61st: All alone
Summary: She was far away from home, trying to accept that her old life was over. She was lying to people who didn't deserve being lied to and all she wanted was her older sister to come, take her hand and guide her home.
Lisanna hated her life in Edolas even though she tried to hide it in order to keep her identity a secret. She hated so many things about this and it was hard for her to accept that her old life was over and that she would never be able to return to her home, that she would never return to her siblings, her guild and her friends.
She also missed all the little things like Cana's drunken fortunetelling that was disturbingly precise. She missed the arguments between Mira-nee and Erza. She missed hanging out with Natsu or going on missions with her siblings. She missed Elfman yelling about being a man and secretly watching a certain self-proclaimed queen of fairies. She missed all of them so much that it nearly ripped her apart. She wondered how her sister was doing and she imagined the demon takeover mage crying – even though Mira-nee hardly showed any feelings for anyone.
Everything was just too strange in her eyes and she wanted to go home even though she knew that there was no way to go home again. She felt terribly lonely because there was no one she could take with about the guild she had left in Earthland. There was no one she could really talk with about her mixed emotions when the Edolas-version Elfman and Evergreen announced their engagement. There was no one she could tell about her worries when Levy disappeared for a few days because no one knew the fragile Levy McGarden Lisanna had know in Earthland and therefore no one could understand her worries because this Levy was strong and could deal with everything and everyone.
Lisanna smiled even though she wanted to cry because this had to be her personal hell. She was far away from her siblings and everyone else she loved. She missed her friends terribly. She even missed Natsu's and Gray's fights – and they had annoyed her nearly as much as Erza back then. She missed Loke's calmer and less playboyish attitude he rarely showed but when he showed it, he was kind and a good listener who gave great advises and who knew every constellation on the nightly sky and who claimed that the constellation Aries was his favourite one. She missed everyone and everything and she felt terribly selfish for thinking like this because she had been given a second chance to live while her own counterpart had died and she had basically stolen the other Lisanna's life, her identity and all her friends.
It felt wrong for her and sometimes, she was close to telling at least the kinder and friendlier version of Mira-nee what she felt before she remembered that this wouldn't help anyone because the Edolas-Mirajane would still have lost a sister and lying to her protected her from the truth and if loneliness was the price Lisanna had to pay, well, she gladly paid it because even if they weren't really her siblings and even though they didn't deserve being lied to all the time, it was a price Lisanna gladly paid because it meant to be able to decide something.
It was strange how much she missed everyone despite having their counterparts around her. She tried to blend in and she mostly managed to do so quite well but there were moments when she wondered if the same might happen in Earthland as well. One of these events was when Laxus who was far nicer and less obsessed with power and strength came home injured, dragged into the guild by a sweet and tomboyish Evergreen. Lisanna watched from the bar how Cana got up from the table where she had been drinking tea to look after the man who was – how the harsh and unfriendly version of Levy revealed – her boyfriend.
The idea of the normal, loud and slightly alcohol addicted Cana from Earthland dating Laxus, the power-obsessed grandson of the guild master was hilarious in Lisanna's eyes and thinking about it brightened up her days for a few weeks before the realisation that she would never know if this happened in her old guild as well hit her with full force and she tried to think of someone else and befriended Juvia, someone she hadn't known in Earthland. Juvia might be cold and distant and her way to refer to herself in third person might be strange at first but she was a good friend and this was the most important thing in Lisanna's eyes and she wondered if this woman had a counterpart in Earthland as well but once again, she didn't think too much about this because it made her remember – and she didn't want to remember.
She hated the life she led in Edolas when she was completely honest to herself. She hated every day she smiled at a member of the guild. She hated every day she had to pretend that she was someone who had died months ago. She hated to see the strangely twisted versions of her old friends. She hated that Erza who had been on her side in Earthland was her enemy now and that she started to hate Erza Knightwalker just as much as everyone else hated her after she killed Romeo, Macao's son, who had been dating Wendy, a blue-haired woman. Lisanna felt ill after she had heard that Knightwalker had murdered the young man because she remembered just too well how Erza Scarlet had played with Romeo when he had been younger and how Erza had been terrified of accidentally hurting Macao's son.
No, this twisted version of reality didn't sit well with Lisanna and every morning she hoped that she would wake up in her own bed and that everything would be alright again. She subconsciously waited for her older sister to come and take her hand. She waited for Mira-nee to lead her back home – just like it had been when she had gotten lost in her childhood.
But deep down, she knew that Mira-nee would never come … because she couldn't.