Epilogue: Once Upon A Time

I was in the middle of washing the wooden floors in the hall when the back door slammed open and in walked Jacob with the same bitter expression on his face I'd been seeing for the past six weeks. He was soaked to the bone from the pouring rain outside and naked. Something I hardly noticed anymore since it was such a regular occurrence.

He stormed past me into the living-room, almost knocking me to my feet in the process and I could hear him slam his fist against the wall in anger.

Two months ago, Jacob told me he was going to stop phasing. That he was doing it because his twenty-sixth birthday was coming up and that he wanted to start aging with me. We both knew it wouldn't be an easy thing for him to do since he was alpha to the pack and the need to lead was very strong in his bones. But we never imagined it would be so hard that he couldn't last a week without phasing. It would just happen randomly, we could be at the park and he'd suddenly start convulsing. Jacqueline and Nile sometimes even pointed it out to me that their daddy was 'angry'. This in itself scared me senseless, I couldn't have the children around him when he wasn't in control of himself.

And although he wasn't actually 'angry' when he was about to phase, he was a very angry man lately.

The fact that he couldn't stop phasing really bothered him, it was the first thing on his mind in the morning and the last thing on his mind at night. He was driving himself insane with the desperation to stop. I even suggested he try next year, but all he did was shout at me. Pissed off with me for even thinking the idea.

Our house wasn't exactly the happiest in La Push.

Wiping my hands over my apron, I walked into the living room and found him sitting on the floor, back against the wall. Eyes hard as they stared off into nothing. "Jacob." I sighed. "Maybe you should just stop thinking about it so much. It'll eventually stop, you know that. Don't get so worked up about it."

His dark, watery eyes snapped up to mine. "Stop thinking about it so much? What are you? Blind? How am I supposed to stop thinking about it when I phase all the fucking time! you have no idea, no idea, what I'm going through."

"There's no need to talk to me like that," I said, looking away. "And you'll wake the kids."

"They're fine," he spat. "I just hope, oh I really hope, that Nile doesn't turn out like me. Hell, I hope Jacqueline doesn't either. Look at Leah… ugh."

Turning on my heel, I began to walk away from him. There really was no point in talking to him, we had the same conversation every day. He was too angry to get through. "Goodnight, Jacob."

When I made it into our bedroom, I shut the door softly behind me and began to undress. Silent tears streaming down my face. It wasn't that I was angry or hurt or sad, I was just miserable. I hated seeing him struggle and I hated how it was effecting our relationship. We hardly spoke, hardly saw each other and we didn't sleep together. The last time he made love to me was weeks ago. Which was a very, very depressing thing.

I knew that it wasn't because I disgusted him or anything. He loved me, just as much as he always did, but his mind was occupied with other things. Or should I say, phasing. And I wished that he could just stop. If he could do that, then things would go back to normal.

Switching off the lamp, I slipped into bed and lay down.

I dreamed I was seventeen again.

"Nina," a voice whispered into my ear, softly. "Nina, Nina, Nina….."

My eyes snapped open and I rolled onto my back, my gaze locking with Jacob's. "J-Jake?"

"I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that treatment from me," he said, pressed up against my side.

"It's OK," I told him, sleepily. Eyelids threatening to close.

He shook his head, cupping my cheek in his hand. "Since when is crying OK?"

"I didn't-"

"I can smell your tears, Nee."

"Jake, I… I'm just sorry for you. What you said to me earlier, I'm not hurt, I know that you didn't mean to be.. harsh. You're just going through a hard time. I cried out of misery, that's all."

Looking away from me, he swallowed thickly and remained silent for a moment. In the darkness, I could make out that he his expression was an unhappy one. But I was too tired to think of something to say, my brain wasn't functioning properly.

"I never want you to be miserable," he said thickly, meeting my drowsy gaze again.

"Jake," I smiled weakly, eyelids finally shutting. "Sleep."

"No," he whispered. "No, no, no."

I could feel him whip the blankets off me, throw a leg over me and begin to undo the buttons on my pajama shirt. At that moment, I wasn't in the mood for anything but sleep. Not even when his wet lips closed over my taut nipple. But the sounds of his suckling began to wake me, reminding me of our more intimate times.

"Jacob."

He moaned in response, swiping his tongue all around my swollen areola and used his hand on my neglected one.

That's when I reached for the bedside lamp and switched it on, causing him to stop what he was doing and look up at me. "Jacob this- this is wrong." I reached down and pulled my shirt over my exposed breasts. "You haven't touched me for a while now and this is not the way I want us to come together again. I'll only be hurt tomorrow when you get angry and I'll start missing you like I did. Not that I don't miss you, I do, but it's not as hard as it was. A month ago, it killed me not having you around much. Not having you next to me in bed. Not having you to talk to whenever I wanted. But I'm coping, for you. So please don't come here tonight and make passionate love to me when you know that tomorrow things won't have changed. Please."

"Alright," he mumbled with a nod and crawled off of me, out of the bed.

I reached for his hand and in turn, he looked down at me. "You understand, don't you?" I asked, hopefully.

"I do," he said and with that, left the room.

"Mommy, Nile put worms in my school bag again," Jacqueline told me, upset.

She stood in the middle of the kitchen, dressed in her yellow pajamas and pink socks. Holding out the bag in disgust. Looking as adorable as she did when she was born. When I thought she looked like her father as a newborn, I never imagined she'd look so alike him as she got older. There was no denying she was Jacob's daughter. From the long, shiny, straight, black hair to the sunny smile. She was the spitting image of him. My mother still couldn't get over it six years later.

I smiled, despite the fact that it wasn't happy situation. "Just set that down on the table and I'll look after it. Okay?"

She did as she was told and looked up at me again. "But mommy I don't want him to do it again. There was a worm in my school bag yesterday and it was on my copybook and the teacher saw it. She was angry and she thought I did it and I told her that it wasn't my fault and she didn't believe me and-"

"Look, honey, the teacher is overreacting, okay? I'll try and speak to Nile, but you have to remember he's only three. He doesn't understand everything. Now you go and get dressed for school like a good girl, I left you clean clothes on your bed."

And like the good girl she was, she simply nodded and went to do as I told.

"Nile, come here," I called, standing by the back door. Watching him sitting in the grass mesmerized by the snails and worms on the ground.

Three years ago, Jacob and I finally married. The wedding ceremony was no big deal, we had it in a little church just ten minutes away and afterwards we headed back to our place for food. We celebrated in the big back yard we shared with Billy. Emily and Kim helped me prepare the meals the night before, so it was all organized. All in all, we kept it pretty simple, deciding we didn't want to go overboard. After all, it was the honeymoon we were really looking forward to.

Just like Jacob had told me that one night before we were engaged, he took me to a warm and beautiful place: Hawaii.

It was incredible, really, really incredible. The holiday resort, the beaches, the weather, the people, the food, everything was just fantastic. And one-hundred million times more beautiful than I was. Of course Jacob denied that, but he imprinted on me, what do I expect? Anyway, we spent two-weeks there and it was after all the love we made in hotel room 241, that I discovered I was pregnant with our second child.

Nile was beautiful, both inside and out. Unlike Jacqueline, he was very quiet, whereas she was very bubbly and lively. There was never a word out of him, he only communicated with us whenever he wanted something. Usually, he'd spend his days playing alone with his toys. But sometimes, he'd sneak out the back door if it was open and play with the worms…. Which I didn't want him doing. He was too young to be alone out there. However, all in all, I never had any problems with him. Not even when he was a baby, he was so good, hardly ever cried.

When he was born, Jacob and I couldn't make out who he looked like. And when he was a couple of months old, Jacob thought he looked like me. But he soon changed his mind when Nile turned one and told me he didn't have any idea who he looked like. Up until this day we still don't know who he takes after. Yes, he has black hair like Jacob's and chocolate brown eyes like mine, but his features aren't like either of us. Perhaps he looked like one of his ancestors? Or a distant relation? Either way, he was such a cute child. I was blessed with my children.

Since Nile ignored me and instead, took fistfuls of mud in his hands, I headed over to him and lifted him up. Balancing him on my hip. "You're not to come out here, Nile. It's dangerous. Anything could happen to you."

But he wouldn't look up at me, he just stared down at the ground, his lower lip quivering. If there was anything that made Nile cry, it was being told no. Which he wasn't told that often because he was a good kid. And I hated to see him cry, I hated seeing any of my children cry, but this was what being a mother was all about, wasn't it?

Taking him back inside and making sure to shut the back door, I took him into the living-room and put on Nick Junior for him. His favorite channel. At first, he wouldn't let go of me when I started to put him down, but he seemed to see something he liked on the TV and forgot about me. Letting me go instantly.

"Mommy, my hair," Jacqueline said miserably when I entered her room.

Apparently she'd been trying to tie it back in a bun but only ended up with bed-head and a massive knot. So like I did every morning, I sat down on her bed and placed her in front of me. Working on her beautiful hair.

"Hi," Jacob said, appearing in the doorway. Earning a squeal from his daughter.

"Daddy!" she cheered happily, with a clap.

I smiled at her enthusiasm, she was very alike him in her ways.

"Hey honey, you getting ready for school?"

"Yes daddy, are you taking me today?"

My eyes shout up to meet his, I didn't like the thought of him almost phasing while he drove her. But he broke eye contact with me immediately and smiled over at his daughter. "Yeah, I'll take you tomorrow too and the day after and the day after that, sound good?"

She squealed again and bounced up on the bed, while I bit my lip in an attempt to hide my feelings. I could feel Jacob's eyes on me though, burning holes all over my face. Yet, he never said a word. What was wrong with him?

When I finished doing her hair up, she left the room to use the toilet. Which left me and Jacob alone.

"Nothing will happen," he told me, voice distant. Cold almost. "I'm her father, I can control myself better than you think."

"Better than that time in the park?" I asked him. "Better than that time in Sam and Emily's? Better than that time we ordered pizza and-"

Taking two long steps into the room, he growled down at me. "That's enough."

"No, Jacob. This isn't one of those silly games we had when we were younger, this is serious. We have children and you can't ever put yourself before them. They come first. They're more important than us. And it's our responsibility to make sure no harm comes to them. You're not to take her to school if you're not one-hundred percent sure you're not going to phase."

Stuffing his hands into his jean pockets, he looked away from me. "I'm one-hundred percent sure I'm not going to phase."

"Look me in the eye and say it."

"Nina, you know I wouldn't lie-"

Grabbing his wrist, I said again. "Look me in the eye and say it, Jacob."

So he sat down next to me on the bed and looked me in the eye. "I'm one-hundred percent positive that I will not phase. Happy now?"

"No," I said honestly. "How are you here anyway, aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"What? Are you not happy to see me or something?" he asked, hurt.

I shook my head. "I'm just wondering."

Jacob was now the boss at work. He earned the promotion five months ago and I still count that as one of the happiest days of my life. I couldn't believe it when he told me, it was too good to be true. My Jacob, my husband, my wolf was in charge. Just like how he was born to be a leader. The pay was great too, we hardly ever ran low on cash anymore.

"I took the week off," he told me, searching my eyes. Looking to see if I was glad he'd be around during the mornings.

But I put on my poker face, it was easier to cope that way. "Oh."

Reaching for my hand, he placed it on his thigh. "Nee," he whispered softly. "Do you know how much I love you?"

"Jacob."

"Do you doubt my love for you?" sliding closer to me, he dipped his face so that it was level with mine. "Do you? Nee? Please tell me you don't, I love you more every day. I'm so sorry I'm never around these days, and I'm really, really sorry that you're miserable. That's why I took time off, so we can be together. You're so lonely, Nee. I can see it in your face."

A tear escaped the corner of my eye and I couldn't hide from him anymore. "Jacob, I miss you."

"Oh Nee-"

"Daddy I'm ready," Jacqueline said, walking into her bedroom and taking his hand. She looked at me then and her expression changed. "Is mommy OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, honey. An eyelash fell into my eye, that's all. I'll be fine."

"Are you all better now? Did daddy help you?"

I forced a smile. "Yeah, daddy helped me. Isn't he so good?"

She nodded in agreement. "I love daddy. I love you too mommy."

Getting up off the bed, I bent down to kiss her cheek. "And I love you, have a good day at school, OK? I left your school bag by the front door."

"OK, mommy."

And with that, I left the room and headed back into the kitchen. Cooking was a good way to stop thinking.

Nile was fast asleep when I returned to the living-room after spending a good half-hour in the kitchen. His little body laying upon the floor, looking so uncomfortable. I instantly felt guilty for leaving him alone for so long, he was so young and needed to be checked on every ten minutes. What kind of mother was I? So caught up in her own thoughts that she forgets about her three-year-old son.

Taking him up into my arms carefully, as to not wake him, I set him down on the sofa and placed a cushion beneath his head. Just as he smiled in his sleep. My poor baby, how long had he been laying on the floor? Ten minutes? Twenty?

Pressing a kiss to his forehead, I draped a sheet over him and muted the TV.

Outside, I could hear a car pull up and at the same time, a door slam. Rushing into the hall, I pulled the front door open to find Jacob bent-double in pain. Every bone in his body rattling, reading to burst into the wolf he no longer wanted to be.

"Jacob," I gasped, reaching for his shoulder. "Come inside, quickly."

"Get away from me," he hissed, bloodshot eyes shooting up to mine. "Go!"

I took hold of his other shoulder and shook my head. "No, Jacob. I'm not letting you do this alone, not anymore. Please, just come inside."

"Nile," he said weakly, grabbing hold of my hip. Looking about to collapse.

"No, Nile will be fine. I know you wouldn't hurt him, he's your baby. Our baby. Our flesh and blood. You wouldn't do that, ever."

Of course, anything could happen and when Jacob turned wolf, it took a moment to gather your thoughts. I didn't like the thought of him phasing inside the house with Nile there, let alone myself, but maybe if I tried to help Jacob stop… maybe he wouldn't phase. Everyone needs support and just because my husband happens to be a shape-shifter, doesn't mean I can't help him. I can. I'd do anything for him.

And I know, even though I worry about it, that he wouldn't ever hurt his own child.

Giving in to me, he allowed himself to be dragged into the house and into the bathroom. A place where if he phased, it wouldn't be so easy to break things.

"Nina," he moaned, falling to his knees. Russet skin turning a shade of red. "Get out of here, honey, please."

But I refused and instead, started to undress him. Knowing that if he burst into a wolf, his new clothes would be destroyed like they had been a hundred times. Trying to get the t-shirt over his head was almost impossible, but I managed somehow and the jeans… that was even harder.

"I'm not giving up on you," I told him, standing in front of him and holding his head to my chest.

His breathing was erratic and he was starting to convulse. At first, I was afraid there was something wrong with him. But when he wrapped his arms around me and clung to me like there was no tomorrow, I remembered that there was nothing wrong. He was just fighting the urge to phase. And that I was going to help him until the end.

However, we were nowhere near the end of things.

Jacob's lips parted and he let out an ear piercing scream of agony. Just as I noticed the change in his body temperature. He was boiling. My ears rang with the sound and my heart almost leapt out of my chest with fright, but I told myself to say strong. I told myself to be the strong mother I was to my children and not the lovesick Nina Black that woke up every morning with a smile on her face, overly happy with the fact that she was married to mister perfect.

"Don't concentrate on it so much, Jacob. Just will it to go away and think of other things, like our walks on the beach with the children, our honeymoon, your childhood. The good things in life. Remember you delivered Jacqueline? That's a moment that will be forever burned into my memory. It was just so.. wonderful, so you. You're so special, I love you."

His fingers dug into my shirt and into my skin, hurting me. But I put up with the pain. It was the least I could do.

"Remember when we moved into this place and your dad took our old place? Remember how I cried? That was so silly of me, it's not like I could never go in there again. But I guess that house held so many memories. Like watching Jacqueline growing into a beautiful child and watching my tummy swell again with Nile. And you." I ran my fingers through his long, silky hair. "There's so many memories of you. Like how we watched our favorite shows at night, curled up on the sofa and how we'd cook together, I mean you're basically an expert in the kitchen now. But I'll never forget that bedroom, Jacob. How you'd come home to me some nights after patrolling and slip into bed and tell me some of the amusing things the pack had to say. And then you'd kiss me goodnight and sometimes that wasn't enough. An hour later we'd end up in the backyard, drinking hot chocolate and watching the moon disappear and reappear in the sky. They were special to me, Jake."

For a moment, his convulsing stopped and he remained still. All I could hear was his breathing. And I thought I had done it, that I had stopped the urge, but it came back too quick for that even to be a possibility. Not only that, but it came back full force and I found myself laying on the cold, tiled floor, the air knocked out of me.

And in my shaken state, I pushed myself back up, my vision out of focus. It took me a while to sort of go back to normal and when I did, I almost knocked my head off the sink in a hurry to get to Jacob. Who was laying face-down on the floor, unconscious.

"Jacob! Wake up, honey, it's OK." I rolled him onto his back and cupped his cheek in my hand while my other shook his shoulder. "You're still you, honey, you're still you. Wake up now, please. It's going to be OK."

But Jacob wasn't responding, he was completely out.

So with all my might, I dragged him over to the bath and sat him against it. My mind working so fast that I forgot all my fears and all my worries. Jumping into the bath myself, I turned the water onto cold and grabbed the showerhead. Water gushing out of it, soaking my clothes. But that was the least of my problems, and so I jumped back out and sat on my husband's lap. Directing the water over his head, so that it flowed down his burning body. Him and I both completely drenched.

The tiled floor slowly turned into a pool, as I set the showerhead down on the floor and begged him to wake up. And as much as I didn't want to acknowledge it, I noticed that his skin was turning an ugly shade of yellow. Never a good sign, especially when one's not alert.

"Jake, baby, please wake up. I love you," I choked out, my whole body shaking with fear. "And the kids love you and your father loves you and your sisters and the pack and everyone. Even your colleagues love you, because you're such a good boss. Please wake up, I can't go on without you."

Every minute that passed felt like a lifetime, and I was becoming weaker. I was no longer the mother of the house, I was lovesick Nina again. My voice fading away to nothing as I tried to speak. To me, Jacob didn't look like he was going to wake up. And his bodily temperature was no longer scorching hot, but cold. Too cold.

So with the strength I had, I removed myself from his lap and switched the water to warm. But this time I pushed him down onto the floor, lay the showerhead on his abdomen and stripped out of my own clothes.

"Don't leave me," I whispered a little while later. Laying on top of him, my cheek pressed to his heart as tears streamed down my cheeks. "Don't leave me, I'm nothing without you."

At five o'clock that evening, I was closed in on myself, sitting on the kitchen floor with my arms wrapped around my legs, rocking myself back and forth.

"Nina, take this, please. You'll feel better," Emily said softly, holding a steaming mug of coffee out to me.

But I shut her out. I didn't want the coffee, I wanted Jacob.

Earlier, when nothing seemed to be working, I phoned Sam. The pack arrived immediately with Carlisle Cullen, the vampire doctor that had once repaired Jacob's broken bones. And taking Jacob out of the flooded bathroom, they brought him into our bedroom. Making sure to lock the door behind them.

As his imprint, his best friend, his wife, I wanted to be in there. No, I needed to be in there. But there was no letting me in, Carlisle needed to focus and with a crying girl by the bedside, that wouldn't be possible.

Sam told me that this had never happened before and when a worried Billy arrived, he said the same thing.

And now, four hours later, Jacob was still unconscious. The vampire doctor had already left two hours ago and told me nothing- Billy's wishes- so I didn't know whether or not Jacob was going to be OK. But I didn't beg for anyone to tell me, because I was afraid. What if it was terrible news?

Jacqueline and Nile had been taken to Kim and Jared's place for the day, and although I didn't want them to see me in such a bad state, I missed them. I wanted to hug them and tell them I loved them, that they meant the world to me. But they were better off away from home. Away from all the misery.

"Nina," Billy said, reaching out to me. "Jacob may not be alert, but he still needs you. Go in and see him, I'll make sure no one disturbs you."

After the doctor was done, I was permitted to stay with Jacob, but the fear in me wouldn't allow me to. Four hours was a very long time to sit around worrying about your husband's life and it had really driven me insane. I didn't think I'd be able to just sit next to the bed, our bed, and speak to him as if he were conscious. It was too depressing, too scary. What if…

Emily shut the door behind me and I stood in the middle of the room, staring over at his lifeless body in the bed. A white sheet pulled up to his chest as he lay still, long hair sprawled out around his white pillow. The color of his skin almost back to normal.

There was a chair next to his side of the bed, but of course I couldn't take it, I'd never sit next to him when he was unwell. Which was never, given his high metabolism. But this would be the first time and slipping into the bed, I curled up against his side. Telling myself that I'd do this with him whenever he was sick, even if he only had a cold.

"All this because you fought the wolf inside of you," I whispered, mostly to myself. "Maybe it was my fault, maybe I shouldn't have tried to help you. Maybe I made things worse."

Do shape-shifters become more human when they stop shifting? I didn't know, but I did know that his body temperature was cooler. Almost the same as mine and according to Dr. Cullen- who stopped by again during the late hours of night- that was a good sign. But Jacob hadn't woken up, so I didn't believe anything could be good unless he opened his eyes.

"Doctor," I said, rushing up to him as he was about to leave the house. "Earlier, Jacob's father asked you not to tell me anything, was there really anything to say? Because I deserve to know, I'm his wife."

His golden eyes softened. "No, I'm afraid not.."

"Do you… do you think he's dying?" I forced out, my hands shaking.

"Well, to be completely honest with you, we're at an early stage now. This could get worse or it could get better. His bodily temperature has improved, which is good. So we'll see how things are tomorrow. And don't hesitate to phone me if you feel there's been any changes, I'm always awake." He smiled.

I nodded. "Thank you, thank you very much. This means.. everything to me."

When he disappeared into the night, I locked the door behind him and made my way back into the bedroom. I told Jacob I loved him, over and over, and I kissed his face countless times, conveying that love I had for him.

And then I escaped into the kitchen to cry. Beating myself up for not kissing him that much on the mornings he was awake and well. Why was it that you realized what you had until it was gone? I mean of course I knew Jacob was special, he was my everything. But it was at times like these that you wonder why you didn't give your beloved as much attention as you should've.

I threw a glass against the wall, angry with myself.

I threw a plate against the floor, frustrated,

I threw more culinary across the room because I had to. I just had to.

And somewhere in the house, I heard more things being thrown around, which was frightening. Scary. But as I entered the hallway, I knew the sound was coming from our bedroom. So I rushed down to it and pushed the door open, staring into the room with wide eyes.

Most of our belongings were on the floor. Either smashed, broken or damaged. The heavy scent of a perfume Jacob had bought me filling the room, it's bottle no longer in one piece anymore. Floral liquid sinking into the carpet. And next to it lay my favorite necklace. One that he made for me when I gave birth to Nile. I couldn't let him ruin it.. ruin everything.

But it wasn't safe for me to go inside, was it? Jacob was standing in the middle of the room, his body shaking and his hands balled into fists. Sculpted back to me. Both him and the room taking on a blue glow from the little light the moon offered, spilling in through the windows.

Then, almost like he knew I was always there, he looked over his shoulder directly into my eyes. His ones watery and glazed over. Crazy. So unlike him.

I brought a shaky hand up to my mouth in shock. "Jake," I whispered.

He turned, kicked my jewelry box out of the way and made his way over to me. Wearing an expression on his face I couldn't understand. Not to mention, his breathing was in no way normal, very heavy and his throat was making a funny noise. Scratchy. As though he had an infection or something.

"Don't run away from me," he said deeply, when I took a step back. "You belong to me. You're mine. I own you."

Insane.

But I played it cool. "I'm hungry, are you hungry?"

"Hungry?" he repeated, cocking his head to the side. Finally standing directly in front of me.

"I'll go cook us something," I said quickly, then spun around. Desperate to get away. To call someone. Sam, Carlisle, anyone.

Jacob was fast though, and strong. He gripped my arm and pulled me against him. My back burning from the heat of his naked torso as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. Giving me no hope of ever breaking free of his hold.

"I'm not hungry," he whispered, dipping his head so that his lips brushed my ear. Wet with his saliva… "I want… I want…" he paused, seemingly thinking over what he was about to say. And then surprised me by releasing me.

I stood in front of him for a moment, wondering what his next move was, but he never said anything. Or did anything, for that matter. So I took a deep, shaky breath and began towards the kitchen again. Not even taking the chance to look back at him, afraid of making eye contact.

When I started on the first pancake, I wondered how I was going to call Sam with Jacob in the house. With his shape-shifter hearing senses, he'd know if I picked up the phone and the only way I could text anyone was if I retrieved my mobile from Jacqueline's bedroom where I'd left it that morning. But he'd see me and know something was up.

Oh, I wish my Jacob came back to me. He was so confused and different and reckless and scary, all at the same time. I hoped that it was just for now, that maybe if I got him to go sleep again, he'd wake up normal. What if he was sleepwalking? Too many possibilities, I needed a doctor. I needed Carlisle right now.

My poor Jacob.

A tear trickled down my cheek, just as he appeared in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe. Watching me with sparkly eyes and a smile. "I guess I might be a little hungry," he said, voice calmer than it had been minutes ago.

I glanced over at him and flashed him the best smile I could muster, before turning back to flipping my pancake over. "And I guess you want chocolate syrup as your topping, right?"

"No, nothing. I don't want any topping, plain is great."

This struck me as weird. Jacob loved chocolate syrup.

When I was done, I set a plate down on the table for him and gestured for him to sit down. Which he obliged to, giving me a big smile.

"I'll be right back, okay? Just going to the bathroom," I told him and then scurried out of the kitchen, into Jacqueline's room.

My mobile was on the bed where I'd left it, but just as luck would have it, the battery was empty.

Cursing under my breath, I shoved it down my pocket and turned to leave the room.

Jacob was right behind me.

"Oh!" I screeched, startled.

He gave me a once over before meeting my eyes. "You told me you were going to the bathroom."

"I… I did." I lied. "But-"

"You're lying, you didn't. I can't smell-" he sniffed the air "-bathroom off you, I didn't even hear you go in there. Why are you lying? And what are you doing with that?" he reached for my apron pocket, but I pushed his hands away. "Stop! Nina! Let me-"

"Get away from me!" I hissed, ducking under his arm and popping up on the other side of the room. Where the door was.

Not bothering to wait for his reply, I ran out of the room, out the back door and out into the open. The dark, dull, freezing open. Where I was sure he would catch me, given his inhuman speed. Unless I found somewhere to hide. But then again, he'd smell me wouldn't he? I was really taking my chances. Who knew what this Jacob was capable of doing.

"Nina!" he roared, running after me. Pulling the back-door open with such force, that it fell off it's hinges.

I only made it into the dark confines of the wood when I was yanked by the arm and forced to the stony, mucky floor. Jacob on top of me, hand down my pocket, fumbling for my mobile. As I cried for him to get off of me, to let me go, to leave me alone.

When he brought it to his face and realized that the battery was dead, he hurled it against a tree. Shattering it to pieces. His breathing heavy, nostrils flared and teeth bared for me. The anger in his eyes almost unbearable to watch. He'd never ever looked at me like that in all the years I'd known him.

"Why did you do that, why did you run away from me? All because of that… that… piece of fucking junk!" He shook my shoulders carelessly. "Do you not love me? huh? Is that more important than I am? Huh! Speak to me!"

But I couldn't speak, I was too upset. Too afraid.

Jacob got up off me then and pulled me up, throwing me over his shoulder. Where I didn't struggle. What was the point? I was practically bound to him by these invisible ropes the imprint created. If I ran, he'd catch me. If I hid, he'd find me. Not to mention, pick up my scent. I couldn't help myself, I was just this useless human girl. I needed one of the pack members to get me out of this situation. Jacob was not himself.

Reaching his destination, Second Beach, he lay me down on the freezing shoreline. The salty water crashing against my side, soaking me. And as I waited for his next move, I stared up at the stars and focused on just one. I remembered him telling me once that if you hold your gaze on one star, the rest disappear. That's how I felt about him whenever we were in a crowd, he was the only one I saw. Everyone else was just a blur, part of the scene. But he was the star. My star.

I tasted salt on my lips, though I couldn't tell whether it was from my tears or from the sea. Nina Black, she cried a lot. Why? I don't know. My mother once told me that the least little thing upset me. Maybe I was just a little over-sensitive. And the problem with that was, people hardly noticed me when I cried, it was such a regular occurrence. Just like the boy who cried wolf.. well not exactly, but when the wolf really did turn up, no one thought anything of it. Like me. I'm crying now because I'm afraid of losing my husband. And if anyone could see me, they mightn't take me as seriously as I'm feeling.

I'm such a mess. And I miss my babies. I wonder what they're doing now?

It was only two minutes later when I realized how silent it was. Pushing myself up into a sitting position, I scanned the beach for Jacob, but he was nowhere to be found. And when you can't find someone on the beach, you panic. What if they're in the sea? What if they're drowning? What if they're sinking?

But the thought of Jacob drowning seemed impossible to me, I hadn't even heard him splash into the water.

And when I scrambled to my feet, did I call him? No.

I ran.

"This is all your fault!" Jacob roared at me, eyes burning with anger as Sam, Paul and Jared dragged him down the hall. Into an extra bedroom Emily cleared the instant I told them what was going on.

He was dripping wet, as though he'd been swimming. But I couldn't recall ever seeing him in the water. It was so strange.

"Nina, come here," Emily said, tugging me into the kitchen by the hand. "Don't worry, this is just something he's going through. It's not permanent."

I took a seat at the dining table and held my face in my hands, trying to make sense of everything. "Emily I'm scared."

"I know you are, but he passed out this morning. There's a reason for his behavior. Perhaps he woke up confused and his thoughts are all jumbled together. I'm sure there's an explanation."

"He hates me," I mumbled, remembering the look he gave me. Filled with anger and betrayal.

"He doesn't hate you," another voice said behind me, Quil's. "It's just-" he chewed "-the wolf has ninety-nine percent control of his brain. So he's kind of, let's say.. hmm, looking at things in a new perspective. In a more animalistic way. You're just a mate to him really and we're all just annoying pests and he's hungry and confused and oh, in heat."

"Quil!" Emily hissed. "This is no time for jokes."

He swallowed loudly. "Just sayin'. Anyway yeah, I think it's from fighting back the urge to phase. So he's in human form, but thinking in a wolfish mind. Probably because he's alpha, kinda harder for him to give up shifting. He'll probably be back to normal tomorrow. If not.. we'll just dump him out in the wilderness and let him be."

Turns out everything Quil said was true. Jacob was using his animal mind. Only that one-percent of humanness giving him the ability to talk, remember our names and to distinguish between each of us. We didn't need Dr. Cullen for this, the Elders came over instead with a doctor of their own. I had no clue what they were doing to Jacob, but he was quiet so that was a good thing.

At three in the morning, I woke up from a nightmare and remembered where I was. Sam and Emily's. I took the couch for the night, just to be close to Jacob. But the couch wasn't close enough, even though he wasn't really himself.

Quietly, I opened the door into the bedroom he was sleeping in and then closed it behind me, just as quietly. The room smelt of incense and herbs and medicine and a whole lot of other things I couldn't put a name to. And he lay on his back in a double-bed, looking peacefully asleep. Oh Jacob.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and stared. Seconds turning into minutes and minutes turning into hours. And throughout the whole night, he never moved nor spoke. Just lay there, peacefully. I hoped he was healing.

"Is he alright? Is he OK? I tried to get here as fast as I could. Hell, even Paul has no idea I'm here. Where is he? I wanna see him, my poor brother."

Rachel Black was in a bad state after she received a phone call from Paul, telling her how Jacob was. Billy wasn't too pleased, thinking it was unnecessary to frighten her like that when it could be just a twenty-four hour thing. That's Paul for you.

But even his own sister couldn't bring him back to normal. He was still his wolfish self.

"He looks OK, but- but there's something awfully wrong with him. Like he's not the Jacob, just someone who looks like him. Tell me he'll be alright," Rachel begged Paul, the couple sitting next to me on the sofa. "Rebecca doesn't even know yet, I'm hoping we don't have to tell her."

I left the room then, unable to listen to Rachel's worries about Jacob. It was too hard, like listening to your most frightening thoughts. One's you tried to block. So I went into Emily's homey kitchen and almost ran back out. Almost.

Jacob was sitting at the table, eating three fried eggs and toast. Well, was sitting at the table until I made my entrance.

"Nina, I'm sorry," he blurted out, jumping to his feet. A sincere look on his beautiful face.

I stood there in surprise, not knowing what to do.. to say. Words just weren't developing in my mind and Jacob… he seemed normal. But wouldn't Sam have told me he was better? Maybe he didn't realize.. maybe I'm the first person to speak to a recovered Jacob. Or maybe I was imagining things…

As though I was in some sort of daze, I walked up to him like a robot and wrapped my arms around his waist. Holding onto him. My face smashed up against his chest. Breath coming out in short gasps. I was in that place between fainting and hyperventilating. It was strange, frightening. But Jacob did things to me that no one could, even without touching me. And I was so afraid, terrified, that I'd lost him forever.

His strong arms, the arms I loved, wrapped around me unsurely. Like I was some porcelain doll and just one touch would shatter me. He kissed the top of my head, once, twice. Breathed me in, like I was his oxygen, and then hummed a Quileute song to me. Why? I didn't know, he hardly ever did that. Perhaps he was picking up on my distress? Like normal.

Normal, normal, normal.

"Honey," he whispered after he finished his song. "I need to tell you something.."

"T-Tell me then," I managed to say.

"It's been on my mind for quite some time now and I was afraid of telling you, mainly because it wasn't planned. And I'm tired of ignoring that sound… it's beautiful. It makes me happy, I want you to be happy with me."

Closing my eyes, I prepared for his revelation. "Tell me, Jake."

"You're pregnant," he told me, finally. Voice shaky. "I can hear it's heartbeat."

This revelation was followed by a gasp, hands falling to my tummy and a step back. My mind even more confused than it was, another weight on my shoulders. Not that I didn't want the child, I did, of course I did. But the news was too much for me to bear right then and there. Too much when I wasn't sure my husband was really himself.

"Isn't this great, honey? I know, trust me, I know it wasn't planned but well.. we've always expressed how we wanted more children in the future. So this couldn't really be a surprise right? I mean, you want this, don't you? Our child."

I fell into the seat he was sitting on minutes ago and stared down at the floor. "Yeah, Jacob, this.. I'm just so.. so… I'm speechless."

Crouching next to me, he peered up into my eyes. "Honey let's take a walk. Just me and you and our… baby."

Ten minutes later, I found myself walking through the woods with Jacob. A Jacob I didn't know.

One Year Later

"Mommy, where's daddy?" Jacqueline asked me for the third time that night. Her worried eyes staring up at me, searching for an answer.

"I don't know," I whispered back, careful not to wake the sleeping baby in my arms.

"But mommy, what if-"

"Jacqueline shush!" I hissed, growing irritated. "I don't where he is OK? I never know where he is, he could be in Canada now for all I know. Now just.. just go. Go to bed."

Teary eyed and hurt, she left the bedroom. Clutching her favorite rag doll to her chest.

A part of me was sorry for the way I spoke to her, but the other was just too stressed to care. Between looking after baby Jack and putting up with Jacob and his odd ways, I was in a really, really bad state. I cried myself to sleep every night, I didn't talk much to anyone, I'd lost loads of weight and sometimes I just wanted to disappear. And then I'd remember the children.

Jacob never went back to normal and for the past thirteen months, I had to live with his new self. In the beginning, when the months passed and things weren't looking any better, I let myself go. Looking back, I must've seemed like a complete lunatic. I even had to have the children taken away from me for over a month. The pain of losing my Jacob was unbearable. It was like he was dead.

And the Jacob that had taken his place was like him and not like him. He was a mess. The only thing that went in his favor was that he never phased, couldn't. Not since the day in the bathroom. Hell, I couldn't even walk into that bathroom in the beginning. It was too hard, too heartbreaking.

Yes, I still loved him and yes, we had a few good times. Some days he'd be better than others, more normal. More Jacob. He'd take me out, spoil me, tell me how much he loved me. And as much as I didn't want to, I made love to him. But it just wasn't the same, it wasn't… Jacob. He didn't even remember certain things and he wasn't too great with the children, most of the time he ignored them. And I had to live with that.

I had to accept the fact that my Jacob, that my children's father, was not coming back.

With a sigh, I lowered Jack down into his crib and told him I loved him. Even though he couldn't hear or understand me. He, like Jacqueline, was the image of his father. And now at his seventh month, he was even more like him. Amazing. Jacob's genes were definitely more dominant than mine.

Glancing over at the alarm clock, I decided I should just go to bed and get the day over with. There was no point in staying awake, Jacob wouldn't be home until who knows when and I wasn't going to wait up for him. I had before though, worried. But he'd return in perfect condition, although sometimes he'd be in a weird mood. The angry wolf mood. Where he'd throw things around and shout…

In bed, I closed my eyes and fell into a dream where Jacob was my Jacob. With that perfect human mind of his and not the animal one. And in my sleep I cried. Because I wanted him back, I missed him so much. A year was too long without him.

My eyes fluttered open when I was awoken by someone rolling me onto my back and for just a second, our gazes locked. His brown eyes… and then his lips were upon mine, kissing me with such devotion, such passion, such love.

It took me one second to realize.

"Jacob!" I gasped, when he came up for air. "Jacob! J-Jac…" I trailed off, bursting into tears.

His own tears dripped onto my lips. "You waited," he whispered shakily. "You waited."

"I would've waited forever, Jake."

Then we were kissing again, touching each other, pulling at each other's clothes. Not even when we became one did I feel it was enough. A year without him made me hungry. Starving. I was starving for him. He was starving for me. We were starving for each other.

I'd starve for him forever.

"… the wolf in me took over, changing me, turning me into an animal. A beast. Someone who was irresponsible, reckless, dangerous. There was a part of me that knew, that knew that I was a man with a beautiful wife and equally beautiful children. A man that had responsibilities, a job, a family, brothers and sisters. But like any animal, I couldn't see things properly, the way humans do. When I looked into my wife, my imprint's eyes, that one percentage of me that was still a man felt love, but the other part of me, the more powerful part of me, saw a mate. It didn't matter if I hurt her feelings, made her unhappy, as long as I got what I wanted that was what was important. And my children.. I paid them no attention." He paused, eyes gazing over at the baby in my arms, tears forming. "Not even the special baby my wife gave me. And although it kills me to think I spent a whole year in that state, I know that I'll never have to go through it again. The wolf in me is gone, I'm no longer part of the pack I once belonged to. Unlike my brothers, I now grow older with age and my healing isn't half as effective as theirs. I'm human now, fully human. And I'm ready to start a life I've always dreamed of. A life with my beloved, Nina Black and our children, Jacqueline, Nile and Jack. Thank you for your support."

He left his seat by the bonfire and escaped all the gazes upon him, to return to me. That smile I loved, flashing white at me in the darkness. The soft wind blowing over him, causing his long hair to flow behind him, while his black shirt clung to his perfect body. His dark nipples visible beneath the fabric, although it wasn't see-through.

"Tell me how much that meant to you later tonight," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead, before taking Jack out of my arms.

Sitting next to me against the log, he cooed over his seven-month-old son, love shining in his eyes.

"Jake, I… I'm still not able to believe you're you. The real you, I swear, my insides are all over the place. I'm sort of in a state of shock."

He cradled Jack to his chest and turned to look at me. "Is it true?" he asked, randomly. "Tell me, Nee. Is it true that when an imprint loses her wolf, she wants to.. die? I mean I know I wasn't dead, but I wasn't really me, was I? so are the stories true? Did you feel that way or even.. close to it?"

I nodded, not needing a second to think it over. "Oh, Jake I wanted to disappear from this world. To leave it, I was in such a bad way over you. Do you remember when Jared and Kim took the kids from us?"

"Yeah," he replied, thoughtfully. "I do."

Jacob couldn't remember everything that happened over the past year, only the thoughts he'd had while he was thinking in his human brain.

"After that, I told myself to stop, because the kids needed me. And they're the only thing that really kept me going. Them and the fact that you weren't dead, which gave me hope. I guess I was living on love and hope, Jake."

"I promise you won't have to go through anything like that again," he said, sincerely. "And Nee, that morning.. the morning you lost me for a while. Remember how I took a week off work? Well, I was going to take you out that night. Leave the kids with Seth, so we could spend a night in a hotel and there I was going to break the news to you.. about this little angel here." He patted Jack on the back. "And I was going to apologize for being distant, for being such a terrible husband to you-"

"Jake, you weren't-"

"A terrible husband to you, and then I was going to ask you if you wanted to move."

"Move?"

"Yeah, to Port Angeles. It's better there you know, more shopping, more life, more people. I'm closer to work, you're closer to me and we're still really close to La Push. To be honest Nee, I don't want you.. I don't want you to stay here, it's too deserted. There are no opportunities here, and I know Port Angeles isn't really much different, but it's an improvement. I want you to do something with your life, it's not fair to keep you here."

"So you mean that we would've been living there now if what happened to you.. hadn't happened?"

He grinned. "No, not if you didn't agree to it."

"Jacob." I ran the back of my hand down his smooth cheek. "You know I would've said yes. The closer I am to you, the better."

And later that night, when the children were safely tucked into bed, Jacob lay awake with me under the stars. Whispering into my ear, describing all the dreams he'd had over the past year. They were so strange and yet strangely familiar to the many dreams I'd had. It was like we were dreaming the same dream, but from different points of view. Proving that even in our sleep, we were connected.

"Mommy, I'm afraid," I whispered, gripping her hand tighter.

I was six again. A child.

"There's nothing to be afraid of," she told me, leading me towards a group of children my own age. All standing in a circle, whispering excitedly to each other, oblivious to me.

My gaze flew to the sea and the waves crashing the shore. "I want to swim."

Mommy chuckled. "Not yet, Nina, not yet. You need to make some friends first. Come on."

So I was pulled towards the children again and the closer I got, the more my heart-rate sped up. My lips started to quiver, eyes started to water and I was just about to cry when-

"Hi," a little boy said, appearing right in front of me. His sunny smile making all my fears disappear.

"Hi," I replied, my voice so soft I doubted he heard me.

Stepping forward, he took my hand in his and before I knew it, we were walking away.

Away from the children, away from mommy and away from the beach.

We eventually made it to a cottage with lots of beautiful flowers filling the front yard. There was so much color and so much life, that I instantly felt at ease. Like it was a home away from home.

"Jacob! Where did you- oh!" a pretty lady descended down the porch steps and over to us, her smile as sunny as the boy's. "Hello there, what's your name?"

"Nina," I told her, giving her the best smile I could muster.

"Aw," she cooed, patting my head. "Aren't you a pretty little girl, Nina? How about I make you both some cookies and hot chocolate?"

"Yes, mommy, please," Jacob said, his little hand still holding my tiny one.

And so Jacob and I sat out by the flowers, enjoying the food his mommy happily made us. The cookies by far the best I'd ever tasted.

"They're magic cookies, Nina," she told me, sitting down across from us.

"How?" I asked.

"Well." She smiled. "They aren't magic to you and I, but they're magic to Jacob. To make sure that throughout his life, I'll always be with him. And that good things will happen… eventually."

I glanced over at Jacob, but he just smiled at me and continued to chew on his cookie. Oblivious to the conversation his mommy and I were having.

"Will my mommy give me magic?"

Laughing, she patted Jacob's knee. "My little boy will give you magic. More magic than I will ever be able to give him."

Frowning, I set my cookie down. "Why?"

"Because he's special," she told me and it was only then that I realized there were tears streaking her cheeks. "And you're very special to him."

"I am?"

She nodded. "Yes, Jacob would be lost without you."

I stared down at my feet, slightly embarrassed.

"It's so sad you don't live here yet, Nina. Jacob's life would be so much easier with you around. He'd never know of heartbreak and rejection. He'd only know of his special girl, a girl that loved him through and through and never ever let him down. You."

"Heartbreak?"

Moving closer to me, she took my face in her hands and looked into my eyes. "You'll understand what that means some day and when you do, you'll make my little boy better. Thank you, Nina. Thank you so much. I couldn't have asked for a more special girl to make my special boy happy."

And then I was being hugged by her as she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Why she was crying, I didn't know.

All I knew was that I liked this woman, she was special.

"Sarah. My name is Sarah."

Very long epilogue, right? I mean does that even count as an epilogue? I just got so carried away with the storyline that I kept on typing.

Hope you guys liked it though.

The very end is one of Nina's strange dreams (as you all probably know) and I thought it'd be a good way to introduce Sarah to her. Since she's Jacob's beloved mother and hasn't ever met Nina because she passed away. But I didn't want to leave such an important person to Jacob out of the story, so I decided to put her into a dream. Personally, I liked the idea and I hope you all did too.

And about Nina's dreams, there isn't really much meaning in most of them but they basically relate to the things in her life. Sometimes even things that haven't happened to her yet. I'm really into dreams and the meaning of them, so that's mainly the reason I put them into the story.

Anyway, thanks so much for reading this story. It means the world to me and I enjoyed writing each and every chapter. Jacob is my favorite character from the twilight saga and so I always enjoy writing about him.

Cheers everyone.