AN: I'm sorry I didn't push out one update yesterday. I spent my time letting seconds of my life waste away into the black abyss that is the DMV. Oh I was also trying to not neglect my boyfriend, who claims that I have some sort of "thing" for Damon. I don't know what ever gave him that idea. He wont even talk to me when I'm writing lol. Also if you have a chance you should go to my profile and check out the links for two wallpapers that I made in the early hours of the morning the other day. Also this chapter has a lot to do with the other nights episode. I am keeping how Damon and Stefan were turned. Except for the creepy part where Stefan kills their Dad and drinks his blood. Creep factor 11: Don't drink your parents blood, even if you're a vampire.

Chapter Thirteen

I was standing there looking at Damon. Into his light blue eyes. There is an anguish behind them that I have never seen before. I immediately sadden seeing him this way.

"Damon, please tell me?" I ask, moving just a little bit closer to him.

"Stefan was the first one to turn between the two of us. Did Stefan ever tell you how a person is turned into a vampire?" Damon asks me and I shake my head lightly in a no motion. "You have to have the vampire's blood in your system before you are killed. You need to have quiet a bit of it. After you die within a few hours you are reawakened. That's not completely what makes you a monster though. You need to feed after that to let the transition happen. If you decide not to feed, your body will eventually shut down and you'll die."

I just kept looking at Damon listening to his story.

"The men of the town were out on their crusade one night, it was the night that they had captured Katherine. Stefan and I had made a plan to get Katherine free. Stefan was going to lead the men off in another direction while I ran off to the carriage to get Katherine out. It was working. I had her out, I got her out of her restraints, there was a sadness to her eyes that night. It was the only time that I had ever seen it. She was almost completely free. That's when I felt a piercing pain near my chest. It started out slow then it began to burn. I fell to the ground. Stefan was calling out my name. I realized that I had been shot. I was laying there, trying to breathe when another shot went off. That's when they got Stefan. My heart stopped in those hours. The feeling stayed with me though. The burning feeling. That was Katherine's blood changing me. When I finally woke up, I went to go look for her. I watched them carry her into the church, I watched them set the church to fire with her in it."

Damon stops talking, his eyes are far gone. I sit here in silence waiting for him to continue.

"I watched her die or I thought I had." I know that Damon is trying to figure out how she slipped away so quickly. "After that, I went to where her witch had Stefan. That's when I found out that Katherine had been using compulsion on Stefan the whole time to drink her blood. Every time it happened, he had no recollection of it. I was pissed to say the least."

"Stefan wasn't suppose to be turned?" I ask Damon. I never knew that. I always had thought that they both agreed to be turned. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed.

"No he wasn't. That's just a lie that Katherine fed to me though. Katherine said that she wanted to be with me. She promised me everything, but most of all she promised me herself. That's the one thing that I really wanted, just her. I woke up in this world to find out that he was going to share the same fate as me. That Katherine went behind my back. I don't know why she did it, but I hated Stefan for it. It was suppose to be me and Katherine, not me, Katherine and Stefan. With this new knowledge I decided that I was going to let myself die. I wasn't going to feed to complete the transition. To me; there was no purpose in this life, as a vampire if I didn't involve Katherine to be with me."

It's the first time that I have ever heard Damon say so much about Katherine. I never realized how much he had really loved her until this moment.

"Later that night Stefan went wandering off. He went to our fathers house, I don't know what possessed him to go inside. Stefan and our father got into a fight. Our father tried to kill him and Stefan defended himself, not knowing his own strength and killed him. I know that he must have been bleeding. It was a lot for him to handle. Stefan left our father there to die. After that he went out into the town, there was a girl there. She must have been on her way home. The town thought it was safe with all of the vampires locked away in the tomb. Stefan caved in at that moment. He drank from the girl, completing his change."

I never knew that Stefan had killed their father, he never told me that. How could he? Even more, how could he never mention such an important detail. Stefan also never told me that he was the one to change first. There's so much that I don't know about Stefan. Is he the person that I know to be Stefan?

"Stefan brought the girl back to me. She was compelled. I didn't want anything to do with it. I still wanted to die. Stefan went on a big rant about how it was so much better than we thought it could be. The speed, the strength. Stefan wanted me to be what he is. I was trying so hard to refuse. The blood is hard to resist though. That's the exact moment that I decided that I was going to ruin Stefan's life like he had ruined mine. I drank from the girl like he wanted me to, after that I told him why I did it. "

"Damon, how could you?" It comes out of my mouth so fast.

"Stefan ruined everything that I had with Katherine. I chose to have a life with her. Stefan didn't want it, that's why she had to compel him. This wasn't just about him getting her locked away in a tomb, this was also the fact that he was never suppose to be turned. I forever lost Katherine that day and I'm never going to get her back. Stefan though, he has you. Stefan still gets the girl. With all of that though, he has guilt welling up inside of him. He knows that if he had never brought me that girl that night that I would have died. It would have saved so many people's lives. I've killed too many people Elena."

I was standing there in shock. They were both keeping so much to themselves but Damon actually told me. I wasn't expecting it. My bottom lip trembles as my hands begin to lightly shake. Its like I can feel Damon's sorrow. My heart is bursting with it as I can see it all over his face.

"Stefan has been going around all these years blaming himself for everything. Which was what I wanted. Thought I had wanted. What you probably don't get and what I know Stefan doesn't understand at all is that my actions are my own. He isn't responsible for them. There is no reason for him to feel guilty about the things I have done in this life. I have enough of my own guilt for it." A wave of emotions washes over me as Damon says this last part. Damon's voice has changed so much. You can hear the years of anguish behind it. I can see the regret on his face.

I can barely take it anymore. With the more lamenting his does the more I can feel an affliction of sadness come over me. I'm noticing that the more Damon shows these emotions to me the more I feel my heart wanting to break.

"I'm so sorry Damon, I never knew." The emotions are getting too much for me to handle, I try not to let myself cry. Even with everything that has been going on with Stefan lately, even with what happened to my parents, its not comparing to what I am feeling inside right now. I can't fully explain it. I'm scared, I want it to stop.

"You never bothered to ask." There is a harshness back in Damon's voice. I know that it must have taken a lot for him to admit what had happened all of those years ago.

I wish I had known all of this when I first met them. Stefan is so different and I think I might understand Damon even more now.

"I'll see you later Elena, I should go." Damon doesn't even let me get a word out. I blink and I miss him leaving out my window. Just the faint blow of my curtains gives away the indication that he was just here.

I kneel down on the ground. I try to wrap my head around everything. Both of them are so different than every thought that I have ever had of them. I never fully realized how much Damon really was in love with Katherine. I know it hurt him a lot more than he will ever admit that she's been walking around outside of the tomb this whole time.

The wave of emotions keep coming over me. At this point it is more like a monsoon that a wave. Its like I'm being hit by them but getting pushed against something hard. I don't know what's happening. None of them are good though; sadness, anger, resentment, grief, jealousy. Every horrible emotion I could ever think of all hitting me at once. I know that these can't be my emotions. What would bring them on?

I grab at my shirt and clench my fist up getting a good amount of the cloth in my hand. I'm grabbing at my chest. My breathing increases. I want the pain to stop, it hurts so much. My hands are shaking so hard at this point. My eyelids begin to flutter. I can feel my head getting light. I begin to sway back and forth. I can't handle it. My heart wants to burst. With each flutter, my room begins to become darker. No. This can't be happening.

"Damon." I whisper. With that last word I fall backwards onto my floor, I watch everything become dark.