After the best Christmas Harry had experienced in a while, he had fallen asleep heavily with a full stomach of delicious Hogwarts dinner and a mixture of Firewhiskey and Butterbeer. The next day he allowed himself to sleep in late and when he woke up the first thing his eyes laid upon was "Les Maudites: An Ancient Mystery Exposed". He decided it was as a good a start as any, and so in the comfort of his bed he proceeded to trudge his way through all fifty pages.
It was early afternoon when Hermione decided she ought to get Harry out of bed already. She climbed up to the boys dormitory easily (apparently girls are far more trustworthy) and entered his room, this time knocking to avoid any half clothed encounters from re occurring. When she opened the door he was sitting upright, shirtless, his face buried in his hands.
"My God Harry is something wrong?"
"I don't know" he confessed in a weak tone, looking pale.
Her heart sunk at seeing him look so shaky, and despite her promise to herself to hide her feelings for him, she quickly ran to him, sinking to her knees before him, and grabbing his hands which felt cold and almost lifeless.
He looked down at her, and could see the panic in her eyes. He felt a twinge of guilt for causing her such distress. It seemed almost ironic that since he was eleven he had been trying to protect those he loved, and instead he had only caused them pain, loss and terror.
"I read the article about Les Maudites" he began, trying to pull his strength together. He helped her to her feet, moving so she could sit next to him on the bed. Her proximity made him feel a bit calmer. "Anna Alvarez is apparently the only one still who has knowledge of the topic, and she wrote the article after deciphering ancient hieroglyphics found in the excavation of a wizarding colony that existed in Greece thousands of years ago."
He paused for a moment trying to decide where to start. "Les Maudites was a term coined by a French scholar in the 1600s. He claimed to have known a Damned One, but the scholar was killed shortly after and his publishings destroyed. That is why Anna Alvarez used a pen name."
"Why would anyone kill him?" Hermione asked, feeling tense.
"Because they were afraid of the information falling into the wrong hands. Les Maudites are incredibly powerful, they make regular magic look fairly weak. Had someone like Voldemort figured out a way to become one, he would have been unstoppable. Fortunately, I don't think he would have the ability to do so."
"Why not?" she asked, feeling increasingly anxious by the tone of his voice as he suddenly sprung up, shoving his hands into his jean pockets and breathing quickly as he paced back and forth.
"To become a Damned One you must be marked by death in three ways. First, someone who loves you in a deep and pure sense must give their life for you. Next, you must yourself die selfishly. And finally, you must kill someone who shares a part of you."
He paused, allowing a moment of silence for emphasis. She mulled over his words, and then her eyes opened in shock. "Oh my God Harry" she gasped. "That could be you."
"I know" he said, a look of despair in his eyes. She suddenly jumped up and flung her arms around him.
"Voldemort would never have someone to die for him out of pure love, and he would never give his own life selfishly. But my mother died for me, and then I took the Avadad Kedava curse and died to break the horocrux that was within me. And then... I killed Voldemort who shared some of my blood."
As he spoke she could feel the deep rumbling of his chest, and she felt dizzy, not knowing what any of this really meant.
"That must be why Mr. Anonymous wanted me to look for Anna Alvarez, he must have known. But I don't know how, I never told anyone besides you and Ron of how I died for that brief moment, and few people know that Voldemort had my blood in his veins!" He felt sick suddenly, his head spinning with the possibilities.
"But what does it all mean Harry?" she asked, wishing now that she had read the article before she gave it to him.
"They call them The Damned for a reason" he said bitterly as she slid from his arms. "You give up what she refers to as 'your right to die'. You become immortal, watching everyone you love die until you forget what it is to love. You lose your humanity."
"But your obviously not one of them!" she exclaimed. "You haven't manifested any special powers since Voldemort's death."
"You're right" he said slowly, as though something was dawning on him. "Because... well, because you have to choose it!" His eyes lit up with relief as he quickly ran to grab the report, eagerly flipping through the pages. "How stupid I can be, getting us all worked up for nothing. See, it says it here!"
Hermione read aloud the section he was pointing to. "According to the hieroglyphics, after having been marked by death in three ways, the wizard or witch must travel to the underworld and allow himself or herself to receive the final mark of death, which is described as a painful process in which the wizard or witch sacrifices his or her right to die in return for vast powers."
"The final mark of death" Harry repeated, feeling his heart slow and relax. "I would have to go out of my way to become a Damned One, and I definitely don't plan on doing that."
Hermione leafed through the report, a look of confusion across her features. "It's awfully vague. She doesn't describe much about the underworld, and she never seems to get to what 'right to die' means."
Harry shrugged. "She admits that a lot of it is confusing since the hieroglyphic records aren't very clear. They chronicle the rise of an ancient and powerful wizard named Agapios, a wizard who rained terror over many magical worlds for hundreds of years. According to the record, Agapios was a regular mortal man, who was known for his good nature and kind heart. He had been marked by death in the three ways; first when his wife sacrificed herself to save him from the curse of an evil wizard, next when he tried to exchange his life for hers in an act of necromancy, and finally when he had to kill his own son, who had become corrupted by evil.
The records become unclear on why he chose to become a Damned One, or if he was even the first of his kind, all it says is that 'the Gods spoke to him and promised him great powers if he would travel to the underworld'. And when he came back, he used his powers for good, but slowly he lost sight of what it meant to be human, and it twisted him to the point where he could only find happiness in the suffering of others. He would conjure great plagues just to watch the people die, or cast droughts over lands to witness the starvation of thousands."
"Sounds like a nice guy" Hermione commented.
"Yeah" Harry laughed. "You can see now why I was panicked. I feel like I've caused enough pain and suffering without having to go all inhuman and crazy."
"I don't think you could ever be like that" she assured him, neatly putting the report away in his desk drawer. "Let's try not to think about this right now. What does concern me, is this Mr. Anonymous, and how he knows all this about you."
"Professor Freeman" Harry said suddenly.
"What about him?"
"He mentioned Les Maudites on the first day, why would he do that? Few people know about them, and I've stopped believing in random coincidence."
"Harry, you don't think..."
Harry gulped. He didn't want to think that the fun loving professor could be up to some sort of game, but then, what else was there to think? It wouldn't be the first time a professor attempted to get close to Harry for less than honest reason.
"I need to talk to him. Now." Harry said, his face grim. He strode purposely over to his dresser and grabbed out a shirt, pulling it down over his head as he thought over everything he would say to the professor.
"He's not here Harry, it's Christmas break remember?"
"FUCK!" Harry yelled, making Hermione jump. He suddenly punched the wall, hitting it with such force that blood instantly sprang from his hand. She wanted to help him, but he was growling in such a way that she felt afraid suddenly. The blood spread from his knuckles, dripping down his fingers slowly. He howled again in frustration and hit the wall once more, and she could audibly hear a bone in his hand snap but he didn't seem to notice as he did it again and again until his entire arms was coated in blood, leaving a spattered stain on the stone wall.
Finally having exhausted himself, Harry slumped to the floor, cradling his smashed up hand against his body, the blood quickly seeping into his clean shirt. "I'm sorry Hermione" he apologized, not looking up as he crouched there, his dark hair falling over his eyes, obscuring them from her. "I knew it would never really be over, but I just want to be left alone, I just want to be left alone, I just want to be left alone..." he trailed off repeating himself, and suddenly he fainted from what could only be a combination of blood loss and pain.
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When Harry woke back up the room was dark, and he assumed he was in the hospital wing. But as he looked up at the ceiling he saw that it was not the familiar vaulted ceilings of Madam Pomfrey's ward. Slowly his eyes adjusted until he could vaguely make out the shape of the canopy of his bed. He was in his own room, and as he cautiously moved his arm he realized it was healed. His blood soaked shirt had been removed as well.
As he shifted himself in the bed he bumped into someone. Hermionehe thought, suddenly becoming aware of her steady breathing in the dark. The same breathing he had fallen asleep to for many months in their tent, hunting horocruxes. His movement had stirred her awake and she dreamily said his name, clearly half asleep.
"I'm sorry" he said again.
"Don't apologize" she whispered, finding his nearly healed hand in the darkness, and lacing her fingers through his. "Everyone has their moments of weakness. And you've never gotten to rest in life. It's unfair... but there's nothing to be done about it I suppose."
He squeezed her hand gently in agreement. "Thank-you for healing me. Those advanced healing lessons seem to have stuck with you quite well."
"Me, forget something I've learned?" she laughed demurely, moving closer to his side until he could feel the gentle inhalation and exhalation of her breaths against his neck. He thought the sensation might drive him mad with longing, and he thought of their kiss Christmas morning. But then he could tell she had drifted back into dreamland and so he settled himself for drawing great comfort in her presence.
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Sleeping in his bed became a habit of Hermione's for the nights leading up to the return of the other students. They didn't discuss it, but every night at some point she would find her way to creeping under the covers and laying beside him. For the first time since the war they both felt the weight of loneliness lift off of them, but their feelings remained carefully hidden.
The day before the students were bound to arrive, Harry received another mysterious letter on his bed. He ripped it open angrily, knowing for certain it was Mr. Anonymous.
Dear Harry,
I sense that you have learned a great deal over your Christmas break about Les Maudites. I'm sure you've determined that this is why I mentioned Anna Alvarez to you. I'm sorry for the games and riddles, but I needed to be entirely sure about many things before I continued this path.
I'm sure we can both agree it is time for some truth. Yes, you have been marked by death in three ways; a life was given for you out of pure love, you gave your own life selflessly, and you killed one who shared a part of you. What remains, is the fourth mark; you must travel to the underworld and willingly sacrifice your right to die.
I'm sure you are wondering why you would do this, and I'm sure you have many other questions as well. For these reasons I believe it is finally time for us to truly meet face to face. One month from today, find me in the Dark Forest at midnight. Come alone. Mention this to no one.
Harry gritted his teeth in frustration, nearly tearing the letter up. He had no desire to travel to the underworld and become a damned one? Why would he want to give up his humanity and become a monster like the ancient wizard Agapios? None of it made sense, and there was no way he was going to meet this mysterious pen pal in the middle of a cursed forest just to hear some sappy tales. How stupid did this guy think he was?
Yet still, the intrigue of the mystery kept him from entirely destroying the letter. He placed it with the others, but resolved that he would not walk into a trap. He didn't know what Mr. Anonymous' game was, but he had no reason to ever find out. Well, that's that he decided. And I'm not telling Hermione.
When classes resumed the next day, there was no sign of Professor Freeman. The school was positively abuzz with rumors of what had happened to the handsome professor, but Harry was more suspicious than anything. He knew it had something to do with Les Maudites, but he couldn't be entirely sure of what. If the professor had something to say to Harry on the topic, why not just tell him while he was around all those months? Why just disappear without a word?
"I have no energy for mysteries anymore" he told Hermione as he sat down heavily for lunch in the Great Hall several days later. "I'm quitting them cold turkey."
She eyed him with amusement. "I don't think you get that option. You're Harry Potter."
"I'm changing my name" he argued. "Harry Potter is sort of a boring name anyways. Maybe I'll try something more exotic on for size. Something that isn't associated with mystery solving, near death experiences and most of all, riddles. No more riddles for this guy."
"Well, there may be something to take your mind off the matter" she said slowly. "They have announced a winter ball to take place in a couple weeks."
"Brilliant" he grumbled.
"Oh come on now Harry, it's our last year here. We can at least try to do some normal eighteen year old things."
"Have you seen me dance?" he asked. "It's anything but normal."
She laughed in spite of herself, which made his mood lighten up a bit. "I'll go if you'll be my date" he offered.
She felt a sudden sense of sickness at his words. Of course she would want to be his date, the idea of dancing with, being seen by his side all night... but it would just be as friends and that gave her heart an icy feeling that killed any joy she might have initially had. "I'm sorry Harry, I agreed to go with Chris Jameson, he's a Ravenclaw, he asked me the first day back from Christmas break and..."
She wasn't able to finish her sentence because he suddenly stood up, and without taking a second glance back at her, stormed from the hall. If anyone had noticed they didn't seem to make a fuss, but Hermione simply sat there, mouth gaping wide at his reaction. She had only accepted Chris' invitation because she had assumed Harry would have his pick of any other girl in the castle and she couldn't stand being his fill-in friend. She did find Chris to be handsome and polite, and he was very intelligent and she hoped that maybe her affection for Harry would be less painful if she focused her attention on another.
After several moments of sitting there, she ran up to Gryffindor Tower in search of Harry. She tore into his room, not bothering to knock and he jumped with surprise at her abrupt entrance. "Are you mad at me?" she exclaimed, practically yelling at him.
"No! Well, yes! I mean no!"
"Which is it Harry?" she asked, her brown eyes glaring at him in such a way that made him want to reach for his wand to avoid being hexed.
"I'm upset!" he blurted out, not sure where his mouth was about to take him. "I mean, blimey, you sleep in my bed every single night, and you kissed me on Christmas, and... and well, I'm tired of the games! I need to know how you feel."
"How I feel?" she asked slowly, utterly shocked by what he was saying to her. She had never seen him so flustered and un confident, she felt like she had slipped into an alternative reality. When the confused ringing in her ears subsided she felt indignation well up her stomach. "How I feel? Really? What about you Harry? You're the most difficult person to read, I used to think I could read your mind but..."
"I'm in love with you" he blurted out, his tone strangely angry. "I have been for, I don't even know how long. But I thought you were in love with Ron, and I didn't want to take that from you like I've taken so much else."
She felt like she might fall over, staggering back slightly at his words. "You- you..."
"Stop stuttering" he said, and then before she knew it he had walked across the room and grabbed her firmly by the upper arms and pulled her towards him, kissing her.
It was nothing like the brief kiss they had shared on Christmas morning. It was deep and powerful, making her weak in the knees and she felt like everything around them was melting away. She could feel his chest pressed against hers, his heart racing urgently. She wrapped her arms around his neck to brace herself, gaining the energy to fully push herself into the embrace which had turned nearly frantic and passionate.
When they finally broke apart all he could say was "wow" and she buried her face against his neck, smiling lightly. "I've wondered about doing that for years now" he admitted.
"I'm glad you finally did" she responded, and then slightly stepping back she looked into his eyes. "Because Harry, I am deeply in love with you. And I only realized it recently. I'm such a fool."
"You're hardly a fool" he laughed. "After all, you are the cleverest witch of many billions of decades."
"That's a severe exaggeration Mr. Potter" she laughed, and she urgently kissed him again. If she had ever wondered if kissing her best friend would be awkward she now had her answer. There was nothing awkward about it; it felt perfectly right.
"So you're not going to the ball with that Ravenclaw bloke then?" he asked between kisses.
"I'm sure he'll understand."
"If he doesn't, I'm sure I can take him understand. I am, after all, Harry Potter."
"Don't be cocky" she murmured against his lips and he smiled inwardly at the pun but said nothing.
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Hermione Granger hadn't been happier in her life, or at least in as long as she could remember. They had decided to keep their new relationship a secret for a little while so they could enjoy it before it became a spectacle for the students and papers alike. And a spectacle it would certainly be when it was heard that THE Harry Potter finally had an official girlfriend, and that the girl was Hermione Granger, whom had been speculated as playing both Harry and Viktor Krum at one point in time (thanks to Rita Skeeter). Based on the amount of hate mail she had received due to that little rumor, she couldn't imagine what was in store this time. She could just see the headlines "Hogwarts Head Girl Hermione Granger Leaves Ron Weasley for Savior of the Wizarding World". She cringed at the thought.
Which brought up another issue. Harry had plans to visit Ron that night (sneaking off the Hogwarts campus naturally), and while he had wanted to tell Ron of his feelings for Hermione, she had advised him against it.
"Ron is a hot head as we both know" she explained. "And despite the fact that he broke up with me he will not like feeling as though the famous Harry Potter ended up with his girl, especially so shortly after we ended things. We can tell him just before the ball; hopefully by then things will be back to normal between you both."
Harry saw the wisdom of her words, but felt uncomfortable keeping such a secret from Ron. Still, he knew that Ron would probably be hurt somehow, and he desperately wanted his friend back in his life. He figured there was no harm as long as they were careful that Ron heard from them and nobody else. If he ended up reading about it in the Daily Prophet there would be no end to that.
As the sun set Harry and Hermione spent some time studying on the couch, and he was finding it difficult not to kiss her or at the very least sit a bit closer. But she seemed quite on task with their work, and so he grudgingly kept his focus. The portrait door popped open and there was a sudden shriek that made them both jump.
Harry was about to grab his wand when he recognized that the sound was one of celebration as Ginny Weasley came tearing into the room followed by several of her closest female friends, all looking quite ecstatic. Ginny was waving a letter over her head.
"Harry!" she yelled joyously running towards him. "I have been invited to try out for the Holyhead Harpies!"
Harry smiled at her, genuinely happy for her excitement, and she suddenly threw herself into his arms. He exchanged the embrace congratulating her, "I'm sure you will do great! That's wonderful news Gin!"
All the while that Ginny had her arms wrapped tightly around his neck Harry could feel Hermione glaring daggers at them both, and thus he was relieved when she released her grip. "You need to help me practice Harry, the tryouts are right at the end of the semester!"
"Sure thing" he agreed, and then Ginny kissed him quickly on the cheek and ran up to the girls' dormitory to celebrate with her friends.
He looked back sheepishly at Hermione who gave him an unpleasant look and then returned to her books. He could hardly say anything to her with so many others in the common room, so he unhappily set back about his work until it grew dark enough for him to slip out and head to Hogsmeade.
He walked across the snowy grounds with his invisibility cloak neatly hiding his departure. The sky was a strange reddish color, looking as if it might snow again. He breathed in the cool air and found himself enjoying his surroundings; the way the wind blew the black branches of the leafless trees, the crunch of the stiff snow under his feet, the crisp cold air in his lungs.
It had been mostly a quiet year at Hogwarts aside from the letters from Mr. Anonymous and the the disappearance of Professor Freeman. Harry was very thankful for that, and thankful that he no longer felt lonely. Every night Hermione still slept in his bed, and while his teenage hormones drove him crazy some nights, he also didn't want to disturb the peaceful arrangement they had. He felt he could behave himself for a bit longer.
Harry met Ron at the Three Broomsticks, and the greeting was awkward at first. "Hiyah Harry" Ron said, holding his hand out for a shake.
Unsure what else to do Harry accepted and they both sat at the bar, at first in a strange silence. "I heard Ginny was asked to try out for the Holyhead Harpies" Harry offered lamely.
"Ah yes!" Ron responded. "She's a brilliant chaser no? Better than any of the rest of Weasleys even."
"Better than Weasley the King?" Harry joked. Ron blushed a bit at the reference but Harry could still tell he was pleased. "How've you been Ron?"
"Good, good" he nodded. "Yah, know it was hard at first breaking up with Hermione. I felt like a lousy git, and then I kept wondering if I'd made a mistake but I think I may finally be past all that. I do miss her though."
"She misses you too" Harry said assuredly. He knew that because Hermione had told him the previous night as they fell asleep together. But he left that out to Ron.
"I wish she had come with you, we could have been the trio again, like old times."
"Maybe next time Ron, she just thinks you both need a little time to let the weirdness fade away."
"She's always right" Ron grinned, ordering two Butterbeers.
"Don't let her hear you say that. She'll be insufferable." They both had a good laugh, and as they fell into their drinks things started to feel normal again, and Harry felt like he couldn't have a care in the world.
How wrong he was.