. :D Also May the Fourth be with you (we are all of us nerds, I fear).

Moving on…foxes are nocturnal and yes if you see them during the day that's usually a bad sign. Also combining the "Wake Up, Snorlax!" episode with how we usually run into one in the games.

And I would like to extend a shoutout to that one Tumblr thread about Snorlene the Snorlax, I kept thinking about it the whole time I was writing this chapter and kept devolving into giggle fits so thank you whoever did that thread you brightened my day. Zubat's yelling is inspired by a Sun/Moon Nuzlocke called Undertow by Riboo on DeviantArt which I very much enjoyed so check it out. Meantime Brock is referencing the Monkey Island series.

And now for the reviews: DeathCrawler, Urdeadnotbigsurprise, griffin blackwood, LongNightDragon, Kayuri Igrimakeon Pax, Vulaan Kulaas, Silverwing23, AverageHiveMind, thor94, Dragonkeeper10, Johnny Spectre, talesfanjmf, epantoja521, Ardtornismyname, Alya1188, lynnell246, GreenCAT the second, Prone to Shapeshifting, and Sheaon13, thanks for the reviews! Love how you all are immediately picturing the horror of TWO Frenzys. XD

Also GreenCAT the second, oddly enough this fic did have opinions about 'smarter!darker!calmer!' Ash as part of the motivations so I feel you.

Pokémon © Game Freak; Nintendo

And now, for something completely different:

In other news, archaeologists in Sinnoh have discovered strange graffiti in a cave dating back to ancient times. Said graffiti seems to be as old as the other art within and reads "Help I've been isekai'ed." Researchers are unsure what this means and have been consulting with mangaka for more information.

Despite dour predictions, Ash was feeling pretty upbeat as they headed for Celadon.

"Five badges!" Ash cheered. "Five badges and my sixth one is on the way!"

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Misty counseled.

"But the good news," Brock said as they left the little building at the start of the route. "Route Eight between Saffron and Celadon is pretty short and well-tended—we should make it in a day barring any obstacles or events."

"Ah, Brock? Consider our track record."

"Two days then," Brock sighed.

Two days was probably the better assessment, considering Ash went barreling into every single available patch of grass they could find.

"The Pokédex says that Growlithe and Vulpix are on this route!" Ash called over to where Brock and Misty were still on the road. "And we need a replacement Fire type!"

"We do," Brock agreed, considering. "Having to use a Burn Heal every meal is starting to get pricey, and I can't shake the feeling ghost flames are affecting the flavor somehow."

"You know technically you have enough badges to make Charmeleon listen to you now," Misty pointed out.

Ash grimaced at that—yes, technically he did…but the thought of having to deal with a moody Charmeleon felt like a dark cloud looming overhead...oh wait no that was Darkrai.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Hunting for a Fire type," Ash explained.

"You might want to hold off on Charmeleon until after Erika anyway," Brock said. "That'll give you twenty levels of wiggle room, at least."

"And if we hurry to Celadon, we can get to the department store there and buy TMs!" Misty added. "Remember you were wanting to teach Lenny Ice Fang?"

"And then we can double back for practice," Brock said. "Now come on—I don't want to camp if I don't have to."

"Ah man," Ash groaned, tromping back to the road—and then leaping back when he accidentally stepped on an Oddish. "AAAH sorry didn't see you there I'm sorry!"

Too late—the Oddish took offense to that—

Went down quickly to Pikachu's Thunder Shock.

"You've really been working on that, haven't you?" Ash asked him.

"Pika pika!" Pikachu said brightly.

"Okay, so meantime," Brock announced as they got back on track. "Erika is the Grass type gym leader. Plans?"

"Well the original plan was to go in with Charmander, but that's shot," Ash sighed. "And someone won't let me go hunting for Growlithe or Vulpix."

"Vulpix don't come out this early anyway unless they're rabid," Darkrai announced.

"Aren't Darkrai nocturnal?" Brock asked.

"Hush, you."

"So on that happy note," Misty said. "Ash you can't bank on sweeping a gym with one Pokémon. Especially one with such an obvious type advantage—Erika will have already had plenty of experience with that."

"But Fire isn't the only weakness Grass has, right?" Ash asked. "They're weak to Flying and Ice too. And…um…Poison?"

"You're not going to be able to rely on Poison for the type advantage," Brock told him. "Most Kanto Grass types are also part Poison, so they won't be affected. The good news is, Poison can't be poisoned, so Gastly and Patches are both solid options."

"So that makes Lenny, Patches and Gastly strong contenders," Ash translated. "And I guess since Frenzy is part Grass that makes him an option, since Grass won't do as much damage."

"And Frenzy will mow through anything."

"This is true."

"I'm starting to worry about that bug," Darkrai said.

"Seriously?" Misty asked. "NOW you're starting to worry about that bug? What about before? What about like a billion different times before?"

"Well there was that time he chewed up that stupid magician of his own accord, so at least we know he has good judgement."

Everyone had to agree on this point.

"Moving on," Brock said. "We get to Celadon, get a room at the Pokémon Center, get some TMs, maybe spend a day or two practicing, and then go from there. Comparatively, we're still making good time."

"Says you," Misty said. "This trip feels like it's taken ages and we're nowhere near done yet."

"That's not true," Ash countered. "I've only got three badges left!"

"And after Erika is where you're going to start running into problems," Brock pointed out. "No one's seen Blaine or Giovanni for ages now—we can go to Cinnabar and try, but you'd probably have better luck with a lesser gym."

"Especially if you don't have Frenzy destroy them," Misty added.

"Cinnabar being where whatever awful thing the psychic detected happened?" Darkrai asked. "This seems problematic."

"Well hopefully by the time we get there it'll have cleared up," Brock said. "We'd still have to get to Fuchsia again first so…does anyone hear that?"

They did, actually.

"Is someone cutting down trees?" Misty asked, looking around. "That sounds like a chainsaw."

"Well someone is definitely sawing logs," Darkrai said, hovering over a massive…something. Whatever it was, it was definitely the source of the noise.

It was also blocking the road.

"What is it?" Ash asked.

Brock reached out and stopped him. "Probably something you shouldn't be poking with a stick."

"Are you sure?"

"Ash you have a Pokédex, use it," Misty said.

"It only works like half the time," Ash moaned.

"I'll tell Brock to let you poke it with a stick if you check."

"Okay fine," Ash grumbled, digging for his Pokédex.

"Now why would you tell him that?" Brock demanded.

"I didn't say you'd say yes," Misty pointed out.

"I'm starting to really like this conniving streak of yours," Darkrai told her.

"And I'm starting to like it better when you two didn't get along," Brock muttered.

But fortunately, Ash's Pokédex did have something to say about the situation.

"Snorlax: the Sleeping Pokémon," the 'dex announced. "It is not satisfied unless it eats over 880 pounds of food every day. When it is done eating, it goes promptly to sleep. Snorlax's typical day consists of nothing more than eating and sleeping. It is such a docile Pokémon that there are children who use its expansive belly as a place to play. As its rotund bulk builds, it becomes steadily more slothful."

Everyone looked from the 'dex to the identified Snorlax.

"So on one hand, that's a goal," Ash said. "On the other…did it have to fall asleep right here? It's blocking the tunnel!"

"And there is no way I'm trying to get through all that," Misty said, indicating the brambles and thorns growing thickly on either side of the passageway.

"Well the alternative is trying to wake it up," Brock pointed out. "But I'm not entirely sure how."

"Bribery," Ash said immediately.

Hence why Ash was precariously balanced on its belly a few minutes later, waving an Oran cake under its nose while Darkrai complained about it.

"Well if you have any better ideas!" Ash countered. "Wait—don't you know Dream Eater or something like that?"

"So would Drowzee," Darkrai pointed out. "Me, I learn Nightmare. Which does affect a sleeping target…but I would have to be motivated."

Ash immediately handed over the Oran cake.

Darkrai using Nightmare and Drowzee using Dream Eater only succeeded in making it faint, which necessitated using a revive on it, which gave Ash the bright idea of using a Pokéball on it—

Which very much did not work and ended up giving Ash a big knot on his head when it bounced off the Snorlax's bulk and onto his head.

"Okay. Maybe we can wake it up with volume."

Hence everyone's endeavor to learn Uproar—Ash procured a bullhorn from somewhere to better yell in its ear, didn't achieve much more than making the rest of them deaf.

"I don't think it's working," Patches said finally.

"Okay," Bulbasaur noised. "Erm…Zubat."

That was Brock's opinion too, although Zubat didn't seem convinced.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH I'M UP HERE YELLING AND I DON'T KNOW WHYYYYYYYY," Zubat screamed on the Snorlax's head.

"And that's not working either," Darkrai observed. "Next plan."

Next plan involved Onix pulling while Geodude and Lenny pushed—there was a lot of straining and shoving that cumulated in something popping.

"Oh granite was that me or you?" Geodude asked.

"I think that was me," Onix groaned, flopping down. "Ow."

"Okay, uhhhh," Ash noised, considering. "What if…mud! Mud's slippery!"

"Worth a shot," Misty said. "Staryu, Squirtle, Omastar, you're up!"

Bulbasaur joined Onix and the others in round two of trying to tug Snorlax off the path, which went a little better…but was also not saying a whole lot.

"I got it I got it I got it," Bulbasaur chanted, straining at the ends of his vines, succeeding in pushing up divots in the ground but little else. "I got it—" Feet slipped, vines snapped, and he went bouncing. "I don't got it."

"Come on!" Patches barked, stepping back from his attempt at helping. "There's gotta be a way to move this thing!"

"Okay, so we can't catch it and move it that way," Brock mused. "We can't push it, we can't pull it…can we climb over it?"

"The woods are too thick to either side," Misty said. "But maybe Bulbasaur can cut it?"

"Look at this point it's personal," Ash insisted. "There's gotta be a way to move this thing!"

"Erm…levers, a clever system of ropes and pulleys," Brock noised, brainstorming.

"And do you have any of that in your backpack?" Darkrai asked.

"Ah…no. No I do not."

"Then why did you suggest it!?" Misty squawked, slapping his arm repeatedly.

"Okay, need a new plan," Omastar said. Considered the whole setup before settling on the foot. "Tickle-tickle!"

"Is that really gonna help?" Pikachu asked.

"You tell me—it's moving."

It was, surprisingly—foot pulled away—

Kicked out, sending Omastar rolling to crash-land in a nearby bush. "Ow."

"Okay…what about bribery?" Squirtle asked, hopping up onto the Snorlax's chest and waving an Oran cake under its nose. "Wakey wakey."

"Oi that had better not be one of mine!" Darkrai barked.

"We tried that already anyway," Pikachu said.

"Hey it's moving!" Squirtle said.

The Snorlax made a face, opened its mouth—

Bulbasaur had to pull Squirtle out of its mouth, managed to send them both flying when Squirtle popped out.

"Eww I'm covered in Snorlax spit," Squirtle moaned, trying to shake some off as Bulbasaur recovered, spotted Omastar still in the bushes, and pulled him out.

"Oh thank you," Omastar gusted, tugging leaves out of his shell. Spotted Squirtle trying to clean himself off and sprayed him. "Better?"

"I think it just made it worse."

"Okay…ooh!" Patches noised—cantered over to the other foot, made sure to stand to the side, and jabbed it with his horn. Which again resulted in a kick, but fortunately not one that connected.

The Snorlax was also still resolutely not moving.

"How long do Snorlax sleep again?" Ash asked.

"So much for making good time," Brock sighed. "And that's not going to help, Patches, most Snorlax are immune to poison."

"It's the principle of it," Patches said, turning around and jabbing his back at the Snorlax. Again it twitched but made no other attempt to move.

"What about digging under it?" Drowzee suggested. "Then it falls in a hole and we walk over it."

"And whoever's doing the digging becomes a pancake because it weighs a ton and breaks through early," Pikachu pointed out. "Let's call that plan Z-25."

"Is there another way to Celadon?" Misty asked Brock.

"Yeah but it involves going back to Fuchsia City and taking the coast up." Brock told her. "Which would once again involve that longest shortcut, seeing as how the bridges are still out."

"Good news, Ash, you have plenty of time to hunt for a Fire type now."

"Hey my dudes!"

That—was no one anyone recognized. Look to see some guy with a long beard and shades coming up, waving as he did so.

"Ah dang I was hoping he'd fall asleep somewhere else," the guy said. "My buddy didn't keep you guys held up too long, did he?"

"You…mean the Snorlax?" Misty asked, pointing at the still-sleeping bulk.

"Yeah yeah yeah—see, I was off getting the quality herbs and such from Cassandra and her granny, but when I tried to come back up someone had blown up all the bridges. Real bad vibes, man."

"Are the herbs for the Snorlax?" Ash asked.

"I'm sure that's what he tells the Jennies," Darkrai told him in an aside.

"Oh yeah—there's this one for when he really gets the munchies, fills him right up." Dude looked around. "But I think I can let him eat to his heart's content—my dude really loves the thorns and such."

"There's just the little problem of waking him up," Brock said.

"No worries, I got the special touch," the dude said, pulling out a Poké-flute. They watched, interested, as the guy started playing some tune that had come on the oldies channel on the radio recently—

Snorlax stretched, yawned, and then sat up, scratching its belly and looking around blearily.

"Hey my dude," the dude said, waving. "There's some quality munchies over this way, my man—and we talked about you sleeping in the road."

"Sorry," the Snorlax rumbled, looking around. "What'd I miss?"

Pikachu tugged on Ash's pant leg. "I don't care if you can't play it worth a 'Karp, we are getting one of those flutes."

"Trust me, you'll care," Bulbasaur sighed.