Chapter Nine

My eyes were glued to the TV screen, though I wasn't really seeing anything. Whatever was on was obviously funny, because every few minutes, Wayne or Maria would burst into laughter, stirring me from my daydreams. Or day mares, they might more appropriately have been called. They weren't scary exactly, more painful than anything. Because the face that haunted the "day mares" was Collin's, and I didn't want to think about him. More than anything, I wanted to go to bed, but Wayne and Maria would be really suspicious if I announced I was turning in for the night at just seven thirty.

I sat for a few minutes, trying to think of an excuse for me to leave the room. It was ages before I came up with anything that was even half believable.

"Hey, uh - Maria? I've got a headache…"

Maria, who had been lying horizontally across the sofa with her head on Wayne's lap, sat up so fast it was a miracle she didn't break her neck.

"What? Oh God, are you okay?"

Wayne tore his eyes away from the TV to look at me. His expression was kind of scared, almost apprehensive, as if he was afraid that I might explode or something. I briefly wondered why.

Maria got off the sofa completely and came over to the armchair where I was sitting. She clamped her hand to my forehead.

"Maria!" I said, squirming away from her. "I'm fine! I was just going to say that I'm going to get some fresh air!"

"But it could be -"

"Maria it's not cancer! Jeez, it's just a headache!"

Maria looked a little taken aback. "Of course it is… I'm sorry, honey, I just…"

"I know, I know." I knew I was being crabby, but I couldn't help it. "I'm fine, okay? I'm going for a walk."

"Do - d'you want me to come with you?"

"No." I said shortly, before walking out of the room. I pulled on my rain coat and a pair of yellow galoshes I had picked up cheap at Sears. I had bought them in LA, in preparation for rainy Forks. They had been well worth the seven dollars I had paid for them.

I stepped out into the drizzling rain, not even bothering to pull up my hood. What was the point? I was going to get wet anyway. I began to trudge slowly along the road, heading towards the centre of Forks. It was already dark, even though it was May, and I wasn't exactly keen on heading into the forest on my own, no matter how brave I usually was. A streetlamp flickered dimly in the distance, and it was the only light from all around. God, Forks was so lame. There really was nothing in it at all. If it wasn't for the garage, I probably would have had to kill myself by now.

As I wandered along, I suddenly froze. The hairs on the back of my neck were slowly rising and goose pimples were forming on my skin. I was being watched. I started to walk again, quicker this time, trying to get further into the centre of Forks, where it would feel safer. Not that I couldn't defend myself or anything. Because if I needed to, I could.

"Bonnie." The voice that called my name was familiar, though I still leaped a mile high. As soon as I heard it, the tightness in my chest disappeared, and a sense of relief filled it instead.

"Collin." My voice was venomous as I turned around. "What do you want?"

His expression was stony, though I couldn't pull my focus away from his eyes. They were the same colour as melted milk chocolate, though the pain, and something that resembled betrayal, that was behind them was heartbreaking.

"I want to speak to you," He said, clearly and loudly. His voice was monotone, his words chosen carefully.

"About what?" I asked.

God, I knew how rude I was being but I just couldn't help it. I hated myself when I got like this.

"About us." He said.

I snorted, hating myself as I did so. "There is no us." I realized that I sounded like something out of some dramatic soap opera.

Collin shook his head. "Maybe not now. But you can't hold back for long… I know you're hurting as much as I am." His voice broke monotone for just one minute, just on the last word, and that humane sound tugged at my heart like nothing I'd ever felt before. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just give in? Why did I always have to be so stubborn, even to myself?

"I'm fine," I said coldly, and I turned to walk away.

He grabbed my hand as I turned, and his touch sent my senses into overdrive. My skin tingled as electricity passed between us, and a sudden heat, like nothing I had ever felt before, washed over me, as if I just sank into a hot bath, but even better. I could smell him, something like warmth and cinnamon toast. My eyes locked onto Collin's and the heat between us intensified. His careful expression softened and for such a huge man, he looked vulnerable, child-like. His bottom lip was trembling and his hair was sticking up all over the place, like he'd been running his hands through it. Which, I reminded myself, he probably had been.

"Please," He said. "Please, Bonnie."

It took every ounce of bitchiness, stubbornness and determination that resided in my body to pull my hand from his and walk away, but because I was a selfish cow, I managed just fine.

Oh God, how I wished I was dead.

I deserved to die.

Collin's POV

"She hates me. She actually hates me." I could hear the despair in my voice.

"Col, man, she doesn't hate you. She's just… it's the shock. It's not every day that a girl finds out that her soul mate is a werewolf."

I glared at Brady. "Aoife, Emily, Kim, Renesmee, Claire and Becca managed just fine."

Brady was silent for a minute, and I knew him well enough to think that he was just devising a good answer. And I was right.

"Yeah, well, Emily didn't give in for ages, remember? And Kim had no problemo with it because she'd been crazy about Jared for like, three years! And come on… you know full well that Nessie and Claire were just kids when Jake and Quil imprinted. It's not like they were going to reject that much attention and affection. With Becca, she'd known Taylor since, like, forever, it was kind of natural. And Aoife… well, Aoife is Aoife. The one with the wild imagination and all that… she wasn't shocked at all."

I was quiet for a moment as I registered all this. I drained my beer and cracked open another before replying.

"I guess… but it's just not natural! Like, what is her problem? Doesn't she get what I'm offering her?"

Brady shook his head and shrugged. "See, Col, that's just the thing! She doesn't understand! She's from like, Florida, right?"

"Los Angeles. Though Boston originally."

Brady raised his eyebrows. "She told you that?"

"Nope. She told Seth, after she had to fill out forms when she applied for the apprenticeship."

"Oh. Okay, well, LA, then. In LA, it's sunny, right?"

"Yeah."

"So they don't have vampires. Or werewolves, cause there aren't any forests out there either."

"Well, there's forests in California."

"But not in Hollywood, dah-ling."

I snorted, despite myself. "Brady, don't ever say that again."

"Okay, sorry…" Brady said, laughing too. "Now, no forests in Hollywood."

"Okay, no forests," I agreed.

"So that means, like I said, no werewolves, and no vampires. Which means no chance of her ever being imprinted on. So then, she comes to Forks - why did she come here by the way?"

"Her sister married Wayne Weber."

"Who?"

"You know, Pastor Weber's nephew?"

"Oh, yeah… Where was I?"

"Something about… "And then she comes to Forks"," I said.

"Oh, yeah. So then she comes to Forks, she suddenly finds out that vampires are real, and that a psycho werewolfguy has decided that he's hers for all eternity."

"The same thing happened to Aoife, practically, and she didn't freak."

Brady glared at me. "Oh, jesus, Collin. I don't know. Maybe Bonnie has things in her past that Aoife never had. Maybe she's had a crappier life. Come on, you know that's Aoife's life has been pretty good. Maybe it was just easier for her to accept that a man could truly want to be with her for the rest of his life."

I raised my head slowly and looked at Brady, something dawning on me as the words left his mouth. He was right. Maybe Bonnie had a troubled past, something that had left her strong, fiercely independent and practically untouchable. Something that made her scared to make a commitment.

Or maybe not. Maybe I was just trying to find excuses so I could make myself feel better about her not wanting me.

But there was only one way I could find out.

Sorry it's so short! Thank you SO much for all your reviews! A particularly big thanks to Sparkly-Vampire-Girl and NikkiTBH (though I think she's changed her screen name, sorry Nikki!) who's reviews truly are EXCELLENT! They give me such a confidence boost, it's unreal! So thankyou girlies! And thank you to everyone else too.. every little helps! ;)

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Love alwayssss :)

Lily

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