A/N: THANK YOU! Thank you for the reviews, story alerts and favorites, it means so much. I replied to most of you except for the anonymous reviewers and maybe another few? I'm not sure, I'm sorry if I didn't reply but THANK YOU! You guys are all amazing.

Chapter 8: Guilty

The night I told Jacob I didn't want to be around him, cut me to the core, ripped my heart out, had me sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow as I tried— failing miserably— to get to sleep. It was like all the warmth my body generated suddenly disappeared, leaving me cold and empty.

Because I lied. Because it was wrong. Because he didn't deserve it.

My feelings for him weren't normal, not in the least. I'd made him my whole world the instant our eyes met, yet I had no idea what his favorite color was… as a matter of fact I didn't really know anything about him except for the fact that he's stunning to look at and he's so unbelievably kind.

And just when I thought that maybe, just maybe we'd have the chance to get to know each other (nothing more, I wouldn't put my hopes up on a guy like him), my dad ruins absolutely everything. Because he's selfish.

So here I lay on a Thursday morning, ignoring the ringing of my mobile as I stare up at the ceiling. Kara was probably calling to see where I was but I couldn't find it in me to answer the call, I couldn't find it in me to do anything. School would have to start without me today (much to my mom's annoyance). There was no way I'd show my face after what happened yesterday.

And tomorrow and Monday and Tuesday— okay yeah, I'd have to go in tomorrow but I wish I didn't.

Reluctantly, slipping out of bed, I decided the best way to start the worst morning off would be to have a shower. Then grab some breakfast, watch TV, chill out in my room, surf the web… basically hibernate. I had a funny feeling I wasn't going to eat though.

Turns out, all I did was lay in bed and think, think, think. Sometimes with depressing music, sometimes with nothing. And when five o'clock rolled around, I heard my mobile beep with a new text message. As expected, it was Kara demanding I tell her what the hell is up with me.

"Nina." Mom poked her head into my room.

"What," I muttered. Turning on my side, facing away from her.

"Your father told me what happened."

"And?."

I heard her push the door open, her footsteps creaking against the floorboards as she made her way over to my bed, sitting down on the edge.

"We need to talk… about you."

Rolling back around to face her, I stared at her incredulously. "About me? what about me! I didn't do anything wrong!."

She sighed. "Even so, we still need to talk."

"Fine."

My mom never really intimidated me, mainly because she never acted like her true self. All she ever wants is my dad's approval so whatever she says to me or Joey, it's under the influence of dad. At times I pitied her, she was like a lovesick teenager, dying for a place in dad's heart. But at times like these, I despised her because she wasn't supporting me when she knew deep down that dad was wrong.

What if she had been in my place? I doubt she'd be able to handle it.

Sitting up against the headboard of my bed, I watched her ponder over her words before she finally broke the silence.

"Why can't you just.. focus more on school Nina? It's your last year and we need you to give it your all."

My jaw dropped. "Mom! I always focus on my studies, but you wouldn't know that…"

"Excuse me?."

"You never even bother to ask me how school is anymore, like when exactly was the last time I had a pop quiz?." A lost look washed over her face. "Exactly, you don't know."

"Nina I've been busy lately."

I rolled my eyes. "With what? Driving your car to pick up Joey?."

"Nina!," she snapped. "Don't speak to me like that."

"Whatever mom, point is, I do focus on my studies."

She ran a hand through her hair. "You're also focusing on Jacob."

"Jacob's my friend," I defended.

"He isn't looking for friendship! He's a young man, a young man with nothing! Absolutely nothing to offer you!."

"What do you mean?," I asked. My voice an octave lower than normal.

Looking me dead in the eye, she said. "Jacob Black is part of a gang run by someone named Sam Uley. He lives in a rundown home with his father and missed tons of school! He isn't even interested in college! He's going to be here for the rest of his life and I don't want any of that for you. None of it!."

My mind was trying to grasp all the newly required information my mom had thrown at me. Jacob was in a gang? What kind of gang? Gangs were usually bad news. But I couldn't see Jacob being in a bad gang. He was too nice, too perfect.

"I don't believe you."

Her eyes widened. "You don't believe what?."

"That he's in a gang."

"Do you think I'm making this up? Nina La Push is a small town! I've asked about him, and everyone has the same thing to say. I'm only doing what's best for you."

"Best for me? Mom we're not engaged for crying out loud! He's not even my boyfriend! What's wrong with you?." She was really taking it too far this time. Even if Jacob and I were dating (ha ha, in my dreams) it's highly unlikely he'd propose. What are we? Like eighteen.

"I just don't want you with him, besides he's too old for you. He's probably twenty-five but because he didn't bother going to school before, he's doing it now. It's a disgrace if you ask me."

Basically, my mom was saying that Jacob was poor, ignorant, old, indignant and to put it simply: bad news. It just shows me how shallow she really is, dad is probably the same. I couldn't care less if Jacob was living in a shack, hell I'd happily live in it with him if it meant being his— okay a shack is going too far but you get my point.

It's not about what you've got and what you haven't got, it's about the person you are on the inside. And by the looks of things, Jacob and his father were better people than my parents.

"Well if it makes any difference, I told him I don't want to talk to him anymore," I told her bitterly.

"You won't regret it," she said. Giving me a meaningful look before getting up and leaving without another word.

A sickening feeling overcame me as I replayed our whole conversation in my head. 'You won't regret it' was all she had to say? She didn't care whether I was hurting or not? And to think I said what I said to Jacob yesterday was because of her and dad…

All I wanted to do was run away but I couldn't. I was hopeless.

Friday came quicker than I thought and much quicker than I would've liked. I was worried sick about seeing Jacob in English class, the guilt would be evident on my face. But despite all my worrying, he never turned up.

On one hand I was relieved that I wouldn't have to see him and on the other I was disappointed because— do I even have to explain? He was the kindest, sweetest, loveliest, most gorgeous guy that I've ever known.

And I pushed him away.

Kara was shocked when I filled her in on everything. She couldn't get over the fact that I lied to Jacob's face just to please my parents. And, she was disgusted by the conversation my mom and I had. Telling me my mom was a snob for talking about Jacob like that.

That was probably one of the first times I've ever let someone talk badly about my parents and let them get away with it. Kara was right, my mom was a snob and so was my dad. A pity I hadn't realized it sooner.

"So Nina, there's going to be a bonfire on First Beach tonight, you'll be there won't you?," Kara asked hopefully as I pulled up outside her house. Ever since I had gotten my car fixed by— lalala— I refused to let her take the school bus home.

"I don't know," I said honestly.

"Please," she begged. "It'll be fun. It's just a bunch of kids from school chilling out and it's not a school night so please? You'll enjoy it."

With a sigh, I replied. "Fine."

She threw her fist up in the air, hitting it against the dashboard. "Ouch! Jeez. Anyway I'll meet you there at eight, don't be late."

"Sure."

"Hey that rhymed." She giggled.

"Kara are you getting out or are you-."

"Oh yeah sorry, see you later alligator!." And with that she hopped out, slammed the door shut and ran up the pathway to her house as I chuckled to myself. She was definitely one of the most hyperactive girls I've ever met in my life.

When I got home, there was nobody there (Thank God!) so I decided to make myself something to eat. To be honest I wasn't the best cook out there, simply because I was lazy. No matter how many times mom would suggest I watch her prepare something, I'd get distracted by something like a new text message.

But one thing I could cook which I was very proud of was— FRIED EGGS! Yep, probably the easiest thing to cook. Why? Because there were no ingredients. Me and ingredients didn't mix well together… even though that didn't make any sense.

Halfway through eating my fried egg sandwich, I suddenly felt nauseous. And as weird as it sounds, I knew it was because of Jacob. Yeah, I was perfectly aware that I was crazy but that much was true. It was because of him.

Why didn't he come to school today? I felt the sudden need to go check on him, see if he's alright.

Then something happened which brought me back to my crappy reality: Dad was home.

"Nina." He nodded in my direction as he went over to the fridge.

An awkward silence followed.

"Are you going to finish that?," he asked. Nodding towards the plate on the table in front of me with my half-eaten sandwich as he sat down across from me.

Silence.

He sighed. "Nina you can't keep this up."

"Can't keep what up?."

"Ignoring me, it's completely uncalled for."

"Uncalled for?," I asked incredulously. "You're unbelievable."

"I spoke to you the other day because I had to. That's what parents are for Nina."

I shook my head. "You didn't speak to me, you yelled. Big difference."

His eyes narrowed. "Either way, I got the point across."

"What point? Oh you mean the point where you accused me of lying? The point where you accused me of doing something I didn't do. Yeah, you're right, you did get the point across."

"You know what I'm implying," he said firmly.

"Didn't mom tell you what I did yesterday?."

"Yes and I'm very proud of you."

Heartless was what him and mom were. Heartless!

"It's because you both disapprove of him isn't it? Admit it."

"Of course we disapprove of him, he's older than you!."

"That's not the only reason dad, you and mom don't like him because he's not rich, because and I quote 'He has nothing to offer me'. That's why isn't it?." My whole body was shaking with the anger I withheld for the past two days.

"As a matter of fact Nina, that's just another black mark to his name but what I'm concerned about most is his age. There is no way he's eighteen, no matter what anyone says. You've seen the size of him, he was towering over us both that night he dropped you off. Supposedly out of kindness."

"Supposedly?."

He nodded. "I saw the look on his face that night Nina, the way he looked at you… it was all wrong. You shouldn't be around a man like him and I won't allow it."

For the second time in a row, I couldn't take listening to my father talk nonsense anymore so I did what I did the other day. I got up and walked away without another word. Only this time, he never said anything.

I knew what he was getting at. He thought that that night Jacob dropped me home, it hadn't been out of the kindness of his heart, it was because he wanted me— if you get what I mean.

But Jacob was nothing like that.

The bonfire was… crowded. Definitely not what I expected, hadn't Kara said a 'bunch' of kids from our school were going? Yeah, well it looked like the entire school was there and that was not an exaggeration.

There was bonfire after bonfire after bonfire all the way down the beach. Teenagers all gathered around, laughing, talking, joking while some danced to the blaring music that blasted out of stereos some of them had brought.

Times like these had me shaking with nerves and I knew if my little brother Joey was around, he'd say I was green in the face. Speaking of Joey, he had witnessed our mom and dad interrogating me before I left the house. He'll probably start eavesdropping from now on.

Lucky I wasn't the type to leave the house in miniskirts and flashy tops, instead opting for a pair of jeans, a brown tank top and black cardigan. They definitely wouldn't have let me out dressed in the former, they'd probably think I was 'dressing for Jacob'.

Give me a break.

Nearing the end of the long line of bonfires, I spotted Kara situated at the second last one, chilling with a bunch of students I had classes with.

"The beach is looking very deserted tonight," I said sarcastically as I plopped down on the sand next to her.

"Nina!." She gave me a quick hug. "What took you so long?."

"Kara it's eight-oh-five."

She rolled her eyes. "It feels like forever when I'm stuck here with." Her voice went down a notch. "These."

In truth, the group we were stuck with weren't half as bad as some of the others. Yeah, they were loud but I could deal with it. After all, anything is better than sitting at home with my parents and their ridiculous ideas.

Did I mention how heartless they were? Oh right, never mind.

"Hey girls, what's cracking?." A girl from my Art class I knew as Samantha asked friendlily as she sat down in front of us. Her almond eyes glassy.

"The fire," Kara joked.

Samantha laughed before holding out a silver flask. "It'll lighten the mood."

"What's in it?," I questioned. Already having an idea.

"Nothing strong." She grinned.

Kara and I both shook our heads 'no'.

"Well if you happen to change your mind later, just ask." With that, she left.

I sighed. "Can't they just enjoy themselves without drinking?."

"Whatever." Kara shrugged. "It's not like they're going to stop."

So I scrutinized every one of them under the influence of alcohol. They all seemed happy, without a care in the world and to think that it wasn't real was a shame. Drinking was never something I'd consider doing regularly. Maybe when I'm older I'll have a glass of wine now and then but not obsessively.

Besides, if I was drinking now, my parents would be outraged and I wouldn't blame them— I swear that's the only thing I'd agree with them on.

A nudge in my side brought me out of my thoughts. "What?," I hissed.

She chuckled. "Up for a game of Truth or Dare?."

"I… don't… I."

"Please?," she begged.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine."

Much to my surprise, the game was mostly a lot of fun. People did a lot of silly dares whilst others revealed a lot more about themselves in truth than we would've liked. But either way I was having a good time.

When it came to me, I always chose truth because well I didn't want to do something retarded. Like run into the sea in my underwear, besides they were only doing the things they were doing because they were drunk.

The fourth time it came to me, I decided to take a chance.

"Truth or Dare Nina?," a guy named Kai asked.

"Dare." I grinned.

A chorus of 'Ooohs' echoed throughout the group. Kara shot me an unsure look.

"I dare you," Kai started. "To kiss Louis for ten seconds straight."

My face paled. "But-."

"No buts, it's a dare, you asked for it."

I couldn't do it, there was no way I would kiss Louis, not even for a split second. It was just wrong, I had a bad feeling about it, like I'd be betraying someone or something.

"Come on Nina, I'm right here," Louis said. Giving me a wink.

His thin lips, pointy nose, snaky eyes and disheveled curly hair didn't help. He wasn't even my type. Everything about him screamed: Arrogant.

"Nina! Hurry up," Samantha yelled. Taking a swig out of the silver flask.

Forcing myself to block all thoughts from my mind, I sucked in a deep breath before leaning towards Louis. He was sitting across from me, a glint in his eyes that I didn't like. But again, I pushed that thought aside.

"Hey," he whispered. Placing his hands on either side of my waist as he leaned in, the stench of the alcohol on his breath.

We were so close, if I leaned in just a little our lips would be touching but I didn't want it to be him or his lips, I wanted it to be Jacobs. His breath always smelt clear… fresh with this sweetness to it. Oh how bad I wanted to kiss him and his plump lips… how bad I wanted to taste him.

Before I leaned in any closer, my eyes caught onto to someone standing a few yards away by the tree line that lead into the woods. He stood there, frozen like a statue as his hair blew freely in the wind. Despite the cool night air, he was naked except for a pair of ratty old cut offs, yet he never showed any sign of the weather effecting him.

Our eyes met and the world stood still for a moment.

Jacob.

"I'm sorry, I can't," I mumbled. Pulling away from Louis much to everyone's surprise.

"What the fuck? Am I that unattractive to you? Well screw you Nina! Bitch!."

But his words didn't hurt me, he meant nothing to me and I was hurting enough as it was, especially after seeing Jacob standing there.

Standing up and walking over to Samantha, I snatched the silver flask from her hand. "I need this."

Her eyes widened in shock before a small smile formed on her face. "I knew you'd come around."

Without another word, I started walking away from the group. Kara never made any advance to follow me, knowing that I'd only push her away. It's been like this for a while, all the fun and humor had been sucked out of me.

Even though she noticed, she never said anything. Why? Because that's what best friends are for.

After about twenty minutes of walking, I found a secluded part of the beach. The only sound was the waves crashing against the shore, a relaxing sound. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd do anything like this. Hell, it had only been a while ago when I refused the flask from Samantha.

It's funny how no matter how much time passes, your mood can change in an instant.

Settling myself on the sand and leaning back against a large rock, I opened up the silver flask and took a sip. The alcohol burned but that didn't stop me. I kept at it and at it until I didn't care about anything anymore. Until I felt indifferent. Until I felt completely numb.

My whole body felt weak, it was hard keeping my eyes open but who cared anyway? All my parents cared about was money. All Kara cared about was Nick. All Jacob cared about was.. I didn't know.

I didn't know and I didn't care and I just wanted to get the hell out of here!

Truth was I did care. I cared so much about him for some unknown reason but I hurt him, even though all he's ever been to me was kind. He even fixed up my car when he hadn't fixed up a car in over a year or more. And that was how I repaid him?

Maybe I was the selfish one here, not my parents. After all, they didn't order me to tell Jacob that I couldn't be around him, it was my idea. My stupid, messed up, ignorant idea. An idea that came to me which I used without even thinking it through.

He had said that I wanted this, that I wanted 'Us', what did he mean by that? Was it meant to be friendly? The feel of his lips and hot breath against my ear didn't feel friendly. And my feelings for him certainly weren't friendly but I doubt his feelings mirror mine.

And how was I supposed to fix everything?

So many questions. So many unknown answers. So confusing.

Sometime afterwards, I must've passed out from the tiredness and all the deep thinking I was doing. Because I dreamt about something that made me feel wanted. That made me feel that this is the reason I'm living. That this is where I belong.

My cheek was pressed up against something soft and warm, that smelled of nature; like grass and wood and musk. I found myself leaning into it, relishing in the feel of its perfectness. My hands running over the warm softness unconsciously as it pulled me in closer. Protecting me.

The sound of the sea disappeared completely, replaced with the sound of twigs snapping and a howl in the distance. Yet, I didn't feel afraid because I had the warmth to protect me. I trusted in it, it owned me.

This wonderful dream lasted for a very long time and when I felt myself being placed somewhere cold, the heat withdrawing, my eyes remained closed but my hands reached out, wanting the heat back. Without it I felt alone… unwanted.

A sigh escaped my lips as it pressed against my side, the heat strongest against my neck. Something caused a tickling sensation on my chest and I liked it because whatever it was, it belonged to the heat.

My grip on the all consuming heat weakened as I relaxed with the feel of it against me. I felt irrevocably drawn to it, my whole body aware of it as the heat shifted now and then. The feel of it lulling me to a peaceful sleep.

The next morning, the heat left a souvenir behind on my chest: A silky black strand of hair.

Note: I am not encouraging underage drinking by any means whatsoever.

Also, you DO know who The Heat is right? *wink wink*