I haven't updated in a looong time! So sorry! Here, have some angst!
The next morning, Daryl woke to find Carol stuffing their stuff in a worn duffle bag. She was concentrating and her face was creased into a frown. The way she stuffed items of clothing into the bag suggested she was less than happy about the situation to leave.
"What ya doin'?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.
"Packin'."
He sensed her blunt tone and sat up on the bed. Daryl watched her movements for a few moments until she stopped, picked up the half empty duffle and excused herself to gather more clothes. Before exiting, she kissed the top of Daryl's head with a hand on his cheek and smiled. His head fell back onto the pillow when she left the room. Despite sleeping for so long, he felt worn out but he sighed and knew he would just have to suck it up and get ready to leave.
Then he thought about how far they had come since the prison and all that had happened. Daryl thought of Lori and baby Judith and grimaced. Then thought of his brother crept up on him. Merle. He had to kill him. Only a Dixon can kill a Dixon, was what he had said to Carol, wasn't it? The thought of his own brother, who had been around since the world had gone to shit, as a walker was haunting and nightmares still occurred every night. But he didn't tell Carol. He would never say. He had to be strong for her.
...
Carol stood in the other grand bedroom down the hallway. She cast her eyes around it and tried to mimic the same feeling she had the first time she found it. Its luxurious, expensive decor was all that she had ever wanted in a house and she sighed heavily. Moving over to the wardrobe, she grabbed the cold handles and threw the doors open. All of the clothes were still neatly hung as though they had never been touched by anyone. Carol smiled to herself and started to pull them off the hangers and into a large pile on the floor. She picked out practical clothes for the coming autumn and winter. Thick tops, cardigans, the jumper and underwear. All necessities.
She sat in the remaining clothes after others had been packed away and felt completely deflated. Rick had knocked lightly on their door that morning when she was lying with Daryl's arm across her waist. Daryl hadn't even stirred as she slowly untangled her legs from his and moved across the room. Rick was stood in the doorway looking worse for wear. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked as though he was going to fall asleep on the spot. But Carol knew why. Nightmares about losing his daughter. She could relate. The bruises from Woodbury were slowly fading on Rick's face and you could barely see them at all now.
"You know we're leavin' today?" Rick whispered.
Carol nodded and she was answered with an expectant look on Rick's face.
"What?" she asked.
"We need to get goin' as soon as possible."
Carol glanced over her shoulder at Daryl, whose face was contorted with pain, for a few seconds and then faced Rick again. "He's still sleepin'."
"Wake him."
"Rick-"
"Please."
Not a soul was awake in the house. It was very early in the morning and the sun was only just rising in the sky.
"Just a few more hours until everyone's awake," she practically pleaded. "Then we'll go."
Rick regarded her for a few seconds and then sighed. "Fine. A few hours," he said. Then he stalked off and back into his own room.
Carol thought about the interaction as she was sorting through the clothes and then she thought about Daryl. Yeah, she had lost her daughter and Rick had lost his but Daryl had also lost someone. His brother. Probably the person who had meant the most to him in this world. And he was the one who killed him. Suddenly, Carol felt a wave of guilt. Why hadn't they talked about it more? Why had he never mentioned it? And she could bet that killing Merle was what his nightmares had been about. Every night he had been tossing and turning or grabbing her top to try to relieve his dreams.
"Damn." She cursed herself as she threw down the flimsy dress that she had been clenching in her hands. "Idiot."
...
Daryl was sitting alone in their room when memories of his brother flew at him at an alarming rate. Loss settled heavily in his stomach and he felt more alone than ever. Realising that Carol (his girlfriend? That didn't seem right) was in the other room, he picked himself up and paced quickly to the other room. He knocked once on the door before it was flung open in front of him. Carol stood there, with tears in her eyes, and it didn't take her long to throw her arms around his neck. His head fell on her shoulder and his hands gripped the back of her top tightly. Daryl felt one of her hands moving up to stroke through his hair.
"You miss him, don't you?" she whispered in his ear.
He nodded against her shoulder and clenched his eyes shut.
"I'm sorry. I should have asked you sooner."
Daryl couldn't help a short laugh at her constant apologising.
"It's all okay," she soothed.
And then, as though those words were a key, silent tears fell down his cheek and he held her tighter against him. Her soft hand still coursed through his hair whilst the other was tightly around his neck. Daryl felt a sense of relief as he confessed everything to her without uttering a single word.
When he had finally given her one last squeeze, she dropped an inch as she stood down from her tip toes. Her hand had moved to rest against his cheek, wiping away a tear, and she still stood inches away.
"I'm sorry, Daryl."
"Quit apologisin'," he snapped. Then he realised how harsh the words sounded. "I was tryin' to label ya before."
"What?" she asked, clearly bewildered.
"Callin' ya my girlfriend don't sit right."
"Well then I can be your ladyfriend."
Daryl eyed her face, searching for her joking expression. It was only when a few moments had passed that Carol finally burst out into laughter.
"And you can be my manfriend," she added, still giggling.
He glanced at her again but her laugh was a sweet sound that he hadn't heard in far too long. Daryl chuckled.
"Everyone's up! We're hittin' the road in minutes!" Rick called from downstairs.
Daryl turned back to Carol who was still smiling bravely in front of him. He kissed the top of her head and then moved into the room where Carol had been packing. Picking up the duffle in one swift movement, he put one hand on the small of Carol's back and guided her out of the room. He let her have one last glance before shutting the door behind them and, even though she looked sad to be leaving, Daryl smiled at her and took her hand.