A/N: I'm sooooo sorry I didn't update! I really wanted to, but I've had things going on, and I couldn't update right away.:( But I have a new one, right here! On the amazing song by Taylor Swift. I believe this song was written about her ex, Taylor Lautner? Not sure. But I'm totally in love with him, too.:D Anyways, enough rambling from me, here's the next oneshot! And thanks for reviewing!:D
OH! And DTW happened after the current school year ended in this, so now Clare's a junior and Eli's a senior. You'll see why it happened over summer instead of whenever it did in the show.
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or Back To December.
Back To December by Taylor Swift
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
"H-hi, Eli. Thanks for meeting me here," I say nervously, sitting down across from my ex-boyfriend at our booth in the Dot. Our actual old table, where we would sit for hours and talk, laugh, flirt; Eli even went all cheesy one time and carved our name into the bench.
"Hey, Clare. How've you been?" he asks cautiously, wondering why I suddenly call him up after months of not speaking, asking him to come meet me at the Dot for lunch.
"I've been good, how about you?" Small talk, that's good. Start out light, then go for the heavy.
"I've been pretty good; so has my family. They miss seeing you. They really liked you," he continues, with a small smile, thinking about his parents and how well they got along with me. I love his family; they're like the one that I wish I got instead of my own.
"I miss them, too. I love CeCe and Bullfrog," I say, remembering all the motherly talks with CeCe, and all the corny jokes from Bullfrog.
You've been good, busier than ever
With small talk, work and the weather
"So, I heard you're writing the play? How's that going?" I ask curiously, wanting to know what he's been doing since . . . I'm snapped out of my thoughts by Eli talking about the play.
"It's going, I suppose. I'm in a bit of a creative slump, but it's been keeping me busy, so that's good, I guess. Ever since the whole thing between us happened, I've decided to focus on other things, like my writing," he says, his tone growing sad at the part about us.
Your guard is up, and I know why
Because, the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there, to die
"How are you, Eli, really? I know you weren't exactly in a good place when we broke up, and I really shouldn't have left you, like that." I'm starting to approach dangerous territory, but I need to make him understand.
He flinches, and says a bit coldly, "Why does it matter? That's in the past, and I don't want to scare you again." He emphasizes the part about scaring, so it becomes my turn to flinch. It's my fault he feels this way. We didn't even have a clean break up, and I'm sure that's the thing that sticks out most in his mind.
But I'm determined to let go of the past, so I take a breath, and remember why I came here. I swallow my stupid pride and my fear of looking stupid, and what everyone else thinks, and begin.
So, this is me, swallowing my pride, standing in front of you
Saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December, all the time
"Look, Eli. I'm going to be completely honest, here. I still love you; in fact, I never stopped. I regret leaving you like I did in the hospital. God, you don't know how much that kills me. I don't know how I could have been so heartless and blind. I am so sorry for the way I acted, and I wish I never did that.
It turns out, freedom ain't nothin' but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had, when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around, and make it all right
I go back to December, all the time
I know I said I wanted space, but I don't want space. I want you. The whole time we've been apart, I've been missing you like crazy, and it kills me to think that I'm the one who started this whole thing. I should've realized that we had something great, but Alli had me blindsided by her stupid theories of how she thinks she knows our relationship, and in a moment of panic, I believed her. But I will always regret that.
These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call
I haven't slept in months, because I know that I made the worst mistake of my life in leaving you. I keep seeing my horrible, selfish face, as I told you what I did, and I hate it. I hate it. I said I wanted space, then had nothing to do with you. I didn't even say hi to you, or even wish you a happy birthday. And then I went off with Jake, like nothing ever happened between us, and when I think about that, I feel even worse."
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing, from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall
We had a perfect summer together, after dating basically my whole sophomore and his junior year. We spent that summer together, but then the date of Julia's death came up, and that's when things got rough.
Even though I said I hated Morty, I don't. We had such great memories in there, talking and laughing, going on our "urban adventures". I was just mad, so I said that. I hate myself for that, but it happened.
"And I got scared; not of you, but by the intensity of my feelings for you. I didn't feel like I was being suffocated, I felt like I was suffocating you. I didn't want you to get sick of me, so I started pulling back. I shouldn't have, though. I didn't want you to break my heart, so I ended it. That was the worst decision I ever made. I felt terrible without you by my side, I missed your cocky smirk and your sarcastic attitude, and I love how you wear all black. It's you. Jake doesn't even do anything without consulting from his friends first, to see if it's cool. I hate it. You never once cared what people thought about you, and I love that.
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye
But when summer started to end, that fear that you would get sick of me got stronger, and I just couldn't take the thought of having my heart broken, again. Even though you're ten times better than KC ever was, I just couldn't handle that. I ended up more hurt, though. By leaving you, I hurt myself. I needed you, and I still do. And I just left you. I'm a selfish bitch, who didn't consider your problems. You needed help, and I didn't give that to you. I know it wasn't my job to help you, but I should've been there for you, like I promised."
He winced, remembering the time I promised him I'd help him with his hoarding, and that I'd never leave him, which is exactly what I did.
So, this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you
Saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December, all the time
"So, please, Eli. I know you probably want nothing to do with me, but if nothing else, can we at least be friends? I'd rather be friends with you and have to watch you with Imogen, than not have you at all. You have every reason to hate me, but you know me. I always let my pride get in the way of everything, like our relationship, but right now, I'm ignoring that. Because I need you in my life."
It turns out, freedom ain't nothin' but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had, when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December, all the time
"I miss you so much, Eli, that I'll even settle for acquaintances, if I have to. I sound desperate, but I don't care." I rambled on, going on about how much I miss him, and how stupid I was to let him go, when he cut me off by chuckling.
"Why are you laughing? Does my pain amuse you?" I accused, playfully hitting him on the shoulder.
He dramatically rubbed it, and continued laughing. "It doesn't, but you're basically repeating yourself about how much you miss my gorgeous face," he cockily replied.
This means something, right? Something good? We're back to our playful banter, at least for the moment.
"Of course I'll take you back, Blue Eyes. You're not the only one who was miserable without someone by their side for the past few months." He said this with a sad smile on his face, and he grabbed my hands in his.
"Really? You'll take me back? Oh, my god, thank you so much!" I happily replied, squealing and wrapping my arms around his, and surprising him.
"Easy there, Blue Eyes. Don't want to hurt yourself," he joked, earning a playful glare from me. "But what I don't understand is, if you were that hurt by being without me, what took you so long to ask me to be back in your life?" he asked, being one hundred percent serious.
"Like I said before, I let my stupid pride get in the way, and I didn't want you thinking I was pathetic, for breaking up with you, then ten minutes later, asking for forgiveness. It was stupid." I looked down, ashamed, unwrapping my arms from him.
He, however, had other plans. He got up from his seat, and walked to mine, pulling me up, before quickly sitting down and placing me on his lap. He pulled me closer to him with one arm, and put him other hand underneath my chin, forcing me to look into those eyes that I'd missed so much.
"Hey, look at me. I don't care if it was ten minutes, or ten years. I'd still take you back, Clare. I don't think I'll ever stop loving you, and I could never, ever think you're pathetic. Now me, I'm a different story," he joked, starting to stroke my hair and play with my curls.
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
"I don't think you're pathetic. You were always so amazing to me, like right now. And another thing I missed, was those rare smiles I get, like right now," I said, referring to the smile that was plastered on his face. He really only smiles when he's really happy. But his smile turned into my other favorite, his smirk.
"I only smile around you, Blue Eyes. But I do it without even noticing. So when you point it out, it's probably not gonna stay long." He said this teasingly, making his smirk widen.
And how you held me in your arms, that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
"Remember that time you came over to my house, before we were dating, you wanted to hang out, and you saw me on my porch crying? You swore you'd beat up 'the bastard that made me cry,'" I reminisced, chuckling at his choice of words on that night. It had been in early September, if I remember correctly, because it was just after we became good friends, and after my parents' marriage started going down the drain. That was why I was crying, not 'some bastard.'
"Yeah, I do remember that. You looked so broken; I hated seeing you like that. I swore to myself I'd do whatever I could to make you smile again." He said this as if he were picturing it all in his head, like I was, too.
"You sure made me smile," I grinned. That was also the day we got together. He cheered me up by taking me out for the night, and it ended with us becoming a couple.
"I have my ways," he said, grinning mischievously.
Maybe this is wishful thinkin', probably mindless dreamin'
But, if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
"I told myself coming over here, that you wouldn't take me back, that I was being stupid. But I also said that if you did, then I would definitely do our relationship right, this time. I can't lose you again, especially knowing it's my fault, like last time." There was sadness in my voice, and I felt tears stinging in my eyes.
"Don't cry; didn't I just tell you I hated seeing you upset?" he reminded gently, making me look up at him again. "And hopefully, there won't be a reason for us to break up. Hopefully we'll just get to be happy with each other." I giggled at his optimism, which is totally the opposite of him, making it funnier.
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So, if the chain is on your door, I understand
"You always were soooo optimistic," I sarcastically said, giggling still.
"Only for you," he said sarcastically, knowing it sounded cheesy.
"Why are you letting me back in so easily? I couldn't get you to do that the first time around," I said, pondering why he was so forgiving. Not that I was complaining.
"Because, I know you meant what you said, and I mean it when I say that I really do love you, which is why I'm giving you a second chance," he explained, sounding like he'd thought this over.
"I thought there was a reason I loved you," I teased.
"Which would be? Other than the obvious: my sexy, gorgeous face, my mysterious aura, and my incredibly charismatic attitude," he sarcastically joked, gesturing to his face and clothes when he talked about that.
"Or, because you're loving, protective, forgiving, and incredibly sweet." I said this in a loving tone, thinking about just some of the few reasons why I love this boy.
"And you wouldn't have me any other way, right?" he teased, looking into my eyes.
"Exactly," I said, looking right back before sealing our lips in a much-wanted kiss.
But this is me, swallowing my pride, standing in front of you
Saying I'm sorry, for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out, freedom ain't nothin' but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it all right
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December, all the time
All the time
A/N: I'm pretty good at writing cheesy stuff, though I'm not sure if that's good or bad. And I feel like Eli: I'm incredibly wordy, sometimes. I hate it, because I ramble on and on, like right now. Sowwy. I realized, as I was writing this, that the last one, Contagious, was about Eli getting Clare back, and now this is the opposite. Haha, sorry if that bothers anyone. I didn't do it on purpose; I put my iPod on shuffle, and use whatever comes up. Which is also why a lot of these have been Taylor Swift. I'm really sorry if my choice of music bothers anyone, since it's kind of all over the place, but like I said, I use whatever comes up. And please review! I'll give you a cookie and an update tomorrow, instead of two days from now, like I've been doing.:(