Chapter Ten

It was hot, but not so hot that it was unbearable. The air smelled of clean sweat and something I couldn't identify. Sunlight was filtering through the thin linen curtains that framed the window of the room I was in. The sheets on the double bed I was stretched across were rumpled, half of them on the floor.

I felt so complete, and happier than I had felt since… well, since ever. I was completely naked, but I didn't feel at all self-conscious. I ran my hands over my bare skin, my stomach, my thighs, my breasts. My skin was smooth and scar-free, and the sun made it look porcelain. My short hair was spread in a mini halo across the pillow my head rested on. I sat up slowly, and as I did, I realized what the unknown scent was. Sex. I knew this, because lying next to me was Collin. And he was naked except for a sheet draped across his midriff. As I watched him, I felt overwhelmed with an emotion I had never felt before. And as I watched, the light pouring in from the window began to fade. The room darkened gradually, until I could see nothing.

When I woke, I was panting. My hair was sticking up all over the place, sweat was pouring off me, though I was freezing, and my heart was beating faster than it had ever beat before. My throat was so dry that I could barely breathe. Every muscle in my body ached, and then I knew.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was going to have to give in. Yes, Collin was a werewolf. Yes, I didn't know him. And yes, I loved him.

I had never been through such agony in my life. Even goddamn cancer beat this feeling. I knew what it felt like to be dying, and I knew it was better than this.

I threw off my quilt, and leaned over, feeling around on the floor for my socks, where I had thrown them before getting into bed. When they were on (I had a thing about walking around in bare feet, probably something to do with spending so much time in hospital) I shuffled across the room and switched on the light. My room looked exactly as it had before, but it felt strange. I felt strange. I rummaged around in my dresser, trying to find a pair of jeans. Just as I pulled on a sweater, I glanced at the clock I'd hung on the wall. It was just after four a.m.

Since even attempting to brush my teeth in the bathroom would have disturbed Wayne and Maria, I had to make do with a couple of cherry flavoured Pez, from the Harry Potter dispenser Dad had given me for my fifteenth birthday as a joke. My short hair was a mess, but I didn't really care.

I tip-toed down the stairs, trying to be as silent as possible. I had left my van keys on the hall table, and grabbed them as I snuck out the back door. The front door was right beneath Wayne and Maria's room - it wouldn't be smart to use it.

I got into my van, praying that the engine would be too noisy. To my intense relief, it started smoothly.

I drove in the direction of La Push, but I was being ridiculous. I had no clue where Collin lived. In fact, I had no clue where Jacob or Seth lived either. The best place for me to try was the garage. Maybe they'd have Collin on record there, or something.

I got there in record time, and was soon parked outside the garage, my head against the steering wheel, wondering where the hell I was supposed to go next. I tried to get into the garage, but it was completely impossible. I gave up and returned to my van.

I didn't realize it, but I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up, it seemed to be early morning. From where I was lying across the seat of the van, I could tell it was still dark outside. My heart was beating loudly, and I wondered what had woken me up. Then I heard it again.

"Bonnie?" The sound of my name was muffled. I sat up, hoping it was Collin. Of course, I knew that it wasn't because the sound of the voice calling me delivered no relief. I sat up and peered out the window into the darkness. Two large brown eyes looked back at me. It was Brady.

"Brady?" I leaned over and opened the passenger door of the van. Brady slid in. "What are you doing here so early? And what time is it?"

"I could ask you the same thing," He muttered, rubbing his forehead. "And it's just after six."

"A.M?" I questioned.

"Duh."

"Sorry…" I muttered. "Why are you here?"

"I could ask you the same thing. There's an early delivery of parts. And Jake gave me the wonderful job of signing for it."

"Hate that," I muttered, not really listening. The ache was already growing stronger, even though I was groggy due to just waking up.

"Don't worry, you'll get your turn."

"I look forward to it."

"So what are you doing here?" He asked in turn.

I sighed. I was really going to go through with this. I was really giving in. I tried for a minute to think of an excuse, but the honest to God truth was that I just couldn't take the pain any more. It was agony.

"Well?" Brady interrupted my thinking.

"I was… I was looking for Collin." It was the first time I'd said his name without sarcasm or contempt.

Brady froze for a minute, before turning to glare at me. "Why?"

"Because… because…" I stopped. I wasn't actually sure why. "I guess I need to tell him that…"

"That what? That you're going to break his heart?" The words Brady spoke were cheesy but they didn't sound that way coming from him.

"No!" I said. "No. I want to tell him that I'm… that I'm sorry."

Brady's dark eyes were narrowed suspiciously.

"I can't take it anymore! Maybe you wouldn't think it, but this hurts me too!"

"Oh, so it's just about yourself, then? It's not about helping Collin at all?"

"What? No!" But I was lying. It really was about me. But then again, everything always was.

"What is with you?" Brady said, spitting out the words as though they were poisonous. "Are you really that much of a selfish bitch?"

I hesitated before answering. "Yes, Brady. I think I am."

He was silent. He obviously hadn't been expecting that kind of a response.

"You think I like the way I am? You think that I actually enjoy treating people like dirt?"

"Why do you do it, then?" He asked.

I banged my head against the steering wheel. "Fuck, I don't know. Because I'm a psychotic cow, I guess."

Brady was silent once more. He wasn't disagreeing, I noticed, but then again, I hadn't expected him to.

"Tell me where Collin lives. I really need to talk to him." It was an order, and there was no respect in my voice.

"Why should I?" Brady responded angrily.

"Because -" But before I could continue, a large truck with Michelin Auto Parts written on the side pulled up outside the garage. Brady got out of the van without so much as another glance towards me, and headed towards the garage.

I sat for a few moments, watching as Brady signed a clipboard and then, along with the delivery man, carried boxes of parts into the garage. Brady didn't exit, but as soon as the delivery man was gone, I went inside.

Brady was shifting the boxes into the large store room behind the work space. I stepped forward to help him.

"You don't need to do that," He said loudly. "You aren't being paid for it."

I recoiled slightly. "I know that. I want to help."

He shrugged and we were both silent as we moved all the boxes. As we left the garage and Brady turned to lock up, I grabbed onto his sleeve.

"Please, Brady." My tone was begging. "Please tell me where Collin lives."

"Can't it wait till the morning?" He pulled his arm away from me, distaste on his face. I couldn't blame him for the way he looked at me.

"It is the morning. And I don't think I can wait any longer." My voice was quiet now. I was telling the truth, one hundred percent.

"If I tell you… and you - if you hurt him, I swear to God -"

"I won't!" My voice lost all the poor-little-girl-lost tones, and I was becoming defensive. "What's with you? Are you like, in love with him or something?"

He frowned at me. "No. But he's my best friend. He has been since we were four years old. And I've never seen him suffer the way he has since he met you."

The emotion and the sincerity in his voice and expression stirred something inside me.

"I'm sorry, Brady. I never meant to hurt him either, you know!" Of course, I couldn't just apologize, like a normal person. There always had to be a defensive note in it.

"Hmm…" Brady was silent for a minute, then he began to stride over towards his car. I had a mini panic attack, thinking he was leaving, but he was back in a matter of seconds, with a piece of paper and a stubby pencil in his hand. He scribbled an address and directions in his nearly undecipherable writing, and left. He didn't utter another word, but his eyes said everything.

I stood motionless, watching his car drive away, before I read the bit of paper he had handed me. The directions were simple enough. I just had to head back into La Push, take the left turn that was directly across from the general store, and drive for half a mile until I came to little stone cottage.

I parked up my van, got out and stood for about ten minutes, just looking at the small house in which Collin resided.

A small sign was attached to the mailbox, reading Whitethorn. Jeez, I hadn't even known his second name. In fact, I didn't know anything about him. I didn't know whether he had brothers or sisters, I didn't know what his mother's name was, or his fathers, I didn't know his age, even. The only thing I knew for certain was his first name. And the fact that he was a werewolf…

I stood gazing at the house, wondering what I should do. It was completely silent, except for my breathing, and even thudding of my heart, and the occasional crow of a bird in the distance. I wasn't even nervous. I just didn't know what to do. I took a step forward, and pushed open the red painted gate. I took another step, and my feet crunched onto a gravel path that lead up to the red front door. I took another step. For some reason I broke into a run, and suddenly I was right on the doorstep. The distance between the gate and the door was only about ten foot, but my heart was thudding out of control, and I was gasping for breath. I lifted a hand, and my finger hovered over the doorbell. What if this was his family home? What if he still lived with his mom and dad, and his brothers and sisters, if he had any? What should I do?

It turned out that I didn't have to make the decision myself, because the red door slowly opened and I found myself staring into the hazel eyes of Collin Whitethorn.

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