Warning: Chapter contains foul language.

Chapter 23: Less Than Perfect

The silence that filled the room after I broke the news to Jacob became almost unbearable. And what made matters worse was that he wore a hard mask on his face, preventing me from seeing what was going on in his mind. Something I found surprising and very disappointing.

His lack of words was hard enough for me to bear, but his rigidness I couldn't stand. So as awkward as it was to climb over his massive body and out of the tub, I succeeded in doing so and stood by the sink. Thinking over the situation we were both in and how we'd managed to get ourselves into it in the first place.

Jacob, however, managed to read my thoughts.

"We used protection, your being pregnant is impossible. Completely impossible. People try to conceive children every day, working on it all the time. You and I only did it once and that once I used a condom. There's no chance of you being pregnant. Wherever that idea came from, forget it, it is impossible."

"Anything is possible, Jake," I said, staring at my reflection in the mirror. "These things happen. I know it's hard to believe, I do. Trust me, I've been having mental arguments with myself about it for the past two weeks but it'd only be for a couple of minutes because I'd shove the idea into the back of my mind. Hoping that it wasn't true. You have no clue how terrified I was and still am."

Some minutes later, he spoke. "So you're saying that you took a test and it turned out positive?"

"No, I took nothing."

"Then how the heck do you know?" he asked incredulously.

"I just do," I mumbled.

"This is ridiculous, Nina. You can't possibly know that you're pregnant without finding out for sure. Look at you, you're not even showing any signs that you're-"

"My period hasn't come for three months!," I hissed, snapping my head around to glare at him. "And don't tell me it's a coincidence that the last time I had it was a week before you and I made love, because it's not. I also recall you telling me I smelt different lately, I wonder why?"

This piece of information I threw at him caught him off-guard. His perfect face that only seconds ago looked as hard as stone, softened until he looked his age. Innocence and fear and doubt flashing over the dark pools that were his eyes.

I knew how he was feeling, I'd been struggling with the same emotions for the past fifteen days. Feeling more terrified than I'd ever felt before, which was in one word: awful. It felt like the world's weight had been thrown on your shoulders and there was absolutely nothing you could do to shake it off. Which made you feel so alone. So lost.

"Nina, I need a minute by myself," he told me, breaking the thick silence.

So I left the room, making sure to close the door over behind myself, before making my way back into his bedroom to find some dry clothes. I was fully aware of the fact that none of his things would fit me, with him being so big and me being so tiny, but I didn't care then. Anything would do.

As I lay down upon his bed in a t-shirt that fit me like a mini-dress, I stared up out the window and watched the sky grow darker by the minute. The same sky Kara saw when she drew her curtains, the same sky that surrounded Jacob and I wherever we were, the same sky my family saw as they sat down for dinner.

I wondered what they were thinking about me, whether my father was shouting at my mom for not being hard enough last night or if Joey was feeling down, playing video games alone in his room to get away from all the drama that constantly ensued in our house.

I wondered and wondered and wondered until I ended up calling them from the house phone.

"Where are you? Tell me where you are, tell me that you're safe," mom whispered, so as my dad wouldn't overhear anything.

"I'm at Jacob's," I told her. "I've only been here a while, spent the night at Emily Young's."

"Emily Young?" she gasped. "Nina, she was mauled by a bear! And I don't know about you but that story sounds fishy to me, what if something happened to you? Wh-"

"Mom, calm down. Emily is great, really great. Don't worry about me, I just needed to get away for a while…"

After a moment's silence, she said. "Nina, you need to come home now."

"I know, just give me an hour-"

"No, I'll give you twenty minutes. You really need to get back, your dad's not very pleased with you running off like that and we need to talk, all of us."

With a sigh, I agreed and promised her I'd be home. Much to my displeasure.

Jacob was standing in the kitchen doorway when I turned around, a towel wrapped around his waist. Obviously he had been eavesdropping, but I wasn't about to confront him about that, it was the last thing on my mind at the time.

"So I guess I'll just throw your clothes in the dryer," he said, shooting me a look that told me twenty minutes wasn't enough for us to discuss things.

"Jake, you know I can't stay out much longer-"

But he was already gone.

A series of slamming doors and rough handling of furniture quickly followed, his way of letting me know he wasn't in the brightest of moods. I heard him mutter under his breath every now and then, sometimes a curse would be among the words. Childish, was what I told myself he was being, but I knew that was far from the case.

My stomach turned when he returned with my clothes and I saw the expression on his face. He looked so angry and so irritated that I caught his wrist as he turned to leave me, hoping that we could somehow talk, if only for a minute. But he wasn't having any of it and shook my hand off, storming out of the room as quickly as he came.

So I pulled on my damp clothes as fast as I could and left the Black household as quick as he left me.

If I had known what was occurring in my own home, I wouldn't have kept my promise. Firstly, I would've made sure Jacob and I parted on good terms. Secondly, I would've made sure my clothes were completely dry. And thirdly, I would've made sure I looked presentable.

Presentable for family members such as; Aunt Mary, Uncle Joe, Grandma Beth and my youngest cousin Kyle. Relatives of whom my mother failed to mention had come to visit on the phone.

Why had they suddenly turned up, you ask? Because my parents thought it'd be nice to have a get together for the first and last time in our La Push home.

"Look at the state you're in! go upstairs right now and put on your yellow dress. You know which one, don't give me that look. And come straight down, we've got guests here," were my mom's first words when I entered the house.

The getting dressed part didn't take me long to do, but the pacing around my room took me so long that Joey had to knock on my door and ask what was taking me forever. I just couldn't get my mind away from my being pregnant. Especially since it seemed more real after telling Jacob about it.

It was a scary feeling, knowing that you were bringing a child into the world when you had just left childhood yourself. That wasn't the only thing that scared me though, things such as not being prepared for such a huge responsibility and not being financially stable were driving me insane. The only thing that made me feel a little better inside was the tiny ounce of hope that I'd mistaken all the signs and that I was not pregnant at all.

"I'd be so lucky," I mumbled to myself as I made my way down the stairs.

When I finally entered the living-room, it looked almost unrecognizable with the extra four people in the room, the amounts of food on the coffee-table, and the lively atmosphere. Reminding me of how it used to be back when I was I younger, back when we were all happy as a family. Showing me how miserable it was around our house nowadays, how dull and dreary it must seem to Kara when she comes over.

My aunt Mary was the first person to rush over to me and wrap me up in one of her hugs. One I realized I missed.

"Nina! Oh my goodness, you've grown so much," she exclaimed happily, stepping back to hold me out at arm's length. "Even more beautiful than the last time I saw you. Hasn't she mother?"

I blushed under everyone's gaze, especially my grandma's. She was a very perceptive woman, always keeping her eye on everyone, figuring them out within minutes. A lot of the family weren't big fans of her, some saying she was very hostile, other's saying she was very cheeky. Personally, I didn't know what to think of her since we hardly ever conversed before. So it was quite embarrassing to stand there, giving her precious time to watch me without it being rude.

"I'd say she has a story to tell us, being away from home for so long," grandma said, narrowing her eyes in my direction.

"Oh leave the girl alone, you don't expect her to sit around here with old people do you?" uncle Joe asked, before coming over to me and hugging me tightly.

The following hour flew by as my family and I all chatted enthusiastically about the series of events that occurred in our lives since we'd last seen each other. I mostly spoke of school and how I'd be done with it by the end of the following week, trying to keep a smile on my face the whole time when all I wanted to do was cry.

My mother put her fair share of words in, but conveniently left out how she and her high school sweetheart from Seattle were together at last. Well technically they were, I'd hear her speaking softly to him on the phone every now and then, and she always 'needed' to check her email. It was only a matter of time before she could finally be away from dad and be in the love of her life's arms once she left for Seattle.

I felt no happiness for her though, why? Because she felt no sadness for me.

It was depressing really, thinking of how close my mom and I could be if only she would take me a little more seriously.

"… pregnant? That's wonderful news! I bet she's thrilled with herself."

"Who's pregnant?" I asked, louder than I'd intended.

Aunt Mary smiled at me. "Your cousin Tamara."

"Oh… how far in is she?"

"This would be her fifth month."

"That's.. that's great. Really, really great."

Of course it was great for Tamara, a newlywed and twenty-three years of age. Her whole family would be happy for her and she'd probably throw a baby-bath, and tell everyone how exciting the whole experience was for her.

But me, Nina O'Neil? One word about my being pregnant and I'd be pulled into the kitchen by my mother. She'd be so shocked, so disappointed in me and probably tell me how my father was right from the beginning about Jacob. That he was nothing but bad news.

Life couldn't possibly get any worse.

Turns out everyone was staying the night so I gave up my room for grandma, while Joey gave his up for Mary and Joe. Which meant that we'd be camping in the living-room, not that I had a problem with that really. I was just hoping that Jacob could've come over and we could've talked some things through. Oh well.

That night as I finished up studying, grandma came out to join me on the front porch.

"Waiting for someone?" she asked, a gleam in her eye.

I laughed heartily. "Don't think so."

Taking a seat next to me on the wooden bench, she stared off into the distance. "Aren't you going to tell me your story?"

"My story?"

"Yes." Turning her face towards mine, she half-smiled. "Your life mustn't be as boring as you make it out to be. Not if you own a man's shirt."

My jaw dropped and face burned with mortification. I couldn't believe that after the half-hour clean up of my room, I managed to forget to put away his shirt. Not only that but I was so embarrassed with the amount of idea's that must've put into my grandma's head when the only reason I actually had possession of that article of clothing was because he had given to me… and that from time to time I wore it… because I missed him.

Fishing my mind for a response, I spoke very slowly. "That shirt.. well um, he gave me it to, to keep.. eh, until he could take it back. We.. it's completely innocent, he-"

"Nina, you don't have to make up excuses. And certainly not in front of my face. All I asked was for you to tell me your story, the one you chose not to tell the other's. Now if you don't want to, I'll accept your decision. But I'm just wondering is all."

"I don't know where to start," I whispered, biting down on my lip.

"Who's the 'he' you speak of?"

"Oh that's Jacob…"

"A friend?"

"You could say that…"

"A lover?"

"I.. yeah…"

"Is he handsome?"

"Very…"

"Child, speak to me. I'm not here to judge you or to interrogate you. I'm here to listen to my granddaughter tell me about her first love. Now go on."

While thinking up a way to tell her about Jacob, I glanced across the road to the dark and misty woods. Just beyond the tree-line, I caught site of movement for just a second. But that didn't faze me, nothing could with everything on my mind. If someone was spying on me that was their silly idea, not mine. After all, it had to be one of the pack members.

So taking a deep breath, I turned to my grandma and spoke.

"I saw him for the very first time in my English class… our eyes met during one lesson….. he approached me after that….. we got talking…. I grew more and more attracted to him….. his personality drew me in….. he promised to fix up my car and he did….. the lines between our friendship blurred over the days, the weeks, the nights we spent together….. suddenly I fell in love with him….. he's so incredibly beautiful inside and out, grandma. I wish you could meet him before you go."

Her wrinkled hand covered mine which rested on my knee. "Why do I get the sense that I cannot possibly get to meet this young man?"

"Because." I looked up into her face, staring into her wise eyes. "Mom and dad disapprove. Especially dad, he hate's Jacob's guts, there's no way I'd ever invite him over here just to get verbally abused. It's so stupid, dad is convinced Jacob is ten years my senior and he's not, he just looks older than normal. He also thinks that Jacob's a poor, peasant boy with nothing to offer me in the world. I've given up on trying to get through to him, it's impossible."

"Your father is a foolish man, Nina. You could say he's closed-minded. I suppose he wants to lock you up in your room and keep you as pure as an angel until a rich man comes looking for your hand in marriage, if you see my point?"

I snorted. "Rich or poor, I'll always want Jacob. But yeah, I see your point."

"Maybe I could have a word with him-"

"No, no, no! That'd just anger him, and it wouldn't do with my situation. Not after how he accused Jacob of using me for his own pleasure. Only to be proved right…"

I trailed off, realizing that I was just about to break the news of my pregnancy to my seventy-year-old grandma who doesn't need to know about my problems.

"Your situation? Child, what situation? You're not in any trouble or danger are you?"

"No, it's nothing. Nothing at all." Jumping to my feet, I rushed to the open front door. Calling over my shoulder as I stepped inside. "Goodnight grandma, see you tomorrow."

Of course my unintentionally rude, abrupt departure from our conversation left my grandmother very confused. She watched me with narrow eyes the next morning and attempted to broach the subject whenever we made small talk, but I somehow managed to make up an excuse before she could finish her sentence.

It was during those hours that I began to wonder if I was showing any signs of pregnancy that might give the game away. I'd spent ages in my room with the door locked twice in front of a mirror, staring at my tummy. Though I couldn't notice anything different, I still worried whether other people could. Especially with eyes as big as saucers like my grandma's, watching my every move.

Although I knew it was bad of me to wish for, I hoped that my extended family were all leaving that evening and not staying another night.

As luck would have it, they were staying another night.

"I won't be sleeping in your room tonight, not after I was disturbed at three in the morning."

The sudden sound of her deep voice startled me. "W-What? Why? How?"

She walked into the living-room, taking a seat next to me on the sofa while everyone else remained in the kitchen laughing and joking amongst themselves.

"They were the very first words that left my mouth as I woke up from an unusually deep sleep." She chuckled lightly. "So I went over to take a peep out your window with caution and for just a second I thought I saw a man. I thought I was seeing things without my glasses when all of a sudden it hit me. It was your Jacob."

"He must've wanted…" I spoke to myself in a whisper, feeling very miserable that I hadn't been there for him when he needed me. There was so much we had to talk about, so much we had to discuss…

"You? Yes, of course he did, so I came down to let you know. But you were fast asleep and I couldn't wake you. I would've told you this sooner if you had been more willing to talk. I was getting the sense that you were feeling overwhelmed by my presence which is not how I ever intended to make you feel."

I shook my head, staring down at my feet. "That's not the reason. I've just been feeling down and confused. Really confused."

"Haven't you got anyone to confide in? a friend perhaps?"

"I do, but she wouldn't understand. No one would."

"Not even Jacob?"

"Except him…"

"Why don't you talk to him then? It'll help."

"I can't talk to him," I said, looking over at her. "We kind of fell out yesterday evening."

A strange look crossed her face. "He didn't do that to you, did he?"

"Do what?" I asked, completely bewildered.

She gestured to my shoulder. "Looks fresh enough, though more animal-like. Then again, the male species is often compared to the beast."

If I could've smacked myself right then and there, I would have. That was the second (after forgetting to put away Jacob's shirt) stupid thing I had done. How could I have worn a t-shirt while bearing the scars of a wolf's claw? How could I have forgotten the whole Nick Fox/Edward Cullen incident in a day? Why didn't I put a fresh bandage on? What was wrong with me?

I was lucky it didn't hurt.

"Jacob would never hurt me," I told her, leaving out the word 'unintentionally'.

She nodded slowly in response.

"It's a long story, but I'm fine. Really." I added.

"Good, you wouldn't want to be getting any infections. Especially now."

"No…" I trailed off, wondering if she meant what I thought she meant.

"Moving wouldn't do you any good either."

I looked away from her. "I'm not moving."

"Oh?"

"I'm staying with Jacob."

Normally, I wouldn't have said that out straight. But there was something oddly familiar about my grandma that had words flowing out of my mouth unchecked. I felt, somehow, that she understood me and that she could offer me words of advice since no one else could. After all, I was so tired of talking to myself and having no one to talk me through certain things. Jacob wasn't always right, I couldn't always turn to him.

"Nina, look at me for a minute." So I did and found her shaking her head sadly. "You haven't thought much through your decisions, have you?"

"My thoughts aren't always so brilliant, no matter how much I think."

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Alright, let's see. You say you're staying here with Jacob. Where exactly?"

"His house…"

"Oh, he owns a house?"

"Well no-"

She smiled. "Thought so. You think you can just move into a house without asking the owner?"

"But Billy wouldn't mind…"

"Billy's the father, I assume? Well first of all, you'd have to ask him personally. Then you'd have to think about your future. Like how your quality of life would be like living there, how much of Billy and Jacob you could put up with over the weeks, where you would be sleeping. Don't tell me Billy would approve of you and Jacob sharing a bed?"

I bit my lip. "I doubt he would, but I could take the couch-"

"A couch? Really? For how long, Nina? A year? Two maybe? More? And what about your future? How can you ever find yourself a good job with good money if you throw away college to be with Jacob under the worst circumstances? Wouldn't you want to succeed in life? And then hopefully buy yourself a house? That way you and Jacob could finally be together and things would be much more smoother. Much more acceptable. Completely right. You would have everything; the education, the money, the man."

And I loved the thought of that, I really did. Everything she'd said to me was so true, there wasn't any room for an argument. I was seeing the small picture, while she was seeing the big one. The more realistic one. The one I intentionally kept avoiding because my heart said so. But I couldn't ignore it any longer. I couldn't ignore what was right and what was in my best interest. And I wouldn't.

The only problem was… my pregnancy.

My mother decided to barge into the living-room at that moment to fetch my grandma, a broad smile on her usually glum face. A sign that she had been drinking more than she should've been.

"Think about everything I said," grandma whispered to me as she stood up. "Think long and hard."

I did think long and hard that night when my pregnancy was confirmed by a test I'd bought discreetly at the local chemist. I thought until there was nothing else to think of and then I lay upon my bed. Wondering how I was caught up in such a situation.

The only reason I could come up with, was that the condom must've broke.

My head throbbed with all the thinking and worrying I was doing, and continued to throb for the following days. Grandma Beth must've noticed the state I was in because when she- along with my uncle and aunt- left for Seattle, I was wrapped up in one of the most caring hugs I'd ever gotten. I'd be eternally grateful for the kindness she offered me during her stay.

At school, it was extremely difficult to focus on my finals when my mind was a million miles away, but somehow I managed to do fairly well and hoped that I'd get decent grades.

As for Kara, I hadn't seen much of her since she was practically locked up in her room, forced to study as hard as she could by her parents. All they wanted was for her to pass with flying colors so that she could finally get out of La Push and find a better life for herself out there. And I hoped she would.

Nick Fox was as shady as ever, constantly giving me sheepish looks every time we were within each other's presence. I was extremely mad at him for what he'd done to Jacob, but I decided that reporting him wouldn't do any good. Considering I didn't have any evidence. Though I was quite sure he wouldn't be wandering the woods again, not after being caught.

Jacob, on the other hand, was being very distant.

He never approached me while we were at school, never called me when we were apart and never returned to my back yard to throw pebbles at my window. It was as if we never knew each other. To say I was hurt by that would be understatement, I was devastated.

I felt so rejected and I felt so very alone. Was he avoiding me because of the little falling out we had at his place? or even worse, because I was pregnant? This thought especially, drove me insane. That whenever I was in my father's presence, I began to think that he was right about Jacob. That what we had was all fake. That he was just using me and that he didn't want me anymore because I was with-child.

"Mommy, when are we leaving?" Joey asked one day during dinner.

"Two weeks from now, honey."

And you know what? I wasn't upset or angry. I just accepted it and later that day when I retired to my room, I even took out my suitcase and began throwing things into it. But stopped when I came across Jacob's jeans. The one's I took off of him that night when he was burning up. The night he was so hungry for my love after his Spiritual Journey.

It seemed like a lifetime ago.

The day we all finished our finals, Kara and a group of students we were acquainted with, all decided that it'd be a good idea for us to head out and grab a bite somewhere. Of course, I loved the idea since I was in desperate need of socialization and agreed to meet up with them at Forks Diner.

"Well, well, well, who look's hot tonight!"

I laughed in spite of my feelings and gave Kara a quick hug. "I could say the same about you."

In truth, I looked as casual as casual can be; dressed in a plain lilac shirt, faded jeans with my hair left loose to complete the look. But Kara looked fantastic; wearing a fitted knee-length dress (maroon in color), her waist-long hair falling in ringlets down her back and a face full of fabulous make-up. Not to mention the black heels which exaggerated her already tall physic, making her look like a supermodel. Something I could never be.

We were the first to arrive, securing a booth down the end of the Diner which turned out to be a good spot once the other's arrived, considering all the talking and laughing we'd been doing.

I felt at ease with them, all my worries flying away as I found myself more and more absorbed in every conversation. It felt like I'd gone back in time to the pre-Jacob me, the one that knew nothing about love or the existence of mythical creatures. The one that lived life through every day as a normal teenager with normal teenager problems. An easy life really.

"So guys," Kara started. "I have an announcement to make."

"Go on," a guy named Leo said.

We all waited in anticipation as her eyes sparkled with delight. "I'm totally and completely over Nick 'The Douche' Fox!"

The group erupted into a series of cheers and hoots, a feeling of utter joy overtaking the air. Kara's news wasn't anything serious of course, but it was good to hear and funny too. Besides she didn't deserve a guy like him and he didn't deserve to ever know how big her crush really was.

"Well I have an announcement to make too," Leo told us.

This time, I said. "Go on."

"I'm gay."

For a moment we all stared at him, wondering how he felt about revealing his well kept secret. But seeing as he didn't have one problem with it, we all cheered and raised our glass's.

"Here's to being honest and open," Kara said at the top of her voice. "And to being gay and over a douche and-"

"I actually um." I bit my lip, glancing from each set of the eight pairs of eyes that landed upon me. "Have an announcement to make."

"Well, go on then." Kara smiled.

"I'm… pregnant."

The longest silence followed my revelation and for a second I wondered if they thought that what I'd just told them was terrible, but after a minute each and every one of them congratulated me. Kara being the emotional girl she was, wrapped me up in a back-breaking hug and cried into my shoulder, telling me that I'd get through it and that she'd always be there for me.

I would've cried myself, but it had been such a long time since I was shown such love that I suddenly felt overjoyed. A broad smile plastered onto my lately miserable face.

Leo stood up. "Here's to being gay, being over a douche and being pregnant!"

That night had been so good, so enjoyable that I never wanted it to end. Unfortunately it eventually did, but we promised each other that we'd hang out the day we graduated. Which managed to lighten my spirit a little.

Waving goodbye to everyone, I headed towards my car and stopped in my tracks when I reached the trunk. There across the road from me, stood Jacob in all his half-naked glory, watching from the shadows as he stood by the tree-line. My first instinct was to run to him, but then I remembered his avoiding me for a whole nine days and I rushed to the driver's door.

By the time I'd finally gotten the door unlocked, he was behind me. One of his large hands holding the door closed as he spoke against my ear. "Care to explain why you've been ignoring me?"

I almost laughed out loud at his statement, almost. Instead, I pushed at his hand, though unsurprisingly it didn't budge. In fact this only pissed him off and his pressure increased, leaving a dent in the door. Much to my irritation, however I never said a word.

"Answer me, god dammit!" he hissed.

But I remained silent and would until he let me get into the car.

Letting out a shaky, frustrated breath, he asked. "Who were those people you were hanging with? Are they the reason why you're ignoring me? Are they more important to you than I am? Huh? Tell me, Nina."

As I decided, I remained as still and as silent as a statue.

"Fine!" he spat, hand curling into a fist. "You don't even want to talk to me, that's just fantastic. So fantastic that you'll only have to see me for another week and then you'll be leaving for Seattle. I'm sure you must be thrilled."

"Let me go," I whispered, forgetting my decision.

"Oh, she speaks," he said sarcastically. "Well if that's all you've got to say then let me leave you with a few words." Moving closer so that his front was pressed flush against my back, he pressed his lips to my ear. "You may hate me, you may want to ignore me, you may want to forget me, but a part of me is growing inside of you. A part of me that we made sure of wouldn't, but somehow still managed to happen. Doesn't that prove anything to you?"

My whole body was shaking at that stage, eyes stinging with unshed tears. His words effecting me in way's I thought weren't possible.

"Doesn't it prove that that's what we're supposed to be doing? Making love constantly and having lot's and lot's of babies, puppies, whatever you want to call them. Doesn't it? doesn't it show you that you need to stay here with me? And that we're capable of having children at a young age? Doesn't it, Nee?"

"I thought-" a sob broke through my throat, cutting me off.

He finally removed his hand from the door and wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me impossibly closer. "Doesn't it prove anything to you, Nee? We've only ever made love once and here you are, all pregnant for me? not only that, but we used protection. There was nothing wrong with that condom, I swear to you. But somehow my-" he lowered his voice, lips still pressed to my ear, "-my semen escaped. I know we're young, but I'm so happy, Nee. I'm so in love with you. Please don't be mad at me or your bodily state, please. I'll care for you and the baby, I'll love it just as much as I love you, I'll protect and love you forever. Nee, I want to make love to you now so badly. Please come home with me tonight. I miss you."

I fainted in his arms then, from the overload of emotions that were running through me and when I woke up again, I was in his tiny bed. He was laying beside me, gently running a damp cloth down the side of my face, a dazed look in his brown eyes.

In a series of whispers, he told me that Billy was staying over at the Clearwater's, that I was out for quite a while and that he loved me so very much.

It wasn't long after that when we became one again, for the second time in our lives.

Later that night as I lay against his heaving chest, I reveled in the way he felt and smiled to myself when I remembered all the breathless words he'd spoken to me during his most vulnerable state. Just like after our first time, I couldn't imagine being away from him and found myself clinging closer to him than I normally did.

He had no idea how relieved I was about his accepting my pregnancy. After a whole week of thinking he despised the idea. It managed to soothe me in a way I couldn't explain and I suddenly felt overjoyed. One-hundred times more than I had at the Diner.

But I still had a question for him.

"Jake?"

"Hmm," he murmured in response, trailing his hand down my back.

"Why did you avoid me for so long?"

"I thought you were avoiding me, actually."

"How so?"

"Because I called on you one night but an old lady was staying in your room, I supposed she would've told someone she saw me and that you'd know I wanted to speak to you. But you never phoned, or approached me, so I just assumed you didn't want to talk to me for some reason."

Frowning, I lifted my head up off his chest and stared down at him. "But you were mad at me that night I came to see you. The night I told you I was pregnant."

"I wasn't," he said nonchalantly. "I was confused and stressed. Really stressed. And then you had to go when we badly needed to talk, so I wasn't too happy about that."

"You know… I thought you didn't want the baby," I whispered.

Breath catching in his throat, he stared at me for a minute before cupping my cheek in his palm. "Nina, I… when you left me alone that night, I spent hours laying here, thinking over everything. But even then I could feel how my heart leapt with excitement and joy at the news. I was also very proud for some reason, and had this sudden urge to just go out and tell everyone that I was having a baby with you. Then I thought better of it…" he smiled.

I smiled in return. "Well I'm glad someone was happy with the news."

"What do you mean?" he asked, narrowing his eyes to slits. "You want the baby too, right?"

"I do, Jake, I do, I really do… but the timing is wrong, you have to admit that."

"Wrong? Why? We're both capable of raising a child, and it's not like we're going anywhere."

"But Jake." I sighed, shaking my head. "We're young, we've just finished school and we haven't got a job, or even… Jake, you see my point right? Tell me you do."

Moving to sit upright against the headboard, he crossed his arms over his broad chest. "No, I don't actually. So what if we're young or just out of high school or jobless or whatever, we're capable of parenting a child. We don't need to be ten years older, we'll be together forever anyway. It's not like if your friend Kara had a child for some moron who'll never be a part of her life. It's not like that at all."

"What if…" pushing myself up, I threw a leg over his hip and sat down against his thighs, facing him. "Jacob, what if I…"

"What if you what?"

"What if I have to go to Seattle, then what?"

His eyes widened, a fire suddenly blazing in them. "You promised me you wouldn't go!" he barked.

"I know I did, and I won't ever leave you. As in my heart will always be yours-"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Nina! You promised me the first time we made love that you wouldn't ever leave me. Don't tell me that was a lie."

"It wasn't a lie, I was telling the truth to you then, but I was vulnerable Jacob, I wasn't thinking straight and I wasn't pregnant. I've thought things through now and I've decided that I don't want to end up living here with Billy. Not that I dislike him, he's really great, but it wouldn't be right. You know it wouldn't."

His head fell back against the wall, a breath leaving his lips as he shut his eyes. I noticed then, that the color of his skin had turned a shade lighter and that his breathing became labored. He looked so worn out, so devastated, so torn…

"Jake?" I whispered, pressing my palm to his cheek. "Jake, love, are you OK?"

A tear escaped his closed eye, rolling down his high cheekbone, followed quickly by another one and another one and another one. Until both his cheeks were wet with tears.

"Please stop crying, Jake," I begged, throwing my arms around his neck and burying my face against his shoulder. "Please, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that, I love you so much. More than I can say. I hate to see you cry, please stop. I love you, Jacob."

But he pushed me away and slipped out of the bed, walking out of the room to leave me alone.

Minutes later I threw on one of his large shirts and followed after him, hoping he would be alright. The guilt for making him feel such a way ate at me, and I searched my mind for ways to make it up to him. To make him feel better. The only way was obviously telling him that I'd stay with him forever and ever, but I wouldn't lie. Staying here with him was all I ever wanted, however I couldn't live with him and Billy. I just couldn't.

Firstly, it wouldn't be the right thing to do. Considering how tiny the house was and how little privacy we'd have. Secondly, I was going to grow bigger with our child and living under the standards the tiny house would offer me, wouldn't be proper. That was something I simply couldn't do.

Yes, over the months I had sworn to myself that I'd live with Jacob anywhere. Even out on the streets as long as we were together. But back then I hadn't got a clue I was pregnant and ever since I'd found out, I had to see things for what they really were.

As much as I loathed and despised the idea of leaving him… as much as it broke my heart. It would only be for a while though, wouldn't it? Until we got ourselves jobs and found an apartment to rent. A matter of weeks even.

Walking out into the chilly night air, I headed over to the 'garage'. It had changed considerably since he had been working on it, almost looking like a cottage. The wooden walls of the exterior had been painted a coffee-like color and the roof had had some work done to it. Unfortunately, the doors and windows remained the same. Old and cracked.

If only he hadn't lost his job.

The inside was dark, except for the dim glow of a candle on a worktop in the far corner. I couldn't make out much of everything, but I could see Jacob down the end of the large room, crouching as he painted something. An old shirt tied around his waist, covering his nudity.

I walked over to him slowly and stood behind him for a moment, watching the muscles on his back work with every movement of his arm. I watched until I couldn't take it anymore and rushed over to him, running my hands all along his front as I showered his back with kisses. The taste and smell of his skin driving me wild with passion.

"Jacob, mmm Jacob," I murmured, rubbing my cheek over his shoulder blade.

Sucking in a sharp breath, he froze. The painting brush falling from his hands.

My hands trailed down over his hard abs, slipping lower until my fingertips brushed the soft cotton of his shirt, which he had tied it around his waist for decency. It was then that he pushed my hands away.

"Stop," he whispered finally.

"Please, Jacob. Please, make love to me again," I begged, resting my forehead against his shoulder. "I don't want to fight with the one I love, it kills me. Let's just forget the world tonight and make lots of love. I need you, Jake. Please? I'm sorry for hurting you."

He sighed. "Nina-"

"I'll make tonight about you, I'll make sure you get everything you want. I'll take pleasure from that, pleasing the one I love. You, Jacob. We'll stay here if that's what you'd prefer, I'll do anything for you-"

Turning around, he grabbed my face in his hands. "I will never get pleasure from making love to you, knowing that I won't be able to touch you again," he hissed, eyes red from crying. "And if there's no pleasure from the heart, then we'd be fucking. And I never want to fuck you. Never! You hear me?"

I answered him automatically, too shocked to think. "Yes."

"Good," was all he said before he stood up to his full height and disappeared from sight.

It took me a moment to regain composure and when I did, I jumped up to my feet and spun around to glare at him through teary eyes. But he never raised his head, instead he continued to examine each paint can in the near-darkness, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

My blood boiled to see him more interested in painting whatever it was he had made and I glanced over my shoulder to see what it was he'd been painting when I came in.

And just like that, my blood ran cold and my face paled in shock.

He'd made a wooden crib for our baby.

I couldn't look at it for another second, it was breaking my heart to know that he'd made that with his own bare hands, in his own free time. No matter how many fights we had, there was always something to remind me of how good-hearted he was and that was definitely top of the list.

A sob escaped my lips as I turned to look at him again and I was surprised to find him leaning against the worktop, looking back at me. His dark eyes darker than I'd ever seen them before. Watching me carefully.

Unable to take the whole situation anymore, I ran out of the garage and back into the house. In his room, I searched around for my clothes all scattered around the place, but my tears never subsided and so due to my shaking body and blurry vision, I gave up. Crawling back into his single bed and burying my face in his pillow.

His musky smell soothing me as I cried myself to sleep.

That night I was woken up by a person slipping in next to me and soft lips pressing against my temple. The warmth, the scent, the feel, all confirming it was Jacob.

His strong arm hooked under my knee, lifting my leg up and within seconds, he took me from behind.

"Nee-na," he moaned softly into my ear. His long, silky hair falling into my face.

And I wondered if this was what he'd referred to as 'fucking'.

Despite how it felt a lot like love.