A/N: The first section was inspired by some early DA:O fanart from Aimo (aka Irma Ahmed). Those of you familiar with her work might know which drawing I speak of. Also, for those who don't know, Ser Gilmore's full name is Roland Gilmore. "Rory" to his friends.
A/N: (5/9/2010) Punctuation, grammar, and some sentence phrasing changed.
A/N: (6/18/2010) Small puntuation changes.
Part 8: Scattering to Safety
They reached the crest of the hill, stopping a moment to catch their breath and gain their bearings. Since the castle they hadn't paused at all, Duncan leading, Kallian always bringing up the rear. The elf had her hands upon a nearby tree, bent over and leaning heavily on outstretched arms, filling her lungs full of air. Duncan pressed a hand to his side, breathing deeply, his fist clenched around the sword still in his hand, and he looked off in the distance. Aedan pressed his hands on his knees, his head down, sweat dripping from his forehead. He shut his eyes as he took in much needed air.
Aedan's mind was muddled. So much, so fast, and he couldn't keep up. Everything he had in life, everything that was solid, was stripped from him in an instant. None of it felt real. Opening his eyes, he turned his head to look in the same direction as Duncan.
Suddenly, his legs gave out on him and he fell to his knees. From the vantage point on the hill he could see the upper battlements and higher spires of Cousland Castle. Tongues of red flame raged across the entire length of the structure, and smoke billowed upwards to join with the thickening clouds above. A small section of the castle flared up and yet more smoke floated upward. Aedan shook his head, almost disbelieving.
Those he cared for and loved the most were gone. Father, Mother, Oriana and Oren, Nan, Mother Mallol and Brother Aldous, Rory and Oralyn. All the servants and protectors of the castle. Even Angus was gone, for Maker's sake. Then there were victims of ill timing and circumstance. Lady Landra, his friend Dairren, . . . and Iona. All of them, gone. It seemed almost little consolation that his brother at least was still out there, provided Howe hadn't already seen to assassinating Fergus as well.
His eyes stung and he convinced himself that it was because of the sweat getting into them. Aedan's heart knew better. Feeling his shoulders hunch over, his gut tightened against the sob that threatened to escape. Wiping at his forehead and eyes, he feigned clearing it of the sweat and silently wept.
The clouded sky above was getting brighter by the time they stopped. Duncan told them they'd rest next to a large fallen tree for ten minutes before pressing on again. Kallian practically collapsed on the spot. Aedan sunk to the ground more slowly, putting his head back on the tree, and closed his eyes as he rested. He heard rhythmic crunching as Duncan stayed on his feet and walked about, no doubt keeping an eye on the surrounding area.
Aedan numbed his mind of any thoughts, too exhausted to want to think of anything. Concentrating on the sounds around him and calming his breathing he centered himself as best he could. Unbidden it came at him again. The smell of smoke and blood, the screams and images. They threatened to assault him. That was until he felt something nudge his knee.
Aedan jerked his head up and snapped his eyes open, the images were broken into and were replaced by the sight of the elf, squatting near him, offering over a decent sized wineskin. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at her. She didn't look at him in the eye.
"Rinse your mouth out," she uttered in that odd, uncultured accent, then added. " . . . helps with the smell . . . and the taste . . ."
Wondering when she had time to find the wineskin, he vaguely recalled that she had lagged behind for some seconds before exiting the castle herself. Aedan took it without a word, popped the cork stopper, and poured some wine in his mouth. He spat the first mouthful to the side, tasting and smelling wine instead of copper and smoke. Taking another pour he drank it this time, letting it coat his throat. Silently he handed the wineskin back with a nod. He couldn't utter a thanks.
She didn't seem to mind or simply didn't care. Calling over to Duncan she offered it up to him. He came over and took it without question. Doing the same as Aedan had with rinsing, spitting, then drinking, he handed the wineskin back to Kallian and spoke.
"I believe we're some ways East of the castle. We shall head Southeast. Skirt the lands between Soldier's Peak and the road till we get to the Hafter River. From there we'll follow the river South, then head straight across the Bannorn to Lothering. From there-"
"Wait, wait," Aedan interrupted. "Heading Southeast will take us closer to Amaranthine. Shouldn't we be heading away from Howe's territories?"
Duncan shook his head slightly, "By heading towards them we are taking the safer route."
Aedan sat up straighter, unable to stop the spike of sudden frustration he felt, "And how do you figure that?"
"From the looks of things, Arl Howe used the majority of his men to attack the castle," Duncan looked at Aedan as he explained things calmly. "This means that any search parties sent out will be coming from the direction of Highever, following what ever trail they can find."
Aedan motioned a hand Westward, "Then shouldn't we be heading Southwest to catch up with Fergus? It will take some time for them to find any trails, we'll have enough time to avoid Howe's men. We can easily catch up with my brother and get him to turn our forces right back around."
"No, no," the elf spoke and stood up. The various packs and containers were temporarily left on the ground. "Duncan be right. Heading for your brother is going to be exactly the thing they'll expect any survivor to do. Howe is probably already getting his men to watch the road your brother travels and we'll get caught like rats in a trap."
"More then that," Duncan added before Aedan could respond. "We do not want Highever's forces to turn around. The army gathering at Ostagar to fight the darkspawn will already be suffering a setback with the men from Amaranthine not showing up. If Highever also does not show then the King's army will not be large enough to survive a full bore attack."
Aedan clenched his jaw and looked away. He knew Duncan was right, but his gut instinct to get to Fergus was harder to fight then he thought it would be.
Duncan came forward, got on one knee, and placed a hand on his shoulder, "I understand your want to find Lord Fergus as soon as possible, but as a Warden the darkspawn take priority. I swore to your father I would get you safely, to Ostagar, and I will. When we get there we will tell the King of Arl Howe's treachery. Take solace in that and the fact that we stand a good chance of running into your brother at Ostagar."
Aedan took a deep breath then let it out slowly. He looked at Duncan again and nodded once solidly. The Warden patted his shoulder twice, then shifted to sit beside Aedan, resting his back upon the fallen tree.
"Then rest your feet while you can," he said. "We've a long journey ahead of us. Once we make Lothering, we head for Ostagar."
Aedan ended up leading the way. Knowing the forests and lands around Highever well enough, he could get them to where they needed to go without the need for roads. It made for slower travel, but as a result they hadn't heard or seen sign of anyone. It was past mid-day and something of a drizzle had started.
"Kallian," he heard Duncan say. "Did you manage to grab any food on the way out?"
"I did . . . well I hope me did," she replied. "Grabbed a little blindly, so either I nabbed a wrapped bundle o' wood chips or a wrapped bundle o' jerky. Either way the taste might be the same. 'old up a moment."
They stopped and Aedan turned to watch. It hadn't quite fully occurred to him until then that she was carrying quite a bit with her. She had squatted down to remove the wineskin to get to the pack just underneath it. As she rummaged he noted that she had a scroll case, various bags, one of those rigid leather satchels meant to carry glass vials or fragile goods. There were also two longswords strapped to her back, one of them was wrapped tight in cloth for whatever reason. All that was along with the pair of daggers strapped to her hips and a smaller hip pouch at her waist. Aedan thought that either what she carried was rather light or she was stronger than she looked. Kallian was generally able to keep up with them, though always lagged hindmost. He took one look at her thin arms and decided it was the former.
"Here," she handed up a cloth and twine wrapped bundle to Duncan. "Hopefully there's something good in there. If not, I got four apples and a loaf o' bread. Stale, but eatable."
"Why are you carrying all that anyway?" Aedan asked, trying to sound mildly curious, but was certain the suspicion crept into his voice.
Kallian seemed to shift where she squatted and only glanced up at him once. After some seconds she uttered, "It's me things..."
He frowned a little bit, now leery, "And it was worth your life to slow yourself down weighted with it all?"
"Worth a few days worth of jerky, at least," Duncan interjected, holding up the now open bundle slightly. "But all this will not be enough to last us the whole trip. We will need to find a place we can stop for supplies. Any ideas, Aedan?"
Catching the bit of jerky that Duncan lobbed over at him, he paused in thought. It didn't pass his attention that Duncan had addressed him by just his first name. There was no "Lord" before it or "my lord" to replace it. Somehow it stung. Not that he was so egotistical to say that he should only be addressed as such, but it was a tie to his family. One he was going to have to start living without as a Grey Warden. The question also brought to his attention the simple matter of making it to Ostagar alive instead of suspecting his new traveling companion.
"If we're going to be going through the Arling of Amaranthine," Aedan paused again, trying to recall what he knew of the area. "We can take some of the North Road and cut wide around the Knotwood Hills. There should be a little village there we could get supplies from. It would be on the way to the Hafter River as well if I remember the maps right."
"Good," Duncan said, handing the bundle back to Kallian while holding on to a bit of jerky for himself. "We will head for that village first, but we will not be staying there. Camping out in the wilds will have to be the way of it until we get much farther South." He started walking ahead, "We should be safer once well into the Bannorn."
Aedan was about to follow, but then stopped as Kallian was still gathering bag straps over her shoulders. He watched her a second as she stood, then he gave a sigh. Coming forward he held out a hand just as she was about to get the wineskin over her shoulder.
"Here," was all he said before she took almost a startled step back.
She looked at his hand, then up at him, "Whot?"
"Let me take that and the pack with the food," he stated simply, mildly irritated that she was acting as if he was about to lash out at her. "You shouldn't have to carry all that."
The elf shifted again as if uncomfortable, her eyebrows furrowed and she didn't look at him again, "Well, whot if I want to carry all o' it?"
Aedan frowned mildly. He wasn't certain if this was some odd way of her to make up for things or if she was just being obstinate. It wasn't as if he'd forgotten her earlier treatment of him, but they were stuck traveling together and possibly relying on one another for survival. He was certain she was aware of that. At least he hoped she was aware of that. There was much he didn't know about the woman and he had his reasons for being suspicious. However, Aedan had never been comfortable with not carrying his share of the load and he wasn't about to let it start now. Instead of arguing the point, he snagged the wineskin right from her hand.
"Hey!" Kallian tried to snag it back but he got it out of her reach fast enough and slung it over his head and shoulder before she could protest further. Her eyebrows remained furrowed, but at least she was looking at him then.
"The food pack as well," he said, holding out his hand again. "If you would, please. I'm not so out of it that I can't share the burden."
That elicited a frown from her and her eyes narrowed just slightly.
"Fine then," she uttered and then unslung the pack.
She held it out to him by the strap. He took it, but before he could say more she marched off after Duncan. Aedan got the pack and wineskin adjusted over his armor, shaking his head slightly, the jerky clenched in his teeth. As he headed off after them he couldn't help but think that this was going to be a long journey.
The rains had begun in earnest. It was a constant light drizzle when it wasn't a solid downpour and they had to live with getting soaked. Cloaks apparently were not something Kallian had managed to have in her packs.
They spent their nights without campfires and huddled two at a time under hastily made lean-tos. One of them always stood watch and it was still too early to risk having a firelight seen. Even if they did risk it, the dampness of the air and the wet forest wood would have made it difficult to make and maintain a campfire. So they made due and traveled in somewhat silent and soggy misery.
They became even more cautious when they reached the North Road, counting themselves lucky to have not run into anyone yet. The caution was unwarranted and they came across no one on the short leg of road they had to travel. They made it to the outskirts of the little village without incident and none too soon.
"Thank the Maker," Aedan uttered. "Would have had to decide how to split the last bit of jerky between the three of us tonight otherwise."
Duncan chuckled a bit as he stopped, "Not quite a debate I would have cared to have."
Aedan watched him curiously as he slipped a hand behind the front of his armor, digging for something. Pulling out a long thin pouch, he shook it a bit and it gave the familiar jingle of coin. He noted that the elf immediately perked and looked over at Duncan at the sound.
"Here," he tossed the coin purse at her which she caught easily. "Get us about two weeks worth of traveling food. Some waterskins, tents, and cloaks, if possible. If they have anything in the way of healing poultices or bandage kits, get those as well."
Kallian arched an eyebrow and Aedan could tell she was starting to bristle. Her accent was thicker as she spoke through a snarl, "Be there anythin' else ya want me ta fetch ya, Ser, while the two o' ya . . . I dunno . . . toss back a pint at the local tavern?"
Duncan gave a bit of an exasperated sigh, "We won't be going into the village with you, Kallian."
"Ya won't?"
"We won't?" Aedan added, also just as surprised.
"We won't," Duncan repeated. "We run too much of a risk of being recognized with all three of us going. No offense meant, but I think Kallian would have been beneath Arl Howe's notice. You and I, Aedan, are a different matter. He would get our descriptions out to his men, for certain. Besides, do you think you can scratch out the Cousland heraldry on your armor enough for it not to be spotted?"
"Ah," Aedan blinked once and looked down at his armor. Etched into the metal at the center of his chest and again on the vambraces were the symbols of a laurel wreath, resembling a pair of wings. He winced a bit, feeling a little silly for not having thought of it, "Even if I had the time and tools for it, I don't think I could bring myself to do it."
Duncan smiled slightly at him, then looked at Kallian again, "I am not calling on you to do this for any other reason than that you are the only one we can rely on to do it. Can we count on you, Kallian?"
She looked down at the ground, tossing up and catching the purse in her hand lightly a couple of times. Finally she looked up and shot something of a cocky grin.
"Can you count on an unwed sailor to find a brothel?" she tossed and caught the purse one last time before tucking it away. "Do I meet you back here or . . . ?"
"Meet us South of the village," Duncan answered her unspoken question. "We shall wait for you there."
"Right you are!" she turned to go, but then stopped. "Eh, wait."
Both he and Duncan looked at her expectantly. Saying nothing for some seconds, she just scratched the back of her head.
"How do I . . .," Kallian then gave an embarrassed smile. "How do I tell which way be South? Can't tell with the sun being behind clouds and all."
Aedan and Duncan exchanged glances. Duncan seemed somewhat amused. Aedan sighed a bit and walked over to a tree, knocking his knuckles on it.
"Just let the moss show you the way," he said.
She blinked a few times, "Whot . . . Toss it in the air and follow where it lands or something?"
"What? No," Aedan tried to keep the laughter out of his voice. For someone who walked with such gruff and bluff she seemed to know so little. "Moss always grows on the South side of trees. Didn't you know that?"
"O' course I didn't," she gave a bit of a frown again, crossing her arms. "We got all o' one decent sized tree in Denerim and the only moss that grows on it be in the upper branches. So pardon me for not bein' a soddin' woodsman."
Aedan glowered a bit and huffed in slight frustration, "Why do you- . . . look, you asked a question and I answered. Can't you-"
"Enough," Duncan interrupted. "Save your words for later. I would like to get away from the village before nightfall. Kallian, see you South of the village."
"Right," she mumbled and tromped off towards the cluster of huts and buildings in the distance.
He and Duncan also started on their way. It wasn't until they were well out of earshot that Aedan spoke.
"Do you really think we can trust her, Duncan?"
Just as he stepped over a large root, he glanced back at Aedan, "You doubt her honesty?"
"I just lost both family and home to a man my father called friend," Aedan tried to keep the bitterness out of his words. "I'm not sure who I can trust right now."
Duncan was silent a moment before speaking again, "I can very much understand that. One could hardly blame you for thinking that way. But do you think you can place Kallian in the same category as Arl Howe?"
"I don't really know," Aedan admitted. "It is why I'm asking. You did just give her a purse full of coin and an opportunity to flee in any direction she pleases. She could easily just buy herself some supplies and head right back to Denerim. Or worse, head to Highever and tell Arl Howe which direction we went in exchange for a reward. Not to mention everything she's carrying. I don't quite recall her showing up at the castle with all that."
Again, Duncan was silent for a time and only gave a cursory glance back at him, "I suppose it does look suspicious and it is possible she could take those actions. However, we will just have to wait and see for ourselves what she will do, won't we?"
His eyebrows furrowed, "That doesn't quite help settle my mind."
Duncan seemed to chuckle, "Then think on this; how will your opinion on her trustworthiness change if she does do as asked and comes through for us?"
Aedan frowned and didn't answer. He was more than willing to doubt her, but even if he was proven wrong he wasn't certain if that doubt would go away. Howe's actions did much to damage who he thought he could and couldn't trust. Even with Duncan he deep down felt it was wrong that it took a "deal" to get him to help bring word to the King of Howe's treachery. Aedan understood what Duncan's duties truly were, but still . . .
"As said," Duncan continued when Aedan didn't answer. "We will just have to see."
They found a spot under a large tree that sheltered them from the drizzle and waited there. The minutes seemed to stretch on longer than necessary. Aedan was a bit impatient, but as time dwindled on even Duncan was beginning to worry. That was until a figure came trundling down the incline that lead to the village. It was Kallian, laden with almost more than she could carry and wearing a wide grin. It was apparent she had seen to herself as her damp hair looked combed, her face clean of the mud and crusted blood stains, and some healing poultice was placed on her right cheek.
"There you be," she said as she neared. "I come baring gifts."
"Seems you did a little more than just gather gifts," Duncan replied, motioning to her face.
Her grin never left, "Couldn't be helped. The storekeeper's wife went all mother hen on me. Insisted on cleaning up me face and seeing to some bumps and scrapes."
"Why would that be?" Aedan asked, still feeling wary.
She handed over one of the leather cloaks she had draped over her shoulder to him, "Because it seems you, milord, got friends in places. More correctly your family does."
"How do you mean?" Duncan asked, helping her free her arms of some of the items.
"Well, first, it seems the folks here have already gotten word about what happened in Highevah."
"Already?" Aedan said, pausing in the middle of fastening the cloak over his shoulders.
"Already," she nodded once. "They heard just this morning. The shopkeep's son happens to be a messenger that rides missives atween Denerim, Highever, Redcliff and back again. He was in Highever when everything happened. Seems Howe's blokes were telling the people that an 'unfortunate accident' has occurred and all the Couslands and everyone in the castle died in the fire."
"What?" Aedan blurted.
"You heard me," her grin faded fast and she suddenly looked as if she was about to spit. "That sodding coward didn't even have the guts to own up ta the murder, can you believe it? Complete soddin' crock, I tell ya. Even a stray mongrel dog will piss on new territory when it's done another dog in."
Aedan fully frowned, slowly resuming fastening the cloak. He wasn't certain what he was more shocked at. The news of how Rendon intended to cover his crimes or the vehemence in which Kallian spoke. There was no mistaking a fully disgusted tone when he heard one and, unless she was an extremely good liar, her emotions seemed genuine. He supposed he should have taken offense that she just compared his father to a mongrel, but he also understood that it was probably just her way of talking. Probably. At the very least her words eased something in him and he knew he could likely trust her as far as who's side she happened to be on.
To use the fire as a convenient excuse for the death of his whole family and everyone in the castle seemed so blatantly pat that it made him feel ill. It wasn't the fire that slit his nephew's throat or put a blade into his sister-in-law's back as she tried to protect her son. It wasn't the fire that gutted his father or took the life from Nan and Aldous. For anyone to think that not a single living soul made it out of the castle alive due to a fire was preposterous. Such a thinly veiled reason being used by Rendon Howe caused that anger to surge up and he bit down hard on it.
"And what do the villagers think of this?" Duncan asked, prompting Kallian to continue.
Some of her impish grin returned, "Most of them think it be a crock, too. The shopkeep, his wife, and their son certainly do. Folks in this village and the local Bann feel they owe your father more than they do Arl Howe. Seems they had bandit trouble most of this year. Kept sending messages to Amaranthine for help and never even got a peep back from them. They got fed up and sent one message to your Dah and he got men over here like that." She snapped her fingers, grinning wider again, "So these folks don't think so highly o' Howe."
"That doesn't explain why they were apparently friendly to you," Aedan pointed out, still trying to absorb it all.
"I was just getting to that," Kallian gave him a short look then started handing him a bundle or two as she spoke. "They were eyeing me all suspicious like at first, but I overheard what they were saying about Howe being a sot 'n all that."
Aedan shook his head a little. He was right, it really was just her way of talking. And Howe was indeed "being a sot".
"So, I took a little chance and eluded that the . . . uh . . . 'friends' I had waiting for me were of," she looked directly at Aedan then. " . . . noble quality?"
"Kallian, that was risky," Duncan set her with a look.
She immediately put one hand up in the form of surrender, "I know, I know, I'm sorry, but it ended up paying off. I never said any names, but they were sharp enough to guess I had a Cousland with me. Once they did, the shopkeep sold everything to me at a hefty discount and his wife fussed over me and kept calling me 'you poor dear'. His son were all but ready to give his horse over to me for you to use . . . for free."
"You didn't let him. . .," Aedan's question trailed off and he looked worriedly up the incline half expecting the shopkeep's son to show up with a horse.
Kallian shook her head, "Drew them up short afore they went that far. Oil lined cloaks be one thing, a free horse be a bit much. Would o' drawn too much attention in me direction and prolly would get them into some trouble. " Then mumbling, she added, "And I didn't want that happening to them."
Aedan suddenly had to reassess Kallian again. It wasn't something he thought she would even bother caring about. Someone colder and more heartless would have taken the horse, but she hadn't. She wasn't just concerned about the trouble it would bring her, but the trouble it would bring helpful strangers. Maybe he was completely wrong about her and was wrong to suspect her.
"Well, let us not add to that potential and leave this area quickly," Duncan said as he got the new cloak on. "We're in luck that the word they are spreading has everyone from the castle dead. However, his direct men will still be on the hunt so I would rather not push it."
Both Kallian and Aedan gave silent nods of agreement and they quickly went about dividing the equipment. They began setting on their way again until Duncan stopped and held his hand out to Kallian.
"The coin purse," was all he said.
"Oh," she gave a slightly nervous laugh. "Right."
She found it among her things and handed the purse over to him. He hefted it twice, paused, then jingled it one last time. With something of a sigh and a bit of a stern look he wordlessly held his hand out in her direction again. She looked like a child caught with her hand in the cookie tin. After digging into a side pouch, she handed over a few more coin. Duncan shook his head in slight exasperation, tucking the coin into the purse before shoving it behind his armor again. Aedan half expected for him to give her a lecture, but then he spoke.
"You should not have mentioned about the hefty discount," was all he said to her before heading off. He had given her a flat look, but his voice carried a hint of amusement. Kallian kicked at the ground lightly.
They both followed Duncan, but Aedan had to speak, "Did you really just try to filch coin off of Duncan?"
"I didn't filch," Kallian sounded indignant. "I was jus' . . . borrowin' it."
"Borrowing it?" Aedan was dubious.
"Holding on to it, then," she gave a sniff. "That way Duncan wouldn't have to give me coin when we got to the next village. I was saving him the trouble."
Aedan looked at her incredulously, then uttered, "Complete rapscallion."
He didn't offer her the chance to retort and sped up to catch up with Duncan. He had to reassess his reassessment of her. Yes, he could likely trust her to be on their side, but he'd probably be better off eating his own boot instead of trusting her with a box of his mother's jewelry. There were certainly worse qualities a person could possess, but it was a little disturbing how flippant she was with it. Then Duncan instructing her instead of reprimanding her for stealing from his own pocket made him wonder if he had really just joined a band of warriors or a den of thieves. As the man himself mentioned, Aedan was just going to have to wait and see. At the moment, however, he was seriously having his doubts.
What should she say? What could she say?
"Hey, sorry for being a right ass to you earlier. It only took the death of your family and the destruction of your whole life for me to see the error of my ways. No hard feelings though, right? Right?"
Right, she groused at herself. That will go over just so wonderfully. It's half a wonder he's not slugged you yet. Should of given you a good solid backhand by now, at the least. You deserve about as much.
It really shouldn't have meant anything to her. His loss was his loss, inflicted upon him by another human noble, and it only impacted upon her because she was stuck traveling with him and possibly being hunted for it. That is what the callus side of her might have said before.
Coming to Cousland Castle she was more than ready to assume the worst of all of them. More than ready to have her opinion proven oh-so-right. Leaving the castle, she never felt so small.
For only a scant few days was she able to get to know the people that served there. From them, she was able to find out about the Couslands and learn, to the disappointment of her ego, that they treated their people well. Stubbornness didn't let her accept that. Treating the situation with a certain amount of disdain, she kept her self-righteous thoughts on the forefront knowing she wasn't going to be there much longer. She held on to the little spike of hate she had for Aedan Cousland like a warhound with lockjaw. She treated the castle like a box to root around in, ignoring the fact that the place was a home. Not just for the nobles, but for the servants as well.
Then all in one night, everything came apart at the seams.
Kallian was no stranger to human cruelty. She saw it almost every day in one form or another aimed at her kind. It was always unfair and it was always wrong, but it wasn't cold slaughter in the name of ambition. It wasn't flat out, pig-faced betrayal. Kallian felt herself shake a bit in anger at the thought and at the same time laughed at herself for it. It really shouldn't have meant anything to her, but somehow it did.
She wanted to take it all back. Wanted to take all her words and actions away. Wanted to have been able to pay more attention and maybe - just maybe - chance across a whisper or a clue of the death to come. If not that, than at least gotten to have known the Teyrn and Teyrna better. To be able to feel she could say something, anything, at the end to convince Eleanor Cousland to not stay behind. Tell her she didn't have to lose her life protecting her son like her mother had done protecting her. Add her voice to Aedan's and say that losing one parent was more than enough for anyone to bare with.
But she couldn't and she didn't. Wishing and praying wasn't going to change any of it.
It was a source of frustration and she wanted to make amends, but didn't know how to go about doing it. Aedan spoke when something needed discussing, but otherwise he was silent, always carrying a bit of a glower either at the ground or in the distance. Not that she could blame him for not being chatty. Losing what he did could make even the most jovial of men crack. However, it didn't give her many openings to talk about it. The few times they did talk her frustration would take over and she'd treat him coarsely. Then shortly after, she'd kick herself again. She didn't doubt that her sniping was the other reason for his silence, and the quiet was driving her nuts and made her think of things she didn't want to. So she did exactly the same as when she left Denerim.
This time she pestered Duncan with questions about Ostagar and Lothering. It lead to talking about the Korcari Wilds, the Chasind, the Old Imperial Highway, and other such things. Little by little as the days went on Aedan would become part of the conversation. Sometimes he'd ask a question himself or would make an idle comment. Kallian hoped the talk would help with getting his mind off of things. Maybe ease that obvious suspicion he had of her and make it easier overall to talk with him.
It seemed to be working. She suspected that Duncan picked up on what she was attempting to do and was more than happy to be mentor again. Eventually the stints of quiet were becoming less awkward. Kallian wouldn't have labeled it companionable silence, but it was a step in the right direction. The tents and water resistant cloaks also had helped with improving their overall moods. Now well into the Bannorn, Duncan judged that making campfires was safe to do. The rains had even let up, giving them a brief reprieve.
They had found a small copse of trees to camp in for the night. Duncan had left with the waterskins to get them refilled with fresh water from where ever he could find it. This left she and Aedan to their own devices, but they'd developed enough of a routine that the time wasn't spent just shifting uncomfortably in one another's presence.
"How did you get that?"
Aedan uttered the question at her as she was fixing up her tent. Kallian quirked an eyebrow as she looked over at him. He was kneeling by the fire, encouraging its flames with a stick.
"How'd I get what?" she asked.
He pointed at his own cheek and motioned his head at her, "That cut."
Kallian immediately frowned. The shopkeep's wife had told her the cut on her cheek was likely to scar and the woman kindly lamented that it was a shame it happened. As far as Kallian was concerned, she was glad it was the worst of her injuries. Being that she could have easily ended up hurt far more severely, she was perfectly fine getting off with just a single scar.
She first ran a finger lightly over the scabs on her cheek, then got back to finishing her tent.
"It be nothing," she mumbled.
His eyebrows furrowed slightly, "That isn't 'nothing' and it doesn't answer my question."
"I said it be nothing," she said in irritation. "You don't want to be knowin' anyway."
"I do want to know," he said, rising to his feet, irritation also slipping into his voice. "And why can't you answer a question plainly?"
She snapped a look at him, glowering as she spoke, "Cause I be thinking that maybe you don't want to be talking about that night so soon. That maybe picking at your wound won't do you any good right now. I know you ain't stupid so you can guess well enough on your own what happened. So just leave it already."
With that she turned her back to him and squatted down. She hammered on the tent peg with the rock in her hand, probably a little harder than necessary. He was silent again for some moments after that. Again, she started to mentally kick herself until he uttered another question.
"Is he at least dead?" his voice was subdued. "The one that gave it to you, I mean."
Pausing in her hammering, she pondered not saying anything. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly before answering.
"Yes," she said, still keeping her back to him. "He was dead within the same minute his blade cut me."
"Good," he uttered after his own pause. "It's something, at least."
Kallian glowered in irritation. She couldn't understand why he would even care. So she scarred her face, so what? It wasn't as if he had a reason to be concerned about it.
"Better than nothing," he continued in that subdued tone. "With everything gone I-... maybe I shouldn't pick at my wound, as you say, but sometimes a person can let it fester and make it worse. What was it that Nan used to say? Better to bleed it out instead of letting infection set in."
Kallian wondered why now of all times for him to do this and why not to Duncan instead of her. It wasn't as if she were the best person in all of Thedas to provide council. Considering how moronic she had been, she should have been the last person he poured his grief out to. Regardless, she let him speak and just hoped that Duncan would show back up any second.
"Everyone's gone and I just can't ignore that. I can't block it out of my mind that they were leaving none alive. None. Old Aldous didn't even have a weapon in hand when they killed him," Aedan's voice was starting to strain but he kept it in check. "It didn't matter to them if they were old and infirm or just a six-year-old child. They were not spared. Everyone from Father all the way down to the newest of our servants are just . . . dead."
Still squatting near the tent peg, she chanced a glance back at him. He stared at the fire with a mixed look of disgust and despair. Kallian felt her gut twist a little.
"Not all of them," she found herself uttering. "Some of the servants got out."
It was his turn to snap a look over at her, "What?"
"Some of the servants got out," she repeated, standing up and facing him as she spoke. "Took the entrance out of the kitchen like we did."
Aedan's eyes narrowed slightly and he shook his head lightly, "Y- ... you speak the truth of this?"
Kallian crinkled her nose and frowned, "O' course I'm speaking the truth! Maker's Left Nut, why would me lie about it? What you think me and Duncan were coming back from? A ruddy picnic? We saw Oralyn and some o' the other servants off into the woods. Can't be guaranteeing that they were safe after that, but they at least got out o' th-..."
As she spoke, Aedan's face went from dark and dubious to elated. She didn't get the chance to finish her sentence as he came forward, giving a laugh, and put his hands on her shoulders, shaking them slightly.
"Oralyn? You got Oralyn out?" The look on his face was almost painfully bright. Like that of a child that had been lost and just found his mother again.
"A-aye," she answered, lightly pushing his hands off of her, and then dusted her shoulder off. He didn't seem offended by it and paced all the way around the fire, full of excited energy. "Oralyn came looking for me when them sods started attacking. I got her and most o' the servants I was bunking with to the kitchen."
Aedan almost sputtered at her, "W-why didn't you mention any of this before?"
She scratched the back of her head, "Well, it ain't exactly come up in conversation, you know. Little too busy running for our lives and all that."
He paced around a bit more, laughing again, and then thrust his fists into the air, "Thank the Maker, Howe didn't destroy it all!"
Feeling the corner of her lip quirk up, she tried to suppress it and failed. Kallian didn't want to admit to anyone that she had witnessed him crying before. Not even to herself. Yet she saw it when he tried to cover it up by rubbing a hand over his face. It reminded her of when her father had grieved for Mother. Trying to be strong and not let his daughter see him cry. In this case, there wasn't anyone left Aedan had to be strong for and he only hid it for pride's sake. Being the one to inform him that all wasn't lost made her feel a little less useless. Silent as he had been, it was almost comical to see him like this. He looked - and Kallian hated phrasing it this way - like a normal human being.
Aedan let his hands drop to his sides and he approached her again, "I don't even know how to thank you for this."
"No need for that," she uttered. "Just . . . did what I thought needed doing."
"What you thought needed doing?" Aedan repeated, smiling and shaking his head. "You don't even understand. Here I was trying to find something, anything, to say that Howe didn't get away with it all and here you are telling me that more than just us had survived. I was even getting to the point of being ridiculous with it. Telling myself things like . . . 'At least the fire would destroy most of it so they couldn't take much' or 'Chances are the family blade was turned to slag and wouldn't fall into Rendon Howe's hands'. Grasping, I tell you."
"The . . . um . . . family blade?" Kallian crossed her arms, feigning curiosity, and reflexively gulped.
Aedan waved a hand dismissively, "It's just a sword that's been in my family for centuries. Passed down from Teyrn to Teyrn since the days of King Callenhad. We kept it in the treasury so hopefully Howe's men didn't get in there to sack it. That's besides the point, though."
She was only partially hearing Aedan after that. He was going on about how he cared for Oralyn in the past and something about his parents disapproving, then something about sticking it to Howe in small ways till justice was seen to. It was all in one ear and out the other for Kallian and she nodded periodically to show she was listening. He was fairly much rambling and all she could think about was the family blade.
Just then Duncan reappeared with freshly filled waterskins. He looked about the small campsite with a slightly arched eyebrow, "I had thought the two of you would have finished setting camp by now."
"Ah," Aedan gave a slight grin. "Sorry, Duncan, but I suppose we got a bit distracted. Kallian just told me something that . . . well, I hadn't known that both you and she got some of the servants out of the castle. I thought we three were it."
"No, indeed," Duncan said while handing them each a skin. "Though I had only made sure the path into the woods were clear. Kallian saw to it they made it out of the castle safely. I can't take credit for that."
Aedan quirked a wider grin and looked at her again, "Then that definitely means I owe you."
Averting her eyes from them both, she shifted uncomfortably and rubbed the back of her neck with a hand, "You don't owe me a damn thing. Weren't doing it for any reward."
"All the more reason to give you a reward," Aedan countered.
Turning back to her half finished tent, she said nothing and shook her head. Right now all she felt she deserved was a swift kick in the arse. She had no way to explain that to either of them right now.
"Reward or no, getting the servants out was an act worthy of praise, Kallian. There is no shame in feeling pride for that."
She refused to respond for fear of what she might utter at them. The tent suddenly became her main concern.
"Looks like she's going to be stubborn about it, Duncan," there was a tone of amusement in his voice.
"Seems so," Duncan said, sounding equally amused. "Perhaps we can convince her otherwise later. For now, let's just finish setting up camp and look to getting some rest."
Some hours later Kallian kept her cloak wrapped tightly about her as she paced about the fire. Duncan was asleep and she had the first watch. Aedan had awoken part way through his slumber and teetered off to relieve himself somewhere. This was when she decided to do it.
Taking the cloth wrapped sword, she snuck into his tent, unraveled the cloth, and placed the blade on the pack he was using as a pillow. Her heart thumped in her chest the entire time and even now it pounded away. Kallian didn't know what his reaction was going to be, but she'd take it. She knew she deserved some sort of reprimand and he would have to be the one to give it.
He tromped back, giving a half-asleep nod of acknowledgment at her. She responded with a short curt nod of her own and watched him duck back into his tent. The seconds stretched on for what felt like hours. Wondering if he somehow hadn't noticed it, she jumped a bit when the flap on his tent was pushed open. His eyes were wide as he looked right at her.
Aedan came out of his tent, the sword he held by its scabbard, and walked right up to her with the blade held before him. It shined in the firelight, the etchings of the Cousland heraldry clearly seen on the pommel. Kallian shifted nervously as he stared at her, not even bothering to look him in the eye. He seemed to be struggling with his words, his mouth open as if to speak.
"How," he finally managed to breathe out. "How . . . did you get this?"
Hours before hand she had thought how exactly to go about answering that very question. Lying about it would have been easy. All she would have to say is she found it on one of Howe's men. At first, that was exactly what she had planned on using as an excuse. Guilt over turned the decision. The last thing Aedan Cousland needed right now was more deception.
"I . . . I took it from the treasury," she stated clearly.
"Y- . . .," he fully blinked and his eyebrows furrowed. "You did what?"
"I didn't bloody stutter," she answered tightly, clenching a fist. "I planned on putting it back, but then the attack happened and- . . . "
"No," Aedan interrupted, shaking his head. "No, you couldn't have. We always have at least one guard on duty near the treasury."
"Your man at the treasury were fast asleep that night," Kallian gritted her teeth, not understanding why Aedan would deny things when the proof was right in his hands. "He were snoring loud enough that he didn't hear me rustling about."
"Then what about the lock on the door?" he demanded. "Only my mother and father had keys to that door."
"Like a lass can't pick a lock?" she tossed her hands up, looking directly at him in agitation. "It were a nice little complex tumbler, but I worked it well enough to get it loose. And the lock on the chest were old enough that all it took was a quick pop to get it open. For something that held something this important you would think to make it more secure!"
Aedan gave an incredulous laugh, "So now you blame us for making it so easy for you to steal from the family treasury?"
"Is everything alright?"
They both looked over as Duncan came out of his tent, looking around with a blade in his hand.
"Nothing that time in gaol or a possible beheading wouldn't cure," Aedan said flatly, glaring at her again.
Duncan relaxed as he saw there was no immediate danger, but quirked an eyebrow at his statement, "A beheading?"
The Warden's eyes went to the blade in Aedan's hand, and then to Kallian. At first she thought to look away, then thought better of it. She straightened her spine and kept her head up.
"She stole from the treasury, Duncan. It's apparently how she recovered the family blade."
Both of Duncan's eyebrows raised, "Kallian, is this true?"
"Yes, ser," she responded. Her lips pinched and she continued to keep her head up. "Took it right from under a sleeping guard's nose, I did. I intended to put it back the night Howe attacked."
Duncan gave a sigh and the light of disappointment in his eyes hit her in the gut.
"Sure you were," Aedan's voice dripped with sarcasm and he paced away a bit. "All our guards always slept while on duty."
Kallian felt her lips curl into a frown. Shifting where she stood, she spoke uncertainly, "I would have figured something out . . . usually do . . ."
"Aedan," Duncan said. "You have my apologies- . . . "
"Don't- . . .," Kallian blurted out, but then held her words back. When she saw that both of them were looking at her to finish, she continued. "Don't . . . go apologizing for something I did. I know when I should ruddy own up, so I be owning up."
Duncan gave another small sigh, then looked at Aedan, "Well, there you have it. What do you intend to do now?"
Pacing forward and back a few times, he hefted the blade in his hand once or twice while looking at it. Giving a derisive laugh, he looked at Kallian, and held the sword out before him.
"You know what I'm going to do?" he took a deep breath and let it out on his words. "Absolutely nothing."
Kallian blinked, "Whot?"
He laughed again, this time more wryly and lowered the sword, "I must be going insane, because even though I should be rightfully and fully upset at you, I can't be. Whether you were aware of it or not you managed to return something to me that my father once held."
Aedan worked his jaw a moment, then spoke with raw emotion edging just underneath. "I didn't think that this heirloom was going to be important to me. Not compared to the lives that were lost. When I saw it laying there . . . ," he took a deep breath before continuing. "It wasn't destroyed and it wasn't in Rendon Howe's hands. I can retain something of my family's and give it to Fergus when I see him. So, even though I should be knocking your head off your shoulders right now, I'll be thanking you instead."
Kallian shook her head, feeling fully confused. This wasn't what she was expecting.
"Go ahead and knock me sodding head off," she said. "No one will blame you for doing it."
Aedan then smiled - smiled - and shook his head, "You are a strange, strange woman. You know you could have lied about it to me? Say you found it off a Howe soldier or something. That's what I was hoping you were going to say. You had to go and be truthful about it. You had to make it difficult."
"B-but," she hated the fact that she was stammering. "That wasn't . . . W- . . . "
"I'm letting it go," he stated, then started to walk away uttering. "It's likely what my father would have done."
"Aedan," Duncan started, but Aedan raised a hand as he glanced back.
"It's alright. Just still hot under the collar. Going to walk it off," with that he continued away from camp. "I'll be back."
It wasn't until he was out of sight that Kallian slumped to the ground and sat. She stared at the dark, dumbfounded and completely unsatisfied.
"I think," Duncan began. "That you fairly much already know most of what I could say to you right now."
She nodded her head, drawing her knees to her chest, and muttered, "Would it be strange of me to ask you to give punishment, since he won't?"
"Strange, perhaps. Almost honorable. However, your request is unnecessary. Truth be told, since you are both Grey Warden recruits the only one that does have the authority to give punishment here is myself."
Blinking a few times, she looked up at him, "Then . . . why did you ask him what he was going to do?"
"I was testing his judgment," he looked at her, somehow managing to look both stern and compassionate at the same time. "Rendon Howe's actions have skewed his vision. I needed to see how far his sense of fairness may have fallen. It is not as far gone as I had initially thought."
"You used me as a test for him?" Kallian felt as if her head was spinning.
"You provided the fodder yourself, dear girl," his eyebrow arched just slightly. "I simply took advantage of the situation. This does not let you off the hook, however. You won't receive full punishment until after you have become a full Grey Warden, but do consider yourself on parole. Another slip like this will only make it worse for you in the long run."
She nodded her head again and hugged her knees.
"I understand," she uttered and remained shrunk into herself.
In the ensuing silence she heard Duncan give yet another sigh and move off towards his tent.
"For what it is worth, Kallian, you are capable of the goodly act now and again. Just do not let it get overshadowed by your immediate angers and wants. What is past is past and if you want anything good to come out of all of this, you need to start to look forward."
He said no more and ducked into his tent, leaving Kallian alone to stew in her own thoughts.
Aedan sat on the ground with a tree at his back and the hilt of the family blade pressed to his forehead. The tip of the sword sheath pierced the ground and the metal felt cool on his skin. It calmed him and his breathing had finally become even. Both hands were grasped about the sword's handle and he kept his eyes closed.
He recalled everything he was told and remembered about the blade. Of how it had been in service of the Kings of Ferelden for four hundred years. Of the numerous men and women in the service of the Teyrn of Highever who were knighted by it. He remembered the day when Rory had become "Ser Gilmore", the family sword tapping Rory upon his shoulders as his father knighted one of his best friends. Then there was the time when he sat with Fergus, seeing the blade for the first time, and listening to his father tell of how they kept the blade hidden during the Orlesian occupation. Generations of Couslands have worn the blade in both peace and war. Now, it was unexpectedly in his hands.
Kallian had thrown him for a loop. Every time she'd show that she could be trusted, she'd do something else to prove that she shouldn't be. She had honor in her, but at the same time a disregard for what objects found their way into her pockets. He dreaded the thought of asking her what else she might have managed to pilfer from the castle treasury. Aedan didn't want to pile on more reasons to hate her because he couldn't. Much as he tried, he couldn't.
Perhaps it was because he honestly couldn't put Kallian in the same category as Rendon Howe. Compared to him, Kallian was at the most, petty. She stabbed in small ways like a grumbling, petulant child who was dissatisfied with her situation. Sneaking away with a bit of bread when she was sent to bed without supper. Sticking her tongue out at her parents, but only when they weren't looking. Running away to play when she was supposed to be studying. In a way, Aedan could almost empathize.
He couldn't empathize with Arl Howe. It wasn't as if Aedan didn't understand why such betrayals happen, but what he couldn't understand were the minds of those who would betray their allies. How anyone could let self-centered greed motivate one to commit mass murder was emotionally beyond his comprehension. Loyalty and duty were to be put above everything else. Loyalty to King and Country. Duty to protect those both above and below your station. That was what he was taught. Rendon Howe had apparently missed those particular lessons.
Aedan opened his eyes and pulled away from the metal of the hilt to stare at the sword.
Ultimately, yes, he could trust Kallian Tabris. Not with an open coin purse, perhaps, but with other greater matters he could likely trust her to do the right thing. There were still things about her he didn't understand and hopefully he'd learn more in time. That couldn't be done, however, if he kept hisself closed off and paranoid. If he were to get anywhere further from this point on, he was going to have to trust those about him again.
When he got back to camp he saw her sitting there, her cloak wrapped about her, sulking as she stared at the fire. Inwardly he had to laugh. She was a petulant child.
She looked up at him as he approached. Aedan sat down on the ground next to her to also face the fire. He drew his knees up and propped the sword on his shoulder. Remaining quiet for some moments, he didn't say anything until he sensed her starting to fidget.
"Why did you take it?" he asked in curiosity. "I mean, it's not exactly the easiest item to stow away or sell off."
She pulled her cloak up to cover her face just beneath her nose and gave a muffled mutter, "It were shiny."
Aedan arched and eyebrow and gave her an incredulous look, "That was it? It was shiny? You didn't think that maybe it was a little bit more than just a pretty trinket?"
"As you can tell, me weren't exactly thinking at all," her words were still muffled by the cloak, but she spoke clearer.
"No, indeed," he looked back at the fire. "If I were you, I would have taken this little golden statuette my father got from Orlais. It was gaudy, but it was gold with a few jeweled insets. You could have sold that off without risk of it being traced to the family or us even caring it was missing."
A glance out of the corner of his eye saw that her eyebrows furrowed fully and she glared at him a bit, "If this be some sort o' attempt to make nice, then you can just stop."
"I am not attempting to 'make nice', I'm just making conversation. Besides that, do you want me to remain angry at you forever?"
Kallian shifted under the cloak, her nose crinkled, "Yes."
"Well, sorry, that won't happen."
She popped her head up, "And why not? I know I would be, so do . . . something, will you? Shake your fist in anger or . . . or . . ."
"It's not going to happen," he stated flatly. "Remaining angry at you isn't going to help our situation any. So, I'm still letting it go. You've proved your worth by being truthful and that's satisfactory enough for me."
Kallian sat silent, scowling at the fire. Slowly, the scowl eased. Finally she spoke, her words were hesitant and certainly not filled with the bile and hatred it had when they first met.
"Didn't do it for your satisfaction, . . . m'lard," she flitted a glance in his direction.
If he wasn't mistaken, she looked apologetic. He suspected this was as close to a "sorry" as he was ever going to get from her.
"I didn't think you did, Lady," Aedan gave a light grin. "So you'll have to remain unsatisfied with no reprimands coming from me."
She snorted, "You wouldn't have been able to reprimand me anyway. Acordin' to Duncan since we be Grey Warden recruits, he's the one that decides if I get punishment or not."
Aedan blinked a few times, "I . . . hadn't thought of that."
"Neither did I."
Both of them got to staring at the fire then.
Kallian mumbled out, "We be in a bit o' a pickle vat, ain't we?"
"We be," Aedan mumbled in turn. "We be."
They didn't sit in what he would consider companionable silence, but it was a step in the right direction.