When Near was found, it was past midnight. The caretakers had noticed he was missing hours ago, and after scouring the orphanage for any sign of the boy, they decided to look outside, however improbable as it may seem.
They found him by the swings, hugging himself and shivering. There was a long cut going up his calf. It wasn't deep and obviously didn't bleed a lot, but the fact that it was there was baffling. The adult picked him up and carried him inside and into the infirmary where they warmed him up and dressed his wound.
Near was delirious. The moment he regained the lightest bit of consciousness he began mumbling unintelligent things. They couldn't really make sense of everything he spoke of, merely trying to wake him up further.
"No..." he moaned. "no... I meant... I meant to.. win..."
The nurse regarded Near for a moment before whispering something comforting and continuing to finish lathering his wound with antibacterial.
But the boy did not stop.
"I want... L..."
The nurse assumed that he meant "I want to be L."
"Shhh, shh." she cooed. "Just go to sleep or wake up. Stop teetering on the edge."
But despite the nurses best efforts, the boy stayed in his cold induced stupor until morning, when he finally fell into a deep sleep.
It was evening when he woke up, groggy and hungry, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and silently hoping he hadn't said anything in his unconscious state.
"It's good to see you're awake."
"Huh?" Near looked over at where the voice came from. Matt was sitting in a chair next to the bed, hands racing over the portable game of the day. "What are you doing here?"
"I decided to get out of a test by being sick. The nurses saw through it and thought that I, since I'm conveniently here, should watch over you until you wake up." Then he looked at Near for the first time since the boy opened his eyes. "I guess next time I want out of a test, I'll just go pass out outside at night. That seems to work wonders."
Near glared at Matt. "Well now I'm awake. I don't believe that you need to watch me any more."
Matt chewed on his bottom lip, appearing as if he hadn't heard the white haired boy. His fingers worked across the device with more effort than before.
Near watched him with curiosity. "A boss battle..?"
Near sat there and watched Matt's expressions. The boy was determined to win, a look of sheer concentration on his face, his fingers dancing across the buttons at lightning speed.
And then quite suddenly, he stopped.
Matt looked down at he device, a look of shock spreading over his features. Then he threw the Gameboy at the bed.
Near quickly pulled his legs to his chest, the Gameboy landing where his legs were moments before. The device bounced one– twice– three times before settling happily on the white blanket.
"Anyway," Matt continued as if nothing happened, "I'd rather be in here, watching you sleep, than have to learn about history."
"Well," Near said, looking slightly flustered, but still in control of his emotions, "I suppose you can leave now, considering I am awake." he stated again.
Matt peered at Near, his eyes taking in the disheveled boy before him. Nears hair was in even worse condition than usual. He looked so tired that it seemed he would pass out again. He looked so... Sad.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay here and keep you company?" Matt asked, a rare moment of kindness showing through.
"Quite."
Matt got up, grabbed his Gameboy, and left the room without a second glance. Near heard him down the hall, informing one of the nurses that Near was awake.
And hallucinating.
Near sighed. It's just like Matt to pull something like this.
The nurse came running into the room soon afterwards.
"Whatever you're seeing," She exclaimed grabbing onto Near's shoulders. "It's not real!"
---
Near was released from the ward the next day. However, the caretakers did not deem him fit enough to go to class, and would have to stay in bed until he was over his cold.
"Can't I at least do my homework?" Near asked, pulling the covers up to his chin.
"Not until you're better. You need to rest up." Then she left the room, turning off the lights and closing the door on her way out.
Near buried beneath the covers, flipping over onto his stomach and nestling his head in the over soft pillow. It was true, he was tired. But he felt so useless. First he let down L, and now he's letting down himself.
'Ah well, it's not like I can miraculously get over a cold.' and he closed his eyes and dozed off.
When he awoke, the room was dark and very hot. Someone was pounding down the door.
"Come in." He rasped, shocked at how scratchy his voice came out.
Mello opened the door with a bowl of soup and set the steaming broth next to Near on the bed stand.
"The cooks told me to give it to you." He said emotionlessly, blowing the steam away, his cool breath causing ripples across the surface of the chicken soup. He smiled at Near– smiled evilly.
"We wouldn't want fragile Near burning his tongue, now would we?" He asked mockingly before leaving. Near regarded the soup and then dismissed the meager meal, rolling over and ignoring the enticing aroma it gave off.
This time, he dreamed of incoherent images, flashing across his minds eye, framed with a yellow sky. Usually, unfortunately, he could remember his dreams with vivid detail. He'd even mastered lucid dreaming. It was how his psychiatrist told him to deal with night terrors– realize they were nothing but a dream and control it to not frighten him. He'd gotten so good, he could not only identify and control dreams, he could wake up if he deemed the current dream to much to handle.
But these dreams were not only completely random, but also seemed to disable every lucid dreaming trick he'd learned. He couldn't even recognize them as dreams, until he awoke from the multicolored, should-have-been-drug-induced REM period of sleep.
His hunger had awoken him, and was now stabbing at his stomach, telling him it required food or else it was going to eat itself. Near clutched his stomach and winced as another sharp pain raced through his insides. He regretted instantly ignoring the now cold soup.
His body demanded nutrition. Shakily, Near threw back the covers on the bed and got to his feet. He made his way to the kitchen and slumped against the door frame, weak from hunger and exhaustion.
He breathed out slowly, his breath hissing as he attempted to ease the pain in his stomach. Still holding his arm around his torso, hoping that it might help the stabs of discomfort, he opened the refrigerator and looked at what the orphanage had to offer.
After scanning the contents and seeing that nothing struck his interest, (What did they say? A long hunger makes for a short appetite?) He considered ignoring the pain and going back to sleep, but his stomach protested, sending another shooting pain to lace his abdomen. He opened the fridge again and pulled out the milk. Slamming it onto the counter, he opened a cupboard and pulled out a box of cookies. He quickly poured himself a glass a milk and sat down at the table, happily eating the sugary treat.
He was on his fifth chocolate chip cookie when he someone walked into the kitchen.
"Near?"
Near swallowed his cookie and looked at the girl with blank eyes.
"Good night, Kinoko."
"Oh, Near!" She sighed, and walked over to the boy quickly. "I want to apologize about what I said the other day. I'm really sorry."
Near blinked at the dark haired girl. "It's quite alright." He said quietly, reaching for another cookie.
"May I?" she asked, pointing at the cookies.
"I've no objection."
She smiled and grabbed one, nibbling on it and staring off into space. After a few moments of silence, she spoke up.
"Near...?"
"Yes?"
"When I said I liked you... I meant it." Kinoko said meekly, looking away from the mysterious boy.
Near grabbed his now empty glass of milk. He looked into the glass cup, at the milk residue lining the sides.
"I'm sorry," He responded, getting up and setting the glass in the sink. "I like somebody else." Then he left the kitchen.
---
A day later, he was able to return to class. The amount of work he had to make up was nearly unbearable. But he had until the end of the month to finish it, so he had enough time to get through it all.
The news of Mello finally getting first place spread through the orphanage like wild fire. He could hear them whispering about his defeat, shooting fleeting glances at him as he passed. Lunch was the worst time of the day, having to sit in a room with every single kid from the house talking about him was torture. It made him want to curl up and die, reliving the shame of losing to Mello with every uttered word.
Finally– the last class of the day. Near couldn't wait to get out of the classroom and find refuge.
He jotted down the equations on the board and worked them out quickly.
"Maybe if I finish quickly and feign illness, they'll let me out early."
The room was far from quiet, distracting him ever so slightly. He tuned out the voices and worked. For whatever reason, the teacher was letting the class go crazy. Maybe the teacher had just given up for the day? That's quite un-teacher like.
And then he heard it.
"... I don't know why anyone would want to be that stupid detective, L, anyway. I mean seriously! Spending, like, your whole life anonymous. What a meaningless existence. And Near! I can't believe he lost to Mello! I think that maybe he's losing his intelligence; getting dumber by the minute. And how dramatic he's been about it! It's sad. "
Near wasn't sure what set him off. Maybe it was having to endure the flickering glances and hushed whispers all day. Maybe it was the comment about him losing intelligence. Maybe it was because Pierre had called L "stupid". Whatever the reason, it was meaningless as Near jumped from the seat and pushed Pierre into the wall, wrapping his long fingers around the other boys neck and squeezing.
Pierre was taken totally off guard, yelping as Near jumped him. He could feel Near choking him, the light haired boys finger nail digging into his skin. He clawed at the hands that held him there, taking the life from him, trying to breath in ragged gasps.
Near decided to address each issue as Pierre had listed them.
"How dare you insult L!" He yelled, pushing Pierre against the wall harder. "You don't even know him or a thing about his work!"
Near could feel the skin break beneath his middle finger nail. He was momentarily thankful for not trimming his nails recently.
"And what?" He screamed. "Am I not allowed to make a mistake?! I'm human! I'm allowed to err! Or is all you see when you look at me a puzzle and a perfect score?!"
Pierre was desperately trying to push Near away, clawing at the air between them, his shaky hands not coming in contact with Near's rage flushed body.
And then hands were pulling the lighter haired boy away, ripping his hands away from Pierre's throat. Pierre crumpled on the ground, gasping for fresh breaths of air, his hands at his neck.
Near didn't struggle against the teachers hold, his rebellious episode fading.
"Near!" the teacher scolded, holding Near's arms behind his back, "What in the world possessed you to do that?!"
"He was talking bad about L– about me! I couldn't stand it anymore!"
The teacher pulled Near out of the classroom roughly and down the hall to Roger's office, hissing something about bad behavior and punishment. Teachers and students were poking their heads out of their classrooms to see what was going on. Near, ignoring the teacher's rambling, eyed Mello's blonde head sticking out from a room to his left.
"Can we stop by the bathroom?" Near asked as they passed by Mello. "I think I have some of his blood under my fingernails."
This is only made the teacher walk faster.
After being thrown in the waiting room, his teacher talking to Roger about what happened, the rage and anger Near had been feeling so strongly before left his body, leaving exhaustion and second thoughts in it's wake. He hated having to wait outside the door for what seemed forever. Left to his own devices, he came up with some pretty outrageous punishment's for his fight.
The teacher exited and he was called in.
"Have a seat." Roger said without a bit of emotion.
Near sat and resumed nervously twirling his hair.
"Near, to say I'm disappointed is an understatement." Roger said calmly, looking at Near with serious eyes. "Would you mind telling me what happened?"
Near took a deep breath and told Roger the whole story– everything that led to it, including the whole days conversation adventures. The story ended with his brutal assault on poor Pierre. Now that he was explaining the story to Roger, he was no longer proud that he stood up for himself for once. All he felt was the sick feeling of shame that was currently consuming his mind.
Roger put his hands together and sighed.
"Well Near," he began, "This is the first time you've ever had an outburst like this. However, first time or not, you did serious damage to Pierre."
"I know." Near squeaked.
"L will be notified, and you'll have kitchen duty for a week."
Near barely heard his punishment.
He stopped hearing everything after "L will be notified." The blood pounding in his ears was deafening. He knew that it would happen, but it was so much more painful to actually hear it.
"Near, do you understand?"
"I understand."
'Oh God, he's going to hate me. He's going to make Mello his successor as soon as possible.'
"Near?" Roger asked, concerned, "Are you ok?"
"Fine Roger." Near choked out. "I'm just thinking about my actions, and how ashamed I am. May I apologize to Pierre? I feel awful about the damage I did."
"Most certainly, Near. Just be in the kitchen before dinner."
Near nodded and left.
He wandered the halls in search of the infirmary. All the while, one thought raced across his mind.
"He'll never love me now."
---
The letter came on the last day of his punishment. It had a Russian post mark. Inside written in L's handwriting, were all the ways L was disappointed in Near. With every word Near felt his heart freeze a little more, until it finally shattered. Out of breath and feeling physically sick, Near looked away from the letter, regaining his composure before reading on. Near got to the last line, a feeling a dread weighing heavily in his chest. However, the last few words scrawled on the bottom filled him with a slightest bit of hope.
"However, despite how many ways you could have handled the situation better, without violence, it is the first time anyone had ever stood up for me like that. Although I'm flattered, don't ever do it again. You hear me? Never again."
Near's cold, broken heart floated back where it was supposed to be all along.
L didn't hate him after all.
Near couldn't recall how many weeks went by before Mello broke down and used the coupon. He was sitting in his room, finishing an essay when he heard Mello and Roger walk by.
"Please call him!" Mello whined.
"I'll call him," Roger sighed. "But I can't promise he will come."
"But he said he would!" Mello said, his voice pleading. "It';s Wednesday! He can be here from anywhere in the world in three days!"
"I said I'd call him, Mello. We'll have to wait and see."
Near stared at the computer monitor. Then quietly, he got up and closed the door. Leaning against the painted wood, he sighed, his heart racing. He was so excited to see L. Then remembered:
It was Mello's day with the detective.
Privately sulking, Near wandered back to his computer and continued typing.
The next day, Mello was beyond chipper. L must have agreed to come on Sunday. The boy was so happy, he didn't bully a soul in the orphanage; He must have wanted them to feel his glee.
The day came when the detective would arrive. He told Mello he'd be there at 7:00 a.m. Near watched jealously as Mello climbed into the car and rode away, the sun barely over the horizon.
Without making a sound, he went back to bed.
He didn't get out of bed until 6:13 p.m., when the caretakers herded the children into the cafeteria for dinner. Near glared down at the food, ate a few bites and left. The other kids didn't seem to notice his disappearance, too preoccupied with the lack of Mello's presence. He escaped into the hall and turned to make his way back to his room. Then he saw them.
Mello.
L.
Holding hands.
Near stopped where he was.
Upon closer examination, he noticed that they weren't holding hands; Mello was clutching onto the thin, white fabric of L's shirt.
Swallowing hard, Near decided to keep walking. He slipped past the duo in the hall and to his bedroom. He tried to ignore L's eyes watching him climb the stairs.
He got to his room and sat down at the desk. He looked blankly out the window-- it was raining-- before putting his head on his desk, attempting to smother emotions swirling up inside him.
He sat there for a while, not moving. His mind reeled to grasp every though as it flew by, his mind a chaotic turmoil.
"Why have I let L control my emotions like this?!" he wailed soundlessly.
When his mind was over flowing with emotion, when the thoughts were to much bare, he pushed them aside and listened to the rain, spraying violently against his window.
Without looking up, he could tell that the rain was pouring. He hoped that it wasn't a thunder storm.
His question was answered as an earth shattering boom shook the orphanage.
Near bolted straight up. He'd always been afraid of thunder storms.
Another clasp of thunder followed a web of lightning. Near's heart raced, beating against his ribcage. He wished it was loud enough to block out the thunder. When the third roar of thunder made the building tremble, Near shakily ran out the door. He didn't care where he went, as long as it was there was someone with him. He hated being alone during thunder storms.
He raced down the hall to see L and Mello where they were before, only this time accompanied by Roger. He skidded to a halt before he called to much attention to himself.
".. I'm sorry, Ryuzaki, but there's been a flash flood. You wont be able to leave until morning."
L put his thumb to his mouth, chewing lightly on the thick skin. "That's quite alright. I don't have anything terribly important planned for tomorrow."
Mello's eye's lit up. "You can stay with me!" He exclaimed. L looked up, as if he were thinking.
"Thank you, Mello. But I want to stay with Near." He turned to look at the white haired boy, whom was frozen in place. "Is that ok with you?"
Near nodded, waiting for L to bid goodnight to Mello and Roger and then followed him up the stairs.
"You're afraid of thunder." L said, a statement, not a question.
"I am." Near replied, although he knew L had not been asking a question.
"As am I." L said, his thumb back to his lips.
Near thought about it for a second. It seemed preposterous that L would be afraid of something so unimportant.
"It's odd," Near started, walking into his room, "How one can be afraid of something harmless like thunder."
"I have my reasons." L informed. Near smiled.
"As do I."
The conversation ended there, each giving off a vague whisper of their past, but nothing that could shed light on the darkness.
Near walked over to the bed, pulling the covers to the corners after his restless day.
"I'm exhausted." He said quietly, climbing beneath the blankets, giving L a reason as to why he was going to bed to early. L looked at him curiously.
"That's odd." He said, walking over to the bed. "Roger said you've slept all day."
"I've been in bed all day." Near replied, making himself comfortable. "That doesn't mean I was sleeping."
L nodded and switched off the light. Near felt the covers pull away from him, the bed shift and sink as L lied down, and then the covers being rustled, tucked around L and without meaning to, himself.
"I'm an insomniac." L said, rolling over. Near tensed when he felt L's body shift closer to his. "There is a 86 percent chance that I wont fall asleep for at least five hours."
Near buried his face in the pillow. "That's alright." He said. Then silence.
He thought it would be hard to sleep with his crush beside him, and with the thunder cracking right outside his window. But L must have been magic, for the boy closed his eyes and feel asleep almost right away, lulled by the study rhythm of L's breathing, puffs of breath caressing his neck ever so slightly.
Sorry for the delay!! I had writers block for half of this chapter DX But I got it finished before January was over, and that was a personal goal I set for myself.
This is the longest chapter I've ever posted. Ever. So celebrate it-- It's a record for me. And I'm sorry for any spelling/gramatical/puncuation mistakes.
Hope you liked it!
-Hybrid