The death of Uther Pendragon

If you were me and it was your father, would you use magic to save his life?

That was the question. It was the question which had driven him on to do this, despite the danger, despite the obvious disadvantage to keeping Uther alive. The pain in Arthur's voice when he thought of becoming King and the hope in his eyes when he'd thought of magic. It was something which overcame Merlin's doubts. He wasn't just doing it for his friend. He was doing it for the future. If he could prove to Arthur once and for all that good sorcerers existed, that magic didn't corrupt…he could be free. The whole magical community could be free.

You won't have to live in fear.

But now it was ruined. The hope for the freedom of magic died along with Uther and wouldn't that irony be the smoke that choked them all. His failures could be the doom of hundreds. The glint of chainmail could threaten villages everywhere, even Kebul. He could almost see it…

Merlin flinched back violently, the urgent voice of Leon calling as if from a distance.

"What happened, Merlin speak to me!" a grip on his shirt. Leon stopped the stumbling servant, forcing him to meet his gaze. The crushed grief in Merlin's face brought back memories of the sprites' attack and Leon once again felt terrified at the thought of Merlin's fears. This time there was only self hatred in his eyes and it frightened Leon almost as much as the anger had.

"Merlin?" he called in a softer voice. At last, those shattered orbs drifted to Leon's concerned gaze.

"I failed, Leon. I failed everyone," he mumbled. Leon felt an icy dread run through him.

"Arthur? Is he alright?" he asked sharply, looking around for his prince.

"He's grieving," Merlin responded, taking in deep breaths in an attempt to regain his composure. Leon looked at the servant questioningly, wondering what else could possibly make him look so broken and the bells sound for a threat…

"You tried to save the king?" Leon whispered, astounded. Merlin gripped his head, face crumpling for a moment as his focus wavered at the question. He took in a shaky breath and nodded.

"I thought…I was so close, Leon. I thought I could spare him the pain of watching his father die for him. It was working but it all went wrong," Merlin rambled distantly. Leon looked up at the footsteps of another and met the gaze of Camelot's physician.

"Merlin," Gaius called. His distraught ward turned to him, but couldn't meet his eyes, the ignored warnings fallen between them. Gaius held out a hand to him, the sound of rustling chain the only words needed. Merlin slowly reached out a hand and brushed his fingers against the pendant in Gaius' palm, flinching back at the dark magic in it.

"The left hand path," he whispered, his reddened eyes finally meeting that of his knowing guardian.

"What does it mean?" Leon asked.

"It means while Uther was wearing it, any healing spell would be reversed. Uther didn't stand a chance."

"Morgana," Merlin uttered. Leon looked back at his friend sharply. He didn't see the anger he'd expected. Weariness seemed to weigh the warlock down, his eyes holding years that didn't belong there. "I have to go to Arthur. His father's been killed and he still thinks I'm in a tavern."

Before Leon could respond, Merlin was already striding away, no trace left of the pain he bore with him. The knight turned back to Gaius.

"He will need his friends now more than ever," Gaius commented sadly. His gaze bore into Leon. "As will Arthur." He began walking back to his chambers. Leon fell into step with him.

"Did he seem angry to you? Merlin, I mean?" Leon asked. Gaius glanced at the knight questioningly, the unorthodox question bringing him out of his reverie.

"Why would Merlin be angry?" Gaius asked.

"Never mind," Leon said, shaking his head. He was about to walk away when the vice grip of the physician stopped him.

"If you know something, tell me," Gaius ordered gravely. Leon looked at the man sharply, outraged at the command but one look at the physician's face stopped him. Gaius had helped him through every pain in his life from a grazed elbow as a child to an injured knee that almost ended his career as a knight before it began. Making the decision, Leon took Gaius into an alcove and dropped his voice to a whisper.

"On the way back from the Isle of the Blessed, we were attacked by sprites."

"The Haunts? Yes, they were after Merlin's magic."

"No, not them. A few days after, once Merlin had recovered, two sprites attacked Lancelot, made him see things. Things that were rooted in his deepest fears. Once Merlin showed up, they attacked him instead, said they were after his fear and they found it. He wouldn't talk about what he saw, but whatever it was it didn't just grieve him, Gaius. It made him angry. I've never seen rage like it. I trust Merlin, he is a good man. It worries me to think what would happen if someone made him that angry," Leon confessed.

"I've seen him overcome such horrors in his time here. You can't begin to imagine all that he's had to sacrifice and I fear how much more he will have to in the future," Gaius reassured the knight. "Through all his trials I know of only one thing that Merlin is truly afraid of," Gaius admitted hesitantly.

"What is it?" Leon asked quietly, unsure whether he'd get an answer. The old man looked at him with utter sadness in his eyes.

"Himself. His magic has always been in tune with his emotions, always more powerful when he needs it to be. I've known him to be angry only once and it haunts him even now. Merlin fears the wrath of Emrys more than any enemy he will ever face.

All the good deeds he has done in protecting Arthur, protecting this kingdom, he does it in part to atone for the power he has. The power he has had from the moment he drew breath. I hope that one day he can see himself for who he is. I believe the acceptance of the knights has gone a long way to healing that. You have helped him in a way I could not and I thank you, Sir Leon."

The two shared a look of mutual understanding as Leon took his leave, left to ponder over Gaius' words. The physician looked after him before heading back to the hall, to prepare the body of his oldest friend.

XXMERLINXX

"There is nothing more to be done," sighed Gaius. "Let's go and have some supper." Food, Merlin thought. Bed. Merlin thought back to his room, to his dark bed now covered in books of healing and felt nauseous.

"I think I'll wait here."

Yet not long after Gaius had left him, the sound of a broken sob filtering out from the door sent Merlin staggering away. His mask crumbled, leaving his heart to burn through his eyes. Sprinting through the streets, not able to feel the sheets of raindrops soaking into him, Merlin disappeared into the night as the storm of his magic raged and grieved with him.

His awareness surged through the earth, reaching further and deeper than he'd ever been. Simple animals cowered, subconsciously aware of a distant danger. Trees stirred restlessly and rivers rushed with renewed aggression. In the centre of it all, Merlin's eyes burned gold, searching only for the dark creatures he knew lurked in the depths of the forest.

XXMERLINXX

"Merlin, it's a new day." Arthur's frame was lit by the soft morning light, the rays bending around the King's form that made him glow. The light of hope. Merlin held onto that light, onto the hope that there would come a sunrise that would chase out the shadows. Chase out the fear of two decades and in its wake bringing forth the freedom of magic. The freedom of half of Merlin's being, of the goodness in the land that lay neglected and feared. That new day, when Merlin could finally stand by Arthur's side and be worthy of his place.

The day will come.

Outside the city, untouched by the morning light, eyes remained open without seeing.

"The day will come," Morgana whispered.

BriefShiningMoment

You can see why I got irritated. I couldn't write anymore, even though it needed it. All it managed to do was summarise the suspense that I left behind in the last story and I kind of liked it the way it was. Hence why this wasn't published.

Yet here you are, because I couldn't resist.

So in summary. The dark creatures quietened down since Merlin was back in Camelot. I couldn't think where to mention it, but I always assumed Merlin's magic was strongest in certain points of the kingdom. Camelot as irony would have it would have been the biggest one. The amount of magic in Camelot (especially since Merlin is the only warlock around) gives him more power there hence why the dark creatures aren't attacking just yet. And why Morgana is drawn to it aside from the obvious revenge thing.

It could also be why Kilgharrah lived so long under the castle, only to die later on. How sad that Merlin's orders kind of condemned him to death? Angst much?