Chapter 9 – The storm
As Thranduil's party slowly started to diffuse into the crowd both Elrohir and Elladan felt a little awkward standing there. They had before never attended such a large celebration with the Silvan elves of Mirkwood. Not wanting to impose, they were both unsure of what to do. It was then they were saved by Noron, who lead them to one of the very large kegs of Dorwinion, claiming it for his own.
Elladan was reluctant to participate in the merrymaking. He would have rather of enjoyed to sit somewhere quite and alone, looking upon the stars in a peaceful silence than attending a large gathering. But the Elvenking had graciously invited him. Thranduil had even lent his brother and himself formal robes and identical mithril circlets for the occasion, saying they should appear as the princes they are. Elladan complied, not wanting to be ungrateful towards Thranduil's kindness.
Noron's group sat around a large circular table, talking and laughing in merriment. Elladan had declined the glass of wine that was offered to him, not wanting to have to deal with the repercussions that developed with drink. He ignored the jests that came with his refusal and the look of sympathy Elrohir shot his way. He just sat there, silently watching Elrohir, Noron, and Noron's friends consume glass after glass of Dorwinion in various games of drinking sport. Elladan didn't need his gift of foresight to tell him where this evening would lead. Elrohir had a weak stomach, much like himself; drink always quickly claimed their senses leaving them weak willed, loose tongued and often rather ill.
After a short while, having become quite fed up with sitting near Noron and his friends, Elladan silently slipped away unnoticed to the side of the clearing, and found a nice sturdy tree to lean against. He found that he had been too noticeable near Noron, having been approached by far to many Ellith and even some Ellyn asking for his hand in a dance. He was starting to run out of excuses and soft lines of rejection to throw their way. He felt it best just to disappear into silence.
Breathing a long sigh of relief, Elladan looked up towards the night sky and found Menelmacar, his favorite constellation, The Swordsman in the Sky, The Lost Valar, the son to Tulkas, Tulkas who was the Valar's greatest warrior.* Menelmacar could only be seen in the winter and gave Elladan an odd sense of strength. He basked in its presence. The stars seemed to shine exceedingly bright this evening.
A slight tug on his sleeve tore Elladan away from his peaceful stargazing. He looked down and was met with Legolas' bright blue eyes. Eyes that were watery, looking as if the elfling were about to burst into tears.
Before Elladan even had chance to ask what could have upset the previously excited and happy elfling, Legolas sniffled and blurted out; "Noron spilt Dorwinion on my sleeve.See," he said, holding his sleeve up for view.
Elladan frowned and knelt down to Legolas' level, gently examining the garment. "That wasn't very nice of him," he said, sympathetic to Legolas' situation. "What happened, Little One?" he asked, though threw his wisdom he probably could have guessed.
"I was trying to get Elrohir's attention when Noron picked me up and placed me on the table. He wanted me to sing and dance, but I did not wish to," Legolas pouted, crossing his arms. Pleased that found an ally to his situation. The warriors surrounding Noron were not very helpful and Elrohir had been sleeping on the table, unable to come to his aid.
"I am sorry that happened to you, little one. Would you care to join me on a walk? You can show me your favorite things," Elladan suggested.
"Okay!" Legolas chimed, as he reached for Elladan's hand, completely forgetting about his soiled sleeve.
Once he finally managed to gather his courage and leave his father, Legolas had found himself to be rather bored. The walk instantly brightened Legolas' spirits as he started rambling on about his favorite stars. They came across a group of dark haired elflings playing amongst the trees, catching fireflies. Legolas stopped talking and longingly looked on towards them. They looked like they were having so much fun.
"I do not recognize those elflings," Legolas shyly remarked.
"Why don't you go play with them?"
"I cannot," Legolas said mournfully, clutching Elladan's hand tighter, turning to bury his face in he folds of Elladan's robes.
"And why is that?" Elladan questioned as he knelt to Legolas' level.
"Because once they find out I am their prince they will not treat me like I am normal."
"Hmm, well then we will just have to make sure they do not discover who you are, until you are ready to reveal it to them," Elladan playfully suggested.
"How?" Legolas asked, somewhat skeptical yet intrigued.
"Well for starters, hand me your circlet."
Legolas protectively placed his hands around his head. "Ada says I mustn't take it off," he protested.
"It will only be for while you are playing with them. If you are wearing it then it will be obvious who you are. You must blend in," reasoned Elladan.
"Like when I blend in with the trees!" This idea was very exciting. Legolas obediently took off the tiny mithril ring, gently handing it to Elladan.
Elladan carefully pocketed to precious item. "Now hand me your outer robe," he said.
"But I will be cold in only a long sleeved tunic and leggings."
"Once you get running around you will warm up quickly, and at any time you find you are too cold to play just come back to me and we will get you warmed up, okay?"
"Okay!" Legolas excitedly agreed as he took off his heavily embroidered formal robe handing it to Elladan.
"Alright, now you look 'normal' to me. I think you're ready to play with them," Elladan smiled, smoothing Legolas' hair away from his face.
Legolas looked longingly towards the elflings and sighed. He could not admit it to Elladan that he was afraid. Elladan was such a strong and brave warrior, a hero. What if the other elflings still didn't want to play with him? What if he only got in the way of their game? He couldn't let one of his heroes find out that he was scared of a possible rejection. It was such a simple fear but yet had such a strong hold on his heart.
Elladan's expression dropped when Legolas did not move, but rather stared nervously towards the ground at his feet. Elladan gently lifted Legolas' chin, the look in the elfling's eyes told him everything he needed to know. Elladan pulled Legolas into a warm embrace and felt the elfling hug him back tightly.
"Worry not young one," he murmured. "Do not let the unknown dampen your spirit. There comes a time when we all faced with a fear of something we are unable to control, and must walk straight into it in order to overcome it."
"Even you?" Legolas timidly asked.
"Yes, even me. It's having the strength and courage to face those fears that matters rather than the outcome. Do not let the unknown stop you from trying."
Legolas wondered what Elladan could possibly be afraid of. Elrohir and Elladan were brave fearless warriors in Legolas' eyes. Everything he wanted to become and more.
"Umm Elladan," he said shyly.
"What is it?" Elladan asked, as he brushed as strand of pale golden hair behind Legolas' ear.
"Will you stay and watch me?" he nervously asked.
"Of course, I will not leave you alone," Elladan said smiling. "Come, I shall help you take your first steps." Elladan stood and reached down for Legolas' tiny hand. He took it within his and led him towards the playing elflings.
Legolas tired his best to appear brave, attempting to school his features like his father, holding on to the small thread of courage Elladan gave him.
"Hello there, little ones!" Elladan called out towards the elflings. The elflings stopped playing, stared wide eyed up at Elladan. "This is my friend Legolas, he doesn't know anyone around here. Can he play with you?"
One of the braver elflings approached, smiling. "Yes," he exclaimed taking Legolas' other hand.
"What is your name little one?" Elladan asked the elfling.
"Fawne," he answered Elladan before turning towards Legolas. "You can be partnered with me. Now that we have even numbers we can play the game properly!" he explained, leading Legolas away.
Elladan stood there in silence, caught up in the joyous sight of elflings running through the forest, chasing after fireflies. Little flickering lights, glowing brightly through the darkness. Legolas' smile was the brightest of them all. It was such a peaceful sight to behold, warming Elladan's heart. Smiling to himself he contently found another tree to lean against, as he resumed his stargazing with sweet sound of elfling laughter filling the air around him.
When asked about it later, Elrohir would not be able to recall how much Dorwinion he had consumed. Nor would be able to pinpoint the exact moment his senses had left him leaving patches in his memory. It were as if it happened in the snap of a second, one moment he was fine and laughing merrily, the next he could not recall where he was.
Elrohir's head swam, faces of elves he did not recognize blurred around him, merging together in a plethora of colors. He looked around and could not make any sense of where he was. In his heavily intoxicated state almost all rational thought had fled his mind. All he knew was that he had to find Elladan. He tried to call out for his brother but his lips couldn't properly form the words, slurring together into a long unintelligent noise, speaking incomprehensible sounds.
His head felt so heavy, his muscles felt so weak. Bits of meaningless conversation swarmed around his consciousness. He had to find Elladan.
Elrohir swayed dangerously as he stood from his seat, grasping the table edge tightly. He made to take a step away from it, but was over come with a foreboding sense of vertigo falling unceremoniously onto ground.
"Looks like the Peredhil cannot handle his drink!" The sound of laughter surrounded him like the iron bars of a cage, trapping him within.
He felt a couple pairs of hands grab hold of him, lifting back onto his seat.
"Someone bring him some water."
Not ready to give up, Elrohir attempted to stand again, but was stopped as he felt a strong pair of hands pushing him down. Anger boiled within him. Why was he being held here? He needed to find Elladan.
"I'd stay seated if I were you," a voice filled with hot breath whispered into his ear. Elrohir twitched his head trying to rub his ear against his shoulder, not liking the sensation. And what was that, a threat? Was this elf threatening him?
Elrohir renewed his struggles.
"I said to stay seated." The hands forcefully held him down as his ear was once again intruded with the uncomfortable sensation of hot breath. Elrohir cringed, clenching his hands. He was frustrated by this elf's lack of understanding. Why wasn't he able to find Elladan?
Elrohir suddenly leaned all his weight onto the elf behind him, throwing him off balance. Elrohir threw his clenched hand towards the elf, landing a clean blow onto the side of his face. Both elves fell to the ground, bringing the table with them in a loud clash, as the suffocating drunken laughter once again surrounded him.
Elrohir scrambled to get up but found himself unable to as he was held down a couple pairs of hands.
"NO," he managed to slur out, thrashing wildly beneath his captors. "No…"
Legolas hugged Elladan tightly.
"Guess how many fireflies I caught?!" the elfling asked with a wide yawn.
"How many?" Elladan asked as he helped Legolas feed a slightly shivering arm through the sleeve of the formal robe.
"Seven!" Legolas chimed proudly.
"What a mighty feat!" Elladan praised. "Come my prince, let us find you a warm drink and seat by the fire. You'll warm up in no time," Elladan said, taking Legolas' hand.
Unknown to the pair, the elfling Legolas had been playing with had been hiding behind a large patch of bushes watching the exchange with great interest. He smiled to himself. He had guessed right, he had been playing with the Prince! Legolas had been fun to play with. He couldn't wait to see him again!
"Elladan, do you think we will see Ada? I want to tell him all about the new games I learned!"
"I am sure we well see your father. He isn't exactly hard to miss in a crowd."
Legolas giggled, "Ada is really sparkly tonight!"
"So are you," Elladan retorted. The royal family's formal robes were quite heavily embroidered.
Legolas sat atop Elladan's lap, warmed by the soft glow of the fire, with a mug of warm blueberry tea in hand. He licked his lips after taking a long sip. It was so delicious. He was definitely going to ask for more once he was finished!
Legolas looked up from his mug to see his father approaching.
"Ada! Ada! Guess what?" Legolas gleefully exclaimed as his father took a seat next to them.
"What, my leaf?"
"Elladan helped me play with elflings and I learned new games!"
"Come," Thranduil said, extending his arms out towards his son. Elladan handed Legolas off to his father, where Legolas snuggled comfortably in his father's lap, yawning. "You must tell me all about these games."
Thranduil frowned noticing Legolas' sleeve. "But first you must tell me why you have a Dorwinion stain on your sleeve."
"It is Noron's fault. He was trying to get me to dance and sing, but I did not want to."
"I see," Thranduil grimily said, his eyes narrowed.
Thranduil looked over towards his nephew just in time to see him and Elrohir fall over a table bringing it clashing down with them. He was in a complete state of disbelief over what he just witnessed. Thankfully few elves around them paid little attention to the group of drunken warriors, obliviously continuing on with their joyous merrymaking under the stars.
In an instant Elladan was on his feet, rushing to his brother's aid.
"Get off him," Elladan shouted, pushing his way past the drunken soldiers, throwing Noron off his brother in the process. He smirked noticing the growing black eye on Noron's face, before turning to give his brother his full attention. Even in Elrohir's weakened state he could deal a fine blow.
Elladan knelt on the cold mossy ground leaning over his brother, softly stroking his flushed and slightly damp cheek.
"Why do you cry? He asked speaking softly in Sindarin, knowing the vast majority of the woodelves had no knowledge of the language.
Elrohir gasped before he mumbled something completely incomprehensible, his face only becoming damper.
"Oh Valar Elrohir, how much wine did you consume?" Elladan asked in a soothing tone, while stroking Elrohir's cheek. When he received no response he said, "Come, let me help you." Slowly, he pulled his brother up into a sitting position. Elladan gratefully accepted the glass of water that was offered to him, guiding the cool liquid to Elrohir's lips.
"Ada is Elrohir okay?" Elladan heard Legolas ask, as Thranduil approached the scene.
"Yes my leaf," Thranduil replied to his son, before turning to is nephew. "What happened here?" he asked Noron.
"He hit me, I was only trying to aid him, and he hit me!" Noron angrily slurred. "How dare he! I will not tolerate this disrespect."
"It was unintentional my Nephew. Do not make such a big deal out of small occurrences. Go on and enjoy the rest of the evening," Thranduil said, putting an end to the situation. Noron huffed as he walked away, flanked by his who were trying to calm him down. He was not willing to disobey his uncle at such a public occasion.
"Let us take Elrohir back to the palace," Thranduil suggested. "I was collecting Legolas to take him back. I have much to think about, and this little one is tired," he said, as Legolas yawned in his arms, resting his head on his father's warm shoulder.
Thranduil signaled Galion over, who though was under the influence of drink, still contained his wits, was more than able to help Elladan to bring Elrohir back to the palace. It was a long walk for they had to stop many times so Elrohir could collect himself. Both Elladan and Galion breathed a heavy sigh of relief when the palace finally came into view.
Together they laid Elrohir down in Elladan's bed, before Galion left to go rejoin the festivities, mumbling something about finally having a chance to dance with some elleth called Tauriel. Elladan removed Elrohir's boots and tunic, before climbing onto the bed next to him. He held his brother close, softly stroking his hair.
"I called for you, but you didn't come," Elrohir slurred.
"I am here now," Elladan said, holding his brother tightly.
"But for how long?" Elrohir asked before falling into a restless slumber.
"It's all my fault, I'm so sorry brother. It's my fault," he said, leaning over his brother's prone lifeless body. His lips were blue, and he was cold to the touch, as if he were ice. His breathing was so shallow, barely noticeable. "Please come back to me. I need you. I cannot live without you," he choked through sobs.
Endless tears ran down his cheeks. There was an unbearable sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach. He felt numb. His brain was foggy and heavy in grief. He couldn't contain it all; it tore at his insides. It was too much. He could not comprehend his surroundings, but it didn't matter where he was anymore. Wherever his brother went, he would soon follow. His attention lay focused on his brother's pale lifeless face. He felt as though he couldn't breath, couldn't move. He was trapped – suffocating. He felt blood rushing to his ears. Dizzy, he was dizzy. Why was this happening? He felt nothing. Empty.
He wrapped his arms tightly himself and drew his knees up to his chest. He could find no comfort. There was no more light left in this world. It was hopeless. The shadows were swallowing him whole, finally claiming their long awaited prize. His brother was fading and it was his fault, his entire fault. He pushed his brother over the edge. He did this to him.
Elrohir awoke with a start. His heart was beating so fast he thought it would jump out of his chest. He breathed heavily in large burning gasps. He looked over to the spot next to him only to find it was empty. Elladan was not there. His heart slowly tore into pieces.
"Elladan," he weakly called out. "NO, no, not again, Elladan!"
He brought his hands up to his chest in a feeble attempt to calm himself, feeling his wildly thumping heart. His mouth felt so dry. He was so thirsty, he couldn't remember ever feeling this thirsty before. His head was pounding. He felt as though he had been trampled on by a hoard of orcs. It hurt so much he felt dizzy. His face was damp with tears or sweat, he couldn't tell, perhaps both.
These visions were too much. He didn't know how much more of this he could bear. It was too much. Having to endure the torment of his worst fear not once but now twice, it was emotionally grating.
He slowly pulled himself up to a sitting position, leaning heavily on the headboard. On the bedside table he saw a large glass of water and a vile next to it with a note: This will help. After he downed both contents, Elrohir instantly felt physically better. His emotional state was still a questionable matter.
Slowly Elrohir pulled himself out of bed, messaging his brow. Soft light filtered into the room. It was nearing midday. Elrohir had little memory of the previous night. He paced the room, trying to recall anything, thinking of Elladan.
A strange surge of anger flared through him instead of that sad hopeless feeling. Something had snapped. He felt uncontrollably angry. If only Elladan would open their bond, all this could go away.
All this pent up rage and frustration welled up within, pushing to be released. He would have to make Elladan see reason. Elladan does not understand, the bond works two ways. Yes he would feel all of Elladan's pain, but in turn Elladan would feel his healing heart, which, with time would only ignite Elladan's own healing. Why couldn't his brother understand this? No, no more. This was going to end now, his brother was going to stop this foolishness, stop pushing him away. Stop running from his pain and except it.
He quickly changed into a pair of leggings, a tunic, fastening a belt carrying a few small throwing knives around his waist, before pulling a cloak on over himself. He was going to find Elladan. If he knew anything about his brother, he knew were to first look.
Elrohir fumed as he walked through the stone fortress towards the courtyard doors, trying to pull together thoughts of what he would say once he saw Elladan. In such an irrational state his thoughts were only laced with anger.
Elrohir briefly caught sight of the archery field. Legolas was practicing with his father. Thranduil was kneeling behind Legolas, helping pull the bow to full draw, while Legolas had a look of deep serious concentration on his face. The sight momentarily warmed his heart but did nothing to falter his temper.
He came upon Elladan, standing alone in the middle of the training grounds. His brother had a blunt sword in hand, fiercely going over his practice routine. Viscously swiping the air with movements he had long ago perfected.
Elladan turned once he heard his brother approaching. "Good morn Elrohir, or rather should I say Good afternoon? How are you faring?" He cheerfully called out.
Elrohir only glared has his twin, the cheerful attitude serving only to further anger him.
Elladan's expression dropped. "Are you still feeling unwell? Or perhaps your sleep was not as restful as I thought. Did you not sleep well?" he asked, with concern.
"No, I did not sleep well," Elrohir vexed, slowly pronouncing each syllable. "In fact I had another vision, the SAME vision."
"Brother, I have already told you, only in death will you cause me to fade," Elladan said nonchalantly. "Now enough of this nonsense. Why not come join me in some midday practice?" he suggested.
Elladan's carefree attitude only further fuel Elrohir's furry. "NO," Elrohir shouted. "What you are doing is nonsense. I will have no more of this."
"What do you mean?" Elladan asked in confusion.
"Do not play these games with me Elladan, you know exactly what I mean," Elrohir vexed, his heart beating wildly.
Elladan frowned. "Why do you take this tone with me? I have done nothing to deserve such treatment Elrohir."
The anger Elrohir felt was nearly suffocating him. "You closed off OUR bond," he spat, drunk with rage.
"Why must we go over this yet again, Elrohir? I have told you this on many occasions. I am doing this to protect you. Everything I do is to protect you. Why do you not understand?" Elladan asked sorrowfully, clearly hurt. "Please calm down brother, you are not seeing reason."
"I am calm, brother. Very calm," Elrohir said. "It is you who does not see reason. Can you not feel how closing our bond hurts? Or are you so broken that you no longer feel anything at all? You do not cry you rarely smile. You are hollow. "
"You can not mean that," Elladan whispered. The shock from Elrohir's words nearly tore through his defenses.
Elrohir continued, "Can you not see that closing our bond is emotionally destroying you? It has caused you to lose your senses in battle brother. For is that not how you were injured prior to our entry into Mirkwood?"
"You do not know of what you speak," Elladan said, his tone starting to match Elrohir's.
"I know plenty of what I speak," Elrohir claimed in outrage.
"NO, you do NOT," Elladan shouted. "I was injured protecting YOU. Your back was turned in battle, brother. If I had not jumped in the way, the blow to you would have been fatal. Then your vision would have come full circle."
"If you had not closed off our bond, that would have been unnecessary, Elladan, you know it," Elrohir countered with bitterness.
"No Elrohir, you are always so quick to anger, so quick to throw yourself into battle. You do not think, if your back had not been turned, it you had not jumped into battle without thinking then I would not have needed to do what I did. It has nothing to do with my choice to close off our bond. It is your fault I was injured," he said in a rare show of hostility.
Elrohir froze, the pain of what Elladan had said hit him full force. It was his fault. It was all his fault.
"I-I only want to help you Elladan," Elrohir whispered.
"I do not need your help Elrohir, nor do I want it. You do not understand you cannot help me. Just leave me alone," Elladan cried out in anger, his eyes filled with fiery rage.
The look in Elladan's eyes nearly destroyed Elrohir. All he could do was stand there in shock. His gentle brother had never spoken such hurtful words to him before. Elrohir felt almost betrayed. He only wanted to help Elladan, to stop his nonsensical suffering.
When Elrohir made no move, Elladan shouted with rage, "LEAVE."
Elrohir tore his gaze away from Elladan's. His heart lay so heavy with grief, consuming his senses. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he turned away from Elladan and ran.
As Elladan watched his brother, he felt an instant pang of regret. It was then Elladan realized just how hurtful his words were.
"What have I done?" he whispered. He has never regretted anything more in his life. His words were merely spoken out of anger. In his heart he did not truly mean them. Why could Elrohir not understand that he was protecting him.
Elladan wished to go after Elrohir but he felt so weak. His legs would not carry him. He dropped the practice sword, and fell to his knees, hitting the hard ground. It was too much. He brought his hands up to his face, but still he could not weep. His eyes remained dry. As sad as he was, as much as he wished to, he could not cry. He sat there full of regret, in shock, before darkness quickly claimed him.
Elrohir ran. He just needed to get away, to think things over and clear his mind. Blinded by tears he ran towards the Southgate, straight into the darkness of the forest.
A pair of hands lightly shaking him, roused Elladan.
"Is he injured?"
"Why are his eyes closed?"
"I don't know."
"Quick, help me get him up."
Elladan opened his eyes to see three fully armed Silvan guards kneeling anxiously around him. Twinkling stars lit up the night sky.
"Are you alright My Lord?" one of them asked.
"What's going on? What happened?" Elladan asked, groggy, disoriented and slightly alarmed. The stars were out. It was already night?
"We were hoping you could tell us," one of them gravely said.
"Prince Legolas is missing."
TBC
*Menelmacar: (Quenya) also called Telimektar (amongst other names) is Tolkien's version of the constellation Orion. (Orion the Hunter is a constellation only visible in the winter months in the Northern Hemisphere.)