I do not own Criminal Minds and my thanks to my sister for being my beta. I welcome any and all reviews.

- My Little Teddy Bear song was anonymous and it is a traditional lullaby.

Chapter #48

Reid stood outside of the house for several minutes. The cold wind blew against his neck and he bundles up his tweed jacket against himself to keep warm. He extended his slender index finger out and was about to push the door bell, but stopped.

He couldn't shake the phantom scents of the blood and the gunpowder. His hand started to shake again as he makes a fist several times, trying to stop it. He turned around, looking at his Volvo, tempted to climb into his car and drive off where he would get the Dilaudid. That would make things feel better and make him feel numb. Except Morgan had told him that if he was having another bad week, call him.

Reid knew that the guards had already called the house to let Ashley know that he was here. He heard the door unlock and open. Ashley stood there wearing a blue terry cloth robe with Bailey sitting down at her side.

"Hi," he said sheepishly, couldn't think of a reason why he was standing outside her door for all this time. She smiled back at him and he knew that she didn't need the reason or excuse. It was OK.

She held out her hand and Reid took it. She pulled him inside. Still holding onto his hand, she closed the door and locked it up again with her free hand. He stood there in silence, watching her.

Bailey gives a soft whine as he brushes his head against his hand. Reid lets go of her hand as he bends down and scratches him behind the ears. Bailey licks his face as Reid moves his face away from him. He wasn't in the mood of being bathed by him.

Ashley kneels down where she rubbed her dog's back. She brushed a strand of his hair away from his face before touching it. He watched her moving her hand down where she set it on top of his where she held it. Ashley kissed his forehead before leaning hers against his. He nodded his head at her where they both stood up.

Ashley still held onto his hand as she led him to her bedroom where he then let go of her hand. He shut the door. He set his messenger bag down on her pink couch and then laid his jacket on top of his bag. He sat down on the pink couch, noticing her crochet project was on the table along with some written notes. The roses that he gave her at the strip club were now in the same plastic water pitcher. He was surprised that she still kept that pitcher. There was a small plastic storage container off the side where Reid can see some balls of yarn. He wasn't really surprise that Ashley had brought a few balls.

Ashley came out of her bathroom carrying a small trashcan and a box of Kleenex tucked underneath her arm. She placed the can beside her as she moved his stuff further over on the couch so she can sit down beside him.

"It's OK, we don't have to talk. We can just sit here," she whispered as she took his hand and gently held it. He nodded, closing his eyes, remembering the empty bathroom.

"Oh God," he said, letting go of her hand. He leaned forward, covering his face with his hands. Ashley moved in front of him, pulling him closer.

Reid reluctantly wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her shoulders. He held her tightly as he cried. He felt her hand running down the back of his head, stroking his hair. She held him in silence until he started stiffening up and pulling away from her. Ashley knew what was getting ready to happen.

"Hold on," she said as she leaned over to the side where the trashcan was sitting. Reid covered his mouth with his hand, now paler than before. The second that she placed the can down in front of him, Reid leaned forward and threw up. He felt her hands holding onto his head, moving his long hair away from his face as he threw up again.

Ashley gave him a couple of Kleenexes as he wiped his mouth, dropping it in the can. His head was spinning and he had to close his eyes. He felt a bottle being pressed into his hands.

"Rinse first, and then slowly drink." Reid swished the water in his mouth, rinsing of what was left from the vomit, and then spitting it out in the trashcan. He repeated again before taking a long drink.

"Lets take this off," he heard her as he felt her loosening his tie. He looked down realizing that it was covered in vomit. He ducked his head down as she removed it. He watched her carrying it to the bathroom, no doubt to rinse it off.

He closed his eyes, leaning back on the couch. He then felt her hand on his head pressing a cold wet cloth on his forehead. He opened his eyes, seeing his girlfriend, kneeling over him, holding the cloth on his forehead.

"I'm so sorry," he said.

"It's OK Doc. You are not the first person who threw up in front of me, alright." He took the wet cloth from her, as he leaned forward.

"Are you going to be sick again," she asked.

He shook his head no, "I'm fine, just a little lightheaded." Ashley moved the can away from him. She sat down beside him.

"Do you want to tell me what happened? You don't have to if you don't want to." He nodded yes, sitting back up, setting the wet cloth down on his lap.

"We were in California on a kidnapping case. Where we later found that one of the fathers was in the Witness Protection Program which we thought it might have to do with him. I talked to the father and I found out that the reason that he turned States Evidence against the people that he worked with was because they killed his wife. He went in because he didn't want his daughter to grow up to be like him. But we found it was three teenage boys. The leader was interested in the father's daughter, which she didn't care for him. The father managed to get away from his guard and was able to track down the leader. I was able to find them alone. He had his shotgun pointing to the kid's head, while the daughter was begging him to shoot him. I tried to talk him out of it, ask him if this was the life he wanted to set for his daughter. But he just . . ." He went quiet. He let out a sigh.

"I can still smell the blood and see the . . ." Tears were starting to roll down his face again.

"Shh, Shh, it is over now. You are safe now," she whispered as she brushed his hair back. She pulled him closer to her. He reluctantly gave in, laying his head on her lap and cried.

He wasn't sure of how long he laid on her lap, but he realized that Bailey was lying on the bed in front of them, looking back at him, as if he was trying to initiate a staring contest. He stared back at the dog; he couldn't look up at his girlfriend.

"Bailey, stop that," he heard her. Reid finally sat up. Ashley rose to her knees where she held his face in her hands.

"I know that you are not going to believe this, but I am very proud of you right now." He looked up at her with his brown eyes. Why was she proud of him for not being able to stop this?

"I know that you wanted to feel numb, you want to forget this whole night." He was taken aback by what she just said. How did she know?

"I knew it when you called me," she explained, answering his silent question. "But you didn't. You came here instead and face this sober. Stay with me tonight." He nodded yes.

She climbed off the couch, where she took his hand, pulling him up. "I don't think I can sleep tonight."

She smiled, "You will. Right now, you are running on adrenaline. It will wear off soon and you will end up crashing. Do you want to take a shower, get cleaned up?"

He nodded and didn't object when Ashley pulled his holster off of his belt, and set it on top of her dresser. She placed his silver watch beside it. She gave his hand a squeeze before letting go.

She stepped in front of him where she unbuttoned his dark grey shirt, gently removing it. She dropped it on the floor. She stood in front of him as she gave him another smile. She stepped closer, sliding her hands around his waist, holding him closer to her body. Reid wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on to her shoulders with his eyes close, holding her tight.

"It's OK. I love you," she said.

"I love you too."

She pulled back with her hands still on his waist. She knew that this next part would probably be difficult for him to handle. She had seen him naked, but this was completely different and embarrassing for him to go through. She looked into his dark brown eyes as she nods her head toward the bathroom.

He closed his eyes, bending his head down, letting out a sigh. She could feel the relief rolling off of him.

Ashley walked to the bathroom where she picked up one of the folded towels from the bathroom counter.

"Doc," she said, poking her head out. He was sitting on the edge of her bed with his leg cross over his other leg in the process of taking off of one of his socks. She placed the towel on her dresser.

"Just leave your clothes where they are. I'll take care of them later." She went back to the bathroom. She piled more towels on the counter, close to the shower stall. After putting her long copper brown hair in a messy bun, she started the shower.

Reid came in, with the towel wrapped around his waist. She stepped aside, letting him in the shower.

Even though he could feel the hot water running down his body, he still felt cold. He remembered what his mentor Gideon had told him. If his hands stopped feeling cold, then he should get out.

His legs were starting to feel like Jell-O, he had to lean against the tile wall for support. He felt her arms wrap around him, holding him.

"I got you," she said. He could feel himself turning red and it wasn't from the hot water.

"It's OK, just sit down." He did, pulling his legs up, trying his best to cover himself up.

"Ashley."

"Yes."

"You are naked too, aren't you," he said, realizing that was probably the dumbest question that he could ever ask.

"Yes." He knew that his girlfriend had seen him naked on a few occasions. But that was for sex. Tonight, he couldn't help himself. He set his head down on his knees as the water kept hammering down on top of him. He felt his hair being tugged away from his face.

"Hey," she whispered. "Talk to me, what's wrong." He raised his head up, looking at her with his hair in front of his face.

"I don't like you seeing me like this," he quietly said.

"Like what, vulnerable?" He nodded. She moved around him where he felt her hands sliding down his shoulders and holding him from behind. She kissed his cheek.

"I know the answer is yes with your idiotic memory." He raised his head up, turning back toward her.

"Eidetic," he corrected.

"Potato, potato. But do you remember of what I told you when we first met?"

He nodded, "You told me that it was OK to have a bad day."

"That is still true." She reached from behind, picking up the toothbrush and toothpaste. She handed them to Reid.

"You know normally I would let you shower on your own, but right now, you are coming out of shock. You can barely stand on your own." He nodded, knowing that she was right.

"It's OK," she assured him as she brushed his hair back in a slow motion.

"There are three things that you need to know tonight, alright. One, the sun always sets in the west. Two, you can never have enough gummy bears." Reid smiled, letting out a small laugh. "And three, I love you. I love you for keeping me grounded and I love you for being normal," she said before leaning forward, kissing him.

"And I love you for your free-spiritedness and your passion for life," he said, kissing her again where she kissed him back. She felt his hand on her shoulder while the other one cupped her face. She pulled back as he rubbed his index finger up and down along her cheek.

Ashley slide her hands around his waist, she knew that he wanted her. He needed her, he need comfort and love. She closed her eyes, enjoying that touch.

Then he stopped and she opened her eyes. He closed his eyes, bending his head down, remembering. Ashley rolled onto her knees, pulling him close. She rested her head on top of his head.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly, where he started to shake again. "It's alright. We'll get through this." She held him as the water landed on them both.

Reid let out a low grunt. "Sorry," he muttered. She pulled back, holding his face in her hands. She pushed his hair out of his face where she can look into his brown eyes.

"Don't be sorry for this." He nodded his head. "We are going to finish here, and then I will get your bag from your car. I need to put your clothes in the wash, the smell of vomit does stick to everything. And then I will lay down with you." He nodded his head.

She handed him a toothbrush and toothpaste, "When Mary set up my room, she brought some stuff from the store, not realizing that Paul had brought me the same things," she explained about the clean toothbrush. He took them, unscrewing the cap.

Meanwhile Ashley soaped up one of the facecloths before she handed it to him. "I am going to wash your backside and then your hair, is that alright?" He nodded while still brushing his teeth. He leaned forward, spitting it out over the drain hole. He could feel Ashley rubbing his back in a gentle circular motion as he finished brushing his teeth. He set the toothbrush over to one side before he wiped the soapy dishcloth across his chest.

Ashley started rubbing his long brown hair, massaging his scalp. He could feel smell peaches from her shampoo. He cringed a bit when he felt her rubbing too hard on one side of his head, but he didn't tell her.

"Normal," he said as he stared out of the wall. Ashley bends her head to one side, waiting for him to continue. "You always tell me that you love me for being normal," he said.

"I did," she said, knowing that he wanted to know why.

"Hold on, let me rinse you first." She gently pulled Reid back into the shower stream where he closed his eyes. He could feel her running her fingers through his hair, rinsing the shampoo out of his hair.

Once she was done, she sat back down on the floor, bringing up her knees as well. "Before we met, the only plans that I had made were for work or for the doctors. Everything was on the whim. If I wanted to go and see a movie, I would go, not waiting for anyone else to see it with me because they had to work that night. Same with traveling. If I had a few days off, I would take off and go where the road would take me. And I would not tell anyone. Believe me, Harry and Darcy would give me major shit for doing that. They always kept thinking that Julian had kidnapped me. But I would just go, not really care about who cared or not. Before you, I would always eat over the sink. The only times that I sat down at a table and eat was in restaurants or at Darcy's place. When Harry came over, we would eat straight from the pans, no plates. Do you remember my table back at my house?" He nodded yes.

"It was never used before eating. It was always used to put my crap on, an assembly line for my bears, or my classes. I would always some stupid excuse not to take my pills. OK, that was before the deal with Paul and Rose. If there was something that I wanted or needed like groceries and I didn't have the money for it. I would just go without it or take off my clothes." He raised his eyebrows up, surprise that Ashley would do that.

She kissed his shoulder, resting her chin on it. "Normal people eat dinner at the table. Normal people make plans and stick to them. Normal people don't take off without telling someone. And normal people make budgets. That is what I mean when I said normal and why I love you for it."

"Oh cool," he answered, not sure of how to respond to that. No one had ever referred to him as being normal with his high IQ or three PhDs. He closed his eyes as Ashley rubbed some conditioner on his hair.

"Dinner will be in a few minutes so if you want to wash up," Ashley announced from the kitchen. Reid looked up from his book as he sat on the couch in her living room. He could smell the pork chops and cornbread coming from the kitchen.

Putting his book back into his messenger bag, he stood up and made his way over to the table where he noted that it wasn't set. He went into the kitchen area, the cornbread with steam coming out of the oven resting on the counter.

"What are you looking for?"

"Plates," he answered.

"Plates," she repeated.

He nodded, "You know, round discs that are made out of glass, ceramic, metal and plastic. Did you know the Chinese was the first to discover porcelain? They started trading with Europeans in the early 1300's where items became the most requested item, specifically plates. At first European elite would trade with the Chinese porcelain but in the 1700's a German potter learned the Chinese process and made it their own. It wasn't until the 1800's when a European nobleman publicly displayed decorative plates with patterns full and vivacious colors that commemorative plates came into popularity. It became an inexpensive hobby for European nobles," he continued before stopping himself. Even though Ashley did not have that glaze look in her eyes, like everyone else, but he knew that he was starting to bore her which would make this date go wrong. She smiled, bending her head down then looking back at him.

"I know what plates are, why you need one."

"Two actually, I thought I would set the table for you while you finish here."

He could see the confusion on her face, "Table," she asked, not understanding.

"Or are we planning to eat in the living room?" Ashley looked at him before it dawned on her. "Table," she said looking down, making a sour face. "I forget to set the table, didn't I? I'm sorry, I was too busy concentrating on making dinner," she explained.

"I will set the table," she said before one of her pots started boiling over. "Damn it," she softly cursed as she moved the pot away from the burner.

Reid realized that she didn't forget to set the table, it never dawned on her that they would be eating at the table.

"Do you think you can stand up now so you can rinse off," she asked, interrupting his memory. He nodded where Ashley took his arm, placing it over her shoulder and help him to stand. He stood underneath the shower stream, closing his eyes, protecting them from the soap.

Ashley was right; he did feel much better after that shower. He knew that she was standing behind him, just in case he needed her. He turned off the water.

A door opened where he could feel a cold breeze rushing into the shower stall. He turned around, seeing her holding out a towel.

"Thanks." He wrapped himself with it. Ashley already wrapped hers around her body. She gave him another towel for his hair. She took his hand and led him out of the bathroom.

"I want you to lie down and try to get some rest in the meantime, please," she said, giving him a gently squeeze. She let go of him so she can pull down the covers. Reid stood there, watching her.

This was starting to be déjà vu view for him, except it was him that was pulling down the blankets while she stood there watched and he was in his pajamas, not in a towel that he was currently wearing.

She turned around, laying her hands on his arms and turning him around to where he was in front of the bed. "I want you to lie down; I will get your bag. Where are your car keys," she asked as she gently pushed him down.

"In my jacket," he muttered as he dried his hair.

"Alright," she said. She was about to leave him, but he held onto her arms with both of his hands. She nodded her head, where she pushed him back on the bed. Reid let go of her as she went over and picked up his feet, setting them on the bed. After pulling up the blankets up to his chin, she crawled in bed with him, over the covers. Reid settled in, rolling on this side, facing her.

Tucking her wet hair behind her ears, "Close your eyes," she said. He did.

She lay on her side; unfortunately it was on her bad hip. "Ashley," she heard Reid warning her about her hip, with his eyes still closed. Even with his mood, he still worried about her hip.

Setting the pillow behind her back, she sat up. Reid inched closer to her. She ran her fingers through his damp hair, while she sang to him.

Go to sleep, My Teddy Bear,

Close your little button eyes,

And let me smooth your hair.

It feels so soft and silky that.

I'd love to cuddle down by you.

So go to sleep, my darling Teddy Bear.

Ashley looked over, seeing Reid already sleeping. She carefully crawled out of bed, not waking him up.

When she came back after picking up his Go Bag, she found Bailey laying beside him as if he was watching over him. She smiled, setting his bag down on the floor.

Quickly and quietly, she dug out her cell phone from her purse and took a few pictures of her boyfriend and her dog together in bed. She couldn't help herself, they looked so cute together. Already she could hear Morgan making fun in her head if she ever shows him the pictures.

Putting her cell phone back in her purse, she picked up his clothes and started sorting them. Digging out his wallet and whatever else from his pockets when his cell phone rang.

Ashley dug out his cell, seeing Morgan's name on his screen. "Hello," she answered, quietly praying it wasn't about another case.

"Hey pretty boy."

"Hi, pretty girl," she answered back, not sure of how to answer that one.

"Ashley? Is that you? Where's Reid?"

"He's sleeping right now. Please tell me that you don't have a new case?"

"No, no. I wanted to check on him. He was in bad shape when he left."

She let out a sigh, leaning against the couch arm. "He was. He was close to getting drugs."

"Shit. Oh man."

"Derek, Spencer didn't. He came here, faced this sober. I know that there is a NA meeting for cops tomorrow night, Belafonte, Beltane. I can't remember the name. I can't take him there because I am not a cop."

"I know which one you are talking about and I will make sure that he is there."

"Thank you. You are welcome to come over for breakfast tomorrow. If Spencer is up to it, I'll make banana pancakes with the caramel syrup."

"Oh man, that sounds good."

"Good, see you around eight."