I can't take it anymore. Mello is now officially 12, Matt is 11 and Near is 10. I'm changing the first chapter when I have a chance. No, the birthdays are still off, but at least their ages are accurate.
Mello sat shakily in the waiting room. Roger paced by worriedly.
"Mello?" He asked, "Are you okay?"
Mello just stared blankly at the ground.
Roger sat down beside him.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Again, he was greeted with silence.
Roger sighed and stood up to pace some more. The glass doors opened and L and Watari raced into the waiting room.
"Ryuuzaki!" Mello gasped and jumped up. He ran to the older detective, wrapping his thin arms around his waist. L put his arms around the boy, trying comfort him.
"I-I was so scared!" He sobbed. "There was blood everywhere! He was covered in it!"
"It's okay." L cooed. "It seemed like a lot more blood than it really was. It was really barely any."
Mello didn't respond. He just cried in L's cotton shirt.
Moments later, a doctor came through the large wooden doors separating the waiting room from the actual hospital and walked calmly over to the small group. He was older, his dark hair streaked with grey. His laughed-lined faced pulled into a kind smile.
Roger looked at the man expectantly.
"He's going to be fine."
The words were like a blessing to the four. The air became lighter, the fluorescent lighting a little brighter.
"Oh thank God." Roger hissed.
"See?" L asked, looking down at Mello. "I told you he'd be fine."
"Yeah." Mello said with a smile, wiping tears from his cheeks.
"You can see him if you want." The doctor continued. The group silently agreed and followed the doctor down through the wooden doors and down the hall.
They entered a room that was an exact replica of the others. On the single white bed in the room, Near lay beneath the lone cotton blanket. He looked even paler against the sterile white that was the room, seeming to almost blend into his surroundings. His small hands clutched the blanket, his light eyes opened when they entered.
"Near..." Mello breathed and ran to the boy's side. Near opened his sleep glazed eyes and smiled meekly. He opened his mouth to speak, but Mello interrupted him.
"I was so scared." He said, his voice trembling ever so slightly, his hands holding onto the railing of Nears cot. "I thought you were going to die."
Near released the blanket and covered Mello's hand with his own. "I'm sorry." He whispered.
Mello's eyes widened. A rosy blush tinted his slightly tan cheeks. He looked shocked, scared... embarrassed?
Simultaneously, he bowed his head to cover his pinkish cheeks with his blonde hair, and ripped his hand away from Near. Turning on his heels, he left without saying goodbye, muttering something about waiting in the car.
Near watched his rival go, an undisguised look of sadness and confusion etched onto his face.
Roger stepped closer to Near and smiled quickly. "Why didn't you tell us you were sick?" he asked.
"I didn't know." Near replied. "I've gotten a cold a bunch of times, but I've never started coughing up blood."
Roger brushed a strand of white hair from Near's face. "Fine, but be more careful in the future, okay? I thought we were going to lose you."
Then he bid farewell to L and Watari and left the room, following Mello back out to the car.
Now it was just L and Near. Well, Watari was still there, but he really wasn't a commanding presence. In any case, L dismissed him to wait in the hall. The doctor informed him that Near could go back to the orphanage tomorrow after a good nights rest.
The doctor left the room and was closing the door when he suddenly ran back in.
"I'm sorry, but are you his legal guardian?"
L stared back at the man with his owl eyes. "No," he said finally, "He just left. His name's Roger and he runs Wammy's House Orphanage."
The doctor frowned. "Oh. Okay then, I guess I'll just call him tomorrow."
He thanked L, wished him a goodnight and left. When the door closed, L turned back to Near, a look a concern adorning his features.
"How do you feel?"
"Tired."
"Understandable."
L pulled up a chair and sat down beside Near.
"I... want to talk to you, but I'm so sleepy." Near said, yawning.
L shrugged, biting his thumb.
"That's fine." he said
Near smiled. "Thanks." He closed his eyes and snuggled into the surrounding warmth of pillows and blankets. "Goodnight."
"Sweet dreams." L replied.
L sat, perched in the grey chair, for a few more moments, watching Near fall asleep. When he was sure that the boy was no longer conscious, he got up and lightly kissed his cheek before leaving.
Near's eyes blinked open in time to see L leaving the room. He watched the door shut and tried to concentrate on the feeling spreading through his body. Had he imagined it, or had L really kissed him? Unfortunately, he couldn't focus his thoughts well enough to come up with an answer before he fell asleep.
L joined up with Watari, and together they walked back to the car.
"I know I'm in no place to say this," Watari stared, keeping a few steps behind his employer, "But the relationship you're forming with this boy is dangerous."
L bowed his head enough to hide his eyes behind a curtain of raven locks.
"I know." He said, walking through the glass doors and into the frosty night. "That's why I'm doing it."
---
As assured, Near went home the next day. He was thrown into his bedroom, the lights were dimmed and he was told to sleep. Apparently, he had something called tuberculosis. The doctor was shocked . He said this was a pretty advanced case considering that was his first episode of coughing up blood.
"But I don't want to stay in bed!" Near whined, throwing back the covers. "I feel fine."
"Near..." the caretaker complained, taking a step forward.
"So I have some blood in my lungs. Oh well! That's no reason to not let me go to class!"
"Near, you're delirious." The caretaker said, gently, but forcefully, pushing Near back on the bed. "Just go to sleep, okay?"
"No." Near said, sitting back up. "I don't want to stay here!"
"You have a fever." she said, putting her palm to his forehead. "You're burning up!"
"I don't care!" Near protested, "Let me go!"
The caretaker was about to give up when Mello marched into the room.
"Look," he said, looking away from Near almost abashed, "if you care so much about missing class, then at the end of the day when I'm doing my homework, I'll teach you what we learned."
"Really?" Near asked, wide eyed.
"No," Mello replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "I thought it would be funny to lie to you." He rolled his eyes. "Yes. I'll do it if you don't piss me off."
"Mello!" the caretaker scolded, "Watch your mouth!"
Mello rolled his eyes again, and left the room. As he walked out of the door, Near heard him say, "Get some rest, idiot."
He thought he heard something more, but decided that it was something cruel and mean like most of Mello's comments. Ignoring it, he laid back down. The caretaker sighed, told him to get better, and left.
Near didn't fall asleep immediately. Instead, he lay awake and thought about his life. More precisely, how much he hated his life. He'd always been a sickly child, and he despised it. He hated having to be cared for, hated being useless.
As Near fell asleep, he couldn't help but remember a vague memory that had been buried all day.
L kissing him.
Near placed a hand to his cheek, his pale skin aflame. Had it really happened, or had he imagined it? Oh how he longed that L returned his feelings.
He closed his eyes and hoped that his dreams were good.
A few days later, Near sat on his bed, pen in hand, papers strewn across the bed below him. Mello sat beside him, eating chocolate and teaching Near the lessons he had learned that day. However, Near wasn't paying that much attention to foreign language. Instead, a different subject was floating around in his brain.
He decided to ask Mello what had been bothering him.
"Hey, Mello?" Near asked.
"What?" Mello said, "Do you not get this? I'm sorry, but I can't make it any simpler than this."
"No," Near responded quickly, "I was just wondering why you're doing this."
"Doing what?' Mello inquired around the bar of chocolate.
Near looked down at his homework. "Being nice to me." His voice was small, quiet.
Then room became still, the barely inaudible words hanging heavily above them.
Mello didn't respond right away.
Near was starting to think that it had been a mistake, asking that. But it had been a question that was always there, since the morning Mello said he'd help him. It wasn't wrong to be curious, right?
Finally, Mello spoke.
"Near..." he began, breaking the fragile silence. "When I saw you that day, coughing up blood on the floor, I thought you were gong to die."
Near heard him sigh. Mello seemed so mature, it was odd, scary almost.
"And right then, I thought it was my fault."
Near looked up when he said that.
"Mello thought it was his fault? He blamed himself?"
"You are the only thing standing in my way of becoming L. But Near, I don't want you to die. You give me a reason to strive to better myself."
"But if I fall behind, you'd be able to do better than me. If you didn't help me, you would know all this–" Near made a small gesture at Mello's lesson, "–and I wouldn't."
"The next time I beat you, I want it to be because I became smarter than you. I want to challenge you at your best and prevail. I don't want to win just because you were sick." he flashed Near a quick smile. "Anyway, do you get this?"
"Yeah," Near replied, his eyes smiling, "I get it."
---
Near started taking medicine for his disease. The doctor told Roger that he had had it for some time, that his frequent colds and chest pain were from his prolonged illness. The doctor was afraid that it may have spread into his nervous system, considering that his current state of body matched the symptoms of that as well, but Roger said that it was something else. What that something else is, Near doesn't know. As curious as he may be, Roger said they'd talk about it later.
Roger allowed Near to go back to class. His first day back his teachers seemed a little fidgety, kind of like, "This kid was dying, and I didn't know." Near wanted to tell them that it wasn't their fault, that he didn't know either.
As he entered his foreign language class, the teacher stopped calling roll and looked at the small kid.
"Near? What are you doing here?"
"Roger told me I could go back to class. I'm okay."
"Well," his teacher said, "We have a test today, but since you weren't here, you can study and do it later."
"No, I am confident that I'll do fine."
"But Near, you haven't been in class all week!"
"I'm quite aware of that." Near said, an edge of nastiness to his voice. "Please sir, I insist, I would like to take the test." His voice was softer, more obedient.
The teacher looked at Near hopelessly. "Fine." he said, waving his hand, "Take your seat."
Near sat down in an empty desk beside Mello. He looked over at the blonde and nodded slightly. Mello nodded in return, and soon the teacher passed out the test.
"Write the english translation of each word." the paper read, "1. Goddag." Near scribbled down the answer. "Hello."
Near was one of the last to leave the classroom.
"Near," the teacher called.
Near looked back from his spot in the doorway.
"How do you think you did?"
"Great. I believe it will be another 100."
"Really?"
"Definitely."
Then Near left without another word.
The next day the teacher passed back the tests.
"Near, the child prodigy, has done it again."
The kids looked at Near expectantly.
"Yes, another 100 on a section he didn't even study." He announced, passing Near his test. "He really is a child prodigy." His eyes fell on Mello, a sly smile on his face. Mello looked away.
"Anyway, on to today's lesson..."
---
A letter came for both of the possible successors, this time individually. Roger found the boys and gave them the envelopes.
Near ripped open the white envelope and pulled out the papers from within. The letter was pretty normal, "How are you? Is your illness doing any better?"
He was disappointed that the letter wasn't more personal. Was Mello's as distant and rehearsed? But then he remembered the kiss.
Blushing slightly, he covered his cheek with his hand. He was still uncertain if the kiss had really happened. He had been so tired, even drugged maybe. What if he had just been delusional?
Well then, he'd just have to get another kiss, one to verify it.
His idea was dangerous, yes, but it would have to happen.
L could reject him.
Or he could kiss him back.
Nevertheless, he was going to kiss him.
Mind made up, he refolded the letter and ticked it into his dresser drawer. Then, returning to his spot on the floor, he continued to glue together his model, thinking of the best way to get what he wanted from the older man. Did he just throw his arms around his neck and kiss him? Did he make it look like an accident? Was he supposed to act scared afterwards? Surprised? Shy? Should he do it with other people around? Or when he and L are alone?
Near was still in deep concentration when Mello came in. Near head the door softly click shit, and bare feet walking almost noiselessly to the side of the bed Near crouched behind.
"Near?" Mello asked cautiously.
"Yes?
"Can I hang out?"
Near momentarily stopped glueing before quickly regaining any slip in composure.
"Why would you want to?"
"Matt has detention for playing games in study hall."
"I'd prefer if you didn't."
"But that isn't a no?"
"I suppose it isn't."
"So I'm staying."
"Even though I don't want you to."
Mello sank to the floor beside Near, pulled out some chocolate and began to eat it.
The atmosphere was awkward. Mello ate the candy while Near silently worked. As Mello opened his mouth to say something– anything– to break the awkward silence, the quiet was disturbed.
By Near's growling stomach.
Mello stopped mid-chew. Near's hand hovered, the brush he was using to apply the glue still gripped in his pale fingers. His embarrassingly loud stomach finally quieted down, leaving the room just as awkward as before, if not more.
Then Mello's face split into a wide grin. "Hungry?" he asked, laughing.
Near brushed the glue onto the dark blue arm, and stuck it to the shoulder. "Obviously." he retorted.
Mello chuckled to himself and a crack resonated through the room as he snapped his remaining chocolate in half and offered it to Near.
Near looked first at the chocolate, then at Mello, before reaching out a hesitant hand to take the rich delicacy, afraid the Mello would snatch it away and laugh at Near's stupidity.
"Thank you." he whispered, setting a chocolate square on his tongue. He enclosed the cocoa in the prison of his teeth.
"I barely see you eat." Mello commented. "Are you anorexic?"
"No." Near managed, his answer muffled by the melting chocolate.
"It'd be funny if you were." Mello laughed. "Then we'd be rivals with competing eating disorders."
Time stopped.
Near's eyes widened as he stared at Mello, shocked and speechless. Mello let out a small gasp and slapped his hand over his mouth, an "oh shit" look adorning his features.
Near swallowed the treat.
"Mello, are you bulimic?"
"No." he said quickly. Too quickly.
"Lying to yourself is as bad as lying to me. Talk to me." Near begged.
"Don't tell anyone." Mello pleaded, looking deep into Near's eyes. Near saw fear in Mello's eyes, and he wondered what Mello saw in his.
"I wont." Near promised.
Mello sighed. "It's not like I'm worried about my weight..." He started. "I just.. Sometimes, I make myself puke."
"Why?"
Mello looked away. "Reasons. Like life. It just... sometimes makes me feel better."
Near nodded. "Like you're in control. Something in your life is hectic, and you can't control it, not at all. So bulimia is like an escape; something you know you rule over perfectly." Near looked at Mello with scrutinizing eyes. He noticed that the boy had been losing weight. "So in a sense, you do care about your physical appearance. But you do know, Mello, that you're not controlling your disorder; It's controlling you."
Mello got up. At first Near thought he had offended him. But then the boy looked at him, a understanding look in his eyes. He didn't say anything, emotions dancing and mixing behind his eyes.
Sadness, wanting, denial, anger, understanding, pain, confusion, fear.
Then Mello left the room.
Near watched him go, and the climbed into bed, abandoning his model and finishing his chocolate, thoughts he didn't want to think swirling around his head in a mess.
"What ever could be tearing Mello up like that?"
Oh shit.
I made Mello bulimic.
Please don't hit me.
Now, I origninally had this whole big thing explaining everything up there, but it failed to save -.- So here, I'll shorten it for you. I made Mello bulimic for reasons I can't give out yet, but you will find out soon enough. I chose bulimia for this because of a memoir I've been reading about bulimia and anorexia, and I've just finished a part in the book that is pretty much a lengthy, much more well written version of what Near said to Mello about control. I'm trying to build new personalities and pasts for the characters that aren't over used and expected. But hopefully believable. It's believable, right?
This also leads us as to why Mello isn't OMFG HATE towards Near. I've decided Mello doesn't hate him yet. Yet.
Anyway, the next chapter is Mello and Matt's. So stick around-- you might find it worth your while!
So, leave a review telling me what you think! I hope you like this chapter, because I think it's turning into a soap opera :D (Ugh...)