AN: I know I'm a terrible person, I know I'm a complete asshole. I didn't forget about this story, yes I was busy but at times probably lazy even. Think about it this way, you know when you read a really good book but you have to wait like a year for the sequel? Its kind of like that, or I'm going to pretend its like that but not with the best cliffhanger. Don't judge me lol. I can't apologize enough, I can only give my thanks to those of you who are amazing enough to even read the dribble that comes out of my brain. Please forgive me if this chapter doesn't come out that well. I have been out of the flow of writing for months so I'm out of the swing of things but I'm sure as hell going to try. Thank you again, it really does mean a lot to me. I also don't remember a lot of the plot so I know I'm going to have to go back and re-read a lot of this story because its so different from the show but it kills me cause SOME of the ideas in season 2 were good(others were just terrible).
I could still feel the anger pounding in my chest, coursing through every vein in my body. A deep hatred rising out of me. I try to remember my surroundings, where I even am but the emotions I am feeling are so overwhelming my eyes are beginning to blur. I open my eyes just a little bit wider, thinking that this will bring everything into focus. The fireplace lit with a slow burning fire, the two chairs that are positioned by it. The long elegant red couch that has Caroline still laying on it.
Caroline.
The fury rises in me again, my bottom lip trembling, my fingers shaking. I know I am trying to control it, but why should I? My vision blurs again and I know that my eyes have changed. That I have let my vampire side out. I know that the veins beneath my eyes are visible, dark red beneath my skin. That my chocolate brown eyes aren't visible beneath the black showing nothing but the hunger. The hunger to hunt them both down. I don't bother to try to hide this, my nature is exposed and I don't care who knows.
Faintly I can hear a familiar voice as my head runs through the different possibilities of what I can do to the both of them.
Why am I still standing here? I don't recognize where I am. I can only hear the same voice trying to cut through. It sounds so muffled. Like someone is holding a hand over their mouth while trying to speak. I look around my surroundings once again but everything seems off. Every sound seems even more magnified, I hear nothing but the faint breathing of the once human girl laying on the couch with her eyes closed tight, probably trying to shut out the nightmares that I know come after the change. No not after the change, after seeing Katherine. Of dying at her hands, being changed by her.
I knew the change was inevitable for me but I never wanted it to happen the way it did. I feel like I was robbed of how I should have been turned. Or maybe I shouldn't have been holding on to some deluded romantic fantasy of it being just Damon. No that's not right, why did I think that? Of course that's exactly how it should have been. Caroline though, she should have never hand to endure this. Never should have had to cross Katherine's path. She took my friends life away and took away something that I wanted, something that I thought I was never going to accept.
I can still hear the muffled noise, I pause my thoughts trying to figure out where the noise is coming from.
Elena.
There is it, his voice in all of its clarity. The smooth sound of it. I can feel a small smile playing at my lips, just from the sound of my name coming from him. It doesn't change me back though, it isn't enough to completely stop the thoughts swirling around in my head.
Elena, I need you to listen to me right now. I know what you're going through.
I know that he does. Better than anyone, I am sure of it. He knows what I have just done, he knew way before I did what I was going.
The switch.
I know that I have switched off any kind of conscience that I should have. I have let it go to welcome the thoughts of tearing Katherine apart. Not just killing her but really making her suffer. Something that I know I would have never thought of otherwise. I have always known that she deserves to die but never before have I been thinking about it in these ways.
I've heard Damon talk about it countless times, how it was so easy for him. How he lived the way he did for so long. Even Stefan had talked about it. I didn't think that it would be this easy though.
I'm listening. I reply back to him. I finally remember where I am. I look around to see him merely a few feet away from me, his eyes, like pools of water looking at me, bearing deep inside of me.
You switched it off, I know what you want to do right now but it just isn't the time. His voice is soothing, more so than I ever remember it.
If you know that I switched everything off then you should know that I really don't care. I know my reply really isn't the best, and that it also has a lot of attitude behind the words.
You do though, regardless of what you're thinking know or what you're saying to me, you do care. That's the whole reason why you switched in the first place, because you care too much Elena. You saw Caroline and what they did to her, I know you want to protect her. I can't help but listening to Damon. Its strange though to think that he would be the one talking me out of going on a rampage against killing Katherine and most likely killing Stefan in the process too. I know its because he doesn't want me to be this way, not completely anyways.
Its not just Caroline, she did this to me too. She took away everything I wanted and she did this to me. Every single day I remember how I was turned, the look in her eyes with the satisfaction of all of it so easy to read across her face. I dig my nails into the palm of my hand as images from that day come flooding back to me. I can feel the crescents being imbedded into my skin. I close my eyes trying to shake myself of the images of that day. I open them back up to see the hurt that is so obvious in his eyes. The second I see it I can feel my whole chest ache as I let my fingers go limp at my side.
He didn't want this either, I know that. Not the way that it happened. It must have been so painful to see me die that way. I think about this for a moment, what it would be like if our roles were reversed. I can only imagine the hatred that would be screaming and clawing its way out of me. Yet here is he standing in front of me with the pain of it swimming in his eyes. How can he be strong for the both of us when I am the one losing control?
Because I know its what I have to do right now. I can't help but have a small smile at his words. Of course he could hear what I was thinking, I wasn't even trying to hide it that time. I can't help but be mesmerized by how he is at times. So different than how I ever thought he could be.
I see the same small smile playing at his own lips and I can already feel myself coming back. Some of the anger dissipating from me, almost as if it's a steam rising out of my body and being released. That's when I hear it, just the faintest of noises. A crunch of a dried up leaf outside of the house. Something so small and in an instant am I pulled out of my thoughts and out of what I was sharing with Damon.
I am running before all of my thoughts even catch up to me. I know that someone is outside, someone isn't being careful. I don't even for the smallest second think that it could have been an animal. Animals know now to come near this house, the scent of it keeps them away.
Who ever it is knows that they have been heard because there is the noise of crunching leaves and twigs coming form the forest. The sound of feet pounding fast against the hard soil of the fall. I can tell by the speed of the steps that it isn't a human.
I'm running faster now than I ever thought I could. The leaves on the ground swirl up around me as I keep running, dark swirls of browns and oranges in the shadowed night sky falling back against the earth slowly as I run fast than they can fall. I push myself hard knowing that Damon is somewhere behind me, for now I can out run him. All of my vampire instincts have taken over, its driving me straight towards the scent that is flowing through these dead woods.
My body collides with another, sending the other vampire hard into the ground. I use as much force as I can to push him down. I flip backwards landing onto my feet as the other vampire is still gaining himself with his face pressed to the ground.
I already know who it is though, his dark hair and physique are the only indicator I need. I should have recognized his smell but I this life it isn't familiar to me. Its one I really don't care to know either. All the animosity I had been feeling just rises back inside of me, fighting its way for dominance of me.
Before I even realize it I am at his side lifting him off of the ground by the back of his shirt. With as much force as I can, using all my excursion I throw him into one of the larger trees in the area. I hear his back hit the trunk, the wood splintering from impact. I hear him moan from the pain but I know that he will heal form it regardless. His voice is like nails cutting into my ears.
Within less than a second I am next to him again picking up his already sore body. I throw him again, this time with too much ease. I send him into a much smaller tree this time. The tree never stood a chance. The tree breaks lower to the base, cracking backwards as I have sent his body flying onto it. The snap of the wood is loud and quick. I hear his body go rolling into the base of another tree. I am on my way to go over to him again when I feel strong arms wrap around my upper body pinning my arms at my sides.
I try to struggle free but whoever is holding me has a strong grip. I push myself against the arms again but they just get tighter. I keep pushing and twisting myself inside these arms trying to break myself free. Something about them feel very familiar, the indentations of the muscles, I seem to know every place of them.
Damon's arms are wrapped around me, pinning me so I can't go after Stefan again. Before I even realize I'm screaming as loud as I can at him.
"How could you? How could you do this to her? I can't believe you! I can't believe I ever once thought that you were good! That you even had any semblance of a fucking soul inside of you! How dare you even for one second think that it was ok to come over here!" I'm still struggling in Damon's arms as I am screaming at Stefan. I want to just keep throwing myself at him.
Stefan is sitting up right now, on his knees facing Damon and I. There are remnants of dead leaves stuck onto his dark clothing. His shirt is ripped at the collar and in many other places from the tree branches. His eyes are dark but I can tell that that have traces of fear and sadness in them.
"How dare you even be allowed to feel sorry for this. You don't even deserve to feel any remorse, I don't want you to!" I feel like some of my screaming in meaningless, that I am screaming just for the dramatics of it. Something that is more human than anything but I can't seem to stop myself from doing it.
"I'm sorry Elena…I didn't know that she was going to…" Stefan is talking to me but the sound of his voice just brings out more of the resentment that is buried so deep inside of me.
"Don't! Don't even think that its ok for you to say my name, its nothing but poison coming from you." I can feel the traces of hot liquid flowing down my checks. I know now that I am crying but I can't seem to stop myself.
"I don't even know how I ever cared about you." The words are barely a whisper as they escape my lips but I know that he can hear them, I see the sharpness of my words slowly digging into him. I do want him to hurt though. I want him to hurt as badly as I have. I have stopped moving around wildly in Damon's arms. I can feel myself becoming more calm as the tears keep cascading.
"You should go." Damon says to Stefan, not once loosening his grip on me. His voice is even, but not as strong as it usually is.
"Thank you." Stefan says to him as he begins to stand from being on his knees.
"This isn't for you, this is for her. Just know that next time, I'm not going to hold her back." The fierceness that I always know to be in his voice is back and it brings a strange sense of calm to me knowing that he is the stronger one of the two of us. That at least right now one of us is strong.
Stefan nods at the both of us in understanding and in a split second he is running out of the woods. My eyes are fast enough to keep up with his running, I keep watching him until the darkness finally engulfs him.
AN: Well its not as long as I wanted it but it also took me longer to type it up than I thought cause I was watching music videos and that shit was distracting. I saw lil'wayne's how to love video and I would like to say that i am really disturbed after watching it and at the same time really confused. I eventually had to turn the TV off cause lets face even Fuse doesn't really play good music anymore. Ok I'm done rambling. I'll see if I can get another chapter out sometime by tomorrow. Thank you!