Note: This is the second chapter of team Angsty McMuffin Pants' entry for the Chuunin challenge currently being hosted on the Kakashi X Sakura community on LiveJournal. This particular chapter was written by the wonderfully talented Edelin who managed to pull off a whopping 7.5 K despite English not being her first language. Edelin, we salute you for the amazing effort, sweetie!
Also, Edelin celebrated her birthday recently so drop her a wish folks! :)
Sakura had just finished her usual morning shift when she received a note from the Hokage requesting her presence immediately at the office. The pink-haired medic sighed in frustration. It had been such a tiring day; she had woken up very early in the morning, sneaked inside the hospital with as much secrecy as she could and then she had to give a lesson to 12-year-old shinobi that wanted to learn basic medical techniques. Somehow it had become a custom for most of the young shinobi, while they were still genin, to undertake basic medical training. It helped the dynamic of the team and it was an easy way to find who was talented in the medical arts.
And meanwhile she had to take care of every little problem in her department as expected of a head medic.
Sakura loved her job. She was fully devoted to her duties and obligations, and they did fill her days, but sometimes she missed the carefree feeling of finishing her shift and going for a walk and dinner with Ino and some other nurses. She had been appointed a head medic a few months ago and now she barely even had time to breathe.
Sighing, she knocked on the Hokage's door and waited until she got permission to enter.
Finally after some five minutes of waiting she heard the Hokage's voice. "Come in."
She went in and smiled at the blond woman who was glaring tragically at the pile of papers in front of her while holding a cup of sake. If her sense of self-preservation hadn't intervened, Sakura might've laughed at the scene displayed before her. Luckily, years of battle-field training had taught her to heed those niggling little voices in the back of her head so she kept her mouth shut.
"Hokage-sama?" she asked to grab the woman's attention. The blond sannin raised her head and smiled softly at the young medic.
"Sakura," she greeted the girl. "I am in an endless turmoil, as you can see."
"Yes,Tsunade-sama. I can see it very clearly," she replied to the woman and stared at the three empty sake bottles on the table.
Tsunade sighed and drank the rest of the sake in the cup she held. "I can't believe I am saying this but I really miss Shizune's whining about doing things today instead of tomorrow." She lifted up a pile of papers and looked at it. "I really need her to keep me in place when it comes to deadlines. Even if we always end up doing things at the last minute, they happen more easily when she is pressuring me to do them," she admitted.
Sakura laughed and smiled at the elder woman. "You make a very good team… In a way you complete each other," the young girl said and looked at the piles of paperwork. "I understand the need to be organized now, thanks to the responsibilities of my current post. But anyway, Shizune will be back from that training session with the young field medics in a few days… so you will have her whining to your heart's content, Tsunade-sama."
A silence hung between the two women until Tsunade waved it away. "Anyhow, I called you here for a mission," the Hokage announced to her student as the reason for her sudden calling.
This surprised the young medic. Since she had started working full time at the hospital, she rarely went out on missions. So she was either specifically requested by the client or the mission required someone with her medical knowledge and talent, something that couldn't be supplied by any of the other medics on regular missions rotation. "What type of mission?" she queried.
"I know you don't normally go to missions, especially long ones, but this one will be very beneficial for the economy of the village. You remember the lord from Snow country that you healed a year ago?"
Sakura nodded. It had been a difficult surgery and usually Shizune would be in charge of it while she would just assist in whatever the older and more experienced medic needed, but due to an unfortunate coincidence, Shizune was unable to perform these duties, so Sakura did the surgery. All had ended well and the lord returned healthy to his home once he was ready to travel back. It seemed that the lord had been impressed with her abilities since he had later sent her cards of gratitude and even some small presents.
"It seems his son's hobby is collecting insects," Tsunade said and her facial expression changed into a grimace for a moment. While the hobby itself could be rather productive – if it weren't for the Aburame-clan and the stink, literal or figurative, they'd put up about it, they'd probably have a collection themselves down in the hospital for research – anyone handling dangerous insects should respect them and at least have a passing knowledge for how they really worked. From what she understood, this lord's son was likely just fascinated with how they looked and the fact that being poisonous gave him a thrill. "To make a long story short, he got bit by one of his rare insects and didn't do anything about it until he was infected. Not only has the infection spread but either the insect was poisonous, and the family wasn't aware of it – it was an extremely rare bug with very little research done on it – or it was diseased, so there's now that to contend with as well. The lord sent me a personal note requesting your services as he is convinced that if his son is left in the care of someone as talented and strong as you, he will be able to recover. I personally think the fact that you have worked with the Aburame clan earlier this year makes you an even more ideal medic to heal his son."
"So I must travel to Snow?" she asked. This would be problematic since a trip like that required a week or so of constant traveling to reach the destination, and that was if the weather didn't pose any problems. And during this time of the year, rains and strong winds were common. She would have to stay there for a week at least and would another week or so to return. All this would mean that she would be absent from her duties in the hospital for at least three weeks, at the bare minimum.
A very long time considering her position.
"But Tsunade-sama… isn't it possible to send someone with fewer responsibilities? It will be bad for my department if I am absent that long," Sakura protested.
The woman shook her head. "Unfortunately he insists that he wants you and only you. And Sakura… he will not only pay very, very well for this but he has agreed that he will let us import some products from his region at an extremely good price. And Snow would buy more from our markets," she explained. "You know that after the war all the economies have been struggling so a deal like that would help Fire country strengthen our economy while also forming stronger bonds with a strong political figure of another country."
"I see," Sakura sighed in defeat. "Who will take over my department?" she asked the older woman.
"Ino and Hinata together will cover for you, and once Shizune is back she will keep a closer eye on your patients and nurses," the Hokage reassured the young medic. "Don't worry Sakura, I will not let all your hard work go to waste."
"Thank you, Tsunade-sama. So when will I be leaving?"
"Tomorrow morning. However, given both the duration of the mission and the diplomatic implications, I have assigned you an escort." She raised a hand to hold off Sakura's rebuttal. "Yes, yes, I know the hospital hasn't made you soft and you can still take care of yourself. You have to consider, though, that you're going into another country as a foreign operative and while their intentions appear up-front we can never assume things will go as planned. It could be a trap, another group could have a trap planned – either to get to us or to use you to get into the lord's manor, or given that this lord has sent you gifts, he could even be planning to try an elopement between you and himself or his son."
Sakura snorted at that and Tsunade shrugged. "You never know. The point is I'm being generous by not forcing an entire squad on you so be grateful before I change my mind."
"So… who is it?"
"Your companion?"
Sakura nodded and waited for the female leader to answer her queries. "Someone very strong, who…" the woman was saying when a knock was heard.
Sakura turned to look at the door while Tsunade shouted her permission to enter the room.
Sakura froze when she saw the man that entered through the door. He looked around and when he noticed Sakura standing across from the Hokage, he tensed slightly as well, but his exceptional control over his body allowed him to hide his surprise masterfully.
Then suddenly she turned to Tsunade with a pale face.
Please no. Please, please, please no.
"Him, Kakashi."
Why? Why did this have to happen to her? Hadn't she suffered enough during her 19 years of life?
"He'll be your escort," Tsunade finished and smiled at them, probably thinking they were also happy to be sent on a mission together after half a year of not being part of the same team. Maybe she'd even planned putting them together to help them become closer.
Only she wasn't aware how close they actually were.
If she did know, then putting them together for a mission that would last around a month would be the last thing she'd think of doing for their relationship.
They hadn't been together alone on a mission since team Kakashi had been disbanded. During the time Naruto and Sasuke were in that coma, they had supported each other, gone along with Sai on a few missions here and there, but soon that had stopped as well. The aftermath of the last shinobi war had rocked the foundation of Konoha. With the loss of so many of their friends and shinobi, many of them had to step up to fill in different holes in the structure. She'd focused on her job in the hospital and taking care of her teammates, whereas Kakashi, one of the most senior shinobi left alive with ANBU and S-Class clearance, was constantly sent out more difficult and dangerous missions with teams suited for these types of missions. She'd only gone on two of those missions, mostly because there was a need for medical attention and she was a trained field medic, but she was needed more at the hospital at home. Besides, by then they'd finally instituted the training of more and more field-nin in at least the basics of shinobi medicine so those going out – especially on solo missions – were better equipped.
During those endless months of not knowing what was going to happen to her teammates, unable to understand how she was feeling about her ex-teacher and confused because of her still existent feelings for the Uchiha boy, she had felt like she was in a hole full of mud and she was slowly sinking inside, with no one to have beside her to pull her up.
She wasn't alone in this; most everyone around her was in a similar situation. During the war most shinobi had lost comrades with whom they had been together since the Academy and multiple families had lost more than one member. But Konoha had survived wars before and the people here were the strongest she knew; they knew how to thrive and survive regardless of the situation. No matter how much they were hurting, how much they wanted to let everything pass by around them and rest and dream of the future, they had to be awake, face the damage that had happened in their lives, wear the brightest smile they could and start working so their homes could be rebuilt and hopefully, with time, life would become full of colors and joy again. Everyday life would become as peaceful as it once had been before the war took place.
Similarly, Sakura had to do anything she could to save her teammates. She couldn't stand the idea that Naruto would stay numb for the rest of his life. Not Naruto, not the one who did so many courageous battles for the village, for her, for every villager that had once hurt him and ignored him, for Sasuke that had betrayed him more than once…. He just couldn't stay like that and Sakura had been determined to bring him back. He deserved as much happiness as possible and he had just found love in Hinata.
She cared for Sasuke too. She didn't want him to die – she and Naruto had been searching all this time for a way to save him and keep him alive after all. He was their teammate regardless of what he did or who he'd become. No matter what, she had to admit that some love still existed within her for the dark haired boy, or more for the boy he had been, but part of her hated him as well, blamed him for his part in the war, for what happened to Naruto, for Kakashi being brought half-dead back during the war, for all the pain she'd had to endure.
Thankfully though, once their medical research had hit a dead end, the Suna exorcists had come through on a wonderful bit of diplomatic maneuvering on Tsunade's part thanks to the new, strengthened peace treaties, and both Sasuke and Naruto came back to consciousness.
In that ecstatic moment she couldn't have been happier.
No, that was a lie. She could be happier, if she could share that joy with a certain silver-haired male. She had understood that perhaps her feelings for the experienced shinobi ran deeper than she thought during the war but because of how fast everything happened and then being separated for months, she never gave much thought to the butterflies in her stomach every time he looked at her, or how she tried to find him every time she looked around.
She understood how much the man meant to her, how she really felt about him, when the madness of the war ended and they had just sat close to a fire for some minutes. There were no words to explain how she had felt with him that one night, how suddenly everything felt a bit lighter because he was there, how hot she felt inside while she had taken care of his wound on his arm. She had the chance to touch his strong muscles and skin without having to admit how she felt and without having to face the certain rejection from the man.
She hoped that as time passed, her feelings would pass too, or at least lose their intensity but instead it seemed that with every passing moment she thought of him even more.
She never expected these feelings to be revealed to the man because of something as simple as a picture frame.
But Kakashi was nowhere to be found.
It had pained her that he was not there, close to her when she woke up; to hold her or at least tell her face to face what the night they shared was to him.
But at the same time she was grateful that he had left so she wouldn't have to hear from him that what they lived meant nothing and he wouldn't see her break because of his words. She expected that their relationship would be awkward and that an uncomfortable silence would rule every time they were alone somewhere. And that was the case. For around two months, they acted like nothing had happened when they were with others and ran away from each other, the moment they were alone.
She hoped that soon things would calm down and perhaps they could start being friends and not ran away from each other. She hoped that one day she would meet someone else and she would move on.
She never expected that night to be repeated. And she certainly didn't expect to ever have sex next to a memorial, the memorial of one of her teachers. But she did and she couldn't help the bittersweet feelings that had flooded her after he had just gotten up and left her behind. She'd known it was just comfort sex, after all she'd done the initiating, but that didn't make her feel any better when he walked away.
When she opened her door the same night, she wasn't sure what to expect from the silver-haired man in front of her but her questions were quickly answered by his actions. He didn't say anything to her, not even greeted her. He just burst inside her apartment and kissed her senseless. Before she could understand how or why this was happening, they were in her bedroom and their clothes were on the floor.
The next morning he was again nowhere to be found.
But after two nights he appeared again at her doorstep and the same thing happened. And again the morning he disappeared before she woke up.
Somehow they had come to do this frequently. He appeared at her door and they slept together and she woke up alone. It was this weird and uncomfortable situation that she didn't have the power or the desire to stop that led her to walk inside her village like that. She was trying to avoid being close to him because she knew that once they stayed close to each other for more than a few minutes, she would talk to him. She would be unable to restrain herself and she would open her big mouth and chase him away.
She didn't want him away though, that was why she never pushed him when he came. He didn't offer her what she really wanted but he offered her physical closeness as a substitution. He probably thought she wanted to have just sex, like he did, just a way to release everyday life's stress. He would never guess that for her their nights were a fairytale that would never come true, that she was pretending they were in love and they would spend time together at the morning.
That every time she hugged him, it wasn't just out of passion, but also because of the consuming need to feel closer to him, to have him for herself and herself only. Just for that moment when she hugged him and he hugged her back while he was inside her.
But now….
Now everything was doomed to break because of the mission, she thought sadly as she prepared her stuff. There was no way they could be all alone for so much time with nothing damning said.
There was no way she wouldn't crave to be close to him. She would break with nowhere to hide from him. She knew that they would perform the best they could for the mission but she knew that somehow something would screw up and they would have the talk.
And he would never come back to her, because if he knew how she felt and how much she depended on the few stolen moments in the dark they shared, he would keep his distance. How would she be able to survive without these stolen moments? She couldn't move on. She didn't want to.
She looked at the watch and sighed. It was time to go. She picked up her bag and slowly walked out of her apartment, heading toward the gates where she would have to wait for the copy ninja who would probably, as usual, be a little late. It was the same kind of ritual they performed in all their interactions. She waited and he chose if and when he'd appear.
She reached the gates and she saw Kotetsu there at his post drinking a cup of coffee. The dark haired man greeted her and smiled warmly.
"Hey," he said, offering her a piece of the dango he was eating. "Mission?"
She smiled at the man and nodded without taking the piece of dango. "I have to go heal the son of the lord from Snow."
"Are you sure you don't want any? It's delicious!" he tried to entice her, offering the up the last piece.
"No, thanks," she laughed, patting her stomach. "I've already eaten."
He shrugged and ate the piece himself. "Is this lord the one you did a surgery on some time ago?"
She nodded and smiled at the man as she looked around to see if Kakashi was anywhere nearby. "He insisted that only I can heal his son. And he offered a very good deal with Konoha if I go there so… here I am."
"You are not going alone, I presume."
She shook her head and looked again around. "But my teammate will be a little late, I am afraid."
"Who is your teammate?" the man asked.
"The only one who always makes others wait for him," she answered the guard and leaned against the wall.
"Kakashi, huh?"
She nodded before glancing at her watch and sighing; they should have started travelling twenty minutes ago. She wondered if Kakashi was late on purpose sometimes or if he really did have such a bad relationship with his clock.
"Yo!" she heard a familiar voice say and immediately she felt her knees shake. She took a big breath and turned toward him with a forced smile. He seemed comfortable, like the fact that they were going together in a mission alone, all alone, wasn't any big deal at all.
Maybe for him it really wasn't. Maybe he thought that nothing really weird could happen. He didn't feel anything for her, he didn't crave her like she did and he didn't know how she felt about him so he didn't know that just the thought of that mission was pure torture for the medic. For him, it was just another mission.
"Ready to go?" she asked adopting her strict medical façade to hide her nervousness.
He nodded and put his hands in his pockets. "Whenever you are. I'm just waiting here," he told her. She turned and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Right," she murmured sarcastically and turned to Kotetsu. "Bye," she waved to him and started walking, Kakashi following a few feet away.
They traveled for an hour like that, until they reached the denser parts of the forest from where they started travelling faster jumping from tree to tree. They didn't talk at all, just jumped from tree to tree, a monotonous movement that required little more effort than walking.
As time passed and they continued to remain silent, Sakura felt angrier and angrier. She wanted a reaction from him, one that showed that he did feel something about the situation. She knew that he didn't love her and probably didn't think much of her during his day but he did try to avoid her during the day in the village so he must have felt something about them being alone.
But he didn't show it.
And it pained her that he could so easily pretend while she couldn't.
They continued to travel without talking, without interacting more than what was necessary and they kept as much distance as they could. They traveled while keeping a few feet distance between them and slept away from each other.
It was hard for Kakashi to restrain himself when they were alone for so long. For the last eight days they hadn't even met another human being and they were now in Snow territory. If the weather continued to be as good as it had been the past few days then they would reach the lord's castle in a day. It would be easier to be apart during their stay at the castle since the pink haired medic would be busy with her patient. He'd still need to ensure her safety, but luckily he had the perfect excuse for distance. If he hovered over her he'd simply be distracting them both and her attention needed to be focused on the lord's son. Not to mention most lords and lordlings liked to be fawned over by pretty young medics and having a surly guard mucking up the mood would only sour the lord's disposition. Besides, he could protect her just as well after disappearing into the shadows and watching her from afar, making sure nothing happened to her.
As his mission demanded.
As he was ordered to by his Hokage.
As he desired to do.
He couldn't let anything happen to her. It was ironic that this was coming from the man that had been taking advantage of her body and youth the last few months. The one that shared her bed without even offering her a few words of kindness.
He didn't know why she had accepted him every night he'd approached her but he certainly wanted that unknown reason to continue. He knew that the woman was not in love with him, that they wouldn't have a happy ending. He couldn't imagine why someone as young and fresh and beautiful and full of life would want to do anything with an old man like him but he was grateful to whatever God existed that she gave him everything he asked without demanding anything.
That he could taste and feel her soft skin with his hands any night he desired.
Make her moan his name and hug him tightly like she wanted to be as close to him as possible, like there was a hidden meaning behind her responsiveness, her kisses and her shy smiles.
It had started as an one night stand, had been repeated because of his emotional distress when he learned that Gai died and somehow he found his feet repeatedly leading him to her door until the day would come when she would choose to have someone else in her bed, one that would stay during the morning, unlike him.
He wanted to do that. He woke up and admired her beauty as she slept before leaving her alone but he never had the courage to stay because he didn't want the talk to take place. He was afraid that if it did happen, then it would be all the more difficult to come to her.
It had started as something with no feelings and attachments but soon he found himself craving her in a way he had never craved any other woman in his life. He didn't understand how or when it happened but he knew why it did.
Because she was Sakura; beautiful, warm with velvet skin, strong both on the inside and outside, hard working, honest, pure…. The list went on and on.
It was perfectly justified for him to be so engrossed in her.
But it wasn't perfectly justified for her to have any feelings for him. Especially if she thought of his treatment of her.
He didn't deserve her and he feared that this mission and the uncomfortable silences would be the end of the stolen minutes he could share with the pink haired girl.
He feared that the next time he would get close to hug her, kiss her and touch her, she would push him away, she would say no as he had expected her to do from the beginning.
And then he would break completely because he had foolishly let himself get addicted to her. Only she didn't know it and wouldn't think of how he'd feel when she broke it off one day either because he told her that he desired more than some hours every night of her or because someone else had come, someone young like her.
He would be alone again in a cold bed, reading his books and always imagining a pink-haired woman as the protagonist of the novels… but she would never know that.
They arrived at the lord's castle without any delays since the weather was good and they could travel at top speed. Sakura immediately went to the boy and started her examination to understand what type of infection he had and learn more about the bug from the medics that were taking care of him until she came.
It became evident soon that, beyond the initial infection, the boy's body was reacting to a germ the bug carried and was trying to fight it off on its own. Luckily he was the son of a lord so they had a good supply of dried herbs on hand, as they were nearly impossible to find growing wild in the frigid tundra of Snow. Sakura was able to show the local medics how to duplicate the medicine she was mixing, just to be safe, but she made more than enough for the boy. Within hours he showed signs of improvement and by the next day he was already sitting up in bed and eating base foods again.
Sakura couldn't help but feel pride when she saw the boy get better and how grateful his father was to her. She wasn't needed to see the boy all the way through his sickness now that the other medics knew what to do for him, but she could tell the lord would prefer for her to stay on longer. The man had immediately suggested she stay for a few more days, to rest from the journey if nothing else, before return but the pink-haired medic refused because of the responsibilities that were waiting for her at the hospital.
Aside from the fact that part of her wanted to get this mission over as quickly as possible.
Thanks to the vast improvement of the boy, Sakura and Kakashi were able to leave much earlier than expected. And, as luck would have it, they had managed to avoid each other during their most of their stay.
They actually avoided each other too much, she felt. They just saw each other from afar during meals. While she was taking care of the boy, the silver-haired male disappeared into the shadows of the manor, blending so completely she couldn't always tell where he was, and stayed there for as long as he could. Now that they were attending a small ceremony of thanks just minutes before their send-off, Sakura had to keep her emotions in check. Just the thought of the journey she had to make with Kakashi, again, had her on edge. After being around him for so long, after the awkward silences and the quick side-long glances, after hearing some of the maids giggling about him and watching them attempt to flirt with him – badly she might add – at the meals they both took by themselves, the tension in her was rising to a boiling point.
She was so agitated at this point that she even glared at him when she saw him coming half an hour late to the meeting point. He seemed confused at her ire but he didn't say anything. Without uttering a word, she turned her back on him and started walking. Like when they were traveling before, there was a distance between them.
For the first day they continued to walk like that with the fortune of good weather helping them travel as fast as possible. Even though no one voiced it, it was evident that both wanted to reach the village and hide at their usual places until perhaps the night came.
At night, he might come to her, although she doubted that he would for the first few nights, because of how close they were to each other, and yet so much more distant than they had ever been, due to the past three weeks. But she knew, or perhaps hoped, that he would come to her again, that he wouldn't find another female to take care of his needs instead of her because… she wasn't ready to let go of him yet.
She knew that when their "relationship" ended it would be his decision but she hoped that they would get to have one more night together before she had to say goodbye to her fantasies while they were making love. She wasn't sure if she would ever be really ready because the more time that passed, the more she understood that he would never be hers in the way she wanted him to, the more addicted she became to him.
During the time they were on the mission and he hadn't even touched her, she'd felt her cravings for him grow exponentially. At that moment, what she wanted more than anything was to stop running and grab the man travelling a few feet behind her, pin him against a tree, and have her way with him. She would do anything he asked, no matter how shameless and perverted it may be. She would do anything it took to make sure he would come to her again, just for one more night.
But it still begged the question, why did he come to her? Especially when he seemed so uncomfortable with the whole situation? He could find another woman, older and more experienced that would share his appetite for sex and they could much easily be in a friend-with-benefits relationship. But he had chosen her... his inexperienced, young student to play this game. This was such a dangerous game for her.
The sun set and they made camp for the night. They were still in Snow and it was cold enough that Sakura wanted to go and snuggle up against Kakashi just so she could share some of his warmth. Before this change in their relationship, before they'd started sleeping together, she might've, but now everything during daylight hours was skewed.
She looked at the fire burning in front of her and hugged herself to make her body feel warmer. Kakashi, noticing that, looked up at her and moved hesitantly a bit closer to her.
"Are you cold?" he asked although he knew that she was.
The pink-haired woman nodded and hugged herself tighter. The silver-haired man went closer to her until their bodies were nearly touching. The young woman, surprised by his act, raised her head to look at the older shinobi and found her face suddenly inches away from his. This closeness, that the circumstances had forced them to avoid, suddenly made her feel hot enough to forget that a fraction of a second before she was freezing.
Suddenly everything, the cold, the world around her, her identity, his identity… everything ceased to exist and the only thing that counted was that he was there, close to her and she felt so very nice and so very hot just because he was near.
Their faces leaned towards each other and Sakura took the initiative and brushed her lips over his mask, smirking slightly as she felt his body go a bit tense just because of her touch. This reaction of his relieved her as it was proof that she was still desirable to him, that their nightly interludes would not stop once they got at Konoha.
She slowly raised her hand and lightly touched his mask, eager to pull it down and kiss his lips and skin instead of the clothing material but she didn't rush it. She knew that if she did, he would stop her. It was a wonder he hadn't stopped her yet; they were on a mission still… officially at least, and he was Kakashi, the one that was so very serious and professional that would never do anything to jeopardize a mission, right?
But suddenly the image of those stupid, stupid maids flirting with him came to mind and all her nagging doubts rushed back to the surface. She suddenly felt she wanted him even more, she wanted to mark him, something she'd never done before and he also had done to her only once. They didn't belong to each other, but she certainly wanted the situation to change. She suddenly realized that she wanted him so much for herself that she wanted him to know. Know how she felt, know what he meant to her and what she really wanted him to offer, she wanted him to know all that but she knew that if she opened her big mouth, as she was afraid from the beginning she would eventually do, then she would have nothing out of him.
Not even one last night.
"Sakura?" she heard him mutter as she lowered a bit his mask. She didn't reply just smirked slightly and playfully pecked his nose. "Sakura," he called again, this time in a more demanding tone. She stopped her ministrations and without letting go of his face, she looked at his eyes.
"Yes?"
"We are on a mission," he told the woman simply, knowing that there was no need to say anything else.
"Officially," she muttered at him and moved closer to him, pressing her body on his. "We've practically finished the mission."
Kakashi remained silent as he felt his mask coming off and he enjoyed the warmth her body offered to him. He wanted to let her be in charge and have fun with him. He always wanted her to let go but at bed she let him do anything he wanted. The idea of her being in charge was suddenly very appealing but it wasn't enough to convince him to screw her when they were in a foreign territory.
Sakura, happy that he didn't resist anymore kissed his lips lightly and hugged him tenderly. She wasn't sure why she was acting that way; her mind was screaming at her that she should stop before she said anything because then she would lose him forever.
She would lose him completely.
The medic silenced her inner self and concentrated on Kakashi only, eager to please him. She felt his hand on her body, going up and down, feather touching her. Soon his hands came to her face and he pushed her back.
"We are on a mission." he repeated strictly and she just stared at him.
Slowly she smirked at him and brought her face again close to him, pressing her lips on his. "Yeah… but that's what makes this all the more interesting… the risk," she murmured on his lips. As she had guessed the man was finding this a turn on but she knew that his analyzing mind wouldn't let him give in so easily.
He coughed slightly to gain control of his voice and pulled a bit back, staring at the woman in front of him who was wearing a playful smirk, one that in all their previous interactions he had never see on her face. It suited her. It excited him.
But it also made the situation so much more difficult. The silver-haired man sense the danger of what they were doing; it wasn't just that they could be ambushed any moment, it was because if they did sleep together, the morning they would have to show how they truly felt about their situation, he couldn't be able to ran away before she woke up.
Maybe that was why she was insisting on sleeping with him, to force them to have the talk when they woke up. If they did have the talk, it meant that probably they would never be together again.
He stared impassively at the woman in front of him and shook firmly his head. "We are not going to break the rules," Kakashi said to her. And he meant not only the rules of their village but also the rules of the dangerous game they were playing these last few months, a weird interpretation of hide and seek.
He saw the disappointment in her eyes and he felt bad that he had made her feel unwanted. He desired her more than he had ever desired another woman but he was also afraid of the intense feelings he had for her, the crazy lust, the need to have her in his arms… he was afraid what would happen to him if he suddenly found himself unable to have her.
She looked away with a frown and turned her back on him, feeling humiliated after his flat out refusal to be with her. It wasn't just that he refused to be with her, she perceived that refusal as a statement that he would be the only one who would decide when she would touch him. Sakura hated feeling humiliated or unappreciated. She suddenly was disgusted with herself, for failing to seduce the copy ninja and immensely angry at the silver-haired shinobi who had rejected her in that way.
She forced herself to try to think past the hurt, to try to think with her head instead of just her heart. Why had he really refuse her? Was it because he didn't find her attractive anymore? Or did he reject her just because it was dangerous to have sex with her while they were on a mission, sleeping in the ground?
There was an uncomfortable silence between them and she felt the air around them thicken just because of how many unsaid things were trying to be expressed. She tried to restrain herself and relax but she suddenly found herself in a dilemma.
Did she really want this façade continue? Did this hide and seek game between them make her life happier? She wanted Kakashi but she didn't want to forever be at his beck and call, always allowing him to be the one to call the shots and deciding if and when they could be together. She wanted at least to have a say in what or when they'd do something. She wanted to have her way with him, if she ever chose to be with him like he did with her.
She kept staring at the dark as she was contemplating her situation. What she wanted most was to have Kakashi in her life, not just in the secret hours of a few nights here or there. However she'd known that for a long time now…
But since she couldn't have that, the question was what did she want more in general? Kakashi, as he was – meaning whatever he was willing to give her, or a more stable relationship with someone else, even if he wasn't the man of her dreams?
She had already lost so much time and wasted so many emotions on Sasuke that she was not sure if she wanted to experience something similar with Kakashi.
She turned slightly and looked at the man behind her, who was examining her from his seat on the log. Was he that special?
Yes, he was.
Was he worth her time and love?
Yes, he was.
Was he worth the feeling of being a plaything that, as shown from his behavior a while back, didn't get to have a say in their "relationship"?
Sakura wasn't sure about that. It had taken her a lot of time and effort to build her self-confidence and self-respect that she wasn't sure if she could throw away her so-difficult-earned dignity for him.
Maybe he wasn't worth it. Not if he didn't give her anything in return but sex.
She frowned at him and met his eyes from afar. She noticed his worried look and wondered if maybe she was too cruel with him …. Maybe she was more important to him than she believed.
She shook her head fiercely and got up immediately, feeling Kakashi's eyes on her. If that was the case, then he would have to tell her what he felt. Even if it was just lust with a tiny bit of concern for her, she had to know. It would probably hurt her, crush her, but if it ended now, then she had more chanced to move on, to find love with someone that would love her back.
"I am going to the lake we passed to wash up a bit," she announced to the man and started walking away.
Kakashi watched her walk quickly towards the little lake they had passed and wondered what was going on inside her head. He was watching her intently after he pushed her away and couldn't help but feel worried about how she perceived his refusal to have sex. He hoped she didn't take it personally but something inside him told him that she probably did and whatever she was thinking could ruin what they had.
Could he perhaps have thrown away his last night with her?
The idea that he would never have her again annoyed him and immediately the image of her with another man came to his mind. Like every time he thought of her with someone else, a wave of intense jealousy took over him and he felt an even bigger desire to be with her.
Before he understood what he was doing, he found himself running toward the lake. There, he saw her staring at the lake while she was sitting on her rock. He quickly marched towards her and grabbed her from behind, pulling her to him. She tensed at his touch and turned to look at him. The copy ninja leaned forward and kissed her hungrily, the texture of his lips rough against hers, tongues slick against each other. If he had given up his last night with her, so be it, but he would at the very least have one last kiss.
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