Chapter 24: Stay

Eye's half open, I stared up at the ceiling and wished for just a second that there was a mirror there. A mirror to show me the right path. Because I was sick of my own voice telling me what to do, not knowing whether it was speaking the truth.

Jacob's arms tightened around my waist, as though he knew I was awake and was afraid I'd leave him. Which was certainly not what I was going to do. Not after what had transpired between us at three in the morning. I'd tried so hard to keep quiet as he moaned into my ear, but eventually had to let out my emotions when he brought me over the edge. Making sure he was hitting just the right spot.

It was quick, I admit. But pleasured both of us more than I could say.

Turning in his arms, I opened my eyes fully and stared into his tired ones. We stared at each other for what felt like forever. Rays of sunlight peaking in through the curtains, reflecting off of his face which was now rough with stubble. I wished I woke up in his arms this way every morning.

"I love you," I whispered, running my hand down his side.

He nodded in response, before loosening his hold on me and rolling onto his back. A hostile vibe running off of him onto me.

"Jacob, tell me you love me too," I said softly, sliding closer to him and resting my cheek on his bicep.

But he never said a word, remaining silent for the following three minutes.

"If you hate me, I'll understand…" I mumbled.

And yet again, he remained completely silent. Not a sound escaping his lips.

I took that as a hint that he didn't want to talk, well not then anyway. So I moved away from him and turned on my side, feeling hurt, worried and hopeful all at the same time. My head throbbed from all the emotions, causing me to feel slightly dizzy. Which in turn, made me close my eyes.

However, I desperately wanted to know what was on Jacob's mind. He hadn't spoken to me since we'd been in the garage the day before and I was very concerned about his feelings. Why, after what we'd done only hours ago, was he still so intent on not speaking to me?

I turned to face him, to find that his back was now to me. His silky hair brushing off of his tanned shoulders as he breathed heavily, body shivering every once in a while. The tattoo he'd engraved into his arm catching my attention.

Leaning up, I pressed a kiss to it before following the design with my lips. Remembering that he'd gotten it done as a sign of our love. This only spurred me on, and suddenly my hand was on his naked hip, massaging the tight skin there.

Still, he kept his mouth shut. Much to my utter disappointment.

"Was that all it was, Jacob?" I asked him sadly. "Just a quick… fuck?"

I didn't wait for him to answer me, instead I slipped out of the bed and left the room. Walking around the house in his large shirt didn't feel appropriate, so I just hoped that Billy wouldn't be back any time soon. Because I certainly didn't want to go back into that bedroom for my clothes, not after leaving the way I did.

Suddenly, the front door opened.

"Oh hey, Nina! Sorry for barging in, didn't know you were here."

Standing awkwardly in the hall, I offered him a weak smile. "It's uh, fine Quil."

"Aw don't go all red, this-" he gestured to my attire, "-is nothing to what I see in the minds of the pack. Trust me."

"Good…"

"Anyway, bet you're all excited for graduation tomorrow."

"Um yeah… kind of."

He nodded before sniffing the air like a… dog. "No food? Damn. Certainly no surprise treats here." Sticking his tongue out at me playfully, he continued. "So where's Jacob? Laying in his king sized bed?"

I chuckled, despite my mortification. "Yeah, head on into him. Maybe he'll talk to you…"

Shooting me a sympathetic look, he walked past me and disappeared into the bedroom.

For a moment, I remained still, wondering whether he would indeed speak to Quil. But the sudden roars of him, followed by several bangs and clashes, had me jumping out of my skin with fright. He sounded incredibly angry.

Quil came running out of the room with a look of shock on his face. "Dude's gone mental," he said. "You be careful around him."

And then he was gone.

My whole body trembled as I contemplated checking on him. Nothing good could come of it, he was like a wild beast and no one goes near a beast. No one. Not even if you're madly in love with said beast and would do anything for him. It was a danger zone and I hadn't forgotten the countless times he told me to keep away from him if he was ever out of control.

So I made myself comfortable in the living room, curling up on the sofa as I thought and thought and thought.

But it was only a matter of time before I couldn't take the silence anymore and I found myself heading back down the hall, towards his room.

When I entered, the first thing my eyes landed on was him. He was curled up into a ball on the tiny bed, forehead pressed to his knees and long hair shielding the side of his face from me. His body quivered slightly and I wondered, briefly, whether he was cold. Then I remembered how angry he had been.

Tip-toeing my way over to the bed, careful not to prick my foot with the broken pieces of his phone and a shattered picture frame, I sat down on the edge. This didn't seem to faze him, so I decided to speak softly.

"J-"

"Get out," he gritted through clenched teeth.

Taken aback by the harshness of his voice, I stood back up. "What's the matter with you?"

"I said, get out!" he repeated, raising his voice.

"Don't.. don't talk to me like that, Jacob…"

He took that moment to uncurl himself from his ball and pounce off the bed, eyes blazing as he stood in front of me. "Leave, or else."

"Are you.. threatening me?" I asked faintly.

But he ignored my question and brushed past me, locking the bedroom door.

I knew that he was angry and upset with me and my decisions. And I knew that he was overreacting. I also knew that he wasn't particularly safe to be around, but I couldn't help myself. I had to have some sort of physical contact with him. It was a want I couldn't ignore.

"Jacob," I whispered, coming up behind him as he stood facing the door. Wrapping my arms around his waist and showering his back with kisses. "Jacob, I love you. So much."

"Stop," he told me, though I could hear the longing in his voice.

"Don't fight with me anymore, Jake. Please."

The muscles in his body tightened and he stood rigid in front of me. Hands balled into fists at his sides. It seemed as though he was fighting an inner battle with myself, when all he had to do was give in. There was no harm in moving forward, was there? we still had to talk things through.

Tightening my arms around him, I brought myself closer to him until there wasn't a centimeter between us. His shoulder blades were right within my eye-level and buried my face in the space between them, breathing him in, kissing him, caressing him with my lips like he loved. Forgetting the world, focusing only on him.

Moving to his side, I peered up into his face. "Jake, I'm sorry I upset you. Forgive me."

He bit down on his lip and turned his face away, remaining mute.

"And I'm sorry about earlier.. I know you didn't… you know, fuck me last night. I was just mad, I'm sorry."

Suddenly, he spun around to glare down at me. Making me feel so little. "You think I'm upset?" he asked, irritated. "You think that accusing me of using you like some jerk would upset me? well let me tell you this." bending down so that our faces were level, he continued. "I told you in the garage last night that I would never ever fuck you and unlike you, I kept my word. I'll always keep my word. In fact everything I say to you is the honest truth and when I make promises, I never break them. So take that as a lesson. Because you certainly need it. Lying won't get you anywhere in life."

As he was about to straighten up, I grabbed a lock of his hair and kept him in place. "I never lied to you, how can you… I know I promised you I would never leave you and I intend to keep that promise. But that doesn't mean I can't be away from you for a while. What do you expect me to do? Stay here with you and your father-"

"We never said anything about you staying here with me and my dad!" he shouted.

"But it's obvious that this is where I'd stay if I weren't to leave! Tell me I'm wrong."

"You're wrong!"

"Oh really? Am I? where else did you have in mind? Your car? Your back yard? The garage?"

"I'm that low to you? You think that I'd make you live in such an awful way? You're wrong again, so wrong that I'm disgusted with you. Get out of my house and don't come back."

"And go where?"

"Seattle, I never want to see your face again."

"You're lying."

"No."

"You'd follow me and beg me to come back. Say you would."

"No."

"Say you love me."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I'd be lying."

And with that, I let go of his black hair and walked away from him. Holding back my tears as I pulled on my clothes. I could feel his eyes on me the whole time and I would've asked for privacy if I could've found it in me to. But instead, I kept quiet.

Why did we always have to fight lately? I asked myself. Why couldn't we be happy like before? It felt like our love was shattering and that if we didn't put back the pieces, we'd never be able to love like the beginning. I wasn't stupid enough to think that relationships were always peachy, but I was aware of the fact that I was Jacob's imprint and that we should be happy. Like Sam and Emily. Like Jared and Kim…

When I turned to leave, I drew my eyes to the ground and proceeded towards the door. His words stopped me in my tracks.

"I doubt you still love me now," he said, confident that he was right.

"Actually," I replied, looking over at him. "You're wrong this time."

I moved to unlock the door, but his hand grasped my wrist. "Stay."

"No."

"Please."

"No, Jacob."

"Come on, please."

"Why?" I asked. "So you can tell me how much you detest me at the moment?"

His eyes softened. "Because I love you."

I sighed, turning my face away from him. "Jacob…"

"Please, we've only got one week left together."

"Oh so now you realize that?" I spat out angrily, snapping my head around to glare at him. "After ignoring me and then hurting my feelings the whole morning, after all that? after all the love I gave you and after all the times you rejected it, after all of that! you expect-"

Releasing my wrist, he grabbed a hold of my tiny shoulders and stared down into my face. "I'm passionate for you, okay? When I'm upset with you or hurt by you, it effects me in a very strong way. You hurt me last night by telling me that you were leaving, breaking that promise you made and you saw how I reacted to that. But after a while I felt bad, so I came to you and soothed my soul by making love to you. Then when I woke up the next morning, you told me you loved me and I couldn't take it, not with knowing that you were going to leave me."

"Jake-"

"Tell me how long you'll be, please. I need to know so I can have something to live by."

"I… I don't know…"

"Please," he pleaded, sinking down to his knees. His hands sliding down my chest, over my breasts and resting on my tummy. "Please, just give me an answer. It doesn't need to be precise."

I looked towards the ceiling, eyes filling with tears. "At the most… three months."

He groaned miserably. "That's so long, Nee."

"But long enough to sort ourselves out right? To find employment and look for accommodation we can afford, right?" I brought my gaze back down to him, forcing a smile on my face. "Then we can we be together and we'll never have to go through that again."

"I know that, Nee, but still- it's going to be hard for me to cope without you," he said, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to him, so that his cheek rested against my chest. "And I'm going to miss you grow bigger with our baby, I don't like the thought of that."

"Of course, Jake, of course."

"And who's going to protect such a fragile, little woman like yourself? All pregnant and alone out there. I hate the thought of that so god damned much."

I hated the thought too, it was all that ran through my head every day. To live a life without Jacob by my side seemed almost scary to me, and to go back to Seattle- not as the girl who used to live there, but as a woman. A woman that had been through many changes since she'd stepped foot in La Push. I'd grown so accustomed to my new life that I didn't know if I was ready for change.

The only way I'd be able to handle being away from Jacob is if we both managed to get ourselves jobs with decent wages and saved up until we were sure we could afford to rent a place. It wasn't like before, when it was just the two of us and money didn't matter as long as we had food. We were having a baby soon and things had to be much better than that.

It was all so stressful and my parents.. my family.. they had no idea about the pregnancy… it was going to be so hard.

"Forget about the world, Nee," he said softly, raising back up to his feet and taking my hand in his. "It's just you and me, right here, right now."

"Oh Jacob," I whimpered, helplessly. "I'm so afraid, so, so afraid."

"I know, honey." Taking me into his arms, he repeated. "I know."

When the day of graduation came, I couldn't feel a thing. It was as though my whole body had gone numb and I was left a shell of myself. Everything I did that morning was done in slow motion, like I was some sort of robot, programmed to do the things Nina O'Neil herself did.

I tried to smile for my family as I breakfasted with them. I tried to be happy for Kara as she picked me up in her truck. And I tried to put meaning into every hug and kiss I gave Jacob as he met me at school. But I couldn't, it was impossible for me to do. Impossible.

You see, this was the day which marked a new beginning to my life. A life away from La Push and a life temporarily without Jacob. Temporary sounded good to me in the beginning, considering it meant that it wouldn't be forever, but then I realized that it could mean a year or more. And a year without Jacob was a terrifying thought.

So the whole event passed by me like a blur, and I couldn't really comprehend the fact that I graduated until my parents hugged me. Expressing how happy and proud they were of their daughter, telling me that I'd thrive in college. The tears flowed from my eyes then and suddenly I was sobbing like a child in my mother's arms. Only she didn't know the real reason for my crying.

Fifteen minutes later I found myself sitting on a bench away from everyone, my parents gone home with a promise of a delicious meal later that evening. My eyes burned with all the tears I'd shed, and my body still shaking from the aftermath. I was a mess.

"Nee?"

I looked up from my lap to stare into that beloved face. "Hi, Jake."

He looked miserable himself, except somehow he managed to remain in good spirits. "Come on." Reaching for my hand, he pulled me gently to my feet. "I want to take you somewhere."

Assumedly, I thought he would've taken me far away from the school, away from everyone. But much to my surprise he took me into the building, down past our lockers and towards our English class. Making me remember my first day there.

"Do you remember the first time you saw me?" he asked as we stopped by the open classroom door.

I managed to smile. "Of course, I'll never forget that day."

"Well," he started, giving my hand a squeeze. "How about we relive that moment, except this time I see you too. And we'll see where it goes?"

"I… okay, I guess."

As sweet as this was, I couldn't help but feel a little shy. We'd never really done anything like it before and I was afraid I'd mess the whole thing up. Looking wretched didn't help.

Jacob seemed to notice this in my expression. "Don't look so nervous, honey. It's just for the fun, kay?"

So he walked into the classroom and sat down at his desk, which was right next to mine in the far end of the room. I noticed then how much older looking he'd gotten and how much happier he looked compared to the first time I saw him. However, he was good at putting on the 'oblivious schoolboy' act and I smiled at the sight of him, my heart swelling with love.

Before I chickened out, I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

"Good morning," I said, holding back a laugh.

Jacob didn't bother looking up at me, instead stared down at his desk as though it was the most interesting thing in the world. I sighed audibly, in an attempt to sound desperate for his attention. The corners of his mouth twitched, yet his expression remained serious. So I muttered under my breath and headed for my desk. Slumping into the seat like I always did.

I waited and waited and waited for him to ask me something, like when he'd spoken to me for the first time and asked me for a pencil. But he didn't, so I turned to look at him and found him watching me. A dazed look on his face.

"Are you okay?" I asked, literally dying to laugh.

"Not with you being so close to me, I'm not." He smiled, flashing his pearly whites. "Tell me, honey, what's your name?"

"Right…" I slowly stood up to my feet. "I need to um… go to the bathroom."

As I began to walk away, biting down hard on my lip to hold back my laughter, he caught hold of my wrist and pulled me down onto his lap. "Well, well, well, where do you think you're going?"

Our faces were so close that I almost forgot the whole 'acting' thing. "Let me go."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, honey. By the way-" he pressed his nose to my cheek, "-you smell divine. Umm."

"Jacob, you're acting like a freaky stalker." I chuckled.

He shushed me. "We're not done."

"Okay, well um whoever you are, I'm going to report you to the principal if you don't let me go."

"Oh really?" wrapping his arms around my waist, he held me tightly against him. "Even after that breathy sigh you gave me minutes ago?"

Pushing away from him, I jumped off his lap and sat back down at my desk. "We're doing this my way now, since you clearly have a freaky way of playing yourself."

He stuck his tongue out at me. "I thought I sounded pretty sexy to be honest."

"Pfft, just sit there and I'll do most of the acting this time. Alright?"

"Anything for you, dearest."

So we sat at our desks for a while, him staring over at the board and me staring over at him. I brought myself back to that day when I'd first seen him and how overcome I was by his beauty. There were so many things I would've loved to tell him then, like how much I loved his strong jaw bone and how magnificent his hair looked. But of course I couldn't, or he would've thought I was a complete psycho.

However, I could do just that while we were acting. Couldn't I?

"Excuse me," I whispered, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Yes?" he smiled.

"I just wanted to tell you how much I love your hair, it's really something else. Out of this world. So soft, so shiny."

Somehow he managed to blush. "You know… you can touch it if you want. See if it's as soft as you think."

I was up off my seat and behind his in an instant, running my fingers through his raven locks. The minty scent of his shampoo traveling up through my nostrils. "I want your hair, Jacob."

"It's yours, honey."

Moving his hair to one side so that it fell over his shoulder, I whispered in his ear. "You're to react to me the way you would've, before we were friends or lovers, okay?"

"Okay," he replied, voice hoarse.

My lips brushed his jaw, the shaven skin so smooth, so silky. The strong scent of his cologne making me dizzy. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding onto him so that I could kiss him as hard as I wanted to. And hard was always how I kissed him when I was overcome with passion.

"Nina, what are you.. doing?"

I smirked, moving my lips to the nape of his neck. "Feeling you, kissing you. Why?"

He gulped audibly. "I think that maybe you should… you know.. stop."

"But I-"

"No really, stop."

Chuckling, my hands moved down his chest and into his shirt. "You're so muscular, Jacob Black."

"Nina!"

"Jacob," I murmured and kissed his neck again and again and again.

"Right, that's it!" he said, jumping out of his seat and pushing me up against the wall. "No more role-playing, I can't do it."

"Well it was your idea." I giggled.

"Yeah, but I've changed my mind now. Kiss me."

I turned my face away when he leaned in. "Not here, I hate this place."

Ignoring me, he began to peck my cheek. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Take me away, Jacob."

"Where?" he asked, pushing his muscular leg between mine.

"Anywhere but here."

He stepped away from me then, giving me a mischievous look before turning on his heel and walking towards the door. When I realized what he was about to do, I opened my mouth to protest but he just laughed and locked us in. Making me feel somewhat nervous about getting caught.

With a devilish grin on his face, he pulled off his shirt and threw it over his shoulder, carelessly. Revealing his ripped body to me, knowing I loved whenever it was on display. Especially when his jeans hung dangerously low off his hips…

"Stay away from me, you monster," I said, taking a few steps away as he came closer. "I know what you're trying to do."

"Oh? And what is that, dearest?"

"You're trying to seduce me."

"You've got that wrong, honey. You're trying to seduce me, I can smell you a mile away." he winked.

"I hate you."

"I love you too."

I ran away from him then, towards the front of the classroom, somehow managing to unlock the door and stumble out, all in the space of ten seconds. Jacob obviously let me do it, laughing as he ran after me down the school corridor. Whether he was still shirtless, I had no idea, I just hoped we wouldn't be caught behaving like two first graders.

As I turned to run down the steps that lead to the campus, I lost my balance and fell face-first on the ground. The shock of the fall caused me to temporarily forget about the pain, but only seconds later I felt the sharp sting on my forehead and the warm rush of blood seeping from the deep cut.

"Nina!" Jacob gasped worriedly. Rushing over to me and lifting me to my feet. "What happened? Did you fall? Did someone push you? Are you okay?"

"I f-fell," I mumbled, swaying with a sudden dizziness that overcame me. My eyes unable to remain open.

As one hand held onto my shoulder to keep me from falling, the other fell to my tummy and remained there for a while. That's when I remembered about our baby and how my fall could've threatened the pregnancy.

I broke out into a panic, ignoring my dizziness and pain. "The baby! Jacob! The baby! Oh my god! Jacob!"

"Shhh," he hushed me, bringing his hand up to my forehead. "It's okay, the baby is going to be fine, don't you worry. How do you feel?"

Falling against his chest, I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tightly. "Inside I feel alright, but my head hurts and I'm kind of tired."

He remained silent for a moment, contemplating an answer… "I'm going to take you to the hospital for a check-up, alright?" he finally said.

Lips too tired to move, body too weak to stand, I slumped right into him and managed to nod my head in agreement.

The last thing I remembered was the warm envelopment of arms.

"You think you can dispose of me like I'm some sort of thing?" he asked, outraged.

"I didn't mean it like that, you know I didn't!" I shouted back.

Flinging his arm across the worktop, all his tools and cans of paint came crashing down. Hitting the floor with a loud crash that deafened my ears in the moment.

"I can't stay here any longer, I'm going for a walk," he hissed, storming past me.

Spinning around on my heel, I grabbed hold of his wrist, halting him. "Jake, I'm sorry."

The muscles in his back tightened and for a second I thought he wasn't going to answer me. Besides, he had the right to after how wrong my words came out only minutes beforehand. We were discussing how I could somehow come and visit frequently, after all, in a week I was leaving. And suddenly he grew upset, not wanting to talk of it anymore.

But I didn't stop when I should've and in turn, made myself angry. Telling him that things would be easier for us if we'd never met. I didn't mean it at all, the words just came out because I was mad. I was a stupid, self-centered, cow sometimes.

"Nina, go home," he whispered in a warning tone, remaining completely still.

"Jake," I cried pleadingly, letting go of his wrist and wrapping my arms around his waist. "I'm so sorry, I love you. I didn't mean what I said, it was a heartless thing for me to say. Please let it go, we can't waste this precious week together fighting. Yesterday's graduation was wasted on my parents, I can't do that again."

Tearing my hands away from his abdomen, he walked towards the garage door and shut it. Something he did a lot to keep Quil and Embry from eavesdropping. It also kept them out, which was what he wanted for the time being since no one knew of my pregnancy and if anyone saw the crib he'd made… well it'd spark interest throughout the pack.

"Nina," he said firmly, with his back against the wall. "You know that I'm in love with you, you know that I'd do anything for you, that I've imprinted on you, that we're meant to be, that our lives wouldn't be worth living without each other, you know all that. So why… why do you… how can you…."

"What?" I whispered, lips trembling.

Swiping a hand across his face, he asked. "How can you leave? When everything is right here? Why don't you stay and we can work something out together? I swear to you that it'll be alright, that things will go smoothly. Trust me."

Looking away from him, I said. "We've already been through this, Jake."

"But you still can't get it through to that little mind of yours that leaving will only make things worse. There's no point in you going, you'll find a job here Nina, you will. And so will I, then we can rent out someplace-"

"And tell me Jacob, where in the world am I supposed to be living when we're looking for a place to rent. Has that question ever crossed your mind?"

Running a frustrated hand through his hair, he pushed himself away from the wall and came to stand in front of me. "Embry's mom owns a store down the road and she owns the flat above it. Her dad built the place before she was born.. anyway, point is, last week I asked her if we could stay there for a couple of weeks, you know, while we're looking for a place…"

"And?" I pushed.

"It hasn't got electricity-"

"Jacob-"

"Nina," he said, taking hold of my shoulders. "Electricity is the least of our problems. What do we really need it for anyway? The only problem is that we'll have to take buckets of water up to the bathroom from the sink in the store. But that's OK for a month, right? At least we'll be together."

I was about to ask him what state the flat was in, but the hopefulness in his brown eyes caused me to keep my mouth shut. He was so in love with me, just like I was so in love with him and the love was blinding him to more important things. Things that I had only begun to see over the past few months.

He saw only the good in everything and never thought of the bad. As though bad never existed. Everything was peachy to him and he fully believed that if I stayed, we could start building a life together from scratch. Without any problems coming between us. I knew, without him having to tell me, that he was convinced that when my parents were no longer in La Push and I was really alone with him, that the imprint would get us through everything. That we'd never argue or fight, we'd only love.

But neither love or the imprint can buy you complete happiness. I hoped that my poor Jacob, with such a pure soul, would see that someday.

"Right, Nee?" he repeated, cupping my cheek in his hand and gazing into my eyes. "At least we'll be together, right?"

"Right," I whispered.

"I won't hurt the baby, will I?" he asked.

"Jacob." I giggled. "Don't be silly, I'm not even five months pregnant."

We were on First Beach, I was laying on the sand with my head against a log while he lay his head on my tummy, both of us watching the sunset. It was rather romantic, just the two of us, no one else in sight. My hands were in his beautiful long hair, alternating between playing with the locks and massaging his scalp. He hummed every now and then, enjoying it.

I allowed myself to think of our unborn baby and what it would look like. I wondered whether it would have black hair or brown hair, darkest brown eyes or chocolate brown eyes, russet colored skin or tanned skin, big lips or small lips, big eyes or small eyes, prominent cheekbones or not and the list went on and on and on. But what I really wondered was whether it was a girl or a boy.

"Nina?" he said, taking me out of my thoughts.

"Yes?"

"I think we're going to have a girl."

His conclusion took me by surprise. Firstly, because he answered my unvoiced question and secondly, because he believed it'd be a girl.

"And.. why is that?" I asked, the surprise evident in my voice.

"I don't know really, I just feel it, especially now while I'm lying here against your tummy."

Bringing one of my hands down to his face, I ran my fingers over his smooth forehead. "Who do you think she'll look like?"

"Me," he answered thoughtfully. "And someday we'll have a boy and he'll look like you."

"That's so sweet, Jake."

Sitting up, he moved to stand up on his feet and extended his hand out to me. "Come here."

So I took his hand and was pulled up into his loving embrace. Nothing could compare to the feel of his strong body against my weak one. It made me feel so adored and so protected. Every movement of his muscles I could feel against my body as though we fit into each other's arms like two missing pieces of a puzzle. This was home to me.

"Are you afraid of becoming a father?" I asked him, cheek pressed to his heart.

"No, I'm not actually. I feel like I'm meant to be one, it's weird. I'm so young and all."

I smiled. "Well do you feel it's too soon? Like if you could turn back time, would you have made sure I hadn't got pregnant?"

"Absolutely not," he said firmly. "This child, it's a symbol of our love, it's you and me. I'm devoted to it already. What about you?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth, Jake."

We walked along the shoreline barefoot, letting the water touch our feet as we held hands and moved southwards. The sky had taken on its usual color, grey, and the dark clouds promised lots of rain to come. And as much as I hated the weather in La Push, I took it all in and locked it up in my memory. So I could remember the moment whenever I wanted to, all the while knowing that I had fully appreciated it at the time.

Jacob hadn't spoken of the flat again after our conversation yesterday, despite the fact that I had thought he would. Maybe he was thinking things through or maybe he simply didn't want to bring it up again. Maybe he could tell that I wasn't too keen on the idea. Either way, I already felt homesick. I'd be leaving in five days.

Of course I didn't want to leave, I hated the idea from the start. But I couldn't help but think that it would be good for us in a way. We'd be able to think of our futures, focus on our lives and devote our time to working. I also wanted to take an internet course, though I hadn't said anything to him about it, afraid he may use it as an excuse for my leaving. Not that I felt I couldn't confide in him, I could, but during these difficult times he wasn't thinking straight. Everything revolved around me and my leaving. He wanted me to stay and I wanted to, I really did, but it'd turn our lives upside down. I wished he could see that.

"Are kidnapping me?" I joked as he lifted me up into his arms and began to carry me to his house.

"The idea has crossed my mind, it's very tempting I must say."

Billy was home when we arrived, along with Charlie Swan and Sue Clearwater. So discreetly, Jacob carried me into his room and locked the door.

"I feel like a child again, ready to get caught for doing something naughty." I chuckled.

He nodded, eyes telling me his mind was far away. "Yeah, same."

Moving to sit on the edge of his bed, I asked. "Will you be telling Billy of my pregnancy soon?"

"He already knows, Nina."

My eyes widened. "Why didn't you tell me?"

With a sigh, he sat down next to me and took my hand in his. "It was yesterday, after you left, he saw me touching your tummy and all, and asked me if you were pregnant. At first I didn't know what to say, but then I just told him the truth."

"And what did he say?"

"He said nothing, all he did was look me in the eye and squeeze my hand. It was so strange. But he seemed happy."

"Well… well that's good I guess, hopefully next time around we can tell everyone a little sooner."

Taking hold of my chin, his smoldering eyes gazed into mine. "Do you want there to be a next time around, Nina?"

I blushed, realizing what I'd just said to him. "I do, Jake.."

"How many times do you want there to be?" he asked softly, resting his forehead against mine.

"I… I don't know… I really don't know."

His thumb brushed my lip as he moved to whisper in my ear. "Maybe Four?"

My mind grew fuzzy and my vision grew hazy. "Or more."

A noise escaped his lips, sounding somewhere between a gasp and a moan. It made my heart race and the only word I could describe it as was sexy.

His lips were on my neck then, kissing and sucking. While I just sat there, taking deep breaths as my whole body shook with want. I was afraid to move, afraid to encourage him, with all those people just down the hall.

And it was so hard, so very hard.

"I cannot believe you're complaining!" he said incredulously, body quivering from head to toe.

"Jacob, look around you. We can't possibly live like this, in this… flat. Breathing in this filthy air. I'm pregnant, I can't risk hurting the baby in an environment like this. You need to understand that."

"What the hell are you talking about! The air isn't filthy, it's just dust! We can fix that!"

"No." I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my torso. "No, I can't live here. I can't."

In the early hours of the morning, Embry loaned Jacob the keys up to the flat above his mothers store. So after calling me, I agreed to go up with him and check it out. From the outside it looked no different to the buildings attached to it; rectangular in shape, painted brown, big store window on the lower level and two small windows on the upper. Next to the green door that lead you into the store, there was a black one and this opened up into a very narrow hall with stairs that brought you to the first floor.

The flat was tiny. It had only one room that was to be used as a living area/kitchen/bedroom. But I couldn't see how using it as three different area's was even possible because it was so very small. Square in shape, the wall adjacent to the windows had a ancient kitchen counters attached to it along with a gas stove. In the middle of the room there was a completely worn sofa and a disgusting looking carpet. The place was filthy and literally brown with dirt. It seemed as if whoever had been living there once had never bothered to clean up after themselves.

And shame on Ms. Call for not having it cleaned. I didn't even want to know what the bathroom looked like.

"Right, okay, fine, let's go," Jacob almost spat out at me, face scrunched up in anger as he flung the old door open. Nearly bringing it off its hinges, which wouldn't be very hard to do…

"What's wrong with you?" walking over to him, I grabbed his arm. "Are you really that blind?"

He laughed bitterly. "Blind? You're calling me blind? That's like the kettle calling the pot black. Just get out before I lose my temper."

"No! I'm not leaving-" pushing the door shut again, I continued, "-until you admit that this place is a dump. And no, I'm not being unreasonable here, it's the truth. You know it yourself Jacob, you just won't admit it."

"So you're calling me a liar now, are you?" he asked, eyes blazing.

"Oh I know what you're up to now, you're trying to change the subject so you won't have to tell the truth. I'm not a fool Jacob."

Wrenching his arm from my grasp, he shoved his hands into his jean pockets, body still shaking. "This is all I can offer you now, you either take it or leave it."

"Oh I'll definitely leave it, Jacob. And you know what? our daughter would be so disappointed in you if she could see what you brought her and I to. What kind of father-"

"Don't you dare accuse me of being a bad father, don't you!" he roared, grabbing hold of my shoulder and pulling me to him, bending so that his face was in mine. "How dare you even begin to accuse me of such a thing when- when- it doesn't even matter. You don't want me anyway."

Letting go of me, he turned around, pulled the door open and left. Leaving me standing there, bewildered and confused.

Jacob didn't talk to me for two days.

I couldn't believe it, I really couldn't, not when I was so near to leaving. I'd spent the lonely two days up in my room, thinking and crying. My parents knew I was upset, so they left me alone. It was so horrible, and the whole time I blamed it on myself. Because I always seemed to upset him, he was never happy.

But still, why couldn't he have come up to me? I was leaving the next day and he was wasting precious time.

Scanning the beach for any sign of him and once again failing, I gave up and turned to Kara. "He's really not coming."

We were sitting around a bonfire with at least twenty other teenagers. Most of them were from our grade and some were leaving for college. So they all decided it'd be a good idea to have a get together. Everyone knew about the bonfire, La Push was a tiny place and word spread, and I assumed Jacob would come. I even wore my favorite knee-length cream dress. But he never turned up.

"Nina, I've never said this to you because I thought it might upset you, but I think Jacob's a little possessive of you."

"Like… how?" I asked, interested.

She shrugged. "He's always with you, always. In school when you guys would walk around, he always put a hand on you if a guy happened to look your way. Whenever you guys fall out, he's always the one that sulks. And it seems to really upset him if you disagree with him or criticize him. To me, that's a sign of possessiveness."

"But he loves me, Kara."

"I know, I mean look." she glanced down at my tummy. "You're pregnant and he's happy. Not like some of the jerks that leave their girlfriends because they're pregnant. I mean it's their fault in the first place, always looking for sex, always. Ugh. Anyway that's not the point, the point is, Jacob seems to be for keeps and I'm so happy for you Nina, I really am. As your friend, I'm just letting you know how I see Jacob, that's all."

I smiled. "Well thanks, not many people would've been that honest with me. But Kara, what if he hates me now? I wasn't being too picky about the flat, was I?"

"Not at all, like I said, he's just sulking because he wants you around all the time. I mean you know how you'd spend your time in that flat without electricity, don't you?"

"Yeah, I'd have to clean it constantly with all the dust and there'd be nothing to do. We'd have to spend a lot of time outdoors-"

"Nina!" she laughed. "You totally missed my point. Jacob would take advantage of the 'no electricity zone' and would be all over you. Trust me."

Blushing furiously, I shoved at her playfully. "Jacob's not like that."

"Oh please, I see the way he looks at you. Like a predator to its prey, all daring eyes and licking of lips. Especially from a far, you know, like when you're with me and completely out of his reach."

"No, really, he's not." I chuckled.

She shook her head. "I'm not buying it, Nina. Not with that constant hard-on he always has for you."

"Kara! that's so not true!"

"Sure." She winked. "He'd be all over you in that flat. Believe me."

"Alright, love guru, alright."

Giggling, she bumped my shoulder. "So have you guys come up with names?"

"Nah, we haven't even come to that point yet."

"Oh, well have you thought of any?"

You see that was exactly it, I couldn't come up with anything. To me, our baby would have to have a special name, a name with meaning, because this baby was a gift to us. Nothing but our love could've made it and I wanted to give him or her a name that was beautiful, but also meaningful. And it was hard to find one.

Jacob never opened his mouth on the subject, but I would've liked him to. I was sure he would've come up with something since he was such a thoughtful person. He was also creative, something I wasn't.

Oh how I missed him…

Sighing, I said. "No, it's so difficult to think up one… hell, I still can't believe I'm pregnant. My parents don't even know."

Her expression turned sympathetic and she lay a hand on my shoulder. "It'll be okay Nina, they mightn't like it but they can't do anything about it. You're eighteen now, an adult. Don't you forget that."

The rest of the night passed by quicker than I thought. We chatted along with everyone, roasted marshmallows, danced to loud music and all in all, had a good time. But of course I couldn't fully enjoy myself, not without Jacob around.

When Kara dropped me off at my house and gave me the tightest hug I ever had in my life, an awful sinking feeling began in my stomach.

This was it, this was the end, this was goodbye to the last night I'd spend in La Push.

Overcome with emotion, I burst into tears on her shoulder and all I could mumble as she gave me one last hug was a simple goodbye. I couldn't find it in me to say anything more or I would've completely broken down. I just hoped she knew how dear she was to me and how at home she made me feel when I was new to this tiny town filled with dreams.

On my way upstairs, I wondered if Jacob was thinking of me and if he was sorry for all the time he lost. Because I knew I was sorry, fighting was stupid, especially when we only had days left together.

I'd call him once I was in my room, I told myself mentally as I pushed open the door and stepped in. As usual, the room was pitch dark but for some reason, I liked it and didn't bother to turn on the light. Maybe it was because it looked how I felt, dark and dull. Or maybe it was because I was losing my mind, who knew?

Dropping my handbag to the floor, I sat down on the edge of my bed and dialed Jacob's number.

"I left it at home," his voice whispered behind me.

In my state of fright, I jumped off the bed and turned to look at him. He was laying beneath the covers, propped up on his elbow and in the darkness, all I could make out were his eyes. His beautiful, deep-set eyes.

"Jacob you.. you frightened me," I gasped out, hand to my chest.

"It wasn't my intention," he replied, no trace of humor in his usually jolly voice.

Still not bothered to turn on the light, I moved back towards the bed and climbed in next to him. He smelt of the woods, a scent that told me that's where he'd been spending a lot of his time lately. But I wasn't angry with him for ignoring me, I was too upset to feel anything but misery.

Reaching for his face, I pressed my palm to his unshaved cheek and stared into his eyes. "What are you doing here, Jake?"

"To see you, obviously," he said, sounding irritated by my question.

Taking my hand away from his face, I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for hurting you, upsetting you, lying to you, I'm sorry for making these past months a misery for you. You don't deserve it, you deserve better, much better. I'm so sorry."

For what seemed like forever, Jacob remained still and silent by my side. Usually this meant he was digesting whatever I'd said to him, but I couldn't help but worry that he was angry with me. Especially after all we'd been through.

"Are you sorry for leaving me tomorrow?" he asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"I am, Jake."

"Then why, why are you, are you-" he broke off with a growl and then jumped out of the bed.

I could hear him pacing the room, so I turned on my side to watch him. In the darkness, I could make out that he was naked, since all I could see was his glowing skin. Which meant that he wasn't in good form. He never bothered dressing or shaving when he was upset. In fact, he never bothered with anything, which would explain why he hadn't come up to see me.

"I'm going because it's the right thing to do," I told him.

"The right thing to do?" he said exasperatedly, running both hands through his hair. "How is that the right thing to do? How? When I'm here? You're rejecting me, Nina! You're going against everything that's right. You're completely refusing the imprint. Don't you see that if you leave, we're both going to be in pain? Or will I be the only one, huh? You don't seem too upset…"

Unable to take his accusations any more, I slipped out of the bed and walked right up to him. "I don't seem too upset? How could you possibly know what I'm going through? You can't read my mind! And just to let you know, I'm dying inside, okay? It's killing me!"

With a roll of his eyes, he turned his face away. "Right."

"Jacob!" grabbing hold of his chin, I turned his face back to mine. "Don't do that, don't look away-"

"I can't look at you, Nina!"

"Excuse me?"

"I can't, I just can't, it's written all over you; leaving, lying, hurting, everything, it's all over you. You're stained."

Throat tightening, I could feel tears well in my eyes. "Stained? Am I not good enough for you anymore then? Is that why you're here? To break up with me?"

When he didn't say anything, I continued.

"Every day," I said, fighting back my tears. "Every single day I imagine marrying you. I see myself walking down the aisle towards you, and you're so handsome standing there, that I'm wonderstruck for a moment. I see us say our vows and the joy in our eyes because we know that the life ahead of us will be spent together. You want me, as much as I want you, and I can tell in the way that you kiss me, that you're so in love with me. Like how I'm so in love with you. Our child would be there… looking so like you. So beautiful… and yet you stand here, making it out that I don't give a damn? Why Jacob? Why, after all we've been through?"

"Because you're leaving me here in La Push, a place I'll be forever bound to, a place I can't ever leave for longer than a week. You're the only thing that keeps me sane, keeps me from losing my mind. I was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown before you entered my life, I've never told you that, because it was too depressing for me to talk about…" his voice broke, but he carried on. "And you know I wish I could go, leave for somewhere with bigger dreams, somewhere I could do something with my life. But I can't, because of who I am, and I hate that so fucking much." Tears began to roll down his cheeks, glistening in the darkness and I ached to wiped them away. "I can hear her heartbeat in your tummy and every time it rings in my ears, I die a little inside thinking of how I'm supposed to be a good father to her. Going to college, getting an education- that's impossible for me to do and so I'm jobless and worthless and a complete failure. I'll always be nothing, Nee. All I have to offer you is myself."

He broke down then, falling to his knees and burying his face in his hands as he cried his heart out. Shoulders shaking from the sobs that raked his body. I'd never seen him so miserable, so resigned, and it was tearing me apart to see him that way. A person like him didn't deserve any of that, he deserved happiness and prosperity. Deserved a life full of goodness. He deserved to choose what he wanted. And I wished that I could make that happen for him, I really wished that.

Bending down, I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him to my chest. I could feel his warm tears soaking my dress as he wound his arms around me, holding me desperately. Just like a child.

Resting my cheek on the top of his head, I spoke softly to him. "Jake, you'll never be nothing to me, you're my everything and you're not worthless. Look at what you do, you protect people from evil and risk your life by doing so, do you know how great that is? And about being bound to La Push, I know it may seem awful to you and that there are so many things you could do with your life if you weren't a shape-shifter. But this is what you do best, Jake. And when I come back, I'll never leave you again. Your life will change then, you'll have me and our child and life won't seem so empty anymore. She'll love you, you know, you'll be such a great father to her, I know you will."

"What if you don't come back…" he whispered, trailing off at the end.

"Don't say that," I told him, hating the thought. "I'd never leave you, I'd never do that."

"But what if? What if you couldn't come back?"

Holding him tighter against me, I pressed my lips to his soft hair. "Then you'd come to me, wouldn't you?"

"I would, I'd do anything for you, Nee. As long as you want me, I'd do absolutely anything."

"I'll always want you, Jake."

"Do you want me now?"

"Yes."

"I want you now, too."

Later that night, after we made sweet love to each other, I lay upon his chest and made a vow to myself that I wouldn't fall asleep. I wouldn't waste a second of our last hours together by sleeping, I'd only spend them fully with him. Of course I would've preferred to be alone with him somewhere else instead of my own home, but I had to put up with it for just that last once.

"That's so sad, Jake," I said, running my hand down his arm as tears welled in my eyes.

He was telling me the full story of when he ran away after receiving a wedding invitation from Bella. The pain and heartbreak he had gone through, and the sorrow that the pack had to feel every time they phased. No wonder they weren't too fond of Bella Swan, she had lead their Alpha on and broke his heart. What kind of girl would do that to such a great guy?

"What would you do if I ran away right now?" he asked me.

Looking up into his face, I told him the truth. "I'd run after you."

His eyes sparkled. "But then you wouldn't be able to go to Seattle, because you'd be out in the wilderness, searching for days."

"Days? What if I got eaten by some wild animal?"

"Oh, I'd keep my eye on you."

"But when I'd find you, I'd have to follow my mom and brother."

"Well, what if I… got lost? And we were stuck in the wilderness for years. Then what?"

"Then we'd have to live like early-man, wouldn't we?"

"Yeah, and we'd have lots of babies."

"And they'd all be like Tarzan." I giggled.

"But seriously," he said. "Imagine being with me meant that you had to live out in the wilderness, just like that. Would you do it?"

"Jacob, I'd sacrifice everything for you. I love you."

It occurred to me then, by the questions he asked and the look on his face, that Jacob doubted my feelings for him. He was insecure and hopeless, needing me to reassure him that what I felt for him was deep and very, very true. I knew instantly that it was Bella Swan that had done that to him, and I silently cursed her for doing so. How could she have made him believe that he had a chance when all along she knew that he hadn't? How could she?

"I love you more," he said, running a rough finger down my cheek. "So much more."

"No, you love me as much as I love you. More is impossible, because our love is stronger than love in itself. There should be another word for it, but I guess we'll just have to stick with love won't we?"

Smiling, he tilted his head to the left. "But I feel I love you more, Nee. I'm about to combust with all the love I have for you."

"Jacob, please."

"Please?"

"You can't love me more, our love for each other is equal."

A look crossed his face, one I couldn't put my finger on. "But I'm just Jacob…"

"And?"

"And there isn't much to love about me. I have a temper, I'm moody, I get jealous a little too much, I'm talentless, I'm… I'm a hairy animal. There's an endless list."

Moving up his body, I placed both my hands on each side of his face and gazed into his eyes. "None of what you just said is true, none of it. There's so much to love about you, so very much. Like how you're the nicest, friendliest guy I know. How you're so thoughtful, so helpful and so selfless. How out of everyone I know, you have the biggest heart. You're also a shape-shifter and the alpha of a pack. The alpha, Jake! And you're beautiful both inside and out. And I'm so happy I'm going to have your baby. I love you so much."

Jacob let out a sigh, before leaning up and pressing his soft lips to mine.

He kissed me gently.

Held me tightly.

Entered me slowly.

And made love to me one last time.