Chapter 29
They stayed in her apartment all of Sunday. In fact they stayed in bed the whole day. They didn't actually talk much, there was exploring to do, and just the idea that they were there together and that they had effectively decided to do so was enough.
She couldn't quite make up her mind if it was a wise decision, to be with him. Part of her felt compelled just because she wanted him so badly, but the other part was still just as aware of her reservations. And now he was here in her bed, naked. If Blaise was the penny, then he was the pound.
But there was a big difference. Blaise could never truly hurt her. Malfoy on the other hand had always had a knack for it, her skin had always been thin around him. Maybe because he seemed to see what was underneath, see the things that she tried to hide. In school, whenever she would step out of line, with the exception of him, she it would go unnoticed. He on the other hand, would always notice. He had managed to drag pretty much every one of her insecurities out into the light for all to see.
Maybe that was why she had clung to Ron at school, because he didn't see her at all. She was a brick wall as far as he was concerned. Completely sturdy. Harry didn't really see her insecurities either, but at least he could tell that she had emotions. Malfoy saw everything.
And now they were here, lying facing each other. She knew she didn't really have effective defences against him, hence the insidious need to put distance between them. He had asked her not to and she had agreed. Now she was completely vulnerable. It was scary and thrilling. Especially as he was someone who she knew had capabilities of being both sadistic and cruel, at least as a boy.
He reached out and moved a lock of her hair behind her ear. He had capabilities of being sweet too. Honest. And sexy, let's not forget sexy. She just wanted to touch him, just let their bodies fit together like magic.
She would never have let this happen if he hadn't blatantly pushed for it. She would have just slipped away when he wasn't looking, but he pinned her down and made her promise. Now she was strapped into this rollercoaster. How could there possibly be any chance it would stay on track?
She went to work the next morning. He stayed in bed and watched her dress, tempting her. He wanted her to stay. He did succeed in making her very late, but she refused to stay in bed. It was Monday and she was needed, more importantly, she needed some normalcy in her life. She could so easily stay and just be absorbed into this thing they had going on, but she needed perspective.
Her heart literally ached while she was at work. There was no doubt, she was in love. The old biddies at the wedding had been right, she just hadn't seen it. She knew it was a chemical state in her brain. It was making her slightly mental. Like an accident that had befallen her. She had never bought accounts that it was something that just happened to you whether you wanted it to or not.
The day passed agonisingly slow. She felt like she had adrenalin coursing through her all day long. It was exhausting. Finally the working day came to an end, she couldn't get out fast enough.
She apparated home and felt a sense of panic when he wasn't there. It felt awful and she hated the feeling. Then absurdly the fear that something had happened to him. She needed a drink. She was completely mental, she decided.
There was a knock on her door a few minutes later and she knew in her bones it was him. She jogged to the door and threw it open. She was ridiculously happy when she saw him.
"You weren't here." She said.
She stepped inside and kissed her, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her up. He walked them towards the bed.
"Is there something on your mind?" She asked teasingly.
"Uh huh." He said and threw her down on the bed. He climbed on top and straddled her, starting on the buttons of her work blouse. She went to help but he swatted her hands away.
"You dress like a naughty librarian." He said.
"There are office clothes." She defended.
"Incredibly sexy." He said and grinned. It sent heat waves coursing through her.
He had her out of her blouse and skirt quickly and she lay in her underwear underneath him as he sat on her. He teased her skin until she contorted with the sensations. She craved his warm hands, but he was not done teasing her.
"I missed you today." He said. His hands were roaming up her neck and his thumb stroke her lower lip. She took the opportunity to capture it in her mouth. Teasing the pad of his thumb with her tongue. The shift in him was instant. The teasing was over, she had him. Which was great because she was going to lose the circulation in her legs soon. He didn't fight when she sat up and kissed him, but it was awkward as he was so much taller.
He shifted his legs between hers and lifted her up into his lap, a real improvement for kissing purposes. She wrapped her legs around his torso pulling him closer, while her fingers worked to get him out of his shirt. It felt like she was unwrapping a present.
There was a unique kind of intimacy sitting up staring at each other, having full room to embrace, stroke and kiss. He lifted her up and they were joining. She felt every inch as he entered her and she slowly took him in. They moved together as she took him in. She liked this position, she felt like they were equal participants as they moved together.
The sense of urgency was overpowering. She needed more. She kissed him between her ragged breaths. She could help mewling as her need became more desperate. She held him close as her explosions started. His pain sounding groans only made her explosions more intense.
They rolled back hot and sweaty as they tried to catch their breaths.
"We have to cook tonight." She said between breaths. "I can't manage another bowl of cereal."
"You're going to cook for me?"
"If you're naughty, I'll cook for me and make you watch."
"Keep saying things like that and I'll never let you out of this bed."
He was kissing her neck now, teasing. It had been like two second since they finished.
"No." She said and pushed him away. "I need to eat and you will not distract me. I'll perish."
She scrambled out of bed, out of his grip as he would pull her back again. He didn't get out as she pulled on a robe and walked over to the kitchen in her small open plan flat. He rolled onto his belly and watched her as she cooked. She could see his dark eyes glittering under the pale fringe, never leaving her as she moved around the kitchen. She couldn't help smiling. He wasn't getting out of bed, just waiting for her to return.
A week or so passed in pretty much a similar fashion. It felt strange to not have some part of his body touching hers, sometimes she even lost track of which parts were his and which were hers. Work was torture but she refused to stay home even though he tried every morning.
Every time her mind wandered at work, it was sex. Sometimes she had to go to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. How did people survive being in love, she wondered?
Before she knew it, Ginny was there one lunch time.
"You're back!" Hermione said with astonishment. Had it been a whole week already?
"It was fantastic." She said. "The resort was devine. I wasn't sure I would enjoy the whole spent-a week-on-a-beach thing, but I loved it. Let's eat, I'm famished."
They went to one of the pubs in Diagon Alley.
"So you disappeared, don't think I didn't notice." Ginny said.
"We kind of had words." Hermione said trying to keep the blush from her cheeks.
"Words, huh?" Ginny said unconvinced. Hermione fiddled with the cutlery. "Oh merlin, you didn't!"
Hermione made a gesture with her fingers to indicate a little bit.
"So what? Is this a fake relationship with benefits?" Ginny said. "Or have you just forgotten about the fake part."
"We kind of dropped the fake part." Hermione said. "I think."
Ginny studied her looking serious. "Cerce, you're in love with him!"
Hermione indicated a little bit again.
"Its Malfoy, what's wrong with you?" Ginny said. "You do remember its Malfoy? Has he completely addled your brain?"
"I can't help it, it just happened."
"Blaise … I could get, but Malfoy?" Ginny said. "Do you not remember your whole history together?"
"It's complicated."
"No kidding."
"Its not that bad." Hermione said.
"But for how long?" Ginny said unconvinced. "Until he decides to rip you a new one? I thought you loathed him. More than anyone on the planet. Merlin, I hope you know what you're doing."
Hermione rearranged her cutlery again. She completely understood where Ginny was coming from. If the roles had been reversed she would be exactly the same.
"Just mess around with him for a while." Ginny said with a smile. "What can it hurt, right? Is he good in bed?"
Hermione couldn't help smile.
"Well then, here's to playing with fire." Ginny said with a grin holding up a toast with her drink. "What's a little crisp around the edges? Lets hope Lucius Malfoy never catches wind of it."
"God, that would be awkward, wouldn't it?" Hermione said with a grin. Conceptually it was funny.
"He'd go completely apoplectic." Ginny said. "Might even keel over with a heart attack. We certainly would mourn his loss." Ginny said sarcastically.