In that moment, that seemingly instantaneous moment, so much ran through Booth's alcohol befuddled brain. Like the French TVG, once the train left the station, it continued to accelerate until it almost moved at the speed of sound.
Conflicted, Booth felt conflicted. He wished, truly wished he could be more like the rational, logical woman who's fingers were slowly slipping through his. But he couldn't. Rationality, cold hard logic played a role in his professional life, the one where he caught killers. Yet even this became underscored by emotion, understanding, Bones would call it psychology. Feeling, insight, reading people, trusting them encompassed an enate part of his personality.
He wanted to go with her. Seeley Booths heart, bruised and battered by the events of this evening and as angry as he felt, he still wanted to go with her. In the end, there'd never been any real choice. His fingers flexed before curling into Bones smaller hand, lacing there phalanges together.
Phalanges, Bones'd be proud of me, Booth thought.
Curiosity, could it be that simple? Bones had laid down a challenge, an emotional challenge. 'I want what you're offering,' she'd almost pleaded a few minutes earlier. But what did she really want? Did she want commitment, marriage, a life together? Booth rationally couldn't see Bones yearning for the same level of intimacy he craved. He wanted, needed so much more. He needed her, he always had.
On the steps, she had admitted she cared, in her way. Fear, simple blind panic kept them apart because Bones suffered from so much emotional damaged. Her history caused her fear. Her intelligence built upon it until the walls surrounding any emotion grew almost impenetrable. Almost, until the doctor in the photo finally produced a hole, then her walls came crashing down. By then Booth's situation precluded aiding in Bones's emotional journey.
His one regret…
'Bones,' he pleaded as they cleared the door of the Founding Fathers, 'slow down.'
Booths head began to pound the moment he stood, encircling Bones at the bar. His antagonistic tactic hadn't worked. He should've known better, very little frightened Bones physically. That first gulp of fresh night air sent the world rotating faster than it should. Booth battled to stay on his feet, much less move at the pace set by his determined partner.
'Booth,' Brennan turned, concerned by his sudden lunge for the wall. Consumed by her plans for this evening, her mind only wanted to contemplate what came next. Once the words left her lips, Temperance Brennan knew what she would have to do if Booth were to believe their moment had arrived. Allowing time to think allowed rationalization to re-enter her conscious and the realisation she could never take the chance again. The emotional player refused to give up the spotlight, even now relegating logic off the stage of her mind.
'Just drive me home, Bones,' Booth pleaded.
'I can't,' confusion laced her words, as her mind became a battle ground between reality and emotion.
'Can't,' he almost gagged on the word and the alcohol making a reappearance in the back of her throat, 'or won't.'
'Hannah…' Brennan didn't get the chance to continue.
As dizzy as he felt, Booth used the leverage of their intertwined hand and his strength to trap her against the wall. 'I told you, I don't wanna talk about that,' he growled, menacingly.
Holding his gaze with determination, Brennan answered, 'That's why I can't take you back to your apartment. Hannah,' Bones deliberately paused for effect, 'called. She wanted time to collect her belongings and leave.'
'Is that all she asked you to do, Bones?' The nasty tone insinuated collusion between the two women in his life. Anger engulfed him as he recommenced his private pity party. 'Or did she, maybe, ask you to find poor Seeley and keep him company.'
Confused, Brennan couldn't find an explanation, either rational or emotional for Booths behavior. 'I don't understand?' she told him quietly.
The fight left Seeley Booth the moment he knew she really didn't understand. 'I thought….I thought…'