[A.N.] Hello! I hope you all are enjoying the story! We are actually-sadly-almost to the end of the story. I am sorry it has taken so long to get out this chapter but i hope that you enjoy it! Here we go!
What You Want Most Ch. 8
She stood by the fountain and breathed in deeply as she tried to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. It was unfair. She had worked so hard to make this work; to keep things the way they needed to be and move on with her life. Yet in that one moment, the instant she had seen his face, the second their eyes met, it all fell apart. All of her carefully constructed walls came crumbling down leaving her helplessly speechless. She had ran out into the garden half looking for him and half just trying to get some air. The cold of the mid-day had little effect on her and in fact was a welcome change to the stuffy heat she'd felt at that moment when she'd seen him. She needed to think, to clear her head. He was there; still walking casually away. She felt herself torn between yelling out to him and staying exactly where she was. Seemingly against her better judgment she decided on the sooner.
"Heero!" He continued to walk, ignoring her. She felt her anger build. "Heero You! Don't you dare walk away from me!" He stopped where he was and she found herself walking towards him. When she was merely a few feet from his back she stopped.
"Relena." He didn't turn around. It was as if he were simply refusing to face her.
"How dare you?" Her voice was stern as the words slowly came out. He continued to just stand there, facing away from her. "Look at me, Heero." He slowly turned towards her, his downcast eyes were hidden behind his bangs and his face impassive. She became aware once more of the white bear she still clutched in her hand and the questions she wanted to ask.
"Why?" The one simple word escaped her lips, barely a whisper but she knew he'd hear it. The question had so many meanings attached to it. There were so many things he had done that she didn't understand. Why had he disappeared? Why had he stopped al contact with her? Why, if he intended to do so, did he not say goodbye? Most of all, why had he decided to resurface today of all days? Her stomach knotted as she waited for what seemed like an eternity for his reply.
"I had to." His lack of specificity was rather irritating.
"Why?" He remained silent. "Look at me." He slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. She gasped softly when she saw the swirling mix of emotions in his eyes. "Why Heero? Why did you leave? Without even saying goodbye?"
"Because it's better this way. You're better off without me." The resounding sound of her hand slapping his face made the whole world seem to stand still.
"How dare you! How dare you say that to me! You know that isn't true, not now, and not ever! You know how I felt about! You've always known! For Christ's sake Heero! You kissed me once! Didn't that mean anything to you?"
"Relena…"
"I waited for you. All these years I held out hoping that you might finally show me the reason you kissed me; that maybe I wasn't alone in my feelings. But you never did. So I moved on."
"You got engaged."
"You told me to! I told you he proposed and you said nothing to stop me! God Heero! Why are you doing this? You left! You left me without a word? Why did you suddenly decide to come back?"
"It doesn't matter now. Just forget it."
"Heero!"
"I will return when I'm needed." He began to walk away from her and though her heart willed it, her feet would not go. "Congratulations, Relena." She watched his retreating form and her heart sank more with each step. She would not go after him. Not again. Her pride would not allow and her heart would not be able to take it. She gripped the stuffed white bear in her hands tightly as a single tear slid down her cheek. In one fluid motion she wiped her tear away and dropped the bear onto the cold concrete of the garden path. As she made her own way back into the hall she did not see the broken hearted figure come out from behind the trellis. He bent down and picked up the discarded bear as the silver necklace made a soft tinkling sound against the ground. He stuffed the bear and necklace into his coat pocket and made his way back inside.
Donovan stayed by her side throughout the rest of the party. She was smiling and acting as though nothing had ever occurred to interrupt what should have been a rather perfect day. He knew how troubled she was. He had seen all he needed to see in the garden, all that remained now was waiting for the right moment to address the issue. As the hours ticked by, more and more of their guests departed until it was just the two of them and her closest friends that were always nearby for security purposes. Picking up the decorations was a slow process that she seemed to be using as a distraction. She obviously hadn't forgotten their surprise visitor and neither had he. After what seemed like a small eternity he gently touched her arm.
"Relena, will you walk with me a moment? I need to speak to you about something." She froze, her aqua eyes meeting his in confusion.
"Of course." He helped her on with her coat and then his own and held out his arm which she promptly took. They walked together in virtual silence until they reached the fountain where he gently broke away from her, turning away. He paused for a moment, looking at the beautifully caved statue of two cherubs on the back of two swans whose necks had twined together into the form of a heart. He turned around, his eyes locking with hers.
"Relena, are you sure this is what you want?"
"Donovan?"
"When you accepted my proposal, it was the happiest moment of my life. The first time I met you I knew you were special, and not because you were the Vice Foreign Minister. Your titles and achievements were impressive but not what attracted me to you. It was your heart; your strength and conviction, your passion to help people. But there was also an air of mystery about you. The woman too busy for a relationship. I wanted to know who you really were; to find out what made you as you were. And now I know." He reached his hands into his pockets.
"Donovan, it's cold out here. Why don't we go back inside and finish redecorating for the rehearsal dinner?"
"I'm not sure there will be a rehearsal dinner."
"You don't want one."
"Relena." He watched her stiffen at his tone, her eyes widening slightly. "Let's be honest. We've been kidding ourselves. This whole thing, the wedding, our engagement. It's not right."
"What do you mean?"
"I can never be what you need me to be, or rather, who you want me to be." He looked down sadly.
"Donovan, what are you talking about?"
"Relena, I love you. I want you to know that. But there's an old saying: if you love someone, let them go and if they come back then they're yours. I'm not expecting you to come back but I do want you to be happy." He takes her hands in his. "Even if it isn't with me." As he pulled his hands away she looked down to find the silver dove necklace.
"Donovan?" He hands her the teddy bear and she looks down at it, puzzled, then back up at him.
"It's ok."
"I'm so sorry, Donovan."
"There's no reason to apologize. Just promise me you'll be happy. That's all I ask."
"You are going to make some woman very happy someday, Donovan. And when that happens she will be the luckiest woman in the world." He smiled at her and she returned his sadly, leaning in, she kissed his cheek softly, hugging him. He pulled away gently and took a step back.
"Let's go back inside. The least I can do is help clean up the mess"
"I don't know what to tell everyone."
"You don't have to, not alone. We'll tell them together." She smiled at him again and he took her hand as they walked back in together to confront their friends.
Heero sat in the surveillance room waiting for his charge to return for his nightly shift. The fresh cup of coffee was quickly getting cold on the table top yet again. The room was dark and the only illumination came from the monitors. This was becoming a regular thing for him. They should be getting back any time now. The party had been just as she'd planned it to be. He overheard Hilde regaling her with all the details, the trappings and trimmings. It was everything any bride to be could ever wish for. He sighed and ran a hand through his long, chocolate-colored bangs.
The monitored showed the front door opening and Zechs entered, followed by his wife and then finally, Relena. He watched as she peeled off her coat and scarf and deposited her gloves on the table by the entranceway. It was then that he noticed the small white bear grasped gently in one of her hands. She looked tired. He frowned as he noticed her downcast eyes and slumped shoulders. He knew her well enough to know that something was really wrong. Her older brother and his wife hadn't said anything to her either. Duo entered then, followed by his wife who was quietly chastising him for something only the two of them were privy to. It was still Duo's shift. He'd be up any moment to take over but Heero found he was unwilling to leave. He continued to watch her on the monitors until she walked into her room and closed the door behind her. The door opened and the new intrusion of light.
"Hey buddy. Thought I'd find you here." He merely grunted in response. "What are you sittin' in the dark for? Sticking to the stalker stereotype?"
He turned and saw his friend's grin even in the dim lighting. Dup flipped the switch but Heero failed to give him the desired reaction of flinching. His training provided him with the ability to adjust quickly to a change in lighting.
"That was some stunt you pulled today." Again, he didn't answer. "I didn't think you'd have it in you to show up, although I gotta admit I thought that if you did you'd do something more than just run off." Heero turned away from him, focusing on the monitors but saw from a reflection that Duo leaned casually on the doorway.
"Too bad you didn't stick around. You missed the big news." Heero paused and shifted his shoulders and braced himself. He knew Duo would tell him whether he asked for it or not. "Donovan called it off."
"What?" He spun around so fast it made Duo take a step back.
"Yeah. He broke off the engagement. Rel won't tell us why. She just said he was a gentleman about it." Heero stood up, slinging his preventer jacket over his shoulder. "Where you goin'?"
"I'll be back in time for my shift." He left the room and closed the door leaving behind him a very confused braided man. Donovan had broken off the engagement. Heero couldn't understand it. He had let her go. He had to find out what happened and the best way to do that was to go to the source.