Chapter 26: Forget Me Not
"Nina, please don't go. I'm begging you. Please." He held my shoulders tightly. "For me."
"Jacob, I'm so s-sorry," I whispered.
"Please, oh please, I need you, please. You're my everything, I'll make things work. I swear. Just give me some time."
Unable to hold back anything anymore, I burst into tears. "I p-promise I'll come b-b-back in t-two months, Jake. I promise."
"I can't.. I can't, Jesus, I just can't believe you Nina."
"Oh Jacob."
Overcome with all the emotions that were playing inside of me, I swayed with dizziness and saw the world turn black. Jacob, of course, noticed this in a second and took me into his arms, holding me against his heaving chest. A sign that he was fighting back the urge to phase, which did not happen very often…
Sitting down on the edge of my bed, he rocked us back and forth, and sang a beautiful Quileute song to me in a voice so soft it was hard to tell it belonged to him. It was soothing and soon, I felt my dizziness disappear, only to be replaced with calmness.
"I want to see you grow bigger with our child," he said, after finishing his song. " I want to be there when you feel her kick for the first time. I want to be there when you're too sick to get out of bed, so I can look after you. I want to be there when your waters break and I so want to be there when you're giving birth. I want to be with you throughout the whole pregnancy, Nee."
Running my fingers through his long, silky hair that fell over his shoulders, I said. "You mightn't be there for the first kick, but you'll be there for the rest, I promise. I wouldn't lie to you, Jake."
"You've lied once before…"
"That was.. it was unintentional, but it won't happen again. I swear. I won't let you down."
"Nina! The taxi is here, hurry up!" my mother called from downstairs.
Jacob's arms tightened around me, not wanting to let go. "Stay."
"I can't, Jake."
"Please."
"Jake."
"Marry me."
Those two words left me speechless. "I.. are you… serious?"
He nodded. "Will you?"
"But we can't just get married-"
"Yes we can, we can do it tomorrow if you want. It's a simple process."
"Have you even got a ring?"
"I do," he said, looking away. "It was my mother's."
"Jake, you don't have to use her-"
"I know I don't, but you're more than worth it. So tell me, will you?"
"Oh my god, Jacob, it's too soon, I'm confused, I don't know what to say."
"Just say yes."
"Nina! Get down here already, we're leaving!" my mother called once again, sounding angry.
Climbing off his lap, I stood between his legs and held his face in my hands. "I'll marry you when I come back."
"No!" he cried, gripping my hips tightly. "No, it's too far away. Marry me tomorrow. And we can stay at my house as a married couple for a while until I find us a place to live. I'll be your husband, Nina. Your parents can't do anything."
"Jacob, we can't do that, it's too rushed. Please, let me go and I promise I'll come home to you in two months. I love you, Jake. I love you so much, so, so much. I even packed your shirt and your jeans and I'm going to wear them in my room and think of you-"
"Thinking is not enough! We need each other, for real. I need to touch you, to know you're next to me, I need to love you, protect you- oh god dammit, I need all of you. Stay here, please."
"I have to go, Jake."
Squeezing his eyes shut, he let out a shaky breath and released me. His face turning a dark shade of red and his naked body quivering with frustration, causing the bed to creak under his weight. This was my chance to go, he was giving me it, but I had to do one last thing before I went.
Bringing his face to mine, I pressed my lips to his and kissed him deeply.
"I'll see you soon, my Jacob. I love you."
Waking up with a fright, I looked around me and breathed a sigh of relief to find that it was only a just dream. A reoccurring dream that was actually a memory of my last morning in La Push. It had been plaguing me ever since I had left, reminding me of how I had broken yet another promise to him. He had been right, he was always right, I was a liar. A complete and utter liar.
I had promised him right then and there that I would come home to him after two months. And when those two months came, I had packed my bags and told my mother that I was leaving. But she knew all along that I was pregnant and refused to let me leave. Telling me that if I ran home to Jacob, I'd have no money and no place to stay. Exactly the reasons why I'd left La Push in the first place.
But had I bothered to look for employment or even an education? No. I sat around my house like a couch potato, feeling nauseous and miserable. Crying was something I did a lot, I was just so emotional, and I wanted Jacob. I needed him so badly. I yearned for him to come to me and look after me like he'd said he would.
However, I didn't deserve that, did I?
We called each other every day, usually more than once every twenty-four hours. He updated me on his life, informing me that he had found himself a job in Port Angeles, carving all sorts of things. I would've thought he'd have looked for a mechanical job again, but it turned out that it wasn't something he pictured himself doing in the long-run. I was so happy for him, but at the same time I was also sad. Jacob really would do anything for me and he listened to every word I said. He had got himself a job and he was even looking around for accommodation. And what had I done? Nothing.
By the way things looked, there was no point in my ever leaving La Push if I wasn't going to do anything with my life. Of course, I had the pregnancy excuse, but that wasn't the whole reason. The main reason was that I hadn't got any will power when I was away from Jacob. And yet I was the one who had said to him that things would be fine, that we'd be able to sort out ourselves. Hah! I was all talk but no action.
So when he asked me when I was coming home, I didn't know what to say at first. But lying wasn't an option, was never going to be an option again, I would never intentionally lie to Jacob. So I told him the truth; that my mother was against the idea of a pregnant me leaving when I hadn't got a penny or accommodation.
And what did he say?
"You mean you're not coming… you didn't even get a job or.. or… oh Jesus Christ… Nina!"
I was so ashamed and so embarrassed. I even packed my bags for the third time and began to leave for La Push when Joey caught me. And for the first time in his life, he said something helpful to me.
"Nina, mommy said you can't leave when you ain't got any money. And- and, Kyle's mommy is looking for someone to help out at the café. You should go, she'll take you."
Kyle was Joey's new best friend, he lived in the same apartment building as us. And his mommy was called Natasha: a woman who took me on as a waitress at their very own café, Berry's.
The pay was good, considering it was a popular place with so little employers. And after a month, I found myself fully engrossed in my job. Because of my friendliness, I even got really good tips, but I never ever spent a penny of what I earned. It was locked up in the safe in my room, and in my eyes it was Jacob's.
"Am I supposed to congratulate you?" he asked when I called him, two-weeks after I got the job.
"Jacob, I'm sorry, I really am and I don't deserve your forgiveness. But the pay is really good and I'm saving, I haven't spent a dime. It's all for us, you, me and the baby-"
"By the way you've let me down, I doubt I'll ever see the baby."
"Oh my god," I gasped.
"It's been three months since I've seen you, you know."
Swallowing back my hurt, I said. "Come to Seattle, I want to see you."
"You want to see me? so you're saying it's only now that you want to-"
"Jacob! Please.. stop. Come see me, please. I miss you so bad, I want you. And I'm bigger now, six months and a half, I want you to see me. Please."
After a moments silence, he spoke. "When?"
"Monday, I'm free on Monday!" I beamed.
Monday came, but Jacob never did. I cried and cried and cried until there were no tears left. My mother even went out especially to buy me ice-cream, while Joey made a few stops to my room and stared at me worriedly. No one knew what to say to me, not even my mother. All she said was that she wondered whether my nausea was from my pregnancy or from being away from Jacob.
The following Saturday, as I closed up the café and began my walk home in the cold night, I was startled to hear a familiar voice next to me.
"Nina."
Whipping my head around to the source of the voice, I almost fainted to see him standing there dressed in a white t-shirt, faded jeans and dirty boots. The neon-lit sign from a store next to me giving him a blue glow as he leaned against his motorcycle, arms crossed over his broad chest.
I fell in love again.
"Jacob," I choked out, body paralyzed from the shock of seeing him. "Jacob."
He extended a hand out towards me. "Come."
Reminding myself to move, I took his inhumanly warm hand and took a few steps towards him until we were only inches apart.
"I… " looking down at my round tummy, I continued. "I've only got less than three months left… um, I don't know what to name… I was just coming home from work. I've got a late shift-"
"Oh, Nee," he whispered and pulled me into his arms. Kissing the top of my head repeatedly as he squeezed me affectionately. "I love you."
I cried against his chest then, so happy that my knight in shining armor was there. I had missed him so very much.
He took me back to his motel, informing me on the way that he was leaving in the morning. Although I would've wished he would stay forever, I accepted what he told me because having him for a few hours was better than not having him at all.
Sitting down on the edge of the double bed, he pulled me towards him and unbuttoned my shirt. At first I wasn't sure what his true intentions were, but when he let the yellow shirt fall to the floor and gazed down at my tummy with sparkling eyes, I knew that was what he wanted to see.
"You're so beautiful, Nee," he told me, feeling all around the pale globe. "Our baby is in there, can you believe it? she's actually in there. It's amazing."
I combed my fingers through his long locks of hair and smiled to myself with joy as he kissed and kissed and kissed my round tummy. His lips felt so soft against my skin, so soothing, I never wanted him to stop. That was one of the things I was missing out on by being away from him.
"I can't stop eating, Jake," I said, as he trailed his kisses northwards. "She takes after you."
He chuckled and looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. "Are you calling me fat?"
"Oh, you could never be fat. Never. And even if you were, it wouldn't make a difference. It's who you are on the inside that counts."
Climbing onto his lap with extra carefulness, I wrapped my arms around his neck and captured his lips in a kiss that was long overdue. Our tongues sought each other and danced together sensually, like always. I realized that missing him wasn't even close to how I felt when he wasn't around, it was more like I was deprived of him. And to have him for just a night, reminded me of what a good thing I had.
My hands flew to the hem of his t-shirt, but his large ones covered mine and wanted to do the job instead. The roughness of his fingers didn't escape my notice, so I broke our kiss and brought one of his hands up for inspection.
"Jacob, why aren't you healing?" I asked, staring at the scabby, fleshy, fingers.
"I don't know," he said thoughtfully. "Sam says it's because I hardly phase anymore, dad says it's because my imprint is too far away for me to function properly."
"What do you believe?"
"My mind says the phasing thing, my heart says the imprint thing. I really don't know."
"Well, I'll make them better for you," I said, and sucked on each finger one by one.
Watching me, his eyes darkened and darkened until they were completely black with lust. Full lips parted as he breathed in gasps. Salty sweat rolling down his temples, a sign that his body temperature had risen.
Jacob made love to me that night aggressively, for the very first time.
At six in the morning, he arose to take a shower and dress for his departure. But this time around it wasn't him that couldn't take my leaving, it was me that couldn't take his leaving. It was just too hard.
"Why didn't you beg me to come back with you?" I asked, still naked under the sheets.
Pulling on his t-shirt, he shrugged. "I give up."
"Give up?" sitting upright on the bed, I narrowed my eyes at him. "What do you mean, give up?"
"You'd say no, Nina. And this time, I'm not going to plead. I've done that enough already. Whenever you want to come back, just turn up and no one's hurt."
Mouth ajar in shock, I climbed out of the bed and walked up to him. "So if I decided to stay here for… ten years, you wouldn't care?"
"Nope."
"You're lying," I said.
He bit down on his lip, looked me up and down and then grabbed my forearm, pulling me right up to him so that he could peer into my face. "Of course I'm lying! You think I'd just change my outlook on things in what? two days? Have you asked yourself why I never turned up last Monday? Let me tell you why, because I was afraid that I'd have a complete mental breakdown when I returned to La Push without you. It's one thing being away from you, but it's another having to see you again and then having to leave."
"Then stay here and once I've saved up enough money to get us going for a while, we'll go back."
"Nina! Just shut the hell up for once, okay? Money, money, money, it's all you ever think of. Money can't buy you happiness, did you know that? If you want me, come home with me right now."
"Jacob, I can't."
"Fine." He released me and bent down to tie his laces. "I won't ask you again."
"Jacob, I just want to finish the month and then I'll come."
"Is that another lie of yours?"
Placing my hand on his back, I said honestly. "No, it's not. I'll never ever let you down again."
Instead of saying anything, he just shook his head and stood up. Walking away from me so he could comb his long, shiny hair. I yearned to wrap my arms around his waist and hold him close to me, but I knew that that wasn't what he yearned. So I kept my distance and busied myself by taking a shower and dressing. It didn't take long for the goodbye moment to arrive.
"So…" he began, hand on the door knob, facing away from me. "I guess I'll see you."
"Jacob, I'm not Bella, okay?"
After a moment's hesitation, he turned around. "What do you mean?"
"I'm not some girl that used you and lead you on, all the while she was in love someone else. Okay? I would never use you. You're my other half and I'll always be yours. Hell, if I could give you my heart right now I would. And I know I'm nowhere near perfect, I mess up, I break promises and all of that, I know, but at the end of the day I'm yours. No one can ever take me away from you. So don't treat me like I'm going to run away with some vampire and leave you all alone, like you meant nothing to me. You mean everything to me, Jacob. I'm sorry I'm taking so long trying to earn money, I am. I'm just terrified I won't be able to support our baby, I just…" tears sprung from my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away. "I just want to be the perfect mother. Please don't treat me like Bella. I love you more than words can say."
Lowering his eyes with shame, Jacob walked over to me and captured me in his arms. The heat from his body burning through my shirt and melting into my body as our hearts beat together as one. In his embrace I felt safe, I felt I belonged somewhere and that somewhere was always going to be with him. And even though he was leaving, I promised myself that I would stay strong until the day I returned home to him came. It was so worth the wait.
Pressing his lips to my forehead, he spoke softly to me. "Bella isn't even half the woman you are, Nee. I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. Forgive me. I love you. You're all I ever wanted."
When Jacob and I said our goodbyes, I didn't look back as he sped off in the other direction. That would've only made me feel worse. So I walked home with my hands on my tummy, thinking only of him, our unborn child and the future we were going to have together.
Another three weeks passed and as I packed away most of my belongings, I couldn't help but feel sad. Living with my parents was all I had ever known and when they had decided to go their separate ways, it did feel very strange without my father around. So leaving my mother and Joey wouldn't be easy. Especially with them living hours away from La Push. I loved them.
When I told mother about my decision to leave, she cried. This surprised me because we weren't close and although I knew she loved me, I didn't think she'd miss my presence around the house. But she proved me wrong when she told me that she adored me and that she was sorry for not making much effort on our relationship. She admitted that she dedicated too much of her time on my father and never listened to her own thoughts, but his. And even though she wished that I was her little girl forever, she was willing to let me go, if that was the one thing she did in her life that made me happy.
"Your father loves you too, Nina. I know that you probably doubt that sometimes because he's vey bossy and doesn't approve of you dating boys he thinks are older than you. You just have to accept the fact that he's old fashioned and not very good at showing affection. Look at it this way, he wouldn't call everyday if he didn't love you and your brother, would he? Because he certainly doesn't want to speak to me." she smiled.
I knew what she was saying was true, but I couldn't stop myself from asking her a question that was tormenting me for weeks. "But mom, he never… he never congratulated me on my pregnancy or anything. You did tell him, didn't you?"
"Nina…" she trailed off, the smile vanishing from her face.
It turned out she didn't tell him, why? Because she feared his reaction. That was the problem with mother, she feared everything. So I had to tell him myself, as much as I hated the idea.
"I'm great, thanks. Yourself?"
"Ah, not too bad, hon, not too bad. Just missing you both is all."
"Well um… dad, I have some news."
"Good or bad?"
Gripping the phone tighter in my hand, I bit down on my lip. "I don't know how you'll look at it."
"Then just go ahead and tell me, I'm listening."
"I… I'mEightMonthsPregnant."
"Excuse me?"
"You didn't… hear?"
"Oh I did alright."
Was that it? I asked myself. Was that all he had to say?
"Dad, I know you're mad and I'm sorry I always seem to do the wrong thing in your eyes, but I'm keeping this baby, I love it and I'm going to raise it with Jacob."
"Ah, Jacob Ephraim Black. You know he phoned me two months ago, I haven't a clue how he got hold of my number because you certainly didn't give it to him. Anyway, we had a little talk and he mentioned your pregnancy and warned me not to say one bad word to you concerning it. I was wondering when you, my own daughter, was going to break the news to me. I was starting to think you wouldn't."
I was completely frozen. "Jacob.. called you?"
"Yes, Nina. Didn't he tell you?"
"No…"
"Well you ask him about it, alright? I better be going."
"But-"
"Goodbye, say hello to Joey for me."
Eight-months and two-weeks pregnant, my tummy was huge and my daughter wouldn't stop kicking and punching. Not that I knew for sure that it was a girl. Whenever I went for a check-up, I insisted that I didn't want to be told. I wanted it to be a surprise. But I felt that Jacob was right, that it was a girl. He was always right.
Gathering all my savings, I called on my mother and Joey to help carry down my two heavy suitcases. I was too tired to do anything, save talk to Jacob on the phone. He didn't know I was leaving on a Thursday though, because I lied to him intentionally. But it was done with good intentions. I just wanted to surprise him.
Saying goodbye to my mother was hard, but I promised her I'd visit if she promised she'd do the same. But saying goodbye to Joey was harder, because he was my little brother, the baby of the house and I loved him dearly.
What kept me strong was knowing that I would see them again, because unlike Isabella Swan, I chose life.
"Oh My goodness," I whispered as the taxi pulled up outside Jacob's.
"Sorry?" the taxi man asked, staring at me through the rearview mirror.
Smiling, I handed him the fair. "Nothing, nothing at all."
But it was far from nothing, Jacob had finally turned his garage into a cottage. From the outside it looked small with equally small windows and a narrow front door which was red in color. The house itself was painted brown, giving it that cozy look that I loved. There was no porch, nor was there a path that lead up to it, but to me it was fucking perfect.
With extra effort, I threw a bag over my shoulder and wheeled the other two towards the cottage. I knew, the minute I saw it, that it would be my new home. That Jacob and I would make so many memories there, and that our unborn child would probably grow up there, surrounded by so many good people. Oh, I was already in love with the place. I wanted to jump up and down with joy, I really did.
Just as I suspected, the door was unlocked so I let myself in. A smile broke out on my face when I took in my surroundings. It was so small inside. There was no hallway, just a living-room/kitchen area which was decorated nicely. Wheeling my bags towards the two doors at the back wall, I found that the left one opened up into a tiny bathroom and the one next to it lead me into the only bedroom in the house. Of course, I deposited my bags there and stood in the middle of the room, looking all around it.
Unlike the living-room/kitchen area and the bathroom, the bedroom was decorated simply. A double bed lay up against the wall in the centre of the room, with just a white sheet thrown over it, nothing more. The walls themselves were painted a light gray and the floor was covered with a dark grey carpet. A wardrobe was fitted into the corner of the room and a dressing table was placed right next to the door. Leaving an empty space by the corner near the end of the bed. What it was for, I had no idea. But I suspected Jacob had decorated the bedroom.
Feeling sweaty and hyper, I took a much needed shower in a bath-tub I knew was mine. Gone were the days Joey or mother or even my father would come knocking on the door, telling me to hurry up because they needed the bathroom. It was wonderful, oh it was so wonderful.
I finally understood the meaning of home sweet home.
When I dressed and peeped outside the window for Jacob, there was no sign of him, so I decided to unpack.
I knew that I could call him and tell him I was home, finally. But I wanted.. no I had to, surprise him. He'd be so happy to see me and I'd be thrilled to see him and it'd just be the best surprise ever. So unexpected, so abrupt, exactly how I wanted.
But hours later, when the clock struck eight, I grew tired of waiting and worried that he would never come to me. Not even turning on the lights so that he'd see the glow from the windows outside had him running to our little cottage. Perhaps, he wasn't around? I asked myself. Or perhaps he was patrolling?
Patrolling he was, I found him near Second Beach, apparently they'd smelt something.
"Nina!" he called, joyful. Running towards me while he tried to button his shorts, failing every time. "Nina! Is that you?"
"Well I'd like to think so," I teased, heart racing in my chest. He was even more beautiful than I remembered.
Lifting me off my feet, he twirled me round and round until I couldn't take it anymore. All the while he laughed and sighed my name, sounding so relieved that I'd finally come back to La Push after all the times I postponed it.
"I saw what you did to the garage," I told him, wrapping my arms around his neck and smiling. "You have no idea how delighted I am with it, it's so pretty, so cozy. I can't believe you kept that a secret. But what a surprise it was, I can't wait to live there with you."
Pressing his forehead to mine, he grinned. "Well, I couldn't have my pregnant princess coming back to her wolf without a home waiting for her, could I?"
"You're home to me, Jake," I said softly.
"Oh well, that's your home's home.. if that makes any sense." He laughed. "Dad says we can move into his place when our child gets older, she'll need her own bedroom and there's only one in the cottage."
Feeling slightly disappointed, I drew my lips down. "But the cottage, I love it…"
"Aren't I your home, Nina?" he asked playfully, raising an eyebrow. "Aren't I? Aren't I? tell me I am? Tell me, tell me."
He was tickling my sides then and I fell, bum first, into the sand. Although I was laughing, I worried for a second, whether the baby was alright and Jacob seeing this, had him worrying too.
Falling to his knees in front of me, he touched my hugely round tummy. "It's okay, right? I didn't hurt it, did I? Do you feel okay?"
"Yeah." I nodded, placing my hand over his. "I'm fine- oh! Look! she kicked you! Ha ha!"
This brought a huge smile to his face and for the following ten minutes, he kept his palm on my tummy, hoping she would kick him again. Which she did, over and over and over.
On our way home, we walked hand-in-hand through the moon-lit woods, talking quietly to one another.
"Nina, I'm over the moon with joy that you're here to stay. Gosh, I wish I could yell and scream and wake the whole neighborhood up, just to let everyone know you're here where you belong. This has got to be one of the best days of my life."
"So I did surprise you, like really surprise you?"
"Of course! Jeez, Nee, I thought I'd lost my mind when I smelt you near."
"Lucky I walked to the right place."
"Well," he started in a more serious tone. "I didn't really like how you wandered the beach alone at a late hour, especially being pregnant and all. You never know what could be lurking in the woods. But I'll forgive you just this once."
"Oh, Jacob!" I said, suddenly. Stopping in my tracks and throwing my arms around his naked waist. "I missed you so much, it was miserable without you. I couldn't wait for this day."
He chuckled when I began to kiss his broad chest and started to smooth his hand over my hair. "Did you think of me all the time? And dream of me?"
"Yes," I said, honestly. "Did you?"
"I was haunted by you, Nina. You weren't just in my mind, you were everywhere. Sometimes I'd think I'd hear you, sometimes I'd think I smelt you. I even woke up during the first month you were gone, reaching out for you in my bed. Thinking you were there. You drove me crazy."
Tilting my head back, I locked my eyes on his glittering ones. "Jacob, I know you love me and all, but… never mind, I'm being silly."
"What?" he asked, gripping my wavy hair. "What is it? Speak."
"Nothing, nothing, forget it."
"Nina."
Sighing, I finished what I started. "I've never loved before and when I met you, everything fell into place. You were the one. It was easy for me, I never suffered heartbreak or rejection. And I forget sometimes, that you did. There are times I wonder about you, remembering everything you told me about Bella, how much you loved her and cared for her. You took risks for her, Jake. I mean you even ran away… and I wonder, if she had chosen you and then you had imprinted on me, would you have just pushed the feeling away and held onto her? You were crazy for her, Jake."
Letting go of my hair, he backed away from me and shook his head. "No, no I wouldn't have chosen her over you. I couldn't… that would've been impossible. Besides, she's nowhere near as good as you. Before, when I fell for her, love was new to me. I'd never felt it for any other girl and when it's new and amazing, you think that they're the one. That they're special. And it took me a long time to realize that she wasn't special, that she wasn't for me. I wasn't a normal teenager, well in the beginning I was, but that didn't last long.. I didn't do normal teenager things, I was patrolling, I was transforming into a gigantic wolf, I was killing vampires. I had no time for girls and so Bella was the only female I spent any time with.
"She knew my secret, which made things easier and she accepted me for who I was. That in itself meant a lot to me and because Edward left, I thought I had a chance. You see that's where I was so wrong and that's what had me falling harder for her each time. And Bella, she lead me on, when she shouldn't have. It was gone too far though and I was hooked, I wanted her, I loved her, I would've done anything for her. But then she finally made it clear that I really had no chance, it hit me all at once when I received her wedding invitation and after that I was.. broken. I ran away, only to come back for her wedding. She upset me there, you know, telling me she wanted a 'human experience' with Edward on their honeymoon before she was turned.
"I mean you don't say that..it's wrong, it's sick, but she did and I lost control. And you know what? because she did that, she got pregnant with a mutant baby and almost died during the pregnancy. I swear, it was so scary, her home had turned into a freaking hospital. Her body… bruised and just, ugh, it was wrong in so many ways. But she still wanted it, can you believe it? She refused to get it taken out of her. The things she did for Edward, for a part of him, I mean I don't even know how he could still create sperm, I really don't. Anyway, I gave up completely when she gave birth to a daughter named Renesmee. I looked at her and saw for the very first time, that her and I were never meant for each other. She may have made a good friend to me, but that was it, we weren't compatible otherwise. Her and I saw things differently.
"I was upset though, I felt so lonely and broken. I even believed that I would never imprint and thought I'd be alone forever. Now and then I'd visit the Cullen's, but it wasn't the same. Because I no longer wanted Bella, so there was really no point in my visiting. Then my final year at school started, and I told myself that I'd work my hardest, make my dad proud of me. After all, he loved me, it was someone. So one day I wake up, shower, dress and wow, it's sunny outside. I feel good for some reason, I feel hopeful and then during my English lesson, I realize I forgot my pen and my pencil and my sharpener and everything. I was really angry with myself and kind of embarrassed, and so I asked this girl for an extra pencil. And boom! I had finally found the one I was searching for. You. No one could ever take your place, Miss Nina O'Neil. You're made for me and I for you. And Bella has nothing on you, Nina. I know that you wouldn't have done the things she's done. Because you're better than that, you're a part of me. My other half. Never doubt my deep feelings for you. I'm madly in love with you. And I'll never stop loving you. Never."
The world stopped turning and I stood standing there in front of him, gazing at the one I love. He was all I could see, all I could hear, all I could breathe. It felt exactly how they described imprinting, except I knew that it wasn't that, it was love. True love. The kind every girl searches for and is told doesn't exist, except in fairytales. I could feel it rushing through my veins, pumping my heart, keeping me alive. And I could see that he was the source of that feeling and without him, life wouldn't be worth living.
Jacob took a step forward and I took one in return. We were so close, yet so far away. I wanted to consume him and he wanted to devour me. Both were impossible, but there were things that could make up for them, things that made us feel content for a while.
In the magic moment, he bent down and brushed his lips over mine. While I grabbed onto his strong shoulders, holding him in place. I parted my lips for him and he kissed me slowly, sensually, letting us both savor the moment. His hands gravitating towards my tummy, feeling all around the bubble which held the proof of our love. Which would soon come into the world and be cherished by parents that would love it endlessly.
I gasped into his mouth when I felt the water pour out of me.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly, breaking the kiss to search my eyes.
"My waters broke," I told him in barely a whisper.
His jaw dropped and taking a step back, his eyes widened. "Oh my god."
"I'm not due for another two-weeks."
"It's alright," he said, taking my hand. "We just need to get you-"
But my loud moaning drowned out his voice, a terrible pain suddenly hitting me. I could feel his hands on my forearms, holding me up as I doubled over. While I held my tummy, willing the pain to go away.
When I glanced up at his face, I could see through my teary eyes that he had paled and was in shock. Not what I needed in such a serious situation. If only there had been time for me to get to a hospital, I would've had him take me. But the baby was coming. I could feel it.
"Nee, lay down," he told me, his voice faltering. "Lay down on the ground."
Despite the pain, I did as I was told with a little help from him and lay down. I was so worried that things were going to go all wrong. All I could think about was my baby. My baby, my baby, my baby.
Leaning over me, he pressed a kiss to my cheek. "It's going to be alright, I promise."
"Jacob, the baby!"
Hushing me, he pushed the hair from my face and held my gaze. "I promise you, I won't let anything happen to her."
My moan turned into a scream then, and I knew it was only a matter of time before the baby would be born.
The hospital room was crowded with familiar faces. Billy Black was there, Sue Clearwater, the whole entire pack and their imprints. My parents, Joey and Kara were really the only people missing. But that didn't bother me, because the two most important people in my life were right next to me. Jacob and Jacqueline.
I chose the name Jacqueline because it reminded me of Jacob and anything related to Jacob meant more to me. So to be able to call my first born a name similar to his, especially when shortened to Jackie, would be a great pleasure to me and of course, to him. Since he gave me one of those breathtaking smiles the instant I suggested the name. Gosh, I loved him so much.
Jacqueline was the definition of beautiful: the image of Jacob Black. Her dark brown eyes were outlined with thick, black lashes, exactly like her fathers. Her lips were very full and very perfect in shape, exactly like her father. Her skin was a lovely russet color, exactly like her father. And her hair was shiny black, exactly like her fathers. There was nothing in her that was like me, it was as though she inherited nothing from her mother. But I didn't mind at all, Jacob was by far better than me. He was beautiful, I was not.
And Jacob, he had actually delivered his own daughter in the middle of the woods. It had been such a scary experience for me, especially when I heard her first cries and realized that we'd have to call an ambulance.
I was just so afraid for her, for Jacqueline. I didn't want anything to go wrong. I wanted her to be healthy. I wanted Jacob to be happy.
Jacob was more than happy though, he was glowing. His dark eyes wide with wonder and love for his daughter as he cradled her to him and stared down at her. A broad smile on his face, teeth flashing white in the darkness. I watched the two most important people in my life meet one another for the first time with such joy. Although giving birth had been hard, it was well worth it.
Jacqueline was handed to me when Jacob had to make an emergency call to Forks hospital. Holding her was… indescribable. I never imagined that I'd have my own baby so soon in life, but I was thrilled. Over the moon. Elated. There really wasn't a word for it, I was just so proud to be her mother. So blessed that Jacob was her father. We'd give her the best life we could.
When the ambulance arrived and I was taken by stretcher, nearly the whole neighborhood came out to watch. I suppose it was funny when you thought about it, however my thoughts were too absorbed in Jacqueline that I hardly noticed.
"Well," Billy began after all the others had left. "I'm finally a grandfather, thought I'd never see the day."
"Bet you thought Rach and Paul were going to give you your first grandchild," Jacob said.
Billy chuckled. "Can't say I didn't."
Jacob stuck out his tongue, childishly. "Proved you wrong. Remember dad, age is just a number."
"Very true, son. You act exactly like you did when you were in diapers." He turned his gaze to me. "Nina, I'm afraid you've got yourself two children to look after, not one."
I laughed, despite my exhaustion and turned to look at Jacqueline.
She lay against Jacob's chest with her eyes closed and a thumb in her mouth, looking so tiny and so fragile. Her expression was a relaxed one and I could tell that she took a liking to her father. Then again, who couldn't? His sunny personality was contagious.
"Am I too hot for you?" he asked me, a little while after his father left. "Your face is flushed and you look like you could do with some sleep."
I smiled tiredly, squeezing his hand in mine. "You'll always be hot for me, Jake. But never too hot, because you're made for me remember?"
Pressing a kiss to my forehead, he slipped off the bed with Jacqueline in his arms. "I'll never forget, the only problem is that you don't realize when I'm burning you up. Poor Jackie here is probably roasting too, I'll set her down in her crib while you," he said pointedly, "get some rest. I'll still be here when you wake up, don't worry. Haven't got work tomorrow."
And he was still there when I woke up, asleep in the armchair next to the bed.
Speaking of beds, I was relieved when I was finally brought home and could rest in the comfy double bed Jacob and I would share. Not to mention, the room smelt lovely, a mixture of flowers and vanilla. Unlike the hospital, which mostly smelt of disinfectant.
"Is this better? Now that you're home and you don't have any nurses or doctors bothering you?" he asked as he tucked me into bed.
Reaching out to comb my fingers through his lush hair, I nodded happily. "Much better, thank you."
"Do you need anything?"
"No, I'm fine."
"Are you warm enough? Do you want me to get you more blankets?"
"I'm fine, Jake, really."
"Okay, well, um, you're not hungry are you? I'll try and-"
"Jacob, shush." I giggled, pressing a finger to his lips. "I'm great, really great. A little sore and mostly tired, but that's expected. So relax and do whatever you need to do. I'll let you know if I need anything."
He smiled that breathtaking smile of his and pulled away from me. "Alright, you do that, I'll just take a shower, but I'll check on Jackie first."
"You only just checked on her," I said.
"Pfft, that was like two minutes ago. Anyway-" he backed away from the bed. "-I'll see you in a bit, call me if you need anything. I'll hear you, thanks to my werewolf senses."
I smiled after him as he walked over to the crib in the corner of the room, cooed over Jacqueline and then made his way out. He loved her so much, never ever left her for over ten minutes unless he was working. She was all he spoke about and she was mostly all he thought about. Basically, Jacob was every girls dream guy. Tall, dark and handsome. Loves children. And intends to marry the one he loves. I was so lucky.
That night, when he came home from a quick patrol around the area, I was enveloped in one of his bear hugs and my collarbone was attacked with kisses so sweet, I could almost taste them.
"What are you doing up? And cooking? I told you I'd be back in ten minutes," he murmured against my skin, still kissing me.
"Jacob we both know you can't cook, besides it's fine, like I said I'm sore but I'm okay. I can stand here, you like crepes don't you?"
"I like anything you cook."
With a roll of my eyes, I chuckled. "There's a pair of shorts on the sofa, thought you might need them."
"Do you want to know if I need them?" he asked, huskily.
I covered my ears and turned back to the stove. "La, la, la, la, la. I didn't hear what you said. If you're a good boy you'll be gone by now and dressed. I'm hungry, that's all. And I'm tired and I'm going to bed after I eat."
And of course he was gone, the shorts had disappeared off the sofa and I could hear him talking to Jacqueline.
She had cried a lot when he was gone, it was crazy really, how she knew he wasn't around. However, I fed her and when she finally calmed down, I lay her down in her crib and rushed towards the kitchen so I could cook up something for myself and Jacob. I was unbelievably hungry. And there was no doubt he would be too.
When I had finally set the last crepe I fried on a plate, I set it down on the coffee table and called Jacob in. Unsurprisingly, he didn't come in immediately and I was on my third crepe when he finally sat down next to me on the sofa.
"Put her to sleep," he told me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
"She cried for you when you left." I smiled. "Don't ask me how she knew you were gone."
"Aw, I hate leaving her. She's just so tiny, so adorable and so beautiful. She's so good too. Precious little angel she is. We're blessed."
Leaning my head against his chest, I said. "Well it was bound to happen, her being an angel and all, when her father is you."
Looking down into my face, he grinned. "Do you really think that highly of me?"
"Of course!"
"You didn't see anyone in Seattle you liked better?" he asked, a nervous edge to his tone.
"No, impossible. Why would you ask me that?"
A blush colored his cheeks. "I don't know, I just wondered…"
I shook my head with disappointment. "Jacob, you have to stop feeling worthless-"
"I don't feel worthless-"
"Yes you do, Jacob," I said, leaning away from him and looking him dead in the eye. "Just because Bella rejected-"
"For crying out loud Nina, stop bringing up Bella! We already spoke about her the other night! She's not important!" he shouted.
Grabbing his face in my hands, I shook my head. "I know that, but I want this to stop right now. I want you to love yourself as much as I love you-"
Pushing my hands away, he jumped up off the sofa and walked away to stand by the window. "Go to bed, Nina," he said lowly.
"No," I whispered, sitting back against the sofa. "Not until you realize how special you are."
"Special? The only thing that's special about me is my handiness," he said sourly, staring out into the street.
"That's not true."
"It is and to be completely honest with you Nina, I don't know what you see in me."
Jacob was really lacking in confidence and I knew it was because of his life. His mother died when he was young, his father was crippled, his sisters moved away for college, he fell in love with a girl who didn't feel the same way and to top it all off, he discovered he was a shape-shifter. It seemed nothing ever went in his favor, except for imprinting and Jacqueline. And I wanted him to see that, I wanted him to know that we were his family too and that we'd never let him down. That he had to put the past behind him.
I began to bite on my nails, a habit I'd got myself into during my pondering in Seattle. "So if I told you I was leaving, because you didn't deserve me, you'd just accept that?"
"No," he mumbled, still staring out the window. "I wouldn't be able to, because I love you."
"But you'd still think that there's someone out there for me who's better than you?"
This time, he turned to look over at me. "I don't know."
With a sigh, I got up off the sofa and walked over to where he stood. "Jacob, do you really mean everything you've said? Do you really not see what I and everyone else sees in you? Do you really think that there might be someone better for me out there?"
"I don't know, Nina. I don't know anything, I'm confused, I'm… I'm-" he burst into tears then, his hands instinctively coming up to his face to shield them from me, while his shoulders shook with the force of his sobs.
I'd seen Jacob cry before, a couple of times, but those times mostly had to do with us. This, however, was different. I wasn't sure, but it seemed to me that he was depressed over something and that he was letting the misery take hold of him. Maybe he needed to be alone, maybe not, but I wasn't going to leave his side. Not when he needed a friend.
And maybe that was what he needed, a friend. I'd always thought of myself as his friend and we once were only friends. But after we took our relationship to the next level, we spent most of our time together loving one another and not really doing anything else.
Wrapping my arm around his waist, I took him back over to the sofa and sat him down next to me. And there, he lay his head down upon my lap and cried as I ran my fingers through his hair. I told him to cry, that it was better to let it out than to hold it in and he did just that. You couldn't really hear him cry, Jacob wasn't very loud, so I was almost positive Jacqueline wouldn't be disturbed.
We sat there for a good while, about twenty-five minutes to be exact, without saying a word to each other. Honestly, I could've sat there forever until he felt better. Anything for Jacob.
"I need to clear my head," he said eventually, removing himself from my lap and sitting upwards next to me.
Clearing my throat, I stood up and smiled down at him weakly. "Yeah sure, I'll just um, go brush my teeth and um, yeah." And then I was gone, rushing for the toilet despite the pain in my lower region.
Once inside, I shut the door and stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection. The need to cry was strong, very strong. Yet, I wasn't really sure why I wanted to cry. Seeing Jacob upset made me sad, of course it did, but I was supposed to be the supportive imprint. Not the weeping girlfriend. It just really upset me when he was laying there, crying his heart out. I felt so bad for him. And I desperately wanted to know why he was miserable.
Maybe that was it, maybe that was why I wanted to cry. Usually the imprint knows what's troubling her wolf, but I didn't and that was tormenting and upsetting. Especially after giving birth to a baby, I wasn't exactly headstrong.
Taking a deep breath, I switched off the light and left the bathroom.
Jacob was out the back, sitting on a log with his face in his hands. My heart broke again to see him that way. It was so sudden, so unexpected, he was happy an hour beforehand, why wasn't he anymore?
"Jake?" I said softly, sitting next to him and placing a hand on his burning back. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I've got nothing to say," he whispered, dropping his hands and turning to look at me. His eyes bloodshot with all the tears he cried.
I frowned. "You're just upset?"
"I'm not upset," he told me, voice hoarse. "I'm.. remorseful."
"Remorseful? Over what?"
He sighed. "Over my past. Everything was just so wrong, so miserable. Bad things happened and I couldn't do anything about them. Like my mom and my dad. I just.. I had to deal with things and put on a fake smile and pretend I was OK. When I wasn't."
"Oh Jacob," I said regretfully, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"Nina I was a good kid, I did everything I could for my dad and I was great with everyone. But inside it was killing me. Imagine having to see your dad crippled, Nina, it's awful. Not only that, but having to care for him twenty-four seven because no one else is around. I love my dad, you know I do, and I didn't mind looking after him, but it was hard work. It was stressful too. Sometimes I felt so old."
"I can imagine, Jake, I can. But honey, what brought this up? Did something happen? Is your dad OK?"
"He's fine, he's fine, it wasn't him that made me remember.. it was… it was just being a dad made me remember."
I bit my lip and diverted my gaze to the muddy ground. Although Jacob was physically twenty-five years old, mentally he was only eighteen and being thrust into a life with me and a child couldn't be easy for him. Not that he didn't enjoy having a daughter or having me around, he did, but at the same time it was a great responsibility. Even greater than being Alpha to a pack. No matter how prepared he thought he was.
"Nina," he said, taking my chin between his fingers and tilting my head upwards. "I love being a dad, don't think I don't, I didn't mean it that way-"
"No, Jacob, I understood you. Don't worry, I'm not upset or anything."
"But you're about to cry, there's tears in your eyes."
"Maybe I'm just… sad for you, Jake."
It was true, we were attached to each other by these invisible strings and we'd both feel whatever each one of us was feeling. Imprinting was a strange thing. It seemed to change slightly every now and then, as though it were getting stronger. Before, I'd feel for Jacob, but after coming back to him and having his daughter, I was beginning to feel like Jacob. What he felt I felt.
While I was thinking this through, he unexpectedly pressed his lips to mine and kissed me slowly. Putting meaning into the kiss. I always knew that he loved to be kissed, but I never thought it would be something that he'd want to do during hard times. In fact I hardly ever kissed Jacob when he was down, instead I kept my distance. Maybe that was wrong of me.
Responding to him quickly, I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him closer. He made a sound of approval in his throat before deepening the kiss, his tongue searching for mine. Jacob tasted like chocolate, sweet and addictive. I smiled against his lips because I could, because he'd understand, because I loved him.
We kissed for a long while, just sitting there on the log in complete darkness with our arms wrapped around each other. I didn't feel the ice-cold night air once, Jacob's heat had completely enveloped me, giving my body a flushed look to it. Our hearts beat as one and our lips moved in perfect synchronization. We were very connected in that moment, even more so than usual.
"Will you still hold me like this.. kiss me like this, when we're old?" I asked him breathlessly as we pulled apart.
His dazed eyes took on a wondrous look. "Old? Nina you'll never be old to me, no matter how much time passes and no matter how much you change. Inside you'll still be that girl I love and in your eyes I'll always see what I saw that first time our gazes met. Time doesn't mean a thing to me."
"You see things in such a beautiful way, Jake."
"Well, life is beautiful after you imprint. Just simply knowing that you've found your soul-mate is a gift. And now, having a child with you, it's just wonderful. This place we're in now, it's enchanted."
"Kiss me again," I whispered desperately.
The last kiss he gave me was when we retired to our bed that night. It was on the part of my neck he'd scared months ago, releasing feelings inside of me that I didn't need to feel at that moment. He knew what he was doing of course, I could feel him smile against my skin when I shivered.
"I'm going to take you away someday," he told me, burying his face into my hair and breathing me in. "Somewhere warm and beautiful, like you."
My cheeks burned. "I'm not-"
"Shush, you are. And when we go to that place, wherever that will be, I'll make you feel like you're the only girl in the world. I try to make you feel that way here, but it's difficult, with work and the pack and all. There, I will give you my full attention and all my love. I'll express my feelings for you more fully, more freely. Wait till you see."
"Jake." I smiled in the dark. "Since we have a baby now, that'll probably be years away. It's a lovely thought though. Really lovely."
"Maybe," he said softly, moving his lips to my ear. "It'll be sooner than that, life is full of surprises."
I rolled my eyes. "Pffft."
"No really, come daylight and you'll understand."
Behind me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me against his body. Our heart's beating as one.
And our future laying ahead of us.